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Bellaocchi
Hope Faith Love
Member since 2/07 5694 total posts
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Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
My 3 1/2 year old son has been attending pre school full time for 5 days a week since December.
He was doing great, the teachers complimented on how well behaved he is and how held such a good boy.
Since April, his behavior has changed. I have been told he kicked a friend on the playground, hit a friend, spit at a friend, he's not using his listening ears and being put into time outs frequently.
My husband and I are trying to figure out what is triggering this change of behavior at school. Since the last few weeks, of him being sent home with bad reports, and the fact that I am home now again, he's down to just 3 days/week. I drop him off the latest time possible and pick him up after nap time.
We've tried positive reinforcement.
We bought a goal chart with magnets.
It worked for a week, but he doesn't seem to grasp the concept fully that he needs a good report from school and doing good at home in order to receive a reward.
He is also showing signs of not listening at home. I'll call his name a few times before he answers, he sometimes yells or has these outbursts of screaming. He is showing aggressive behavior like hitting me or grabbing tightly. I really don't know where he's getting this from. I keep telling him to use his kind hands, gentle hands. I just keep repeating myself sometimes he listens. Most recently, I took away one of his favorite toys for not going to bed like I told him to.
My husband and I spoke to him calmly about how he needs to use his listening ears in school. He says okay he will. However, we have received a couple more reports of him being disruptive during circle time, continuing with the behavior even after the time outs, and during nap time, his teacher said he's been singing and humming, instead of being quiet during that time.
We talked to him again, he said he's sorry that he wasn't listening and then we get a bad report again today.
It's making us very stressed out.
He ultimately is a good boy. He's also very musical and is always singing and loves having music on all the time, plays on his piano and other musical toys too. He's smart and can follow direction, but this past month I am pretty concerned as to why the change in him at school.
Could this be just a phase? Is this normal behavior?
I am switching him to a different school in August only because we're moving. I think the new school may be better for him in terms of being more stimulating. So, I really just need him to hang in for a few more months at this school.
Any positive advice is appreciated!
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Posted 5/8/15 11:05 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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iluvmynutty
Mom to E&M
Member since 12/08 1762 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
3 1/2 is a tough age! What behavior mods have they tried in school? I would do a "Caught you being a Good Listener chart" IN school. Keep it simple, if he earns 5 stickers on a peice of paper he gets a small, prize from the prize box/special 1:1 time with the teacher etc... Have them over-do it initially, catch him listening even in small ways to teach him what's expected and give him a sticker ie/ good job sitting in your chair, being kind to a friend, keeping hands and feet to yourself... If he doesn't do good listening and gets in trouble at school you can always take away something at home (tv time, toy etc). They really have to be consistent though at school with following through with the behavior plan to make it work.
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| Posted 5/9/15 2:12 AM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
I have no recommendations but I wanted to say it's not just him!!!! When I was in pre-k/nursery school I was in the "timeout chair" multiple times a day. Once all because I wanted to be Bob Ross and I dried the paintbrush on the easel (yes, I actually remember this). The teacher told my mom I was the most obstinate and misbehaved child she ever saw. Well, my mom just had a new baby! I was acting out for attention (and getting it). I am a very well adjusted adult, and did excellent in kindergarten the following year. I would try to look at and see WHY he may be acting out now, because if it's to get attention, he's getting it, KWIM? That's such a hard age - I remember biting everyone at that age, I broke the skin of the neighbor girl .... They shouldn't say terrible 2's they should say terrible 3's!
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| Posted 5/9/15 7:45 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
I can completely identify! My DS is also 3.5 and he has been very defiant and fresh. He doesn't listen and hits, kicks, spits, pulls my hair and slaps my DH in the frank and beans. I have no idea where he is learning this from. Time out is a joke to him and taking things away has not worked either. He doesn't really get the whole sticker chart thing either. He stickers the whole thing when I leave the room and tells me he decorated it. LOL
I am at my wit's end with this kid. I think in my situation it's because I'm about to have a baby. I haven't been doing as much with him lately because my OB has me on restricted activity.
My DS is usually a very sweet, mellow little boy. I'm hoping this is a phase.
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| Posted 5/9/15 8:42 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
It's an age thing...
What works best for us is consistent punishment for misbehaving. Time out works best & we say what we want & then count to 3 & then punish consistently (no matter where we are). This is fun in restaurants & formal events...
Positive reinforcement just never worked for us (we tried it).
We do stress "no hitting"... But it's amazing how often I find random kids hitting my DD. She cracks me up: she gives them an angry face, wags her finger & says "mama says NO hitting". The kids always get shocked & go away (talking about 3-4 year olds).
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| Posted 5/9/15 8:45 AM |
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noworlater
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 1528 total posts
Name:
Now!
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Re: Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
You mentioned your schedule changed ands he is in school less, the schedule change may have through him off? ?
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| Posted 5/9/15 9:30 PM |
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Bellaocchi
Hope Faith Love
Member since 2/07 5694 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
Posted by noworlater
You mentioned your schedule changed ands he is in school less, the schedule change may have through him off? ?
He was in pre school 5 days a week. I had to drop him off before work at 8 and I wasn't picking him up until 5:00 most days. On the days DH could pick him up, he would get picked up earlier as he got out of work earlier than I. Since April 1st, I no longer am working full time anymore and work from home part time, so I brought my sons days down to 3 days at pre school once he started to bring home bad reports because I felt he needed more time with me.
Especially since he's been acting out at school.
The pre school provides daily reports to share with the parents what the kids have done that day, I.e., special arts and crafts and there is two check off boxes at the top. One for I was a good listener and the other is please help me work on the following areas , of which he's been getting reports for not listening. It's not just with his teacher in the class that he's in, they are telling me that the other teachers and PE coaches have been struggling with having him follow directions.
I kind of feel like they are making a bigger deal than wha it is, but then these past couple of days I too have been struggling with him listening to me.
Message edited 5/9/2015 10:36:29 PM.
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| Posted 5/9/15 10:29 PM |
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Bellaocchi
Hope Faith Love
Member since 2/07 5694 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
Posted by iluvmynutty
3 1/2 is a tough age! What behavior mods have they tried in school? I would do a "Caught you being a Good Listener chart" IN school. Keep it simple, if he earns 5 stickers on a peice of paper he gets a small, prize from the prize box/special 1:1 time with the teacher etc... Have them over-do it initially, catch him listening even in small ways to teach him what's expected and give him a sticker ie/ good job sitting in your chair, being kind to a friend, keeping hands and feet to yourself... If he doesn't do good listening and gets in trouble at school you can always take away something at home (tv time, toy etc). They really have to be consistent though at school with following through with the behavior plan to make it work.
They tell me they have been putting him in time outs and talking to him about why he was put in a time out. That is all they have been doing so far. I'm going to make an appointment to speak with the teacher and or the asst., director this week to discuss what else can be done to help him.you bring good points. I will mention the sticker chart to them.
I have taken toys away, etc but he's just not getting it really. I really do hope this is just a phase.
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| Posted 5/9/15 10:41 PM |
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Bellaocchi
Hope Faith Love
Member since 2/07 5694 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
Posted by nycgirl
It's an age thing...
What works best for us is consistent punishment for misbehaving. Time out works best & we say what we want & then count to 3 & then punish consistently (no matter where we are). This is fun in restaurants & formal events...
Positive reinforcement just never worked for us (we tried it).
We do stress "no hitting"... But it's amazing how often I find random kids hitting my DD. She cracks me up: she gives them an angry face, wags her finger & says "mama says NO hitting". The kids always get shocked & go away (talking about 3-4 year olds).
How do you punish if the child still will not listen? What has been working for you guys?
I don't think the positive reinforcement is working for us either, lol. The only thing that worked today, for example is I tell him if you don't go in the bathroom and get ready for bed by the time I count to 3, you're going to get a bump on the butt!
That he will listen to. However, I really don't want to threaten with hitting his butt in order to get him to do whatever is ask.
My husband is more firm with him and has been yelling at him. That doesn't help. It just makes my son scared of him.
Which isn't good, considering he really doesn't see much of him as it is because he works so much :(
I talked to DH, to make sure he's on the same page in regards to "parental disclipline", but he's so tired most thr time, I think he just is edgy and doesn't have the patience.
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| Posted 5/9/15 10:49 PM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
Posted by Bellaocchi
Posted by nycgirl
It's an age thing...
What works best for us is consistent punishment for misbehaving. Time out works best & we say what we want & then count to 3 & then punish consistently (no matter where we are). This is fun in restaurants & formal events...
Positive reinforcement just never worked for us (we tried it).
We do stress "no hitting"... But it's amazing how often I find random kids hitting my DD. She cracks me up: she gives them an angry face, wags her finger & says "mama says NO hitting". The kids always get shocked & go away (talking about 3-4 year olds).
How do you punish if the child still will not listen? What has been working for you guys?
I don't think the positive reinforcement is working for us either, lol. The only thing that worked today, for example is I tell him if you don't go in the bathroom and get ready for bed by the time I count to 3, you're going to get a bump on the butt!
That he will listen to. However, I really don't want to threaten with hitting his butt in order to get him to do whatever is ask.
My husband is more firm with him and has been yelling at him. That doesn't help. It just makes my son scared of him.
Which isn't good, considering he really doesn't see much of him as it is because he works so much :(
I talked to DH, to make sure he's on the same page in regards to "parental disclipline", but he's so tired most thr time, I think he just is edgy and doesn't have the patience.
We yell and put him in a corner. He stays in corner, often facing wall. Both you & your DH have to do it.
I personally think hitting begets hitting (and have 2 kids, so I don't want them hitting each other), so we use it for really special occasions, like running into traffic.
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| Posted 5/10/15 8:23 AM |
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SJSM
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/09 764 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
It's the age. this is my son too. I know its easier said than done but patience patience patience. the phase a terrible one and he will grow out of it he will not be like this foreverhang in there I feel your pain
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| Posted 5/10/15 10:18 PM |
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Puppy-Love
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 1394 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
Has he been feeling ok? Are there any other reports of kids hitting or someone hitting him? Did he get a new teacher? Is he getting enough to eat? Just trying to think outside the box or think of other things it could be.
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| Posted 5/11/15 12:19 AM |
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MrsH2009
Thank you St. Gerard!
Member since 8/09 6631 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
Is there stress regarding the move? We moved last summer and DS was so excited (same town, just bought.) He loved the house, the yard, etc... That fall he was beyond clingy, no behavior issues, just extremely clingy. The ped said the move can make them feel very insecure. They don't understand leaving their home, no matter how excited he seemed, he was confused.
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| Posted 5/11/15 6:26 AM |
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hunnybunnyxoxo
this is what it's all about
Member since 11/07 3321 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
i'm raising my hand! I am going through this with my son,
He is currently 3.5 and he can be such a good sweet boy but man does he like to NOT listen!
he def has a hot temper. We had switched schools back in September b/c his current school is down the street from my dd's school.
I received two letters from the school on separate occasions where he said things like " I am going to chop your head off" etc
His original school didn't do much in terms of discipline. They do not do time outs, they basically redirect him but my son is the type of kid that NEEDS time outs and consequences.
I think this school leans on him a little but he needs it b/c he can be very exhausting.
When he was using the threatening language, we made sure to cut out any "mature" cartoons that featured a lot of fighting like spiderman, Ninja turtles etc.
I think I can reintroduce those shows a little later- just not right now b.c he is just not mature enough. I took away his sword as well.
it seems to all help.
he hasn't made any threatening remarks, he has improved a little but still has days where he might be sent to the director's office for a time out.
I like to think this is a phase and that he will continue to mature and do better. Nothing more I can do. we are on top of him always and be consistent with time outs etc.
I think its really a maturity thing. hang in there! you are not alone!
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| Posted 5/11/15 11:06 AM |
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BlueDiamonds
mommy to 3 boys
Member since 2/07 3885 total posts
Name:
proud mommy
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Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
I could have written your post as well. DS is 3.5 and his behavior seems to only be getting worse. I laugh at the "terrible 2" saying. 2 was a dream compared to this! It seems like every other week my son is getting a bad report from his teachers.
We do consistent time outs. If he doesn't stay in time out, then he gets something taken away (tv time, toy, whatever will have the most impact). And we also do rewards for positive behavior. He gets stickers for each time he is a good listener, shares nicely with his brother, etc. When he gets a certain number of stickers, he gets a reward.
His preschool has assured me that this is a phase and as long as the punishments at school and home are consistent, they will outgrow it. Good luck and hang in there!
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| Posted 5/11/15 11:15 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Having a very hard time getting my 3 1/2 year old to listen and behave in pre school lately
In April you took him out of his routine and started a brand new routine. I think that is probably what set off his behavior. Is he verbal enough to talk to about this?
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| Posted 5/11/15 11:33 AM |
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