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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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spinoff to people knowing......
Do you find there is someone you told (or perhaps a few people you told) who feel very uncomfortable discussing TTC stuff with you?
I confided in one of my closest friends that we were having issues conceiving. For background, she is not married and does not 'believe' in getting married until she is much older (she's 25) .... and is nowhere near having kids. She judges me and I know she thinks I am making a mistake by trying to have a baby in my mid 20s...... but to each his own........
Anyway, whenever I bring up ANYTHING TTC related, she completely changes the topic. I obviously don't bring it up anymore-- but I just find it hurtful because she's one of my closest friends and though I don't always agree with everything SHE does and I can't relate to some of it even, I always lend an ear and give her support.
Just a vent.. Can anyone relate?
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Posted 4/11/10 3:38 PM  |
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MrsDeVito
Gio's gonna be a big brother!
Member since 7/09 4671 total posts
Name:
Christina
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
In a way I can relate. While my best friend is very supportive and will listen she's at a completely different place in her life and at times just doesn't get it.
That's why I'm so glad to have this board and ladies like you to talk to!
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| Posted 4/11/10 3:54 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
I agree about the boards.. I love LIF!! 
The most insensitive comment I heard lately was talking to a family member about plans we have for when we have a baby and her response was "Well, what if you don't get pregnant?"   I didn't even know what to say to that.... I was like "Well, I haven't considered that as an option because I believe it will happen for us!"  
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| Posted 4/11/10 3:59 PM |
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allIwant
Love my crazy life!
Member since 1/10 9170 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
I can not totally relate but I find that some of the people who know we are having trouble...just don't know what to say to me..and they seem uncomfortable. especially my good friend who i pregnant!
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| Posted 4/11/10 4:46 PM |
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MrsDeVito
Gio's gonna be a big brother!
Member since 7/09 4671 total posts
Name:
Christina
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
Posted by PennyCat
I agree about the boards.. I love LIF!!
The most insensitive comment I heard lately was talking to a family member about plans we have for when we have a baby and her response was "Well, what if you don't get pregnant?" I didn't even know what to say to that.... I was like "Well, I haven't considered that as an option because I believe it will happen for us!"
What an idiot! I would have thanked them for the positive thoughts and walked away.
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| Posted 4/11/10 5:41 PM |
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FergieK
Loving my girls
Member since 7/09 2533 total posts
Name:
Fergie
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
Honestly when I was in my 20's I was so far away from thinking of marriage/babies I could relate to your friend. I think not being in a marriage shes not in the mindset. For me it was uncomfortable when I was single to be talking about marriage and babies. I still think shes a good friend but not in the same mindset as you. To each his own, and I hope you can turn to us as a shoulder to lean on. I know its not the same and I do think someday when your friend is in the situation she will finally relate.
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| Posted 4/11/10 6:01 PM |
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maybemommy10
Big Brothers to Be !
Member since 2/10 3868 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
I can totally relate. Up until VERY recently i didnt tell anyone. I decided to share with my cousin and BFF, both of which have young children.
One said, and i quote, "well there is always ADOPTION" (i am no where near that yet and it literally felt like i was kicked in the stomach) and the other said "you do know that MOST first pregnancies end in miscarriage anyway" Really? thanks for that
I later told DH and explained to him that this is EXACTLY why i do not want anyone knowing or offering up their 2 cents.
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| Posted 4/11/10 8:39 PM |
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allIwant
Love my crazy life!
Member since 1/10 9170 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
Omg...i got the "theres always adoption comment too" I couldn't even respond! Really? its only been 9 months not giving up yet!!!!!!!!! I was so mad!!!!
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| Posted 4/11/10 8:51 PM |
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
I too told my best friend that we were trying. I had known when she was trying and so, I told her our plans. Well, she got pregnant on her first try. We're on month 10. I used to talk to her about our trouble and my disappointment and frustration and she didn't seem to understand (she thinks everything works 1st time) and after a couple months, stopped asking how we were doing.
Then about 2 months ago, I decided to tell her about my CP and that I was relieved that we at least knew now that we could get PG. While talking I asked her what she would do if she were in my shoes and her response really hurt me. She said "I would have gotten every test possible to make sure that I am ok because I wouldn't have wanted to waste a year and then find out that I couldn't get PG." 
OUCH! Needless to say, I took a break from talking to her for a bit. 
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| Posted 4/11/10 9:27 PM |
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
Posted by WishingforBaby
I She said "I would have gotten every test possible to make sure that I am ok because I wouldn't have wanted to waste a year and then find out that I couldn't get PG."
OUCH! Needless to say, I took a break from talking to her for a bit.
that is so hurtful! clearly she doesnt understand what its like here in the real world where most people dont get pregnant on their first try, but still... 
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| Posted 4/11/10 10:19 PM |
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BayB614
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/09 807 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
Posted by WishingforBaby
I too told my best friend that we were trying. I had known when she was trying and so, I told her our plans. Well, she got pregnant on her first try. We're on month 10. I used to talk to her about our trouble and my disappointment and frustration and she didn't seem to understand (she thinks everything works 1st time) and after a couple months, stopped asking how we were doing.
Then about 2 months ago, I decided to tell her about my CP and that I was relieved that we at least knew now that we could get PG. While talking I asked her what she would do if she were in my shoes and her response really hurt me. She said "I would have gotten every test possible to make sure that I am ok because I wouldn't have wanted to waste a year and then find out that I couldn't get PG."
OUCH! Needless to say, I took a break from talking to her for a bit.
I have a friend who said practically the same exact thing to me!! she doesn't have any kids, but has accidentally gotten pg (and got an abortion ) a few years ago. she thinks that it should be very easy, and it is not "normal" to be trying to have a baby for so long (i am in my 14th month, but she said this to me MONTHS ago!)
I think that our friends are trying to help, but the things they say just dont come out right, and they don't realize that it can be kind of hurtful. Us TTCers are in a stressful and emotional state... remember what it was like before ttcing? i know that for me there was so much i didn't know, and never would have 'gotten' if someone was talking to me about all the ttc stresses.
Now i try not to really talk too much about it to that friend, or anyone for that matter bc i dont know anyone going through the same thing as me in real life when that friend occasionally asks how it is all going i just tell her, "yep, still trying.. nothing new really" and leave it at that!
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| Posted 4/11/10 11:49 PM |
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TTCwithHope
LIF Infant
Member since 4/10 297 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
Just even a year ago I remember others speaking of their current pregnancy and honestly I had no idea to relate. I listened but I really didn't know what to say and probably said the wrong things. I obviously feel very differently now. It's hard to relate when you are at so entirely different stages in life, even if you want to.
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| Posted 4/12/10 7:31 AM |
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Exarina
My Two Girls
Member since 12/09 1249 total posts
Name:
Lisa Marie
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
WOWZERS you know what I find that once people don't go through the motions that we are going through they don't understand. I have to think that way or else I'd cut everyone off for being so selfish!
Most of my friends are supportive but have bad advice as they use the old line "it will happen" they don't know what we are going through you know.
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| Posted 4/12/10 1:43 PM |
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LuLu2260
LIF Adult
Member since 7/09 1647 total posts
Name:
Mich
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
I have a diff. problem. I haven't told many people and the people I haven't told are telling me to wait. They are making it like I am too young and make me feel like ****. :( I am soooo ready and so I my husband. I hate people.
Message edited 4/13/2010 6:49:24 PM.
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| Posted 4/12/10 7:43 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
Posted by Exarina
WOWZERS you know what I find that once people don't go through the motions that we are going through they don't understand. I have to think that way or else I'd cut everyone off for being so selfish!
Most of my friends are supportive but have bad advice as they use the old line "it will happen" they don't know what we are going through you know.
Yea, I love the old 'it will happen' line....... I know it's all meant well, but it's just such an empty line. Ok, it will happen. Great. I figured as much .. but. when?!?! and by what means?!?! 
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| Posted 4/12/10 7:49 PM |
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karabara
LIF Adult
Member since 8/07 1153 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
Posted by LuLu2260
I have a diff. problem. I haven't told many people and the people I haven't told are telling me to wait. They are making it like I am too old and make me feel like ****. :( I am soooo ready and so I my husband. I hate people.
i'm a little confused, they tell you you are too old but to wait to conceive?
people are so insensitive sometimes. that's why i haven't told anyone we are trying. i just don't want to deal with all the "opinions"
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| Posted 4/12/10 7:51 PM |
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LuLu2260
LIF Adult
Member since 7/09 1647 total posts
Name:
Mich
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
Posted by karabara
Posted by LuLu2260
I have a diff. problem. I haven't told many people and the people I haven't told are telling me to wait. They are making it like I am too old and make me feel like ****. :( I am soooo ready and so I my husband. I hate people.
i'm a little confused, they tell you you are too old but to wait to conceive?
people are so insensitive sometimes. that's why i haven't told anyone we are trying. i just don't want to deal with all the "opinions"
Im sorry, they are making it like I am not old enough...
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| Posted 4/12/10 8:49 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
Posted by LuLu2260
Posted by karabara
Posted by LuLu2260
I have a diff. problem. I haven't told many people and the people I haven't told are telling me to wait. They are making it like I am too old and make me feel like ****. :( I am soooo ready and so I my husband. I hate people.
i'm a little confused, they tell you you are too old but to wait to conceive?
people are so insensitive sometimes. that's why i haven't told anyone we are trying. i just don't want to deal with all the "opinions"
Hold old are you? .. if you don't mind me asking. I'm just curious because I'm 25 and I know I'm on the younger end......
Message edited 4/12/2010 9:22:06 PM.
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| Posted 4/12/10 9:21 PM |
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LuLu2260
LIF Adult
Member since 7/09 1647 total posts
Name:
Mich
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Re: spinoff to people knowing......
Im almost 26 :)
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| Posted 4/13/10 6:44 PM |
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