Would you ask your sister - UPDATE

to donate eggs or be your surrogate? I am contemplating this and not sure how to approach her. She doesn't know we are TTC or have IF issues.

UPDATE: Thank you to all for your input. After a good long cry with my Sister who is 10 years younger, with 3 kids already, she said she was sorry she didn't want to do the surrogate thing...she had problem with last pregnancy.

She did say she would be more than happy to do donate an egg or 2. Sis has changed her mind on major decisions in the past, so I know her heart is in the right place but wouldn't pressure her. So, I will do my IVF cycle hopefully soon and pray for the best...will see where life takes us. I really believe God is our miracle maker.

Message edited 2/21/2009 10:01:18 PM.

Re: Would you ask your sister

I think it really depends on your relationship....I wouldn't ask my sister for water if I were on fire!

That being said, I would be a surrogate and I would give my eggs away! I hate that we have to go through infertility.

Re: Would you ask your sister

You might want to start off by explaining your issues in detail and see how she responds. If you are very close, she may volunteer to help you.

Re: Would you ask your sister

My sister and I are very close, so yes, I would ask her. We disussed this years ago. I loved being PG with DD, so I told her I would do it for her in a heartbeat!

Re: Would you ask your sister

in a minute.. We are very close.. I would actually ask both of them.. Unfortunately they are older than me..

Re: Would you ask your sister

I would not, we are not close.

Re: Would you ask your sister

my sister and i are close and we actually spoke about this once. I would definitely ask and i know she would without hesitation offer

Re: Would you ask your sister

My one sister actually brought up her being a surrogate for me. She would do it for me and I would do it for her....for both my sisters.

Re: Would you ask your sister

My sister is 9 years younger so we don't discuss anything like this... She is still in college and so this is not even a topic that ever comes up with us.

Re: Would you ask your sister

My younger sister knows my issues and has offered to be a surrogate if we ever needed one.

Re: Would you ask your sister

My sister offered to be a surrogate. When we found out how many issues I have I was not optimistic that I would be able to get pregnant and carry to term. I was lucky enough to be able to do just that but she still says if we need her for #2 she will gladly help us. As pp said, I would confide in her your IF problems and see how she reacts. She may just offer without you having to ask.

Re: Would you ask your sister

I am very close to my sister and I am sure that she would agree, but I don't think I would feel comfortable asking. It is such a huge favor to ask of someone. I wouldn't want her to do it out of guilt. It seems to be like it would be simpler to hire a surrogate or use a stranger's donor eggs.

Re: Would you ask your sister

I don't have a sister but I have a sister in law who I'm very close with (DB's wife). When I was first diagnosed w/ PCOS and they told me I would probably have trouble- she offered then (before we were even married) that if it ever came to that she'd be a surrogate for me.
Since then she's had 2 kids of her own- and it hasn't come up since, but now I don't think she would anymore. I think after going thru her own pg's that it would be very hard for her to have our child growing inside of her and then handing them over to us once she gave birth... and then seeing them all the time, which I understand Besides the fact that we're not at that point yet... though DH and I did discuss it this past weekend actually...
My other SIL told me that was just 'weird' and it was like a freak show-- and a bunch of other comments and how she would never be comfortable with that... Yes, given her track record- it's fair to say that she doesn't have that problem... Lucky her.

Message edited 2/19/2009 1:26:45 PM.

Re: Would you ask your sister

I would agree with what alot of the PP said..
My SIL: has already offered as well if it came to that. you just never know what her reaction might be--it's worth trying

Re: Would you ask your sister

Re: Would you ask your sister

I wouldn't ask my sister to donate her eggs bc it would just be weird for us - if I got pregnant and technically it was her child..I dunno.

But she did offer to me to be my surrogate before I got pregnant.. which was so nice of her considering she is a single 23 yr old.

Re: Would you ask your sister - UPDATE

Thank you to everyone for your input.

Re: Would you ask your sister - UPDATE

Re: Would you ask your sister - UPDATE

My sister offered, but I declined.
I don't think it's a great idea to have a family member be a surrogate or donate eggs. There is way too much "grey" area. Now who's child is it really, what if she doesn't want to give up the child, etc.

Surrogacy in NY is very difficult also...once the baby is born, you then have to go through the whole adoption process which can take years in NY State. I remember reading about a 3 year old that was living with it's surrogate parents while the birth parents were waiting for the adoption to go through.

You should check into out of state programs for surrogacy and/or LI-IVF for donor eggs. They have a program where you can look at the donors and find who matches your profile best, plus there is no wait.

Good luck with whatever your final decision is, it's not an easy one.