Would this bother you and WWYD?

Please don't quote, I will probably be taking this down . . .

First off, MIL is great and is very generous with us. She watches 17 month old DD one day a week while DH and I are at work. I only work one or two days a week max, mainly because I want to be home with DD, I don't want someone else raising her and I don't want to miss her firsts.

Last week I got a call at work from DH all excited that DD used her potty (MIL was at our home watching DD and called him). Um, we're not potty training her yet . . . We have 2 potty training books that I've been showing DD to get her used to the idea and I set up one potty so she can get used to seeing it. I've had her sit on it a few times fully dressed with her diaper on. I tell her soon she'll use that instead of her diaper.

Well apparently MIL decided to try to get her to use it and it was successful. We never told MIL we were ready to start potty training, although MIL has mentioned a few times that *she* thinks she's ready. If we WERE ready to start training her, we would obviously tell her since she watches her on occasion. I know it's silly but I'm kinda sad that I missed her first time using the potty.

Now I'm wondering if I should just go with it since she did it once and try to start training her. My plan was to discuss this with her ped next month at her 18 mo visit and get their recommendations on how to go about doing it. If we opt not to start now I'm going to have to tell MIL not to keep pushing the potty issue until we're ready. DH doesn't think this is a big deal but as the parent it's sorta bothering me that I wasn't even asked.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

I think the only thing that would bother me is that I missed being there to see my baby go on the potty for the first time. But maybe MIL figured you were already using potty's since they are in the house. I don't think she did it intentionally to go behind your back. I would actually be happy that she got DD to go on the potty. Maybe she is in fact ready, I wouldn't stop MIL at this point, I would rather have her reinforce going on the potty.

You can still read the books and reinforce the issue to DD and if you do in fact feel that she may NOT be ready then you can stop at any time, but I would def give it more tries since it worked so quickly.

Good Luck

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

Yes it would bother me for a few reasons:

1. YOu missed it
2. It's stepping on your toes as the parents
3. It may confuse DD if you aren't ready to train her and your MIL is doing it during the day!! It wont be consistant.

Would this bother you and WWYD?

Honestly, I would be thrilled and if she has the patience to keep trying with her I say go for it. I dont see it as stepping on toes at all. I see it as trying to help you and your DD both. I would however work on this with her yourself when you are home for consistancy purposes.
I started training when they were ready, not when I was.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

The thing is, I am the one who's with her the vast majority of the time. MIL watches her ONE day a week. I guess I will start potty training but I do want to do a little research on how to go about it. I'd like to make it as quick and mess-free as possible.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

I think you should be really happy that MIL was successful in getting dd to use the potty. I would def try to keep that going. I don't think you need the ped to give you advice or the green light on that one. This is a positive experience that you seem to be trying to turn into a negative one. Without getting into your biz, maybe you have other issues with your MIL that are making you feel this way towards the situation.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

No it would not bother me at all. I honestly think you are overreacting. If your MIL is as great and as generous as you say and watching your child once a week, I would give her a huge thank you for initiating the potty training process! If you say anything you would appear to be a complete control freak...

Weeks or years from now I hope that you look back at this and say why on earth would I complain about something like this,

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

Well I would say that there are so many firsts that 1st potty wouldn't bother me that much. Honestly potty training for some can be a nightmare. I would say if you have someone who wants to help and is successful I would be very happy to take that help and not look back. Now there are many other things that I would be upset about if I missed - like 1st hair cut, or 1st steps, or 1st day of school etc.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

If it were my parents, who watch my boys 2 days a week - no it wouldn't bother me at all .......and believe me, just b/c she did it once, means NOTHING .........she may not do it again for 6 months =)

If it was my MIL it would (and DID/DOES) irritated the sh*t out of me b/c SHE sees my kids once every 3 months ........but waltzes into my house and proclaims Sean needs to go on the potty - and has the audacity to take him in there and try to close the door benind her ........-

But I have seriouis issues w/ my MIL - she could breathe too loud and piss me off -


also, in your MIL's defense - If you have the potty out there, out in the open - I personally wouldn't think there was a reason for her NOT to sit on it - KWIM?

Message edited 8/23/2012 11:46:29 AM.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

I may very well be a control freak, I don't doubt it haha! I was just really surprised that she didn't ask me if we were ready to start trying before doing it herself. Like I said, it's silly but I would have liked to have been there to get excited and clap for her, make a big deal. It's not like I needed help training her, I hadn't even started trying yet.


Thanks for the responses, I probably am being too sensitive.

Would this bother you and WWYD?

I would be sad that I missed her first time, but I would not be upset with MIL. I think it was perfectly reasonable for her to see the potty there and assune you had begun using it. I don't see that she did anything wrong.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

Well in my book, unless you SAW it happen, then it didn't happen.

But like other posters have said, your DD may not even do it again. It could have been a fluke thing.

And your MIL may have thought that you already started prepping for the potty since you had one out for your daughter to see.

I would still say something to your MIL if you don't think it would start a war between you and her. Just mention that you were slowly trying to introduce the potty, and really wanted to be there for her first real sit-down. Some MIL's don't really want to take away a parent's "first" milestones, and she may feel bad.

Message edited 8/23/2012 12:16:36 PM.

Would this bother you and WWYD?

I understand being upset you missed it, but I think you should let it go. Especially if the end result is a potty trained 17 month old! That sounds fantastic.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

I can understand your upset but that is huge.

No diapers? You will have plenty of other firsts and she will be so proud to show 'mommy" she used the potty. you will get your moment i promise.

i would ask your MIL how she did it, why would the peds advice be better?

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

I would just be grateful someone is willing to help out with this!

To me, first potty is nothing like "first steps" or "first words" in terms of being a fun milestone. I mean, it's better than "cleaning first chunky vomit off the couch" but it's still a lot of frustration, puddles to clean up, changes of clothes, etc.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

I only work 1 day (sometimes 2 days) a week & I missed my DS' first steps He was only 8 months & 3 weeks old when he took his first steps, & I still remember my husband texting me & telling me. I was very upset, but then a customer said to me, "It may have been his first steps, but when you see it, it will be YOUR first time seeing his steps!" (It was something along those lines, it really helped me out though.)
I would definitely be upset if I were you, but I would definitely continue to help train her, because it sounds like she is more than ready!! Congrats! It's something to be very excited for and proud of! She is very young to be potty trained & that on it's own is an amazing achievement for your baby girl! Your MIL may have seen her first potty, but you are the one who has been reading potty books to her, & you are the one who will train her!!

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

I'd hide the potty for this reason. Get it out of the bathroom. Your own child may have asked for it... and your MiL may have thought you were further along with training.

Once in the potty does not make a potty trained kid.

That being said... my mom has been trying to potty train my son for months (she watches 4 days a week). He went only once for her.

Speak to your MiL about the fact that you really want to be there for ALL firsts (including potty). Tell her you know she's trying to help... and it may seem silly, but it's important to YOU.

My own MIL who watches once a week... says 3 is the age to start potty training.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

Id honestly be THRILLED at the thought of no diapers!! Potty training takes a while. I have 3 kids and dont remember their first times on the potty. As a matter of fact i worked full time and paid my own mom to watch my kids (bc she quit her job to watch them.) I missed some firsts, but youll forget about it real quick IMO.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

Posted by MaZz

I think you should be really happy that MIL was successful in getting dd to use the potty. I would def try to keep that going. I don't think you need the ped to give you advice or the green light on that one. This is a positive experience that you seem to be trying to turn into a negative one. Without getting into your biz, maybe you have other issues with your MIL that are making you feel this way towards the situation.

Would this bother you and WWYD?

Coming from a control freak who has major MIL issues, this one wouldn't bother me. My philosophy is it's not a first until I see it. DD crawled at daycare before she did for me. It is what it is. It didn't take the excitement away when she did it for me for the first time. It doesn't sound like your MIL did it to be malicious and take away your opportunity of seeing her go for the first time. It seems like she saw the potty and just assumed you started potty training. I would assume the same thing. And hey, if your DD is ready for it, go with it. But it may very well be a one time thing. Try not to stress over this one. There are much bigger issues you could have with your MIL.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

I don't understand your post.

Are you upset because you missed thie first time she sat on the potty?
If so, then you should just stay home all the time.

OR, are you upset because you didn't want her to use the potty yet?
If so, then why did you put the potty out in the first place?

Its all a personal decision. If you want her potty trained, then just go with it. If you want her to stay in diapers, then don't go on with it....but if thats the case than pu the potty away. I don't know why you would have it out in the first place if you didn't want her to use it.

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

Re: Would this bother you and WWYD?

I would continue w potty training and see how it goes. Maybe she is ready. As for MIL not sure what to say, mine knows no boundaries. I know If MIL watching my kids I'm giving up all control