Re: In need of support/hugs

All you can do is change how you react to your mother, and how you react to DS when he's old enough to ask about it.

I completely understand how the craziness is more hurtful when it involves your child. My father is cut out of my life because of it.

Re: In need of support/hugs

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. While I don't understand the situation I do understand the intense desire to protect your son from this and the disappoinment that results.

Lots of for you.

Re: In need of support/hugs

Re: In need of support/hugs

Maris... this is what I was going to say
It is important that you keep in perspective that YOU are the parent. Which means that you need to protect your son whether it be including her in his life at all times or when she is mainly okay. It is important for YOU to shield him from any anomosity or hurt words that are said. Only YOU can change yourself and what you choose for your child. You cant change your moms behavior but you can change how you react to it. Realize that it is the illness talking and not your mom. The person you love and say you have a great time with is there when you need her. You are fighting an illness not your mom. Pick and choose what you need to do for your family but always protect RJ from it. It takes alot of work. Ive counseled families with these kinds of behavior and it does take alot of work. But its even harder to fight the illness vs being there when she needs you and she is in need of you. Be a friend to her when she needs you. I know you are hurting and were this weekend but you have to see how deep into it she is for her not to acknowledge his B-day.
Heres some
You know we are here for you guys!

Message edited 10/1/2007 9:46:20 AM.

Re: In need of support/hugs

I am so sorry you are going through this

Re: In need of support/hugs

My mom was the same way, but she rarely had good moments. She was like this as far back as I can remember. The abuse she inflicted on me will always have scars on my soul. I refuse to forget these moments not to depress myself, but to remind myself that since we share the same blood, I need to consciously remember so I can be that much of a better mother for Cailen. I never want him to know that type of humiliation and pain. In a way, i feel its a blessing this happened to me so I am able to be the loving, caring, nurturing mother for him that I never had.

I stopped talking to her on and off since I left when I was 18, but cut off all communication with her on my 30th bday.

I send her leters letting her know I got married, when I was pregnant, and sent her a newborn picture of Cailen. I never received a response to any of this.

I never ever ever want her in Cailen's life. Ever. I feel she should know she has a grandson, but thats it.

Re: In need of support/hugs

I'm sorry to hear this! I have a family member who is mentally unstable, and very much like you describe. Almost exactly, as a matter of fact. I can't imagine how I would deal if it were my mom

It does put a strain on the family, but it sounds like you have come to terms with it for yourself. However, how do you explain this to your child? And, how do you not get upset when it involves hurting (emotionally) your child? I can't imagine having to deal with that, since it's pretty simple for me to keep Steven from this family member, which I make sure to do.

Re: In need of support/hugs

I'm so sorry for you, but more importantly sorry that RJ has to deal with this. I don't have any suggestions to offer you, just some 's. Happy Birthday to your little boy

Re: In need of support/hugs

I have no suggestions for you but your post brought tears to my eyes.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this, it sounds almost unbearable, especially when she is going thru a low period.

Re: In need of support/hugs

Re: In need of support/hugs

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this... I feel bad for RJ too... I hear you about not subjecting him to this... Gosh I wish I had some advice but here are some hugs

Re: In need of support/hugs

Just wanted to offer some

Re: In need of support/hugs

Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH

I think a lot of good advice was offered and, unfortunately, I think you are correct in your diagnosis of your mom (from what you have posted).

No matter what your decision it isn't going to be an easy one. I do agree in seeking out some support for yourself, if nothing else you can talk to others and get ideas/advice on how they managed a life with a family member with has a mental illness. At the very least they could provide you with strategies and support.

I'm very sorry your mom is suffering and that you and your family, especially RJ who doesn't understand, has to go through this.