Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

DH and I have planned on ttc #2 next year. DS keeps asking for a baby brother, but we wanted to wait until DS was closer to kindergarten age due to daycare costs. I also needed him to be a little more independent before I had to deal with morning sickness (I had kind of a rough pregnancy with DS). However, I worry that the reality of another child (and having to share mommy and daddy for the first time) is going to be super hard on DS. Recently he gets upset if I am holding another baby and then he wants to be held too. How did you prepare DC1 for DC2 with this age difference? Is it not as bad as I am making it up in my mind?

Re: Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

Well, my oldest is 4yrs 3mos older than my youngest but I do have another in between. The 4yo (and 3yo) are the BIG BROTHERS, a badge they wear proudly. They're helpers and very protective of their sister. Since you haven't even begun TTC, you're at least 9 mos out - plenty of time to prepare - and include - him.

Message edited 7/29/2012 5:25:27 PM.

Re: Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

I really have no advice but DS will be 4 yrs 2 months when DC#2 is born. And I think he's going to be fine! He keeps asking for a brother or sister and loves to help out in general. At least there won't be 2 in college at the same time! Good luck with your decision!

Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

My older two are 3 years apart and my son showed no signs of jealousy or anything when my daughter was born. My daughter and my 6 mos old are 4 years apart and she was totally fine when he was born and just the other day told me how happy she is she has a baby brother :)

Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

We just really made a HUGE deal about them becoming a big brother/sister :)

Re: Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

Seamus turned 4 last week and Kiernan was 6 weeks

He LOVES him to pieces. He has to kiss him goodnight every night and calls us from his room if he forgets. He helps me dress him and if he cries, he rocks his rocker and talks softly to him. I think it was a good age difference.

I cant set him up with playdoh, a movie or toys and he will play by himself for hours. he can go to the bathroom himself and get himseld snacks and drinks. If I am sitting n feeding Kiernan, he will sit with me and he can get things for me, which is very helpful lol

Re: Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

Well you already know this, but DS #1 did fine when DS #2 arrived.

My sisters two girls are 4 years apart. The older one did act out a bit when her sister came home. It only lasted about a month and then she was fine.

He will be fine. I know it must be hard having to share mommy and daddy, but they are getting such a gift. To have a friend for life.
I think the key is to give the oldest attention as much as you can. When I came home I didn't come in holding the baby. I went and gave older DS a big hug. People ( including you) came over with presents for the baby and for him. I praise him all the time for being such a great big brother. I make sure at night to lay down just with DS #1 and read books. I also plan on never playing favorites with the kids. I have seen parents do this, and its not right.
He will be fine, its just the fear of the unknown.

To prepare DS#1, I talked about the baby all the time. At four years old, you could bring him to a sono appointment. I also bought a book about mommy having a baby. We read that alot, right before baby arrived. I would also tell him to talk to my belly and say hi to his baby brother and give him a kiss.

Re: Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

Re: Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

DC are 3 years apart, and DS was never jealous of DD. He loves being the big brother, and DD loves being the little sister. He is always teaching her things, and she loves being taught by him. They argue once in a while, but very little, actually, and it never lasts long at all.

Re: Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

Our kids are 4.5 yrs apart. We just keep reassuring DD that we love her. DH and I also make it a point to do something with just her at least once per month (ie go out to dinner, movies, etc). We also have 1:1 time with her each week, i.e go for walks. We also keep her involved with the baby. She is a nurturer so we have her help as much as we can with the baby.

Re: Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

DD is 3 1/2 .I make a huge deal out of her being the big sister. I bought her several big sister presents for the hospital. I also allow her to help with everything with the baby. She helps me feed her, burp her and change her. I try to involve her in everything with her little sister.

We have Mommy and Daddy dates also. We will separately or together take her out by herself. We let her know that it's because she is a big girl.

It seems to be working :)

Re: Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

My boys are 4 years 3 1/2 months apart. I had the same fears you did. DS#1 was my everyting for 4 years... he was used to it... he liked it... he got jealous when I held other babies. My sister in law would comment how I was in for it when DS#2 was born because of how attached DS#1 was to me. Well it has been WONDERFUL!! No jealousy, no resentment, no issues at all. He loves him completely and couldn't be happier with his baby who he refers to as "my baby". He is helpful and loving and caring and it's been a truly great age gap with none of the problems I anticpated.

Good luck!

Re: Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

My boys are 3 yrs 3 months apart.

When Joey was born, Nick was in heaven. LOVED being a "big boy" and helper.

Now that they are almost 11 years old and 7 years old...they pretty much fight 24/7.

But the baby/ toddler years were awesome.

Re: Moms with kids 4 yrs apart, question

I'm only 3 weeks into it, but my boys are 3.5 years apart. So far, there hasn't been any jealousy. DS1 adores his younger brother. He always wants to help out, hold him, touch him, etc. When I was pregnant, he talked about the baby every day. I had a few books about being a big brother that I read to him. I also took him to a sibling preparation class at the hospital so he could see where the baby would be born and what the hospital was like. He has handled it really well so far.