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Ladybug63
Ohh... baby
Member since 5/06 2527 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Usually DH is working (nights) so it doesn't matter.
He did get upset in the beg. of our relationship when I would roll in at 4am or 6am.
Now I'm in before 3am. Usually 2:30am or so.
Message edited 7/2/2007 2:37:59 PM.
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Posted 7/2/07 2:37 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
If you go cant you be home at a reasonable hour? Even if it id to avoid all the BS with DH. You can still have the best of both worlds, go out have fun but be home before 5 am. I honestly dont blame him for being pizzed off. I think you should lay your top priorites out and take it from there, otherwise you will CONTINUE to have the same fight with him. JMO
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:38 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
ophelia....
i know what you are referring to. i made a post about a month or so ago about me going out on wednesdays and he got mad. we actually have sorted it out.
he met up with us one day and i came home at 9pm (he gets home at 10pm) on the next wednesday.
so we have defiantly come to a compromise.
i respect his feelings, hence why i've made sure to work with him and be home by a decent hour.
last week i only went out because i had a benefit to go to. (he was invited)
and tonight its a last hoorah before my friend leaves for a month. which he is also invited to.
i just think sometimes he wont come out on purpose just so he can be mad at me. he is very controlling in that dept. imo.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:38 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
lol i just responded about that to my comment to ophelia. it has been working well! we compromise. he came out with me one week. i went home very early the next. yadda yadda. wednesdays arent an issue anymore 
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:40 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
ophelia....
i know what you are referring to. i made a post about a month or so ago about me going out on wednesdays and he got mad. we actually have sorted it out.
he met up with us one day and i came home at 9pm (he gets home at 10pm) on the next wednesday.
so we have defiantly come to a compromise.
i respect his feelings, hence why i've made sure to work with him and be home by a decent hour.
last week i only went out because i had a benefit to go to. (he was invited)
and tonight its a last hoorah before my friend leaves for a month. which he is also invited to.
i just think sometimes he wont come out on purpose just so he can be mad at me. he is very controlling in that dept. imo.
so, are you "rebelling" against his control?
either way, you need to work it out for the long haul, not just the time being.
he may me truly opposed to his wife EVER being out that late..and then you have to make a decision.
I know you are fairly young...can I ask how old your dh is?
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:41 PM |
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Superkat
More a stranger than a friend
Member since 5/06 9730 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
he is very controlling in that dept. imo.
Why do you think he is controlling? Is it because you tend to make bad decisions? You stayed out late, you drove while intoxicated, you accumulated almost $1000 in parking bills, your registration was suspended.
Maybe you should look at the sum whole of the problem. Maybe some priorities need to be readjusted.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:42 PM |
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mtnmama
Member since 5/06 4794 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 7/6/2009 12:49:56 PM.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:43 PM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
he is very controlling in that dept. imo.
Well...you appear to be in the minority in thinking that... or the majority of us don't mind controlling our DHs or them being controlling over us. Either way, that conventional arrangement doesn't seem to work for you.
The question here is who expects who to change? And if neither of you are going to change completely, then you must reach a compromise. You have to meet each other in the middle. I honestly think you'll just mature out of this (I know I did, even though it took some work on DHs part) but...how long will he put with it...?
I see where you might think that the Wednesday issue is a separate thing and it's now resolved, but this is the same issue all over again... even though it's not Wednesday 
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:46 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Ophelia
so, are you "rebelling" against his control?
either way, you need to work it out for the long haul, not just the time being.
he may me truly opposed to his wife EVER being out that late..and then you have to make a decision.
I know you are fairly young...can I ask how old your dh is?
no i'm defiantly not rebelling against him.and i dont know what time i am coming hoem tonight. who knows, i could be ome for midnight. or it can be late, i honestly dont know.
BUT the thing is basically this. he will call me at like say, 10:30, right after he gets home from work and is ALREADY mad at me because he anticipates me comign home late or being drunk or whatever. andyway so he will call me and yell at me for no reason whatsoever. he will be like "hey, you better get home by a normal hour and not be all wasted, although you proabably already are"
and only the people who are out with me at hte moment realize how nasty he can really be.
he is just obsessed with telling me what time i can be home and THAT is what makes me not want to be home... why would i want to go home to just get yelled at and be in a fight?
thats the way i see it.
if he were to call me like most husbands and be like "i hope you have a fun time toight, please be home early" then i most likely WOULD.
it may look liek its all my fault, like im this crazy disrespectful party animal, but im really not.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:46 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Superkat
Posted by Jesaroo
he is very controlling in that dept. imo.
Why do you think he is controlling? Is it because you tend to make bad decisions? You stayed out late, you drove while intoxicated, you accumulated almost $1000 in parking bills, your registration was suspended.
Maybe you should look at the sum whole of the problem. Maybe some priorities need to be readjusted.
ok, i'm going to try to be nice here. but hoiestly, who the f*CK do you think you are?
who are you to judge me? do you knwo me? do you know my dh?
no, you dont. so, until you do, get off your high horse.
i stayed out late. big whoop. i didnt exactly drive while intoxicated, but whatever with that, youre perfect i guess. and what iun the world does my PARKING tickets have to do with this? as a matter of fact DH has the same amount, so i guess we're both a couple fo losers now arent we.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:48 PM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
IMO, when you are married, there is no reason to be hanging out drinking once a week with your friends. Before I had DS, I used to go out with my friends about once a month and hang out until 2 or 3. That is more than enough time to hang out with your friends and have fun. Call me a prude, but from 9pm until 5 am is a really long time to be drinking. I didn't realize until I stopped doing it. Even at 3 am, you are so wasted and won't miss much if you leave.
Also, I really don't think it has anything to do with age, but where you are in your life. It almost sounds as if hanging out with your friends is more important than hanging out with DH.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:50 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
no i'm defiantly not rebelling against him.and i dont know what time i am coming hoem tonight. who knows, i could be ome for midnight. or it can be late, i honestly dont know.
BUT the thing is basically this. he will call me at like say, 10:30, right after he gets home from work and is ALREADY mad at me because he anticipates me comign home late or being drunk or whatever.
he is just obsessed with telling me what time i can be home and THAT is what makes me not want to be home... why would i want to go home to just get yelled at and be in a fight?
thats the way i see it.
if he were to call me like most husbands and be like "i hope you have a fun time toight, please be home early" then i most likely WOULD.
I guess, then -
Why is he anticipating you coming home drunk? Is it because of occasions in the past?
It almost sounds like you are talking about a parent or something when you say he is "obsessed" about what time you should be home...I think that is a big part of marriage, being able to compromise...it shouldn't be you saying "I will be home when I am home" and him saying "I want you home by 11" - there has to be some common agreement...
Communication & mutual respect are key..
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:53 PM |
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~Colleen~
my loves...
Member since 5/05 9129 total posts
Name:
guess
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
BUT the thing is basically this. he will call me at like say, 10:30, right after he gets home from work and is ALREADY mad at me because he anticipates me comign home late or being drunk or whatever. andyway so he will call me and yell at me for no reason whatsoever. he will be like "hey, you better get home by a normal hour and not be all wasted, although you proabably already are"
It sounds to me that while you may think the "Wednesday issue" is resolved, he doesn't feel the same way.
If the roles were reversed and my husband was staying out late (even though he knew how I felt about it) and coming home drunk/wasted...I'd be ******. We'd have fight after fight until the issue was resolved. And by resolved I don't mean one person "wins" - there has to be a level of respect and agreement between two people who commit to be in a relationship together.
It sounds to me like this level hasn't been reached yet.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:53 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by pmpkn087
IMO, when you are married, there is no reason to be hanging out drinking once a week with your friends. Before I had DS, I used to go out with my friends about once a month and hang out until 2 or 3. That is more than enough time to hang out with your friends and have fun. Call me a prude, but from 9pm until 5 am is a really long time to be drinking. I didn't realize until I stopped doing it. Even at 3 am, you are so wasted and won't miss much if you leave.
Also, I really don't think it has anything to do with age, but where you are in your life. It almost sounds as if hanging out with your friends is more important than hanging out with DH.
i wasnt drinking from 9-5.
we were at a benfit. i had some water adn the drinsk that i DID have i drank slow. i was only buzzed when i got home last week.
thats just for the record.
we are different i guess. we both love to go out and stay out late. when im with dh we stay out until 5-6am. when i am out with friends i am usually home by 2-3am.
this benefit was the exception.
i wish he would hang out with us. he is always invited. and i htink even if he WANTS to he wont just so he can be mad at me. i swear he loves to be mad at me.
if he stayed out late with friends i would ENCOURAGE it, since he never hangs out with anyone.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:54 PM |
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azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Jess I don't think your DH is being so unreasonable for wanting you home at a certain time.
He probably worries about you being out so late and drinking. If I was in your DHs shoes I don't think I'd like it either, for safety issues primarily.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:56 PM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
probably no later than 12.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:56 PM |
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Superkat
More a stranger than a friend
Member since 5/06 9730 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
Posted by Superkat
Posted by Jesaroo
he is very controlling in that dept. imo.
Why do you think he is controlling? Is it because you tend to make bad decisions? You stayed out late, you drove while intoxicated, you accumulated almost $1000 in parking bills, your registration was suspended.
Maybe you should look at the sum whole of the problem. Maybe some priorities need to be readjusted.
ok, i'm going to try to be nice here. but hoiestly, who the f*CK do you think you are?
who are you to judge me? do you knwo me? do you know my dh?
no, you dont. so, until you do, get off your high horse.
i stayed out late. big whoop. i didnt exactly drive while intoxicated, but whatever with that, youre perfect i guess. and what iun the world does my PARKING tickets have to do with this? as a matter of fact DH has the same amount, so i guess we're both a couple fo losers now arent we.
You seem to be a little out of line here. I am not on a high horse at all. I don't CLAIM to know you either. However, you have posted the details of YOUR life on this board. You asked for opinions. Now you have mine. I didn't claim to say that I was perfect nor did I say either of you were losers. I was giving you a different perspective.
If you don't want people to judge, then don't post the details of your life here. Otherwise, you are opening the door.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:56 PM |
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tray831
Dee-licious!
Member since 3/06 5355 total posts
Name:
His Baby
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Last time me and my friends went out was in February  and we got home after 4am. I think we left the club we were at about 2am or so.
DH had offered to pick some of us up that night so we didnt have to drive but when he got there to pick us up, he ended up driving all my friends home b/c none of them were OK to drive so needless to say it was a long nite but worth it........ 
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:56 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
Posted by Ophelia
so, are you "rebelling" against his control?
either way, you need to work it out for the long haul, not just the time being.
he may me truly opposed to his wife EVER being out that late..and then you have to make a decision.
I know you are fairly young...can I ask how old your dh is?
no i'm defiantly not rebelling against him.and i dont know what time i am coming hoem tonight. who knows, i could be ome for midnight. or it can be late, i honestly dont know.
BUT the thing is basically this. he will call me at like say, 10:30, right after he gets home from work and is ALREADY mad at me because he anticipates me comign home late or being drunk or whatever. andyway so he will call me and yell at me for no reason whatsoever. he will be like "hey, you better get home by a normal hour and not be all wasted, although you proabably already are"
and only the people who are out with me at hte moment realize how nasty he can really be.
he is just obsessed with telling me what time i can be home and THAT is what makes me not want to be home... why would i want to go home to just get yelled at and be in a fight?
thats the way i see it.
if he were to call me like most husbands and be like "i hope you have a fun time toight, please be home early" then i most likely WOULD.
it may look liek its all my fault, like im this crazy disrespectful party animal, but im really not.
Prefacing this with, I don't know you or your DH personally so I can only base my response based on what you say on these boards, I would suggest one of two things...
1. You both go to couples counseling since what you said above sounds VERY unhealthy.
2. Get divorced. Again from the above quoted post, the two of you don't get along. He's nasty to you, you avoid going home b/c of it. That's not a marriage. That's a torture. Why bother. Get out now while you're both young and can get on with your lives.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:57 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by CaseyGirl
I guess, then -
Why is he anticipating you coming home drunk? Is it because of occasions in the past?
It almost sounds like you are talking about a parent or something when you say he is "obsessed" about what time you should be home...I think that is a big part of marriage, being able to compromise...it shouldn't be you saying "I will be home when I am home" and him saying "I want you home by 11" - there has to be some common agreement...
Communication & mutual respect are key..
honestly, i dont know why he is anticipating me being home late or drunk. its only happened like twice. (without him)
BUT i think he just doesnt like me going out without him maybe.
which make sme crazy since he is always invited.
he is VERY parentlike when i go out and that drives me insane. he needs to realize i am his wife, not his daughter... in the way that he talks to me.
all of my friends feel bad for me when it comes to his controlling shiz wheni go out. they dont understand it.
i love him, he loves me.
and i AGREE there has to be a common agreement, i just feel like i am always the one that has to agree to HIS terms though. i guess i just resent that.
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:57 PM |
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J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
Posted by Ophelia
so, are you "rebelling" against his control?
either way, you need to work it out for the long haul, not just the time being.
he may me truly opposed to his wife EVER being out that late..and then you have to make a decision.
I know you are fairly young...can I ask how old your dh is?
no i'm defiantly not rebelling against him.and i dont know what time i am coming hoem tonight. who knows, i could be ome for midnight. or it can be late, i honestly dont know.
BUT the thing is basically this. he will call me at like say, 10:30, right after he gets home from work and is ALREADY mad at me because he anticipates me comign home late or being drunk or whatever. andyway so he will call me and yell at me for no reason whatsoever. he will be like "hey, you better get home by a normal hour and not be all wasted, although you proabably already are"
and only the people who are out with me at hte moment realize how nasty he can really be.
he is just obsessed with telling me what time i can be home and THAT is what makes me not want to be home... why would i want to go home to just get yelled at and be in a fight?
thats the way i see it.
if he were to call me like most husbands and be like "i hope you have a fun time toight, please be home early" then i most likely WOULD.
it may look liek its all my fault, like im this crazy disrespectful party animal, but im really not.
I rarely go out without DH and if I do, I make sure he is going out with his friends or doing something. This way he is not obsessed with what I am doing or what time I am coming home. It just makes it easier on everyone. Oh and my DH would not be calling me to make sure I am having a good time...lol. He would be secretly wishing it sucks so I would come home. 
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| Posted 7/2/07 2:58 PM |
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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by MrsF519
Posted by Jesaroo
Posted by Ophelia
so, are you "rebelling" against his control?
either way, you need to work it out for the long haul, not just the time being.
he may me truly opposed to his wife EVER being out that late..and then you have to make a decision.
I know you are fairly young...can I ask how old your dh is?
no i'm defiantly not rebelling against him.and i dont know what time i am coming hoem tonight. who knows, i could be ome for midnight. or it can be late, i honestly dont know.
BUT the thing is basically this. he will call me at like say, 10:30, right after he gets home from work and is ALREADY mad at me because he anticipates me comign home late or being drunk or whatever. andyway so he will call me and yell at me for no reason whatsoever. he will be like "hey, you better get home by a normal hour and not be all wasted, although you proabably already are"
and only the people who are out with me at hte moment realize how nasty he can really be.
he is just obsessed with telling me what time i can be home and THAT is what makes me not want to be home... why would i want to go home to just get yelled at and be in a fight?
thats the way i see it.
if he were to call me like most husbands and be like "i hope you have a fun time toight, please be home early" then i most likely WOULD.
it may look liek its all my fault, like im this crazy disrespectful party animal, but im really not.
I rarely go out without DH and if I do, I make sure he is going out with his friends or doing something. This way he is not obsessed with what I am doing or what time I am coming home. It just makes it easier on everyone. Oh and my DH would not be calling me to make sure I am having a good time...lol. He would be secretly wishing it sucks so I would come home.
same here
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| Posted 7/2/07 3:00 PM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
Posted by pmpkn087
IMO, when you are married, there is no reason to be hanging out drinking once a week with your friends. Before I had DS, I used to go out with my friends about once a month and hang out until 2 or 3. That is more than enough time to hang out with your friends and have fun. Call me a prude, but from 9pm until 5 am is a really long time to be drinking. I didn't realize until I stopped doing it. Even at 3 am, you are so wasted and won't miss much if you leave.
Also, I really don't think it has anything to do with age, but where you are in your life. It almost sounds as if hanging out with your friends is more important than hanging out with DH.
i wasnt drinking from 9-5.
we were at a benfit. i had some water adn the drinsk that i DID have i drank slow. i was only buzzed when i got home last week.
thats just for the record.
we are different i guess. we both love to go out and stay out late. when im with dh we stay out until 5-6am. when i am out with friends i am usually home by 2-3am.
this benefit was the exception.
i wish he would hang out with us. he is always invited. and i htink even if he WANTS to he wont just so he can be mad at me. i swear he loves to be mad at me.
if he stayed out late with friends i would ENCOURAGE it, since he never hangs out with anyone.
Please don't feel like I am attacking you, because that is not my intention. But, you sound very similar to how I used to sound a few years ago. I would go out with my friends untill all hours, I would invite DH and he didn't want to come. I would think "well, his loss, I'm still going to do whatever I want." And, he would say he was fine with me going out all the time but then he would make comments about me being home late and drunk off my rocker.
Well, I didn't realize how unfair I was being to him until I stopped. I took a step back and realized how I was making DH feel. It's not that he wanted to control me and tell me when to be home, he just wanted his wife home with him and not out with g-d knows who, meeting random people. He was worried. Which I'm sure you DH is worried as well. Perhaps he doesn't want to come out because he knows that he has responsibilities the next day. Maybe he feels that the times that he goes out and hangs out with you is enough going out to party.
Again, I am not attacking or judging you, but I'm not sure you realize that you are being unfair to DH as well. I'm sure it's not that you are going out and staying out late, my feeling is that it happens pretty frequently and he is at a different point in his life.
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| Posted 7/2/07 3:00 PM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
It depends....if the whole week has gone by and we haven't spent time together b/c we were busy working, etc, then ANY free night is spent together. Also, before we make plans with others, we ask if the other would mind. It might sound silly, but I think this is respectful to each other. Also, my DH isn't the type of guy who would say, "No. I want you home." Vice versa. But we still ask, if nothing more than to let the other person know and be sure it's cool. Now, if I go out with a girlfriend and it's a weeknight, I am home by like 10. Mostly b/c I am tired. If it's Sat, maybe 12...not b/c we have "curfews"--but b/c he's my man and I'm his mama and we can't wait to get in bed together! ha ha!
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| Posted 7/2/07 3:01 PM |
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mka06
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1079 total posts
Name:
Melis
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
during the week - the latest i'd stay out is probably 12 and really, i never do that. it would probably be more like 9 or 10 realistically.
it seems like you are ticked that your dh anticipates that you will do something wrong and gives you a hard time about it - before you have the chance to actually make a choice on what you are going to do. i think you need to talk to him about that. if you are going to get yelled at before you drink a lot and/or stay out late - it's almost like you might as well do it - bc you are already being treated like you are guilty of it. am i on the right track?
that being said - i am not saying you should stay out late, drink too much, etc... - i just think it might be the normal human reaction.
i will add tho that imo - 5am is really late to go out w/o ur DH, esp if you know it is going to upset him. i'm glad you have found compromise previously, perhaps you should talk to him before you go out tonight and if he isn't going to go out too, pick a time you can both agree on to end the festivities and head home.
good luck!
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| Posted 7/2/07 3:01 PM |
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