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MrsD1202
LIF Infant
Member since 3/12 148 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Am I a bad mom?
We are starting to plan DS's baptism and I am getting so much criticism about everything that I decide to do. Between the date I pick, to the kind of party I am planning. DS is just about 6 weeks old and people in the family have been complaining that I don't have a date yet! Our immediate family alone consists of about 120 people so I do not want to have a big "party" like people in our family usually do. Also, our church's baptism service is later on (2pm) so I said that on the invite it will say "cake and coffee to follow". Well jeeze, you would think I announced that I murdered someone. Certain people keep saying that I am depriving DS of the celebration that he deserves. Nothing like a guilt trip  Now I'm left feeling like a bad mom for only wanting a small celebration and "jipping" my son.
Vent over
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Posted 3/21/13 11:01 AM  |
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ThreeforTea
Girls just want to have fun..
Member since 5/12 7482 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Am I a bad mom?
word of advice...don't listen to anyone. It's your son, you do whatever you want. And whatever you decide, don't feel guilty about it!!!!!
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:02 AM |
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JDubs
different, not less
Member since 7/09 13160 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
well unless the people in your family are willing to pay for a big party then they can shove it. Do what is right for you guys.. after all isn't the day supposed to be about the baptism itself? I think its perfectly fine if you do just coffee and cake, if it works for you.
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:03 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Am I a bad mom?
Do whatever you feel like and don't let anyone get to you.
I skipped the big first Bday and just had grandparents over the house for cake. it was the best. DS will never have huge parties and I do not feel bad about it one bit. I would much rather take the party money and give it to DS for college fund.
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:04 AM |
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VeeJay
Love baby feet
Member since 2/09 2894 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
Posted by forevermylilgirls
word of advice...don't listen to anyone. It's your son, you do whatever you want. And whatever you decide, don't feel guilty about it!!!!!
This.
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:11 AM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
Posted by forevermylilgirls
word of advice...don't listen to anyone. It's your son, you do whatever you want. And whatever you decide, don't feel guilty about it!!!!!
Agree. At 6 weeks old your DS couldn't care less what type of party he has. Do what you want don't let anyone stress you out. It's your time, money and sanity. No one else has to deal with it but you.
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:12 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
Nothing wrong with cake and coffee!
I honestly think that's a good way to handle the situation.
Agree with above, don't listen!
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:14 AM |
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MrsD1202
LIF Infant
Member since 3/12 148 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Am I a bad mom?
Thank you all for your responses!
I too thought that this was about him being baptized, not about a party. It's amazing how much people want to give their input, I should have learned my lesson after our wedding! Hard enough being a first time mom, then have to deal with this bs on top of it-- from family!
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:19 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
Posted by JDubs
well unless the people in your family are willing to pay for a big party then they can shove it. Do what is right for you guys.. after all isn't the day supposed to be about the baptism itself? I think its perfectly fine if you do just coffee and cake, if it works for you.
 
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:19 AM |
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lynnd126
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2630 total posts
Name:
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Am I a bad mom?
I'm sure I will get flamed for this but my honest opinion is that it's not nice to not feed people after a baptism. I am NOT saying you have to have some elaborate long island style catering hall sit down dinner. I'm not saying you have to spend tons of money. I'm just saying that imo it's appropriate to have a lunch. There's nothing wrong with a couple heros and salads to keep it easy and inexpensive. That's my honest opinion and I'm just putting it out there.
Eta I'm saying that I can see why people close to you like parents would urge that cake and coffee isn't "the right thing to do".
Message edited 3/21/2013 11:26:55 AM.
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:25 AM |
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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
Name:
ETC I LOVE YOU
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
I had very small parties for both my kids. And i still got grief from some family members. I didnt really care. BUT like the pp said I did have a few trays of hot food and salad with little appetizers. It was really inexpensive. By the time the bap is over people are hungry and looking to eat. I would do simple simple simple again like pp said heros.
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:36 AM |
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DeniseMarie
<3
Member since 8/07 10682 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
It's funny how quickly people forget how expensive parties can get, when they are not the ones paying for it. We had immediate family only(our parents and siblings) for DS . For DD we had immediate family but we also invited our friends with kids. We just couldn't afford a huge party. And people have to remember what the day is about - The church is the most important part of the day - not the party!
You have to do what you want to do. You just can't be concerned with what other people want you to do.
And my DD was 5 months when we had her baptism!
You are definitely not a bad mom
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:37 AM |
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
OF COURSE you are not a bad mom!!!! 
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:40 AM |
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JRsMaMa
LIF Adult
Member since 11/07 2044 total posts
Name:
Jake's Mama
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
Posted by forevermylilgirls
word of advice...don't listen to anyone. It's your son, you do whatever you want. And whatever you decide, don't feel guilty about it!!!!!
Exactly this!
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:48 AM |
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MandJZ
Time for Baby #2!
Member since 8/10 4194 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
Posted by lynnd126
I'm sure I will get flamed for this but my honest opinion is that it's not nice to not feed people after a baptism. I am NOT saying you have to have some elaborate long island style catering hall sit down dinner. I'm not saying you have to spend tons of money. I'm just saying that imo it's appropriate to have a lunch. There's nothing wrong with a couple heros and salads to keep it easy and inexpensive. That's my honest opinion and I'm just putting it out there.
Eta I'm saying that I can see why people close to you like parents would urge that cake and coffee isn't "the right thing to do".
Oof. Seriously? It's also not nice to jump on a thread from a new mom who is clearly looking for a bit of support that she isn't getting elsewhere right now and telling her she's not nice to not throw an elaborate party.
Cake and coffee DOES feed people. I'm Jewish so we don't do baptisms but my 5 month old nephew recently had a similar religious ceremony. It was also at 2pm and we did cake, coffee and desserts after and there was PLENTY of food. I don't think people EXPECT meal at that time, especially if the invite specifies.
Also, to the OP, you are very much not a bad parent at all. In fact, your concern is for your immediate family and your DH and that makes you a GOOD parent.
Just a thought: for my nephew's event others contributed some of the desserts (either bought or made, and those who contributed were my parents, my SIL parents, my aunt, and me and DH) which led to a great spread that was gorgeous and delicious. Just another cost-saving idea!
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:49 AM |
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MrsD1202
LIF Infant
Member since 3/12 148 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
Posted by lynnd126
I'm sure I will get flamed for this but my honest opinion is that it's not nice to not feed people after a baptism. I am NOT saying you have to have some elaborate long island style catering hall sit down dinner. I'm not saying you have to spend tons of money. I'm just saying that imo it's appropriate to have a lunch. There's nothing wrong with a couple heros and salads to keep it easy and inexpensive. That's my honest opinion and I'm just putting it out there.
Eta I'm saying that I can see why people close to you like parents would urge that cake and coffee isn't "the right thing to do".
I normally would agree. However, if I don't phrase it "cake and coffee" I have to be prepared for all 120 family members to respond "yes" which is something I can not afford, or accommodate. This is my dilemma. If I let it be know that it is a small celebration to follow, I will most likely be lucky to get half of those people as a "yes". I plan on having small finger foods, appetizers etc regardless. But to have food for all those people, I just can't. On top of that I for want to hunt down all these people for a RSVP so that I can be sure to have enough food
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:52 AM |
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Michi
My Love
Member since 5/05 31600 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
You are not a bad mom!! I am sorry people are making you feel bad. You do what is good for you and YOUR husband, son etc.. If the baptism is at 2 and the "party" is after I don't think there is anything wrong with coffee and cake. Especially if u r putting that on the invite! Technically it is between meals anyway. People can eat before the baptism and then be on there way by 5pm for dinner.
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| Posted 3/21/13 11:57 AM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17789 total posts
Name:
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Am I a bad mom?
You aren't a bad mom - the day is about the event, not the celebration. Do what works for you.
ETA - Get used to hearing opinions on everything you do though - it is going to continue to happen unfortunately.
Message edited 3/21/2013 12:10:47 PM.
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| Posted 3/21/13 12:10 PM |
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lynnd126
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2630 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
Posted by MandJZ
Posted by lynnd126
I'm sure I will get flamed for this but my honest opinion is that it's not nice to not feed people after a baptism. I am NOT saying you have to have some elaborate long island style catering hall sit down dinner. I'm not saying you have to spend tons of money. I'm just saying that imo it's appropriate to have a lunch. There's nothing wrong with a couple heros and salads to keep it easy and inexpensive. That's my honest opinion and I'm just putting it out there.
Eta I'm saying that I can see why people close to you like parents would urge that cake and coffee isn't "the right thing to do".
Oof. Seriously? It's also not nice to jump on a thread from a new mom who is clearly looking for a bit of support that she isn't getting elsewhere right now and telling her she's not nice to not throw an elaborate party.
Cake and coffee DOES feed people. I'm Jewish so we don't do baptisms but my 5 month old nephew recently had a similar religious ceremony. It was also at 2pm and we did cake, coffee and desserts after and there was PLENTY of food. I don't think people EXPECT meal at that time, especially if the invite specifies.
Also, to the OP, you are very much not a bad parent at all. In fact, your concern is for your immediate family and your DH and that makes you a GOOD parent.
Just a thought: for my nephew's event others contributed some of the desserts (either bought or made, and those who contributed were my parents, my SIL parents, my aunt, and me and DH) which led to a great spread that was gorgeous and delicious. Just another cost-saving idea!
You got from my response that I was saying she's not nice to not throw an elaborate party? 
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| Posted 3/21/13 12:28 PM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7179 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Am I a bad mom?
If the invite says coffee and cake, then the guests can eat before they come. They will be able to prepare accordingly.
If the ceremony is at 2, they will have eaten lunch already and probably won't need dinner until 6.
If they don't like it, they can stay home!
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| Posted 3/21/13 12:45 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Am I a bad mom?
I totally hear what you're saying and I don't think you're wrong. That said, I know if I tried to give our family coffee and cake it would not go over well. That is the reason that we had a tiny baptism for DD and will again for DS. We invited immediate family only, no friends and had about 15 total go out for lunch afterwards.
I think saying you're depriving a baby, who has absolutely no idea what is going on, is absurd. Ultimately, do what you're comfortable with and can afford. If people try to make you feel bad about it, tell them they can pay.
eta- DS is 7 weeks and we don't officially know when and where we're having his baptism. You're not the only one! 
Message edited 3/21/2013 12:55:33 PM.
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| Posted 3/21/13 12:53 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
1. Not throwing a big party doesn't make ANYONE a bad mother.
2. Not throwing a big party because you know you can't afford it actually makes you a GOOD mother. There is no prize given out for most amount of debt incurred to celebrate your children.
3. If people will only come because they're expecting a free meal, and will in turn, NOT attend because there will only be "light refreshments" (which is how I would phrase it personally, not that you asked) then those people kind of SUCK and would be all the more reason to keep it small. They should come because they want to celebrate your son's special day.
People, family especially, are always going to have opinions. You need to learn how to ignore them, especially about things like parties.
Message edited 3/21/2013 12:54:59 PM.
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| Posted 3/21/13 12:54 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
You are fine. Do cake and coffee and put the money you would spend on an over the top party for him in a bank account!
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| Posted 3/21/13 12:57 PM |
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DreamComeTrue
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/11 541 total posts
Name:
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Am I a bad mom?
After all the drama grown adults caused at DSs baptism party, I WISH I only did coffee and cake!
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| Posted 3/21/13 1:07 PM |
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cowgirlkate
Twins times TWO!
Member since 1/11 1197 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I a bad mom?
We decided only family at their christening because the cost was killing us. We put money in their bank account instead. They will appreciate the money we've saved for them more than a memory they won't even have.
ETA: Whether you spend $20 or $2000 people are always going to have their negative opinions.
Message edited 3/21/2013 1:19:02 PM.
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| Posted 3/21/13 1:13 PM |
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