Updated: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

DS is 26 months and has become a horrible sleeper. He's having a sleep study to hopefully rule out a true physiological cause.

Since DS has not been sleeping much (and not napping more than 30 minutes) , DH has started bringing him into our bed where DS does sleep much better.

It has been about 10 days of this and I keep telling DH that it's a bad idea and a bad habit to break. He counters that our DS getting sleep is important and he'd rather our son be rested then worry about creating a habit. (and truth be told, he loves having DS there, probably since he's gone 12 hours a day)

I don't know what to think. It's horrible having DS up every 2-3 hours, crying and not going back to sleep easily and not napping. And hard to have interrupted sleep yet have to function for the day.

Wondering how many people have their toddler in their bed and whether it became a difficult habit to break. Looking for the good and the bad.

Update: Sleep study was a bust. He woke up while they were putting the wires on his face and he freaked out. Started pulling them off and crying. The look of terror on his face was enough for me and we were out of there. We got home at 11:45PM.

I guess he is staying in our bed. I was one of those that said I'd never have him in our bed and for 2 years we didn't (and at times i secretly wished we could all cuddle). But, him getting the restorative and cognitive benefits of sleep far outweighs my preconceived ideas about what's right and wrong regarding children's sleep.

Any and all ideas welcome. I'm sure I'll be posting about how to get him out soon enough.

Message edited 12/13/2011 4:57:59 PM.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

My brother did that with his first born. When she turned 6 and the next baby was born, they had to break the habit, but then did it with the second child. That child is now 3.5 and still sleeps in their bed.

IMO it's a really bad habit and one that will become SUPER hard to break. BUT I'm not in your shoes and I don't know what I'd do if I felt I had no other option. I think it might take a few nights or a week to get your DS back in his own bed, but then hopefully everyone will be sleeping better.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

NOT a bad habit AT ALL!

NO issues sending her to her own room.

LOVED every single moment of it and wish I had more.

I have to say it bothers me that so many peole are against having children in bed with them. Like they are going to be there until college?

I miss my little one all warm and comfy with us. I don't miss her kicking my face, but hey.. its all a joke at this point.

We co slept until she was 1, then off and on again until she was 2 then she didn’t want anything to do with coming to OUR bed and was all about her bedroom and her bed and we had to go THERE.

At three she doesn’t come to our bed unless we beg her to. We did last night because she’s got a bit of a cold and we wanted to elevate her. Plus my hubby is a wussy who wanted his baby girl near by. After she falls asleep I would normally put her in her own room, but she was so nasaly that we kept here there. I can say that generally 9 out of 10 times she prefers her bed for sleep. Even if she comes to our bed to watch something on the computer or play, she’ll still say “My bed, goodnight” and make us move her lamb, towel and blanket to her room.

I hate hearing stories of children dying of SIDS while the parents slept unknowing in the other room. I know being there won’t change that but I make me feel better. Or children choking on something, suffocating or something else tragic and parents are CIO and figured the kid would go back to sleep. I wake up each and every time. Even if she’s just randomly calling out a word, we go into her room and check on her.

JMHO
You do what you need to do for a healthy home. What you find as a priority for that is up to YOU.

For me, her sleeping soundly is very important. If she’s sound asleep, then WE can sleep. If the house can sleep we are ALL happier. If I’m worried then I’m not sleeping well, if she’s up and down and Daddy’s getting up for her then he’s not sleeping well. If I’m up in the middle of the night because she’s sick and won’t come to our room, so we sleep on the couch, then no one’s happy! Hahaha

You do whatever works in my opinion.

There was no ‘breaking’ the habit. She just on her own wanted her room. We wanted here there but never forced her back. I felt that would make it negative making it HARDER to transition. Just encouraged time in her room and play in bed like it was hide and seek or peek a boo or EVEN reverse psychology MY BED. Whatever, but little by little SHE wanted her own room. Her own special blankets and toys.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

So sorry to hear that your DS is having sleep issues. Hope that the sleep study gives you some answers. I think that having your toddler in your bed can be a positive experience but only if both parents are truly on board with it and if it means all 3 parties are sleeping better. For what it is worth - I co-slept by choice with my DS. It was something that worked for our family. He moved into his own bed without any issue. I'm not saying that this situation works for everyone and some children may have a more difficult time adjusting to sleeping back on their own. But I was always warned how difficult a process it would be to get him out of our bed. And my experience was that it was a very easy transition. One week after moving to our new house we told him that he would be sleeping in his own room in his own bed. We put him down that night and he went to sleep without a problem and has been in his own bed ever since. I hope that you are all getting some good sleep soon.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

I think life is too short to worry about something like that ... if your dh loves it and you are sleeping fine i dont see an issue. enjoy what you can now !

Message edited 12/12/2011 3:00:01 PM.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

I don't care what anyone says.. I have not and will not have my kids sleeping in my bed and that's it.. I never started that habit because IMO, a parent's bed is for adults and the parent(s) needs sleep just as much as the kids do.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

I swore this would never happen. But since DD became potty trained, she wakes up during the nigh to go to the bathroom. She then wants to sleep in our bed. We are too tired at 2am to fight so we take her in. This happens sometimes. It's a bad habit to start. We get an awful night sleep when shes there.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

DS comes in our bed some nights. It started when he was an infant - he woke up so many times it was horrible.

We did sleep training and it made it better but, from September on, it was always something.

Most nights he does sleep a full night in his crib (we'll bring him in to try to get him to sleep an extra hour) but, on bad nights, we bring him in with us so we can all get some sleep.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

Ehhh, I had Tyler sleeping in my bed for about two weeks and I just couldn't take it anymore. I was too worried about breaking this habit once the new baby came. It took one night of CIO and he is now sleeping through the night again. Kids feed off of us. They know we'll give in and we have to be strong. If you don't have a problem with him sleeping in your bed then keep doing it. I just couldn't sleep comfortably and knew that once the baby came I did not want everyone in my room.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

like all habits, it's only bad if you don't like it.

luce sleeps with us at least part of the night. his toddler bed is right up against the foot of our bed. he goes down in his bed, and if he wakes up will come up to our side.

almost without fail though, unless his bed is wet, he will crawl back down to his own bed at some point...he needs his own space apparently more than we do.

it's hard when one parent enjoys it more than the other...and maybe I am biased but if your husband is gone 12 hours a day and seems to want him there, he may just miss him a ton. and there is nothing wrong with that.

we right now are transitioning luce to fall asleep by himself. some days it works, some days I lay down with him...but they are growing and they WILL grow up so fast.

he may simply WANT to be with you and find comfort in your space. if the only issue you have is worrying about creating a bad habit, then it isn't a bad habit . enjoy it. they are only thissmall once.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

Normally I would say don't do it because it is a bad habit HOWEVER since you mentioned your child is having severe sleep issues and you have to get him sleep tested, IMO some sleep is better than none. I agree with your DH that sleep is important and if this is the best thing for your DS at this time then so be it. He won't be sleeping there when he is 30.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

JJ is 27 months & does come into our bed on occasion to sleep but he first goes to sleep in his crib. If he wakes in the middle of the night, I will bring him into our bed bc I need to function the next day. With Nicholas getting up at 430-5, I can't fight with JJ to go back to sleep & listen to him scream in his crib.

For us, the habit is easily broken if we want. Like last night, he slept the entire night in his crib with no issue. I love having the option to cuddle with him in my bed. Plus, we all get better sleep bc of it. Nicholas however.has not & will not come in our bed. He doesn't even.look to.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

My DD slept in our bed frequently from age 1-2. She is now over 2 1/2 and sleeps fine (most of the time) in her own bed. Don't worry about it becoming a bad habit -- all of you get your sleep however you can get it!

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

Normally I would say whatever works - but if he sleeps well with you, and not in his own bed, I'm willing to bet it's not a true physiological issue, though I am not a doctor

However... if this does work for you and your DH, and your DS is sleeping well, I think I'd stick with it if I were in your shoes. My kids were never calm enough to be able to sleep in my bed and I would have loved to co-sleep.

If it's causing issues with you and DH, then I wouldn't allow it (after the sleep study is done) if the sleep study shows no issues.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

My DD was a horrible sleeper too. She would wake up screaming at least 2- 3 times a night and it would take an hour to calm her down. Just awful.

We were getting no sleep at all because I was up waiting for her to scream. I eventually told her one night to come in bed with us and the screaming stopped. She goes to bed in her own bed and then when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she comes into ours. Finally she and us are getting almost a full nights sleep. Sleep to me is more important that breaking a bad habit and no one will know what your going through unless they've been there themselves.

Do whats best for your family and don't worry about anyone else. Good luck!

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

I agree sleep is really important, but so is maintaining your own bed. If my kids are sick (feaver, vomit, etc.) we will let them stay with us. Could you stay in DCs room until they are able to fall asleep and then leave to go to your room?

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

If he's sleeping fine in your bed I would bet it's nothing medically wrong. Who doesn't sleep better in a big warm bed cuddled with their loved ones ?

It could be the start of a terrible habit or maybe it will be just a phase. Hard to say how it will turn out, every child is different.

DD started waking at 2am and joining us every night. I loved it in the beginning but then it was costing us sleep.

We broke the habit.
Now I occasionally let her sleep with us. She loves it, I love it. DH not a fan, has her feet in his back most of the night.

At this point, it's a special treat. She falls asleep on her own, no bottles/milk, in her own bed. She ran to our bed last night and wanted to sleep there, but I told her "no, in your bed." But I feel our bed needs to be OUR bed. It's a place for us. Most days it's the only time we spend time alone. An occasional guest is ok, but that's it.

I knew someone that had their toddler sleeping in their bed up until grade school. The kid had major seperation anxiety from the mom and was in therapy. The therapist scolded her for allowing the cosleeping to go on. That is always in the back of my mind. Actually all my friend's who are now moms always bring up that child when we talk about cosleeping.

Message edited 12/13/2011 7:41:18 AM.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

Posted by Ophelia

like all habits, it's only bad if you don't like it.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

I thought I'd never do it... I swore that it was strange and "granola", but when DS was teething & sick, we started to have him sleep in our bed & it went on for MONTHS.

Honestly, I LOVED it. It felt wonderful & he was older when we started, so I felt it was decently safe.

DS LOVED it.

DH not so much.

It did kill our

Recently, I've broken DS out of it. I'm expecting a DD in less than a month & it would be too difficult for me to keep up. It wasn't easy... on DS or on me. He does now sleep on a pillow, with a blanket. So, it's not the end of the world.

I'm sure you have... but try elevating the side of the bed up a bit. Maybe your DC is having an obstruction (tonsils... adenoids) and would sleep better on a pillow?

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

With DD#1 we coslept. We had no issues transitioning her to her bed. We put a princess Tv in and she loves her room. With DD#2 we put her straight in the crib and do not intend to cosleep. It was fun while it lasted but not again.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

DS is 15 months and sleeps in bed with us and we both LOVE it. To each their own

I will worry about breaking this "habit" when we feel necessary. Right now we are enjoying him and love waking up to a smiling toddler in the morning.

We both work and only get an hour at night with him during the week, so we like having the cuddle time at night.

Plus, the last 15 months have FLOWN by so friggin fast, I don't want to waste time doing CIO or getting DS to sleep in his crib. We'll never get these months back and he's already becoming independent before our eyes, he won't be 13 years old and sleeping in our bed. To us this is a petty thing to worry about.

Re: Toddler sleeping in YOUR bed

I only also DS #1 in my bed when he's not feeling well or had a nightmare once he calms down and falls asleep he goes back to his own room. Both my husband and I don't want to make it a habit for him to fall asleep and we never rocked him to sleep or put him in bed with us unless it was one of the reasons I stated above. With DS #2 we keep the same rule.