postpardum anxiety/another baby? longish

OK, I made a new account just to write this. I am so guilty and upset about this I just don’t know what to do. I have one 2.5 year old son. When I had him, I had horrible postpartum anxiety (I diagnosed myself). Its really just getting better over the last several months. My husband and I have not really been getting along so well. This is due to my anxiety, my resenting him for not helping as much as I thought he should be (and also not understanding or being supportive about my anxiety problem) and its gotten bad between us. Very sad actually. He commutes far to work and is tired after work and on weekends so he doesn’t want to help with the everyday stuff, or even really do much of anything outside of home, etc. I work full time too but close to home but the anxiety had really crippled me earlier on in my sons life. He wants another baby and I don’t. I might have wanted one if things were different and I felt we were sharing responsibilities and stuff but I just don’t. I always thought I would have another one but I just am not feeling it right now. I don’t know what to do here. My only feeling is that I would have another so my son would have a sibling. I can’t even think about going through having an infant again. I feel like such a bad person. I know my husband has not been great either but he would probably leave me if he knew how I feel right now. I don’t know what to do. I want the best for my son and that’s it. I just don’t think I can mentally or even physically go through with it again. I did not enjoy it as much as I should have with my son when he was a baby. I know that. I just feel so guilty and selfish. I don’t know what to do but its wearing on me. Anyone with any insights or experiences, I need to figure a lot out. And my husband is not an easy person to deal with as far as getting along with – he was always like that with other people but never me…but now we’ve gotten to that point. Its rough. I need some opinions here so I can think more and fig things out.

Re: postpardum anxiety/another baby? longish

I had postpartum anxiety too after my DS. I know the thought of having another baby scares me as well. Did you go for any help while the baby was young? I think you and your DH really need to talk about having another LO and maybe do some couples counseling to help make the decision. Having another baby definitely won't help any of the martial issues you guys are having now. I think you guys need to work on the marriage before another baby. Even if he won't go to couples counseling maybe you can go for yourself to deal with everything. I went to a PPD support group and a lot of the moms from there have had second babies and they are doing much better the second time around. Hope you figure it all out.

Re: postpardum anxiety/another baby? longish

thanks, I know. DH won't go to therapy. I am open to it but I just can't seem to make it happen. No time or $ it seems like. This is why I am so stressed. I am even considering going to a psychic/astrologer! haha

Re: postpardum anxiety/another baby? longish

So sorry you're going through this. My only advice is to work on the marriage before even thinking about having another baby.
that everything works out.

Re: postpardum anxiety/another baby? longish

Posted by mommyof3girls

So sorry you're going through this. My only advice is to work on the marriage before even thinking about having another baby.
that everything works out.

postpardum anxiety/another baby? longish

This sounds very similar to what I have been going through. Although my DH doesn't want to have any more kids but I don't want to have anymore with Him either (but that's a whole other story). If your husband doesn't want to go to therapy it might still be useful for you to go on your own. It's not good to keep all these feelings in (i know) you do start to resent DH.

I also agree with the others that it's best to work on your own issues and your marrige before having another baby. That will just add more stress.

postpardum anxiety/another baby? longish

Yes i def advise speaking with someone and seeing a couples counselor before having anothet baby. Your only adding more stress to a stressful situation.

Therapy does not have to be expensive. Find one in your insurances network and it should just be a copay. If not it may be 10% fee. Call your insurance and get your mental health benefits. Then google some des in yiur area to see if theres any reviews or come back on here and see if anyone heard of the dr.

I too am on the fence about another baby partially due to post partum but i had a mild case that subsided after 3 months. I was seeing a therapist throughout. My dh and i hit a rough patch after my dd was born and when he finallyrealized that it was therapy separation he decided therapy. And we are stronger than ever. She helped us to communicate in a way that we never could before.

Just be hopeful but def do something to make a positive change in the relationship.

Message edited 12/5/2013 5:23:36 PM.