Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

Posted by TZ0624

Posted by Bxgell2

Uh... no... it just means you have an easy baby with a good temperment.

I'm the same mom to Alex and Yael and yet Alex NEVER slept and NEVER played independently (still doesn't), while Yael started sleeping 12 hours a night since she was 5 weeks old and does nothing but play independently.

Most of it is just luck of the draw...

you just made me so happy....that there is hope that baby#2 will be a better sleeper, play independently unlike DD! Thanks for this!

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by TZ0624

Posted by Bxgell2

Uh... no... it just means you have an easy baby with a good temperment.

I'm the same mom to Alex and Yael and yet Alex NEVER slept and NEVER played independently (still doesn't), while Yael started sleeping 12 hours a night since she was 5 weeks old and does nothing but play independently.

Most of it is just luck of the draw...

you just made me so happy....that there is hope that baby#2 will be a better sleeper, play independently unlike DD! Thanks for this!

Trust me, there is hope. Although I must warn you, although Yael was a dream baby compared to Alex, she is turning into quite the little devil as a toddler, who has been nicknamed "the boss" at school If it's not one thing, it will be another!!

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

No... they should consider themselves lucky!

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

I don't get why anyone would lie about it

My DD STTN since 8 weeks...I was lucky!!!! I'm sure we'll get screwed the next time around

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

My son sttn most nights. If you asked me, I would say he definitely started sttn regularly after a year. But it doesn't mean he never wakes up and calls for us, he still does. It's rare though, and most of the time he gets himself to sleep. So in a sense, I think some of the STTN is about perception, and what do you consider STTN.

Doesn't make me a good parent though. I don't think things like STTN or a child entertaining themselves mean you are a good parent, it just means your child is able to do these things. There are other things my child cannot do that other children can--more about his temperament I think than about our parenting. You do have cases where parents sabotage these areas of development, but most of the time, I think parenting has little to do with it.

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

i know many people who would say yes!
in fact, we stopped telling them about DS achievements because they then make their son (whos is 6 weeks younger) do what our DS is doing! for example, DS started eating solids (cereal and pureed veggies) at 4 months. When the other parents found out, they started feeding their child cereal at 4 months, even though he was clearly not ready! we felt so awful about the competition they've already created, we stopped sharing our milestones. this has been hard on DH since they're family, but we don't want to compete with our cousins or put pressure on a 4 month old!

the fact that DS falls asleep on his own, eats well with a spoon, or holds his own bottle has nothing to do with my parenting skills. if it did, he'd never cry or be unhappy or complain about nap time. but he does. he's just himself and decided to be an overachiever for now. if he slows down i'll be happy, if he keeps it up i'll be happy. as long as he's healthy and happy it does not matter to me!

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

umm No.

I could play by myself for hours on hours when I was younger. LOL. My mom would ignore me for days, literally. I became very good at self play LOL I do not feel she was a good mom by any means.

Drastic overkill but you get the point.

Its all relative. A good mom is a happy child in my mind. But that doesn't mean feeding my kid lollipops and chocolate to make her happy either.

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

Posted by TreAnt427

Posted by Shorty

my son sttn early and entertains himself extremely well.... imo, that makes HIM a good kid, not ME a good parent.
:

Agreed!

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

I'm still uncertain when we get the medal for parenting.

Is it when the baby sleeps through the night?

Is it when your 2 year old doesn't throw yourself on the floor?

Is it because your kid is a star athlete?

Is it when your kid makes valedictorian?

What happens when your star althete turns to drugs? Are you a bad parent then?When he's older, goes on to have a family & strives not to push his kids into althetics & raise his child like you did?

When your valedictorian turns out to be the genius in the basement ala the Unabomber, were you a good parent?

Is it when your sleeping baby grows up & wants nothing to do with you as an adult?

I'm not sure when the "final"is in parenting. I know this was tongue in cheek, but I see no finish line. I told my mom recently that I hope I can raise my kids the same way she raised me. Is that her measurement? Who is to say that I'm a good person? I'm pretty sure Mother Theresa had her crappy days - and maybe even a mom who was pizzed off she had no grandchildren & considered her daughter a failure. After all per her biography she left home at 18 & never saw her mother or sister again..

So no a baby sleeping through the night doesn't make you a good parent. I'm a good parent because I'm doing the best I can. Some days I fail (hello screaming mom from this morning); some days I don't. But I always get back in the game & don't give up.

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

Better parent? No..tougher parent, parent better able to make it through the tough times and like OP said-know that you're doing it for both your good? Yes.

I couldn't stand to let my kids cy it out. I fed them at night until they were 9 months old. I feel horrible when they CIO. I think I could have done things better. though on the flip side they are good boys, they listen and are smart and loving so I am doing a lot of things right.

Message edited 3/8/2011 1:56:38 PM.

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

Apparently I was the most excellent baby in the history of babies, according to my mother (who *I* turned into a 3-under-3 mama). I slept I ate I never cried. You "wouldn't even know I was in the room" as she likes to say.

Yeah well... I won't give you my life story but let's just say she was an EXCELLENT parent.
AND I WAS A BLOODY NIGHTMARE LATER ON.

That is not hyperbole, I really was

So I feel that my DS, who came to me perfect, with his big old speech delay, with his amazing eyelashes and overdeveloped sense of humor - is not "my" doing, kwim? And this is a marathon, not a sprint - I won't know if I'm a good parent until he navigates some of life's obstacles on his own.

Message edited 3/8/2011 2:05:53 PM.

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

I don't think those two things officially make you a good parent. But I don't think it has nothing to do with the parent either. I think for a child who STTN early, the parents are doing something right. I also think the child has that type of temperament. There are plenty of great parents (IMO) who have tried everything they can to help their child STTN and it doesn't happen.
As far as a child who can play independently, same thing. They most likely won't learn to play independently if they are never given that opportunity by the parent. Independent play is healthy and developmentally appropriate for a child to learn, and the parent should be able to allow them that opportunity, IMO. Then again, some children just won't have it.
So I think in both scenarios, credit is owed to the parents and the child.

Message edited 3/8/2011 2:04:52 PM.

Re: sort of spinnoff - does this make you a good parent?

At 3 months, with BOTH of my children I returned back to work, took off their swaddles and they both STTN.....








.....might have been the cars I promised them but who knows.