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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by Kitten1929
I am a little confused by these responses.
LIF is the LAND OF CASH WEDDING GIFTS ALWAYS AND FOREVER.
I have always been under the impression that a shower gift was separate from the wedding (cash) gift.
I think the shower gift, while extravagant, was of your choosing and you shouldn't penalize the bride and groom for buying something expensive. I would also feel self consicous lugging a huge box to the wedding because you know people will be tittering.
Seriously penalize the bride and groom? Since when is buying a gift off the registery penalizing the bride and groom? It's an expensive gift and they should think the gift giver is generous for spending 400 bucks on it.
seriously. the expectation around wedding gifts is absolutely ridiculous. you are participating in their day and showing up to celebrate with them. that is all that anyone should expect.
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Posted 7/14/16 11:44 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Posted by JME78
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by Kitten1929
I am a little confused by these responses.
LIF is the LAND OF CASH WEDDING GIFTS ALWAYS AND FOREVER.
I have always been under the impression that a shower gift was separate from the wedding (cash) gift.
I think the shower gift, while extravagant, was of your choosing and you shouldn't penalize the bride and groom for buying something expensive. I would also feel self consicous lugging a huge box to the wedding because you know people will be tittering.
Seriously penalize the bride and groom? Since when is buying a gift off the registery penalizing the bride and groom? It's an expensive gift and they should think the gift giver is generous for spending 400 bucks on it.
seriously. the expectation around wedding gifts is absolutely ridiculous. you are participating in their day and showing up to celebrate with them. that is all that anyone should expect.
Whoaaaaa simmer down there.
What I meant was that I am very surprised by the responses because typically on LIF, when wedding gift questions are asked, cash is always the answer.
Maybe i misunderstood something but I don't get how buying them an expensive shower gift would become the wedding gift and that you'd show up emptyhanded to the wedding? And when I said, penalize the bride and groom, I meant that buying them an expensive shower gift doesn't mean you don't give them a wedding gift. Unless I am being totally dense, if someone gave me the mixer I put on my registry for a shower present I would still be expecting a traditional wedding gift *and anyone on here who says otherwise, I call ********!*
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| Posted 7/14/16 11:49 AM |
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Jennifer
Happy
Member since 5/05 4230 total posts
Name:
.
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
I think it is a great gift whether Ny or out of state.
when I got married I never expected anything from anyone. People are there to celebrate with you.
seriously people showed up with nothing and others literally gave a card.
Have a great time.
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| Posted 7/14/16 12:11 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Posted by mommy2be716
So my cousin's wedding is approaching and I am in her bridal party. To give a little background, for my wedding (she was in my party), she got me a $60-70 shower gift (group gift) and $250 for the wedding from her and her soon-to-be husband.
Her shower is coming up, and I decided to buy her the kitchen aid mixer ($499, marked down to $349 at Macy's when I purchased), a cupcake/dessert decorating set ($35), and a cupcake decorating cookbook ($15) for her shower/wedding gift combo. In total, I spent around $400ish before tax and whatnot.
Is this ok to do, rather than give a traditional check as a wedding gift? I've never given a physical gift as a wedding gift before. My mom was shopping with me when I got the mixer and thought it was a very nice idea, but idk if this is OK to do. What are your honest opinions?? Do you think it's weird that I won't be giving her money for her wedding? I won't be offended! lol
If you think this is OK, do you have any ideas for how to word it in her card that it is a shower AND wedding gift from my husband and I?
This is what I think. I think its a beautiful gift and the bride will be absolutely thankful to receive it.
I think you write out a lovely card and let them know this is their shower and wedding gift combined they would be grateful.
There is no requirement to give cash on Long Island. Its not expected. When I got married (on Long Island at what would be considered a high end affair) I got over 2k in gifts from my registry.
I do not feel the gift would be looked down upon. If that's what you want to give her, do it and she will be grateful.
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| Posted 7/14/16 12:25 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
I think your plan is perfect - deliver it a week before the wedding. She registered for it, she really wants it and it is a wonderful gift. I know I would have loved it. I asked my DH for one for YEARS.
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| Posted 7/14/16 12:30 PM |
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MrsM84
LIF Adult
Member since 2/13 2352 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
I think that's a really nice gift
Sorry, weddings aren't fundraisers and cash shouldn't be expected.
I think your gift sounds awesome and thoughtful.
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| Posted 7/14/16 12:31 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
I think its a completely acceptable to do that and a very generous gift.
I like the idea of giving her everything at the shower and writing a nice note in her card.
And call B.S. on me because when I got married I didnt expect a thing from anyone. Im since divorced but I honestly dont recall what we received or didnt receive from our guest. Didnt matter to me at all.
Message edited 7/15/2016 4:16:17 PM.
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| Posted 7/14/16 12:40 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7635 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
I think the mixer is an excellent wedding gift! We got a few physical gifts for our wedding and it was fine by us. I'd split the gifts up at a pp said. Smaller ones for the shower.
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| Posted 7/14/16 12:41 PM |
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BabyBMakes3
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/13 711 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Posted by Kitten1929
Posted by JME78
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by Kitten1929
I am a little confused by these responses.
LIF is the LAND OF CASH WEDDING GIFTS ALWAYS AND FOREVER.
I have always been under the impression that a shower gift was separate from the wedding (cash) gift.
I think the shower gift, while extravagant, was of your choosing and you shouldn't penalize the bride and groom for buying something expensive. I would also feel self consicous lugging a huge box to the wedding because you know people will be tittering.
Seriously penalize the bride and groom? Since when is buying a gift off the registery penalizing the bride and groom? It's an expensive gift and they should think the gift giver is generous for spending 400 bucks on it.
seriously. the expectation around wedding gifts is absolutely ridiculous. you are participating in their day and showing up to celebrate with them. that is all that anyone should expect.
Whoaaaaa simmer down there.
What I meant was that I am very surprised by the responses because typically on LIF, when wedding gift questions are asked, cash is always the answer.
Maybe i misunderstood something but I don't get how buying them an expensive shower gift would become the wedding gift and that you'd show up emptyhanded to the wedding? And when I said, penalize the bride and groom, I meant that buying them an expensive shower gift doesn't mean you don't give them a wedding gift. Unless I am being totally dense, if someone gave me the mixer I put on my registry for a shower present I would still be expecting a traditional wedding gift *and anyone on here who says otherwise, I call ********!*
Call ******** on me all you want then. I would never EXPECT a gift and quite frankly that expectation is why we have so many entitled a$$holes in this world  What ever happened to being grateful they came to celebrate with you? I'm sorry...I usually keep my mouth shut when it comes to this stuff but c'mon...
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| Posted 7/14/16 12:42 PM |
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Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Posted by BabyBMakes3
Posted by Kitten1929
Posted by JME78
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by Kitten1929
I am a little confused by these responses.
LIF is the LAND OF CASH WEDDING GIFTS ALWAYS AND FOREVER.
I have always been under the impression that a shower gift was separate from the wedding (cash) gift.
I think the shower gift, while extravagant, was of your choosing and you shouldn't penalize the bride and groom for buying something expensive. I would also feel self consicous lugging a huge box to the wedding because you know people will be tittering.
Seriously penalize the bride and groom? Since when is buying a gift off the registery penalizing the bride and groom? It's an expensive gift and they should think the gift giver is generous for spending 400 bucks on it.
seriously. the expectation around wedding gifts is absolutely ridiculous. you are participating in their day and showing up to celebrate with them. that is all that anyone should expect.
Whoaaaaa simmer down there.
What I meant was that I am very surprised by the responses because typically on LIF, when wedding gift questions are asked, cash is always the answer.
Maybe i misunderstood something but I don't get how buying them an expensive shower gift would become the wedding gift and that you'd show up emptyhanded to the wedding? And when I said, penalize the bride and groom, I meant that buying them an expensive shower gift doesn't mean you don't give them a wedding gift. Unless I am being totally dense, if someone gave me the mixer I put on my registry for a shower present I would still be expecting a traditional wedding gift *and anyone on here who says otherwise, I call ********!*
Call ******** on me all you want then. I would never EXPECT a gift and quite frankly that expectation is why we have so many entitled a$$holes in this world What ever happened to being grateful they came to celebrate with you? I'm sorry...I usually keep my mouth shut when it comes to this stuff but c'mon...
OMG seriously relax I completely understand that weddings are not fundraisers BUT I was confused that a shower gift became the wedding gift? I just don't get how you give a nice shower gift and then nothing for the wedding? I would feel bad!
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| Posted 7/14/16 12:49 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Posted by Kitten1929
Whoaaaaa simmer down there.
What I meant was that I am very surprised by the responses because typically on LIF, when wedding gift questions are asked, cash is always the answer.
Maybe i misunderstood something but I don't get how buying them an expensive shower gift would become the wedding gift and that you'd show up emptyhanded to the wedding? And when I said, penalize the bride and groom, I meant that buying them an expensive shower gift doesn't mean you don't give them a wedding gift. Unless I am being totally dense, if someone gave me the mixer I put on my registry for a shower present I would still be expecting a traditional wedding gift *and anyone on here who says otherwise, I call ********!*
I think that when she writes a note for the shower and says "this is a shower/wedding gift" she would be fine.
She would not be shoeing up empty handed to a wedding. She would have already given the gift.
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| Posted 7/14/16 1:04 PM |
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M514
Hi
Member since 8/10 6011 total posts
Name:
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Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Did you contribute at all to planning the bridal shower? I would just give her the mixer and the extra little gifts as the shower gift. Then give her a check for the wedding. You could even return the small gifts and just give the mixer as it's very generous.
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| Posted 7/14/16 2:14 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3999 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Posted by Paramount
Posted by Kitten1929
Whoaaaaa simmer down there.
What I meant was that I am very surprised by the responses because typically on LIF, when wedding gift questions are asked, cash is always the answer.
Maybe i misunderstood something but I don't get how buying them an expensive shower gift would become the wedding gift and that you'd show up emptyhanded to the wedding? And when I said, penalize the bride and groom, I meant that buying them an expensive shower gift doesn't mean you don't give them a wedding gift. Unless I am being totally dense, if someone gave me the mixer I put on my registry for a shower present I would still be expecting a traditional wedding gift *and anyone on here who says otherwise, I call ********!*
I think that when she writes a note for the shower and says "this is a shower/wedding gift" she would be fine.
She would not be shoeing up empty handed to a wedding. She would have already given the gift.
See I see no issue with this at all. And you can bet your ass that I wouldn't be expecting anything from the wedding guest if they spent that much on a shower gift.
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| Posted 7/14/16 2:14 PM |
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TheLorax
LOVE
Member since 2/06 5581 total posts
Name:
Suzanne / SuzBride
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Posted by PitterPatter11
I think the mixer is an excellent wedding gift! We got a few physical gifts for our wedding and it was fine by us. I'd split the gifts up at a pp said. Smaller ones for the shower.
Yes! mixers are expensive. I would have been thrilled to get it as a wedding present. I think it is very generous of you.
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| Posted 7/14/16 2:44 PM |
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backfor3
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/14 568 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
When I got married 99% of the gifts I received were checks or cash but I do remember getting a mixer sent to my house a few days before the wedding from a guest. I thought it was very generous.
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| Posted 7/14/16 2:47 PM |
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CSK
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/11 892 total posts
Name:
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Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
I think splitting up the gift makes snese, and giving it to her before or after the wedding is the best course of action.
I too am shaking my heads at some of the expectations and suggestions.. returning the gift to give cash etc...
A wedding is a celebration, except on Long Island, where it seems like its a monetary transaction
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| Posted 7/14/16 3:38 PM |
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
I think that is fine.
As others suggested, I would save the mixer for the wedding.
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| Posted 7/14/16 3:38 PM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by jerrysgirl
Posted by beachbabe
I would give cash
I agree.. Is the mixer on the registry?
Yeah the mixer is on her registry and she really wanted it. They already live together and didn't have much to choose from, so that's kind of how I got the idea for it.
Thank you everyone for the honesty- I really needed to hear the real opinions here! Because I know the mixer was something she did really want, I think I will give that to her for the wedding gift. I will wrap up the decorating set, cookbook, and get a few other small items and gift those at the shower.
I received a few physical gifts at my wedding (fine china, waterford, etc.), and it didn't bother me. Only annoying thing was carrying that stuff home after the wedding. I think I will drive the kitchen aid mixer over to her house a week or so before the wedding so that they already have it.
My original answer was return the mixer and give $ for gift at the wedding. But if you are positive this is something she really wants, then doing what you stated here will work.
Definitely don't give it to her at the shower bc it'll look as a shower gift and then you'll show up to wedding empty handed.
Maybe doing this is better in this case because she may not have went out and bought it for herself. I know I didn't lol 5 years later and I still don't have a mixer
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| Posted 7/14/16 7:21 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Unless she specifically asked for a mixer, I would return it even with a good deal. I was given small appliances and kitchen stuff I had no need for. Stayed in boxes for years until I did a yard sale 15 years later and sold for not even close to the cost it was purchased at. Don't waste your $$ thinking she wants it unless you know for sure.
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| Posted 7/15/16 4:12 PM |
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Sweetlax22
LIF Adult
Member since 5/10 1904 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Posted by PearlJamChick
I think it's a fun and generous idea. I got married on LI and received some physical gifts that were awesome. Just because *most* people give cash doesn't mean you can't give a great gift like this. The only thing I would do differently than you- I would stagger the gifts as this poster described:
Posted by Summergrl14
Could you give her the cupcake decorating kit and the cookbook for her shower and the mixer as her wedding gift?
(And maybe bring it to her house a few days before or after the wedding...it's less on her to coordinate at the reception)
Agree with all of this.
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| Posted 7/15/16 5:33 PM |
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kn2011
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/10 537 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Theres no rule that says you have to give cash at a wedding, but I wouldnt give the wedding gift at the shower. Thats a little odd to me.
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| Posted 7/17/16 4:25 PM |
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LInMI
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 1804 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
I would still give money. You really didn't need to spend that much on a shower gift. Don't get me wrong... that's an awesome AND generous gift, but as a bridesmaid and relative... how can you not give $$$ (especially in NY)?
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| Posted 7/17/16 8:57 PM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding gift- Is this ok? PLEASE BE HONEST
Posted by LInMI
I would still give money. You really didn't need to spend that much on a shower gift. Don't get me wrong... that's an awesome AND generous gift, but as a bridesmaid and relative... how can you not give $$$ (especially in NY)?
not sure you read my OP
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| Posted 7/17/16 9:29 PM |
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