Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

Let me preface this w/ saying that i am THRILLED to be pregnant and am loving every bit of it. DH and i are so happy to be having a baby and im busting at the seams to for he/she to make their appearance.

That being said, i am feeling so guilty and uneasy about something. And it all really came to a head last night.

When we got to L&D and nurses heard i was only 36wk pg, they ofcourse would rather i wasnt leaking fluid so baby could "cook" longer. DH agreed and he was hoping we would be sent home. I on the other hand, was totally disappointed when i heard it wasnt amino fluid. I was "ready to go" and felt like an idiot that i went to L&D and it was nothing. The thing i feel awful about was that DH was 100% concentrating on the best interest of the baby and i was 100% concentrating on MYSELF. I felt like a fool and I felt disappointed. DH kept saying "babe, think of the baby. come on. you cant be upset".
Then whent he nurse did the sono i OFCOURSE was happy to hear all was well, baby was moving, amnio fluid was high etc etc. But lately when i have sonos, i dont feel anything. I mean, emotionally. I dont get chocked up and i dont get emotional. I would say theres more like htis "disconnect" or something. Its like, i KNOW theres a baby in there, but its like its still SO surreal. I know i love the baby but why dont i get all warm and fuzzy when i see it and when it moves all day long? COuld it just be bc im used to it now and feeling secure that all is well??

When i got home last night itold the baby i was sorry. It was like i had to convince MYSELF or something.

Please tell me this is normal. Im holding back tears just writing this

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

I think that you were disappointed in the baby not arriving last night, speaks wonders of how you really feel about your little bundle of joy.

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

Posted by DPerotti

I think that you were disappointed in the baby not arriving last night, speaks wonders of how you really feel about your little bundle of joy.

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

OMG Mich. I could have written this post!! I keep telling baby to come out when Of course I know it's better for him to stay. On that front...it's just that these past 9 months is soooon long and we just want it over with. That being said we still want a healthy baby! One has nothing to do with the other!! We are just tired and cranky and uncomfortable and we are just DONE!!! It's totally normal to have wanted it to be "go time". im right there with ya!!!!

As for not feeling emotional at the sonos...I don't get choked up..i get excited but I know what you are saying..now I feel guilty when I YELL at him to STOP moving bc he is hurting me now! How horrible is that!! I know I do and will love my baby more than anything in this world but when it is this "surreal"(good word) it's tough to feel that until he/she is actually in your arms!!!

Please know what you are feeling is totally normal..or else Im abnormal as well!! ...........

Message edited 10/20/2009 10:37:31 AM.

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

You are not selfish for feeling this way. You have been carrying this baby for 36 weeks. It is exhausting and I am sure you are anxious to meet your LO!!! I think you are totally right, you have just become used to having this child inside of you and you are secure that everything is ok. I would cry at every sono and now that I am beyond the half way mark, I have become more relaxed. I am always happy to see my child and more then happy to hear his heartbeat, but I almost expect it to be there now, when before I was praying for it. Don't beat yourself up I think it just mommy instincts setting in.

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

Posted by DPerotti

I think that you were disappointed in the baby not arriving last night, speaks wonders of how you really feel about your little bundle of joy.

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

Please, don't feel guilty at all. It's totally normal-at this point you want to be done. Nothing wrong with that.

It certainly doesn't mean anything about the kind of mom you will be-it just means you are tired and ready to hold your little one

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

I'm not as far along, but I think what you felt was normal. You want your LO to be in your arms already.

as for not getting cocked up...I only got chocked up at my first sono and haven't at the others. I get excited and happy but not chocked up. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Lots of hugs and don't feel guilty. You're still entitled to your feelings even with a baby inside you

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

Awww don't be so hard on yourself!! I totally agree with the above posters. At 36.5 weeks - you have carrried DC for so long! And you are past the point of wondering if the little bean is in there. I know b/c I sometimes feel bad that I don't always think of - I guess you get to a point where you just want to meet them and take for granted all their little movements. I remember when I'd get soooo excited just to feel bean give a slight kick - every night I'd lay and wait and play music etc - anything to make her move.

Now, don't get me wrong - I love her movements, but they are not as comfortable as they once were. And yeah - I've been having the same feelings - wishing that extra discharge / leakage was something more so I could get the process going - or that the cramps were real contractions. I think it is totally normal to feel the way you do! DH is seeing things from a practical standpoint - baby comes out when it is done cooking -so to speak. We on the other hand are so ready and anxious and nervous - we just want them to be out.

Wow - that is a mouthful - but don't feel bad!! There are plenty of others who feel the same things -myself included!!! :)

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

It doesn't make you selfish AT ALL! By 36w (I don't know, bc I'm not quite there yet, but I would imagine) you're feeling ready to just be done with being pregnant and you just want to meet your new little love! Of course, logically, you know it is best for the bean to stay in until he or she is fully cooked, but emotionally you can't help but want that precious little life in your arms and not inside your belly! I think it is prefectly normal what you are feeling and there is no need to feel at all guilty!!

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

Don't beat yourself up, you are just acting normal. I am had a rough 1st tri and I can only imagine that you get to a point where you can feel so done. It is no reflection on the type of mother your will be. You will be great!

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

You most definitely aren't being selfish. Sometimes I want the baby to come early too - and I still have 6.5 weeks to go and I really shouldn't be wishing things like that. You just want your little one in your arms. Especially now that you're uncomfortable and work is getting harder and harder to motivate yourself for, etc. As a PP said you've carried this baby for 36 weeks - how natural it is that you want him or her here now!

Like you, I sometimes feel..well..not as excited as I used to when the baby moves. It IS hard to believe that there's a baby in there sometimes. It doesn't mean that I don't love it or that I love it less than I used to, it is just difficult to imagine a BABY in there when we haven't met him or her yet. Sono's are wonderful and yes - in the beginning I'd cry and hold my breath until I heard the HB (well, I still do that now actually), but I know it's just not the same and won't be 100% real until that baby is in my arms.

You are not alone and you shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty. We are all here with you.

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

I'm almost 34 weeks, and I completely get what you are saying. I've only actually come out and said it to a select few people, but I just can't wait to have my body back and feel almost "normal" - or whatever that new normal is.

It's tough for our dh's, and guys in general, to understand the rollercoaster of feelings that we have been going through. And I often keep to myself those ones that I think other people will think I shouldn't be having. I even keep to myself about the fact that I don't plan on breastfeeding because of the comments and thoughts people have. I admire your strength for posting about this, as it's a real thing that I think probably a lot of us are / have gone through. Of course the baby being healthy is your #1 concern - but don't feel bad that YOU share that top spot of concern. 36 weeks is a long time - and I'm sure in that time your life has taken some drastic changes...I think it's completely okay for you to sometimes be a little selfish and think about how you are ready for this pregnancy to be done

Lots of hugs to you from someone who feels exactly the same way...

Message edited 10/20/2009 12:53:21 PM.

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

maybe its because you are ready for it to be here.

im due this week..im ready for it to be here too. and with that i've noticed that i pay attention to movements less. I havent had a sono since 34 weeks so i havent seen the little guy in a while. But i can say the excitement wasnt the same at that point like it was other times. Really b/c i think i was in the phase of mentally preparing myself for his arrival. Especially since at other sonos they were telling me he was big, and measuring early. SO i started gearing up mentally for an early arrival, which now doesnt seem to be happening.

I think you're feeling this way b/c you're so prepared for he / she to arrive already..which isnt a bad thing.

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

Don't beat yourself up - you are an awesome mommy! Like PPs said, you're ready to meet your little one. The things you described don't mean anything in regards to your bond with your baby and how great a mom you are and will be!

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

Don't feel bad. It is perfectly normal to want to be done being pregnant and move on to the mother part. I know I feel guilty because I read all these posts about women crying when they first saw their baby at the ultrasound, or the first time they felt the baby kick. I was not like that, and I am still not like that. So to me, (and everyone else) you are completely normal!

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

I read that aroound your time you start to visualize the baby as it's own entity and no longer apart of you... so based on that I would say that what your feeling is totally normal. You need to feel this way in order to do the work to get the baby out of you!

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

Please don't feel guilty. I totally understand how you feel as I felt the same way. It just seemed so surreal. I posted about this about 2.5 weeks ago and actually had my son (unexpectedly at 37 weeks) just days later. I still beat myself up about how I felt so detached, I feel guilty. It's not healthy. I think that what you are feeling is natural. Of course its surreal, you don't really know what to expect, cant really see what's going on in there and the reality is that you are the one who must endure everything pregnancy related. What I mean by that is that I think its sometimes easier for DH's to bond and connect with the baby because they see it happening to you but are in a way separate. They don't have to deal with the hormones, emotions, and same worries that a pregnant woman does. They get to experience the joy without as much of the worry and fear and apprehension.

Please make sure that you talk to someone about these feelings. I made the mistake of keeping it all inside because i was so ashamed of what I was feeling. When the baby blues reared its ugly head, my guilt significantly increased. It was no fun. Talk about it, accept your feelings, normalize them, work through them, understand where they are coming from and stop being so hard on yourself.

Best of luck.

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

dont be upset. you come first. at least that is how dh and i feel.

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

Posted by maybeamommy

Posted by DPerotti

I think that you were disappointed in the baby not arriving last night, speaks wonders of how you really feel about your little bundle of joy.

ITA!

You're ready to have that little bundle in your arms and not in your belly! No need to feel bad about that

Re: Feeling so guilty and sad about something...please reassure

When I was 30 weeks, I was in L&D for four days with premature contractions. I was so scared the babies would be born too early. I was told it would be ideal to get to 35 weeks. They told me that if this were to happen at that point, they wouldn't do anything to stop it. I went home on bedrest. Then, at 35 weeks, the contractions started again. The doctors were all telling me I wouldn't be going home pregnant. Even though it was still early, I was excited I was going to have my babies. They gave me meds to stop the contractions, which I thought they werent going to do. Then I was there one day, two days, no babies. At three days they sent me home. I was so disappointed. I really thought I was having the babies then. I knew it was best that they would be in there longer, but I was huge. I was tired of being pregnant, and I was tired of being on bed rest.
Because of all the complications, they scheduled me for a c-sec at 37w5d. They had originally wanted me to wait until 39 weeks. I look back on it now and feel guilty about all of it - wanting them to be born at 35 weeks, and then I somehow feel like I pushed my doctors to schedule the section early, even though I know that can't be true, and there must be things I don't remember because I've told DH about this guilt and he tells me I'm crazy.
So, the moral of the story is, what you are feeling is totally normal!!