deleted..thanks for the replies.

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Message edited 1/9/2013 4:39:26 PM.

Re: Babysitter attachment

Aww I remember feeling that way! But then a friend said to me "that's a good thing". It means he is happy and well cared for! Also a babysitter doesn't have to do things like clean and cook etc so your ds gets her undivided attention. Where we mommies are always trying to do a hundred different things!

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I went thru similar feelings with my DS at daycare. He loooooves one of his teachers to pieces. And she loves him in return. While everyone says it's good (and it is), it was heartbreaking in the beginning. Especially when she would refer to him as her baby. But I can rest assured knowing he is in very good hands and she won't let anything happen to him. And he's very happy. Also, now that he's been there awhile and he's getting older, he knows who mommy is and at the end of the day he wants mommy instead of his teachers. It's a phase and it won't be this way forever. I know it's tough. But you're mommy and NOBODY can replace mommy.

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Thanks girls, this is comforting..I'm glad it's not so uncommon...

Re: Babysitter attachment

not with a babysitter... BUT we adopted DS at 21 months old back in August. Before he came home, we had to take a few classes about attachement and bonding and all of that.
If you're worried that your DC might not be 100% sure that you're "mom", or you just want DC to be more reminded of you during the day.... you could try giving your babysitter a picture book of you and DH that she can look at with your DC a few times during the day (target sells these really cute, soft ones in the baby section that are perfect for little ones to look at). OR you could get one of those recordable story books ( Hallmark sells them) and record you and your DH reading a story to you DC. Leave it at the babysitters so DC can hear your voice during the day.
These are things we sent to DS before he came home so he could start to learn who we were.
Not saying your DC has a problem at all, and its probably just a phase.... but just some ideas if you want to try to move her out of the phase faster! LOL

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I am also a FTWM. DS is 4 1/2. Been with the same sitter since 3 months old. Even on my days off he would rather go there then spend the day with me

It's a strange feeling in the beginning but I learned to love that they truly love each other & have their OWN special bond which is completely different then MY bond with DS.

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My mother in law watched my son for me. He is 17 months old and most days he is happy to see me but every now and again he wont want to come to me. I usually cry hysterically those days on the ride home from work like a crazy person.

On the days where he wants his grandma instead of me I try to remember that it is great that he loves her so much and feels so safe and comfortable with her but sometimes my emotional side takes over from my rational self and I can't help but feel jealous and cry....so just know I totally know how you feel!

It does make the days like today (I walked in got a big smile and he said "mommeee!" and gave me kisses) even better!!!!

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It gets better.

It sucks when it does happen. I really had this with my DS (especially at 9 months). He'd cry for my mom (who watched him) and it was a source of MANY ill feelings. And that was my own MOM.

Trust me, he (your son) really doesn't love her more. He just was with her all day...

What helped me (strange as it sounds) was to listen to who he called out for at night (older, of course) & how he reacted when I left. It re-affirms that you are his mama.

The babysitter should be more sensitive. This is super common. She's probably just flattered (I'm sure she's attached to him too).

Re: Babysitter attachment

It's happened to us, too. So sad when you see it, but it's comforting to know your child(ren)'s care provider has a special bond with them.
I remember during drop-off at daycare when oldest son was ~18mo, he tripped and fell. He had me there and I assumed he would run to me for comfort but instead he ran to the head teacher with his boo-boo out for a kiss. Broke my heart to have my LO run to someone else instead of me but I had to acknowledge they had a wonderful, nurturing provider and caregiver. And now, 3 years later, we are still friends with that daycare teacher.

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Ugh. WTF was she thinking? I remember when my old co-worker hung up the phone at the office & said "My babysitter just called me to say that my son is calling her mama. I need to leave early so I can go stab her." After having kids, I can completely understand her plight. This was one of the reasons I wanted a daycare setting vs a sitter.

I want you to repeat this over & over in your head "I am the permanent person in his life." The babysitter will NOT replace you in your child's heart.

Babies, toddlers, kids show preferences & then are very fickle. They love someone one day & not the next. Try not to take it personally. My kids used to cry when they were getting in trouble & say "I want to go to Grandma's house."

With long term loving parents, no one trumps Mommy. Ever.

Re: Babysitter attachment

She thinks it's funny, and wants to replay it, by saying to you do it again?

And then she laughs?!?!?!?!?!

Some women are SO vile. I am so angry for you. There is no other reason for her to do that except to hurt you. She knows what she's doing. Ugh, I am SO angry.

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Thanks for the feedback...I think this is all my insecurities..but your posts def. are making me feel better...my babysitter is very loving..I think she makes a big deal out of it more to reasure me how good she is with him....however, it still stings....

Babysitter attachment

I think it's GREAT that your child loves and feels safe with your sitter, but I think it's weird that she plays up the not going to you part. She should she be playing up how mommy is here and getting him excited to go and spend time with you.
I love that he wants to stay and most kids have a hard time leaving a fun place even it's to mommy or daddy, so don't feel offended. But I totally get how you feel!