Did I overreact (spanking related)

I REALLY do not like spanking miki and have only done it a few times

Tonight, she was being willfully disobedient, she opened the front door and tried to go outside after I told her she couldn't so I put her in time out

as is her MO, she got out of time out, came into the kitchen where I was and said "haha" with a big grin on her face (totally testing her boundaries)

I put her back into time out and told her if she did that again, she would get a spanking. I then set the timer for 3 minutes, she again came into the kitchen with the haha bs....I went to her (she had run into her room this time) and spanked her on her bottom (2 times) - not hard but enough to let her know that I was not joking...

I then put her into TO again and she stayed until the timer went off

could I have handled things differently?

Thanks

3 is going to be the death of me...she is SO disobedient and obviously thinks what I say is a big joke, I need to nip this in the bud

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

I don't have a 3 year old, so I am not a BTDT, but I think you did what you felt you had to do, and there is nothing wrong with a couple of swats on the bottom.

She obviously knew you meant business after that and stayed in her time out.

I truly feel each kid is an individual, so what works for one kid might not work for another.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

i don't know. i'm going through similar stuff. i also don't spank but there are times i don't know what else to do so i just walk away before i lose it. i don't think you're wrong bc you did not really hurt her it was really just for show and she knows you mean business now.... all i know is 3 is going to kill me and dh!

Message edited 6/11/2010 9:31:51 PM.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

I am sure it is very trying, but I do think that you could have handled it in a different way. She is no doubt seeing how upset she is making you, she is getting a reaction and attention from you. She is pushing your buttons. Instead of threatening to spank her (and then spanking her), you could try not making eye contact, not giving any emotional reaction and simply picking her up and returning her to her TO area. Then start the timer again. It will likely get worse before it gets better, but she'll eventually learn that leaving TO is pointless.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

I am not BTDT, but NO I do not think you overreacted. She needs to know that her behavior (downright defiance in this case) is absolutely unacceptable. I feel that if a swat to the butt is the only way she'll know who's boss- then that's what I would do!

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

Personally, I think you did the right thing. We're in a similar situation lately with my almost 3 year old. He tests me all of the time with regards to seeing how far he can push me. He sometimes treats timeouts as a joke. Luckily they still work for the most part but I can see him doing something similar to what you described Miki doing.

If the only way to get her attention was to give her a few pats on the bottom, then that is what you need to do. You're going to question it because you're her Mom and you love her. IMHO, it's better to nip it in the bud as early as you can. You didn't hurt her, you made a point in a way she could understand.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

TJ has been doing this also...being disobedient knowing it will get him in trouble, knowing he is doing something I told him he can't...really pushing the limits. I have spanked him a couple times on the hiny. I dont like to do it but if I have exhausted all other ways of getting through to him I've done it.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

I remember 3 with my DD was horrible. She used to scream in her room, on the floor and kick at the door when it was bedtime. I think you did what you felt necessary at the time. Obviously it worked because she sat in TO that time. Hopefully she realizes now that you mean business!!

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

I dont think you overreacted. She obviously knew you meant business. Yeah there might have been a better way to handle it, but it doesnt mean you were wrong.

Three is a bad age - but four is worse

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

Posted by Michelle1123



Three is a bad age - but four is worse

Message edited 6/11/2010 9:54:19 PM.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

I do not mean to make you feel bad at all Stephanie, and lord knows I don't know what I will do when DS turns 3 , but I will say that the reason I personally have chosen not to hit or spank is because I vividly remember being hit by both of my parents, to the point I feared them, and I don't want my children to fear me.

That being said, what I went through is totally different from a few swats on the behind, and it obviously worked at the time. My thinking, though, is what will you do next time? If you're okay with spanking again, then that's fine - but if you want to avoid spanking (except in situations where she is putting herself in harm's way) then you're going to have to either stick with the TO or find something else that works.

And as I have already stated I don't know what that is, so I'll be bookmarking this so in a year or so I can reference the advice you got

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

Honestly, I have hit my breaking point time and time again with Jack. These kids KNOW how to get under our skin. It is beyond upsetting and so frustrating.

You did what you had to do at the time for Miki to know that you meaned business. The whole "hahah" would have enraged me also.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

ETA- no advice since I'm not there yet but I could see where you felt like you needed to spank her!

Message edited 6/11/2010 10:00:20 PM.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

Posted by Diana1215

The whole "hahah" would have enraged me also.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

Well it seems like it worked so ....

my theory has always been whatever works.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

I think you totally did the right thing.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

Posted by twinkletoes807

I think you totally did the right thing.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

I am going through the same thing right now with my almost 3 year old and almost 4 year old.

Ughhh this is such a tough age. I also spank on the bottom occasionally because I have tried everything else.

My son is such a little devil. When I turn around his hands go on his hips and he sticks his tounge out. I can't stand that.

My daughter just looks at you with a little smirk and says NO.

This may be extreme but I've tried using it and I'm sure not everyone is going to agree with me.

When we were in SC, there was a girl in DD's school and dance class and she started acting up in school. After several conferences with the teachers, the parents and teachers agreed that when she misbehaved they would squirt vinegar in her mouth. When they first said it I was like "OMG unbelievable".

However, in the last few days things have gotten out of hand here at home and since I am home with them all day I am at a loss of punishment. So the other day my daughter did her "NO" to me. I dipped my finger in vinegar and put it in her mouth she hated it. She cried, got over it. No harm done.

My son laughed at her, so I did it to him.

They both got a taste of vinegar and hated it. So now, when they are bad it's "Do I have to get the vinegar?"

It's been working so far. I might have scarred them for life with ever liking vinegar but for now its something I can do to control the terrible pre-school years.

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

Posted by JennyPenny

I am not BTDT, but NO I do not think you overreacted. She needs to know that her behavior (downright defiance in this case) is absolutely unacceptable. I feel that if a swat to the butt is the only way she'll know who's boss- then that's what I would do!

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

Nope I don't think you overreacted at all. 3 is not an easy age! I know I have done the same at one point or another for the same reason.
My DS was never one to stay in TO. I have tried and tried and tried. I once spent 25 minutes trying to get him to stay in TO for a 3 minute TO. After that I realized I had to come up with something else because he thought it was funny to get out of time out and when I turned around to see if he was there he would run back. I swear smoke would come out of ears

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

Whatever works for you and your family

Re: Did I overreact (spanking related)

no, she was being fresh and she knew it.