Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

MY BFF is awesome. She was born to be a mom. Has a ton of nieces and nephews that she adores but she is desperate to have her own child. She has the worst luck with men. Never married. Doesn't currently have a BF. She is 39 now & has PCOS and is starting to freak out. Afraid she may also have difficulty conceiving. She's almost at the point that she wants to just have a baby on her own. Anyone in this position or know someone who is? Thoughts? What advice would you give her?

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

Working in the city I know many women like this. 6 of them went the sperm bank route and don't regret it at all.

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

She should get on it ASAP. If you go on the infertility board you will probably get more responses. Many woman go the sperm donor route. She could do an IUI with donor sperm.

Re: Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

I have worked with a few women who have done this. They all had exceptionally high paying jobs and close family support. I think they are happy they did not let not having a partner limit their fertility choices but it is quite difficult balancing a job and a kid if you don't have family support and a great, understanding boss.

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

I have 2 friends that are single moms by choice - both went through sperm banks and both were in their early 40's. They both know it was the best thing they've ever done. They both lived in the city when they had their babies (2 yrs ago and 6 mos ago) but one moved to LI to be closer to her family who is very helpful with the baby

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

I have a bunch of friends who have done it. I see nothing wrong and think about it for #2

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

A girl at work did. Her SO of 10 years told her one day that he doesn't want kids so they broke up and she used a sperm bank. Her daughter just turned 1. She is in her early 30s

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

I know someone casually who went that route. Her child is 7 and is a great kid. If she really wants to do it on her own, she should.

Re: Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

I think the biggest factor is affording childcare as a single income household with no option to have a stay at home parent. She would need to be able to swing the 20k -ish for infant daycare (unless they had family help). Also no partner to split sick days with - which will be inevitable with a baby - she will have to miss days of work. So in the absence of free family help, she would need a high paying, yet flexible job. Also I wonder about the chance a child will mourn not having a dad. HOWEVER - love makes a family, primarily. People have crap dads and moms, absentee dads etc. I have seen many dysfunctional traditional family units and have no trouble believing a stable loving one parent household is a much better situation than many eff'd up traditional families.

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

I know someone! Had a baby at 40. Went sperm bank route. She's never been happier. Of course it's not an easy road but EVERYONE faces challenges, single, married, rich, poor it doesn't matter. She's lucky to have a very supportive parents and family who are very active in her daughter's life. She swears it's best decision she's ever made. I feel like it's not something anyone would regret. On the other hand, I know an older women in her late sixties who never had children BC she did not find the right partner and she has opened up about having some regrets about not having a family now.

If she wants it, she should do it! She'll adjust her life to make it work one way or another.

And you never know what life might bring. Maybe she'll meet the Mr. Right after having a child. Not that having a husband / dad is the end all be all, but just saying just because she has a child doesn't mean the other more traditional family "dream/vision" has to die.

Message edited 2/21/2016 11:09:11 AM.

Re: Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

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Message edited 3/7/2016 3:14:02 PM.

Re: Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

If she's prepared to be a single mom, then she absolutely should! You should post on the Infertility board. There are a few girls on there who have gone through something similar, one who is going through treatment right now. They might be able to give you more insight.

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

I have a friend that did this and it was the best thing that ever happened to her. Despite all the obstacles she will never ever regret having the baby, but she may regret never doing it at all. I say supporter all you can and encourage her to do what she thinks is best for herself.

Re: Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

Wow, thanks everyone for the feedback! I will pass the info on. I don't know anyone who has done this. Very interesting to hear how many of you do!

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

I don't know anyone who has done it but I certain would if I were single and wanted a baby.

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

I don't know anyone personally but if I were still single and childless I would definitely seriously consider it. Good luck to your friend!

Re: Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

Re: Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

A friend of mine did it. She was 42 when she had her DD. She is the happiest I have seen her in years. She has supportive parents and family that help her when she needs.

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

One of my managers did it. She has two. Her parents help her a lot. She's younger though. But she had no SO and it's something she wanted and she's very happy.

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

2 friends, one 41 and one 42... So happy, lots of family support as many others said, and totally supported by everyone who knows them! No regrets

Re: Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

Someone on the IF board is doing this right now.

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

Think of how many people have a baby and then get a divorce. In many circumstances where things aren't amicable or the ex doesn't give $, it's it would be similar.

Message edited 2/22/2016 8:56:36 AM.

Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

I have two friends who are single moms by choice. Looking at them as inspiration, if I were in that situation I would totally do it.

Re: Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?

If it's something she wants then she should absolutely go for it. A friend of mine is going through this right now.

Re: Getting older and wants a baby but no SO. Thoughts?