UPDATE: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

UPDATE: I don't do pick up, DH does, so I decided to call in to his teacher in the afternoon before DH got there. I decided, for this time, since he just started in this room and I prefer to try a nice relationship with this new teacher, not to talk to the director yet - next time I won't question it.

I called and asked how he did (it was about 3PM). She told me he did A LOT better - basically had a great day. He sat in circle time and participate. And then she said, "I guess he just needed to get back in the swing of things".

I said, "yep, or he had an off day but if there's a problem in the future, please discuss it with me privately".

And that was that. Do I love her now? Nope. But hopefully now she gets that if there is an issue, I am happy to help with it - but she needs to handle it differently.

We'll see what next week brings. Thank you for your opinions and support!
_______________________________

Ryan's going 2 days / wk now to daycare temporarily since my MIL travels a good chunk of the year and has offered to help us in the winter months.

He just started in the 3 yr old room last week.

Wednesday is show and tell. He is going on Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Yesterday he brought his accordion (yes, my MIL bought him an accordion )

I walk in this morning and say good morning to everyone (universal good morning) and tell Ryan to say good morning to his teacher. He walks across the room to get to her and says it repeatedly like 5 times and she finally acknowledges him

Then he sits for breakfast and his teacher announces in front of the class, "Mommy, Ryan didn't want to show his accordion to the class nor did he sit for circle time" and says like twice more that he wouldn't sit for circle time (but in a nasty tone and almost embarassing him - shaming him).
So, I just said to him, "Ok Ryan, we'll have to work on sitting with your classmates for circle time - part of being in the big boy room is participating in circle time".
And she kept repeating, "he won't do it".

Umm, how about a) either talking to me on the side? b) cutting him some freaking slack it's his 2nd wk in the class! c) using a NICE tone

Am I wrong? Was that necessary? She truly sounds frustrated with him - but is it SO shocking that an almost 3-yr old may be uncooperative? I'm not saying, "oh, that's not a big deal he can run wild" rather "let's work on it". W TT FF??

Message edited 2/4/2011 1:33:58 PM.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

definitely not overreacting. i would say something to her. she needs to change her tone and talk to you in private about your son.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Sounds b!itchy to me! Maybe at pickup you can say, "next time you can pull me aside if you want to talk about anything like that..."

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

She was totally bitchy and out of line!

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

I don't think you are overreacting at all. She should have spoken to you privately. She should say anything in front of the class.

I would speak to the director if she doesn't change her methods after speaking with her.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

thats ridiculous how she handled that. she should tell you these things privately and not embarras him. now he'll never want to join in.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Uggg I hate your daycare!!! Im so mad for you.. that was totally unprofessional!!!

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Message edited 2/3/2011 11:23:07 AM.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Completely uncalled for.... Surprisingly, kids sometimes act like..... kids.... imagine that. As long as he's not disruptive, let him get comfortable on his own time.

And as far as "calling him out" in front of everyone, that is very unprofessional and should be addressed.... Most people have found that the best way to get a child to do what you ask is to embarrass him and his mom in front of his class...

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

I don't think I would like that at all!

is that the norm? to use collective shame as a behavior inducing technique?

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Yes, that's pretty nasty. I would say something to her.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

That's kinda obnoxious.

DS also was not been participating in circle time, but his daycare teacher is awesome and half-joked about how getting Frankie to participate was like pulling teeth but she wouldn't let him get away with it.

And then she proceeded to tell DH about how she would just keep joking with Frankie till she got a response out of him and she was persistent and playful and he finally gave in and started participating.

If it was such an issue and she felt she couldn't break him out of his shell, she should have taken you to the side and asked you.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Posted by SweetCaroline

Posted by Salason

Sounds b!itchy to me! Maybe at pickup you can say, "next time you can pull me aside if you want to talk about anything like that..."

Loving that a made a fuss to get him moved to the 3-yr room with his friends and the teacher is nasty

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

As a former daycare teacher (in the 3 year old room for that matter) this got to me. First of all, she should not have announced it like that and should have been professional enough to pull you aside and approach it in a completely different way. Second of all, the fact that she repeated over and over "he won't do it" is obnoxious. That is her job as the teacher to create a classroom environment that encourages him to sit for things like circle time. That's her JOB. I had kids that sometimes wouldn't sit for circle time but my assistant and I worked with them and were ALWAYS positive. They're three. You have to work with them on sitting for group activities. It comes with the territory.

Sorry to go off, but as someone who has worked in early childhood 5+ years and loves it, this got to me. If it were my child I would speak to the director. Sorry you had to deal with that!

Message edited 2/3/2011 11:31:41 AM.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

what???

i would def talk to her.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Nah. I think you’re not overacting at all

I know I’d have been ticked off. I mean W T Fa-gram lady, CHILL! AJ skips a lot of circle time. The teacher told me that she allows it because she’s usually focused on a project which in turn is a learned skill. I’d have asked this teacher why he was skipping circle time. With my kiddo, I asked the teacher not make the exception for her as she needs to learn to follow the ‘norm’ of society and being self absorbed now may lead to outcast later. Personal pet peeve.

I think your teacher should have had a side conversation with you.
I think she needs to explain what your son is doing instead of circle time
I think she needs to work with you to resolve an issue not just make a statement (especially week 2)
I think her attitude needs to be tossed back into her face in front of her director (but I’m evil).

Kids hear everything, including attitude. You can’t assume just because they are 1, 2, 3yrs old that they won’t “understand” the tone. They will learn a certain ‘tone’ gets a certain response. Obviously its how we teach discipline. To use that tone in front of a class is clearly out of bounds in my mind. She needs to show respect to your son and to you. This isn’t an over-glorified child petting zoo. This is a class room learning environment. He is a student in essence, she is his guide. She needs to have more patience. Her attitude to you should be one of a joint venture to teach your son, not a tattle tailing know it all.

Seriously this kind of stuff gets to me.

Message edited 2/3/2011 11:44:55 AM.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

If they have a problem w/ him being there only 2 days, then they shouldn't have agreed to it. I know how much you were struggling w/ this decision.
I would be annoyed and would definitely talk to her.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

No you are not overreacting, I would be upset too. Not so much at what she said, but the way it was delivered, in front of all the children and your DC.

DSs teachers tend to pull me aside if there is anything problematic I need to know about, but they have never complained that he didn't want to participate in an activity. They tend to let kids come in things at their own pace.

At the least, I would tell her you'd prefer a quiet conversation about things like this, out of earshot of DC and the other kids. It's also pretty minor IMO if he didn't want to participate, especially since he's new to the daycare.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Nope. That woman needs to be schooled in teaching.

You need to speak up. She needs to learn positive reinforcement.

Having my son go through something similar, I can tell you that self esteem forms early. From speaking to school counselors, it's soldifies around 3rd or 4th grade. I've seen it with my son & with a number of his classmates. If they think they're a "bad" kid, they will live up to that expectation. That's not to say you let them walk all over you but if you son believes that his teacher has high expectations of him, he will meet those as well. Embarassing him in front of the class is not helpful.

It's a topic that is near & dear to my heart. this was my letter to Joseph's teacher last year: http://www.lifamilies.com/chat/topic.aspx?&P=1&ID=550646. There are ways to get your point across without it hurting a child's feelings.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Seriously?? I'm steaming reading this. How DARE she This proves that not everyone who's working in daycare SHOULD be in daycare. She sounds inept, unprofessional, and downright RUDE.

Given the $$$ you're paying to have him there even part time I'd raise this issue with the director NOW, it just gives me a bad feeling if this is how she behaves when you're THERE, what the hell goes on when you're NOT, kwim???

I find her attitude infuriating

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

Message edited 2/3/2011 11:50:16 AM.

Re: B!tchy comment, or I'm overreacting?? (Daycare related)

I hate day care.

Definitely b*tchy and DEFINITELY needs to be put in her place. Shaming a child is not the way to get them to cooperate and as a day care teacher she should know this!!