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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
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..being a mommy and being a wife!
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A different take on leaving a child in the car
With all the recent posts, I wanted to share a blog that someone shared on FB a few months ago.
This woman made the split second decision to leave her son in the car while she ran into a store really quickly. It's something we have all fantasized about doing at one point or another. Just 2 seconds in and out. It's not hot out. I can see the car from the store. It's just such a hassle to get a non compliant toddler in and out of the car seat.
It wasn't hot out. Her son didn't die. Her son wasn't kidnapped or car jacked. In fact nothing at all happened to her son, thank God.
But it was still a life changing decision for her. I thought this was a good read.
The day I left my son in the car
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Posted 6/30/14 2:53 PM  |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
DONT DO it!!! Just don't do it...nothing is that important...nothing...except for the life of your child. I see it all the time...when I am dropping my child off to school and I have been hauling my sons car seat in and out of the school when he was younger or getting him in and out when he started getting older in all sorts of weather ...while the other moms just parked...left the car running dropped their older child off and came back to their car and waiting child. I cannot understand this ...there are so many things that could happen. I could never forgive myself.
Stop being selfish people and put your kids safety first. So its a little inconvenient ....so its more convenient to just park and run in BUT the ramifications can be life changing so its not worth it.
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| Posted 6/30/14 2:57 PM |
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Aries14
Can't plan life...
Member since 8/08 2860 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by beachgirl
DONT DO it!!! Just don't do it...nothing is that important...nothing...except for the life of your child. I see it all the time...when I am dropping my child off to school and I have been hauling my sons car seat in and out of the school when he was younger or getting him in and out when he started getting older in all sorts of weather ...while the other moms just parked...left the car running dropped their older child off and came back to their car and waiting child. I cannot understand this ...there are so many things that could happen. I could never forgive myself.
Stop being selfish people and put your kids safety first. So its a little inconvenient ....so its more convenient to just park and run in BUT the ramifications can be life changing so its not worth it.
I agree.. it's just never ok.
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| Posted 6/30/14 3:01 PM |
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mommyof3girls
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 2773 total posts
Name:
Sue
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by beachgirl
DONT DO it!!! Just don't do it...nothing is that important...nothing...except for the life of your child. I see it all the time...when I am dropping my child off to school and I have been hauling my sons car seat in and out of the school when he was younger or getting him in and out when he started getting older in all sorts of weather ...while the other moms just parked...left the car running dropped their older child off and came back to their car and waiting child. I cannot understand this ...there are so many things that could happen. I could never forgive myself.
Stop being selfish people and put your kids safety first. So its a little inconvenient ....so its more convenient to just park and run in BUT the ramifications can be life changing so its not worth it.
Agree 100%. My daughter was late 2 days of the school year just because it took me some time to get the baby out of the carseat and take her with me. I rather be late then have something happen. My kids are my life and if something were to happen to them on my watch, I would never forgive myself. Nothing is more important to me than kids.
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| Posted 6/30/14 3:01 PM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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A different take on leaving a child in the car
When we were younger, my family would leave us in the car on our own all the time for a few minutes at a time... BUT we were probably 8 (me) & 5 (younger brother) at the youngest. I was old enough & knew how to unbuckle my brother from his booster seat (God forbid if something happened) and we were usually left the keys with the doors locked, so we could listen to music. We were never toddlers and it was never for more than 5 minutes, tops.
With that said, we were older, not a toddler. And back then, no one would have thought twice about it, no one ever did. You wouldn't have seen a passing bystander call the cops because of it. Times are totally different now, the world is totally different.
ETA: back then we would sit in the backseat of the station wagon (you know the way back seat, where you were looking out the rear windshield) and half the time we had our seatbelts on, half the time we didn't.
Message edited 6/30/2014 3:11:08 PM.
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| Posted 6/30/14 3:08 PM |
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Ayne11
Yep
Member since 1/09 18021 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
I read this a few weeks ago, this is just so horrible.
Last week a man left his 2 year old daughter in the car at the gas station pump to run in and pay, and some asshole hopped in the car and drove off WITH THE BABY IN THE CAR! She was found like 15 minutes later wandering around in an intersection miles way. I just can't. 
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| Posted 6/30/14 3:11 PM |
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siren
LIF Infant
Member since 8/07 219 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
While I would never leave my little guy alone in the car, I do have to agree with the tone of the article there is a trend in our society about watching children every second. Great example from this weekend:
We are rebuilding our deck and my husband and I went to home depot to pick up some wood. We took our son, who is 2 and a half with us. We had him belted in a cart (b/c he is a bit of a runner at the moment) and we also had one of those carts that is good to move large pieces of wood. We parked the cart with my son right next to the cart for the wood and I was helping my husband move the pieces of wood into the non-child holding cart (b/c it's not possible for one person to move a 2x6x16 foot piece of wood by themselves. We could see my son the whole time and when we saw a forklift coming down our aisle, we moved the cart with my son out of the way. One of the Home Depot workers proceeded to yell at us for not watching our kid - so, by definition, not having my hands on the cart and being right next to him is "not watching our kid?" We kind of blew him off, but it was a little unnerving!
Anyway, there's my 2 cents....
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| Posted 6/30/14 4:26 PM |
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Deenintendo
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/11 847 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Many years ago probably 40 or so my mom had left my brother and sister in the car to go into the deli to get cold cuts...as she's giving the guy her order he sudden
Y jumps over the counter and runs out the door and my mom was was yelling what about my cold cuts...he was running to her car because the kids had un buckled themselves and accidentally hit the car into neutral and it started rolling back and would have rolled onto a busy road...thank god the deli clerk saw it...after my mm telling me that story I've never even thought of just leaving my kids in the car to just run in any where even if just for a minute
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| Posted 6/30/14 5:37 PM |
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
As tempting as it may be I just couldn't do it, not even if the car was in my sight the whole time. There are so many things that can go wrong and happen to our kids that aren't in our control so if I can control a situation, I will.
Do I think the person reporting it over re-acted and think making this a legal issue was over the top? Yes.
What would I do if I saw the same thing? I am not sure TBH.
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| Posted 6/30/14 5:56 PM |
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peanutbutter2
Carpe diem!
Member since 11/10 5287 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
When my brothers were little (2 and 4ish...so 35+ years ago), my mom left them in the car with my Nan to go into the bank. The car was running.
One of my brothers unbuckled himself, climbed into the front seat, and started pressing down on the gas. My Nan had never driven, so she didn't know what to do. The car eventually hit a curb or something and stopped...it was going extremely slowly so no one was hurt.
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| Posted 6/30/14 5:57 PM |
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Jugglemom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/12 809 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
I think it is sad that a person like this gets investigated and prosecuted and yet so many children whose lives are in real danger everyday (and are badly abused or killed) slip through the cracks.
The fact is child abduction by strangers is an incredibly rare occurrence. Of course, it happens and if it happens to you it might as we'll be everyone but the fact remains that it will not happen to 99% of the population.
I have left my 5 and 7 year olds in a car for 1-2 min max and I would do it again. If I thought they were in danger I would never do it but I am not going to live thinking about some imaginary danger that would never actualize itself under those circumstances.
The world is not really any crueler than 40 years ago we just hear about every little incident now.
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| Posted 6/30/14 6:42 PM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
I think abduction is just one thing that could happen to your child. What about your child getting out of the seat and getting out of the car or turning the key over? What about a car running into your parked car? What about your car catching fire? What about? I know things happen every day while we do our best to prevent them but I just honestly believe this is negligence and its not necessary. Its done out of convenience and laziness pure and simple not out of the welfare of the child. People nowadays want everything to be convenient and to be quick...so having to unbuckle a child or two does slow us down and inconvenience some people and they don't like it but you know what just do it and don't have to deal with the consequences afterwards if something terrible were to happen.
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| Posted 6/30/14 7:44 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
See I would never do it...as tempting as it is...because I am just too paranoid.
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| Posted 6/30/14 7:45 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by beachgirl
I think abduction is just one thing that could happen to your child. What about your child getting out of the seat and getting out of the car or turning the key over? What about a car running into your parked car? What about your car catching fire? What about? I know things happen every day while we do our best to prevent them but I just honestly believe this is negligence and its not necessary. Its done out of convenience and laziness pure and simple not out of the welfare of the child. People nowadays want everything to be convenient and to be quick...so having to unbuckle a child or two does slow us down and inconvenience some people and they don't like it but you know what just do it and don't have to deal with the consequences afterwards if something terrible were to happen.
So true. I pulled into a gas station the other nearly on empty and the pumps weren't working. I was not happy since there wasn't anywhere else close by but I left. It would never even be tempting to me to leave DD in the car to go pay for gas.
I read the article a few weeks ago and from what I remember it was a 4 year old who didn't want to get out of the car at the moment. Sorry, but it seems like too many parents these days let their kids make the rules. No way a 4 year old should be swaying your decision in this situation. Parents need to get back in charge.
I am glad that this woman was brave enough to share her story so maybe a parent who might consider leaving their kid for a second will rethink it (as if all these horrible news stories lately aren't enough).
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| Posted 6/30/14 7:54 PM |
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sfp0701
Liam's Mommy!
Member since 1/07 9764 total posts
Name:
Tricia
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
That was a really interesting article. Thanks for sharing.
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| Posted 6/30/14 8:05 PM |
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Jugglemom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/12 809 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by beachgirl
I think abduction is just one thing that could happen to your child. What about your child getting out of the seat and getting out of the car or turning the key over? What about a car running into your parked car? What about your car catching fire? What about? I know things happen every day while we do our best to prevent them but I just honestly believe this is negligence and its not necessary. Its done out of convenience and laziness pure and simple not out of the welfare of the child. People nowadays want everything to be convenient and to be quick...so having to unbuckle a child or two does slow us down and inconvenience some people and they don't like it but you know what just do it and don't have to deal with the consequences afterwards if something terrible were to happen.
Again, I have only left my child for like a minute or 2 for something like putting mail in a mailbox etc. I would never leave a key in the car and a car that is not turned on does not really spontaneously combust (not to mention that my car is diesel which is not a combustible). My child is almost 8 (very different from a 1 year old) and can handle being in the car for again, a max of 2 min at the very most.
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| Posted 6/30/14 8:14 PM |
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seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
I'll admit. Something about that article doesn't sit right with me. It's too strained. She sounds more indignant about what happened to her than she does sorry. It just left me not feeling right.
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| Posted 6/30/14 9:04 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
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DiamondMama
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
I am a very lax parent in most ways, I think, but this is just stupid and negligent.
Message edited 6/30/2014 9:14:06 PM.
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| Posted 6/30/14 9:13 PM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by beachgirl
I think abduction is just one thing that could happen to your child. What about your child getting out of the seat and getting out of the car or turning the key over? What about a car running into your parked car? What about your car catching fire? What about? I know things happen every day while we do our best to prevent them but I just honestly believe this is negligence and its not necessary. Its done out of convenience and laziness pure and simple not out of the welfare of the child. People nowadays want everything to be convenient and to be quick...so having to unbuckle a child or two does slow us down and inconvenience some people and they don't like it but you know what just do it and don't have to deal with the consequences afterwards if something terrible were to happen.
But as Lenore Skenazy states in her interview with the "criminal," the most dangerous thing she did that day was to drive the kid in the car.
Also, I disagree with the "people nowadays" comment because I believe people a couple of decades ago were MUCH more likely to leave their kid in the car.
I don't think the point of the article was that the author would never make the same decision again because she now realizes it's too dangerous, it's because she's worried about getting "caught," etc.
In fact, I think one of the main points (among several) here is...
“There’s been this huge cultural shift. We now live in a society where most people believe a child can not be out of your sight for one second, where people think children need constant, total adult supervision. This shift is not rooted in fact. It’s not rooted in any true change. It’s imaginary. It’s rooted in irrational fear.”
Would I leave my 4 year old alone in a car to go into a store like that? No. But once I ran into DD when the car was parked in front of the store when there was no line--leaving my 8 and 7 year olds for 90 seconds. I wonder if I should preemptively submit to 100 hours of community service and parenting classes...
Message edited 6/30/2014 9:18:41 PM.
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| Posted 6/30/14 9:17 PM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Also, what if you saw a 9 year old riding his bike alone around the block? Is that grounds for prosecution? Where is the line drawn?
As for the "Good Samaritan," if he was so concerned, where was he? Did he stay to make sure the kid was ok? If it was truly five minutes or whatever, was calling the cops REALLY necessary?
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| Posted 6/30/14 9:22 PM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by Eireann
Also, what if you saw a 9 year old riding his bike alone around the block? Is that grounds for prosecution? Where is the line drawn?
As for the "Good Samaritan," if he was so concerned, where was he? Did he stay to make sure the kid was ok? If it was truly five minutes or whatever, was calling the cops REALLY necessary?
Yes I wondered - does any one know the law in NY about any legal/criminal ramifications of leaving your child unattended for a brief time like in the author's case? I thought the article was very interesting and I 100% agree that our society is way too hovering over children. Between the constant purell'ing, interfering in playground politics, etc, I think kids get the message that they can't solve their own problems and the world is a terribly dangerous place. And if you don't take that stance, you are likely looked at as a bad parent.
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| Posted 6/30/14 11:40 PM |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
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Me speaks pirate!
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by seaside
I'll admit. Something about that article doesn't sit right with me. It's too strained. She sounds more indignant about what happened to her than she does sorry. It just left me not feeling right.
Interesting article!
ITA... She talks about relying on the convenience of the village to help her raise her child.. then you open yourself up to "the village" taking actions you may not agree with... another example of a parent who depends on that village, but if she doesn't agree with actions or advice it's: "my kid, my rules". She brought this on herself.. she knew what she was doing was wrong but she didn't want to deal with his tantrums so she let her 4 year old call the shots.
I also find it interesting that people are saying the bystander was wrong for calling the cops. Post after post (especially recently with all that's been going on with kids/dogs being left in hot cars while people are at work or run into the store) people keep saying "oh why didn't anyone intervene? why didn't anyone do anything?"... Well, this person did something and people think it was wrong. So because this lady runs in for a few minutes it excuses leaving the child in the car in this case but not all others? Sure, it was probably extreme of the bystander to call the cops if she was really in/out as she states, but she knew better and unfortunately, this bystander taught her a lesson in the process. Perhaps the bystander was sick of seeing kids left in cars for the umpteenth time that week and wanted to teach her a lesson, who knows... Although it doesn't sound like she's remorseful for having done it, just scared of getting caught again... either way I think she got the message.. and maybe now she'll think twice before leaving the kid so she won't be inconvenienced.
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| Posted 7/1/14 12:15 AM |
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Chatham-Chick
*********************
Member since 5/05 10311 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by Deenintendo
Many years ago probably 40 or so my mom had left my brother and sister in the car to go into the deli to get cold cuts...as she's giving the guy her order he sudden
Y jumps over the counter and runs out the door and my mom was was yelling what about my cold cuts...he was running to her car because the kids had un buckled themselves and accidentally hit the car into neutral and it started rolling back and would have rolled onto a busy road...thank god the deli clerk saw it...after my mm telling me that story I've never even thought of just leaving my kids in the car to just run in any where even if just for a minute
off topic, but most cars these days are designed so that you need to step on the brake before shifting out of park...because of the reason stated above.
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| Posted 7/1/14 12:57 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
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DiamondMama
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by Eireann
Would I leave my 4 year old alone in a car to go into a store like that? No. But once I ran into DD when the car was parked in front of the store when there was no line--leaving my 8 and 7 year olds for 90 seconds. I wonder if I should preemptively submit to 100 hours of community service and parenting classes...
I only have a 2 yr old but I have worked w children my whole life and 8 and 7 to me are not babies, I could certainly see running in to DD in plain sight of them.
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| Posted 7/1/14 6:43 AM |
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JenandMikey
life is good =)
Member since 5/07 4216 total posts
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We're so blessed!
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by MC09
Posted by seaside
I'll admit. Something about that article doesn't sit right with me. It's too strained. She sounds more indignant about what happened to her than she does sorry. It just left me not feeling right.
Interesting article!
ITA... She talks about relying on the convenience of the village to help her raise her child.. then you open yourself up to "the village" taking actions you may not agree with... another example of a parent who depends on that village, but if she doesn't agree with actions or advice it's: "my kid, my rules". She brought this on herself.. she knew what she was doing was wrong but she didn't want to deal with his tantrums so she let her 4 year old call the shots.
I also find it interesting that people are saying the bystander was wrong for calling the cops. Post after post (especially recently with all that's been going on with kids/dogs being left in hot cars while people are at work or run into the store) people keep saying "oh why didn't anyone intervene? why didn't anyone do anything?"... Well, this person did something and people think it was wrong. So because this lady runs in for a few minutes it excuses leaving the child in the car in this case but not all others? Sure, it was probably extreme of the bystander to call the cops if she was really in/out as she states, but she knew better and unfortunately, this bystander taught her a lesson in the process. Perhaps the bystander was sick of seeing kids left in cars for the umpteenth time that week and wanted to teach her a lesson, who knows... Although it doesn't sound like she's remorseful for having done it, just scared of getting caught again... either way I think she got the message.. and maybe now she'll think twice before leaving the kid so she won't be inconvenienced.
Amen!!!!!! I feel the exact same way....and I voiced this same feeling on the other thread when everyone seemed to feel that someone should have stepped in especially the daycare as if it should be the daycares responsibility to remind parents to dropoff their children....I truly believe that the "it takes a village" motto is damaging to being a responsible parent ....you end up believing that everyone shares the responsibility of taking care of and raising your child but then you get furious when a fellow parent has to reprimand your child for bullying another at a park for example bc you're on your phone not watching your child ....so "the village" needs to mind their own business during scenarios such as the one I gave above but "the village" needs to be there front and center to get your child from harms way when you're getting your nails done and your kid runs into traffic  its a definite fine line there
Message edited 7/1/2014 8:14:04 AM.
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| Posted 7/1/14 8:10 AM |
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