Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Show your DH this post...you pretty much state your case and back it up w all types of reasons why you feel this way, I think you should pretty much say to your DH verbatim what you wrote...

coming from someone who is BFing, and who was 100% set on BFing from day 1, I can tell you that I've had maaaany moments where I wanted to give up. You have to be more than 110% devoted to doing this, its hard, *mentally* as well as physically.

Don't worry yourself sick over whether or not you'll do it...just talk it over w your DH and hopefully you can then relax

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

When I told my mom I was planning on BFing - at least trying it in the beginning - she was like why would you want to do that? I never BF you guys, only bottle fed So I think if that's your decision and you are comfortable with it, then so be it!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I understand completely-although DH wasn't adamant about it, he raised the question and we talked about it and ultimately I decided not to.

I understand your desire to get on the same page with your husband. If you can't get there and you can't get to a compromise, then I think you get to make the final choice as it is your body and I hope your husband can support you.

I also want to add that there is nothing wrong with you for not wanting to BF. There is nothing wrong with you for not even wanting to "give it a try" as many suggested.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

You have to do what is best for you and your baby. If that is what you choose to do, then screw everybody else! It is a personal decision, period! GL, I am sure your baby will completely content!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

marisa if the idea of BFing is stressing you out this much, then that's all you need to tell your DH. explain to him that if you are stressed and uncomfortable then the baby will be stressed and uncomfortable and NO ONE wants that.

tell him i said that as much as he wants what is best for the baby he needs to understand that what he should want the MOST is a happy mommy, becasue happy mommy = happy baby!!

please don't feel the least bit guilty about your decision. BFing is not for everyone, and anyone that makes you feel bad about that is NOT a good person.

plus there are a TON of babies (right here on LIF even!) that were exclusively formula fed and are happy, content, and don't get sick any more than BF babies do.

best of luck, you are going to be a great mommy.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Posted by MarisaK

For the record, my DH is not a tyrant and I'm not 'aftraid' of him like he's going to scream and yell and demand I do this or something .........
It's b/c he's NOT that way which makes me feel so bad to 'disappoint' him - KWIM??

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Don't feel bad at all. It is your body and ultimately your decision. You need to sit down with him and tell him your concerns. And point out that there are sometimes that even with the best of intentions that BFing just doesn't work. And for whatever reason that you decide not to do it it should be ok.
What I would suggest though is making sure to stay clear of the lactation counselors in the hospital. When I had my DD and tried BFing and formula, they made me feel like such a horrible person for giving her formula. And in the end i wound up not being able to BF and used all formula and my DD is 8 now and perfectly healthy and happy. Ultimately it's your decision. Do what's right for you.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Posted by CaseyGirl

When I told my mom I was planning on BFing - at least trying it in the beginning - she was like why would you want to do that? I never BF you guys, only bottle fed So I think if that's your decision and you are comfortable with it, then so be it!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

There are plenty of happy and healthy FF babies in the world. Stop putting pressure on yourself. Once your baby is born and your DH sees what goes into caring for a newborn, hopefully he will change his attitude and leave you alone about the BF issue.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Marisa, I am with you. I have no interest in doing it and for many of the same reasons. I have decided that unless I feel a strong urge to do it after giving birth, I am simply not going to do it. I sympathize that your DH feels strongly about it. Mine says whatever I want, he's good with. You might have already done this, but what if you tell DH how strongly you feel and how it might stress you to BF in the beginning? He won't want to add extra stress to an already stressful time. If you can express it to him as strongly and eloquently as you did in this post, I think that he will come around. JMHO, but it is ultimately your decision.

I offer you many

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Posted by headoverheels

Posted by MarisaK

For the record, my DH is not a tyrant and I'm not 'aftraid' of him like he's going to scream and yell and demand I do this or something .........
It's b/c he's NOT that way which makes me feel so bad to 'disappoint' him - KWIM??

and i am willing to bet if he knew how stressed you were about not wanting to disappoint him he would do his best to allay those fears! just tell him what you told us, i hope he understands AND is supportive of your decision.

if he gives you a hard time, tell him he can try BFing if he wants

men can breastfeed

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

its your decision....and you should do what you feel most comfortable with.

me personally im pumping because the breast feeding weirds me out.. my lamaze coach said if we dont want to bf/pump to at least consider doing it while you are in the hospital so the baby gets the Colestrum(its only produced the first several days and helps the newborn fight diseases upto 4 months) and will help with the engorgement.... perhaps that could be a compromise between you and dh...

Message edited 3/12/2009 6:15:18 PM.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

As much as your DH may want you to BF, it's your body and your decision. You're the one who will be sleep deprived b/c you have to wake up every few hours to pump. Pumping is a lot of work and it can be really stressful if you're not producing much. You're a slave to the pump and even though someone else can help with the feeding, you typically can't skip pumping sessions b/c you'll be in pain from engorgement and/or it could affect your supply.

BFing is one of the hardest things I've ever done. At the beginning, you barely get any sleep b/c the baby eats so often and it's extremely painful. On top of that, your hormones are all out of whack. I thought about quitting almost every day for the first 4-6 weeks. DH was really pro-BFing and didn't want me to quit. I'm glad he was a good support system b/c it eventually got a lot better. I truly believe that if you're not fully committed to it and don't have a good support system in place, you'll quit.

I hope your DH will support you in whatever you decide. Don't feel guilty for not BFing. It's not for everyone and if you're not comfortable with it, you shouldn't feel forced to BF.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I think this is every womans choice and if youre not ok w/ it than that is ok too.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Don't feel badly about it. I just had my baby a week ago, and a constant source of stress for me is bfing. I am dealing with lots of stress, anxiousness, and bfing just makes everything, for me, that much more difficult. It is tough, bc I want to do it bc she loves it and it has so many benefits, but if it is my sanity vs. some added benefits, I am going for my sanity, which is so importatnt for the baby too. FF babies are just as healthy and you can bond with them just the same. Don't let anyone talk you into something that you don't want to do-- it is a huge commitment, and if you are not totally inot it, it will not work for you. Good luck!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

UPDATE: -

Yeah, that didn't go so well, as I expected. -
As I already knew, my DH thinks I'm being selfish b/c it's not about me and some stupid hang up I have, it's about what's best for the baby -
And my comfort level is irrelevant when it comes to doing what's best for the baby -

He said I can 'do whatever I want' He's 'not having this conversation again'
'I know how he feels about it and he's not discussing it again -

So, basically, it doesn't matter at all if I'm uncomfortable or anxious or miserable - it's what's best for the baby so I should do it regardless of how it makes me feel ......

I knew he was going to be that way about it - How could I NOT want to do what's best for him? How could I even consider putting my 'stupid hang up' before what's 'best for the baby' - How could I possibly be so selfish?

He didn't SAY these exact words, but his words said exactly that - KWIM?

So, yeah, like after all of that I REALLY have a choice ??

So, at 35 weeks I just had my first official melt down - crying hysterically like a jackass .......at's midnight, I've been up since 5:30 AM - I'm exhausted and I can't sleep .......

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I am a huge supporter of BFing but I know how hard it is and I really believe you have to want to do (whether you pump or nurse). In reality if your heart isn't in it solely pumping is going to make you resentful. I wanted to nurse my DD but ended having to pump and finally 7 months in just had to let go of the guilt and stop because I was SO resentful of how time consuming it was.

Honestly at this point I think the best thing is to just let it go. It's not something you have to know right now. The baby may come out and you have have the desire to nurse it (maybe, maybe not), your DH might come around and be fine with formula or you may decide that pumping is just fine. Important thing is that it's not something you have to know right this second so just let it go for now and try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Awwwww! I'm so sorry it went that way! Seriously, I believe that you say he's not a tyrant. I can type some stories that would not paint a pretty pic of DH but I love him dearly and in story telling things seem worse. And it's taking everything not to judge by your side of the story and not want to bop him over the head! What made him such a breast is best expert? Is he getting this from him mom or siblings?

I mean, I'm going to breastfeed but I'm all for doing what's best for you. For the life of me, I cannot understand why he'd be that adiment about you doing so. I was not breastfed and I have no allergies or immune deficiencies. And I was/am so close to my mother that my siblings called me Shadow! What does he think is going to happen to your baby?

You know, in my reading about breastfeeding, it comes up that I should try to find breastfeeding allies, like OB, pediatrician... Maybe you can find formula feeding allies. Not just BTDT moms but a doctor who can sit with you and DH and discuss the new world of formula that it never was when we were babies. I'm not educated or knowlegable myself but geez they say that formula these days is so close to breast milk and have so much going for it.

I really don't know what else to say, yet I've said so much! It's late and for some reason, I'm up too!!!

I truly wish you well with this. And I still want to bop him over the head!

Message edited 3/13/2009 12:52:41 AM.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!!!! I wasn't comfortable with the whole BF subject at first and it was partially because my MIL was against it.... you you even imagine???!! She would tell me it wasn't necessary and it was selfish and the formula is good enough. I felt very uncomfortable with this subject around her. Then I would here it from my mother that it's the best and you have to do it. I wish people would just keep all comments to themselves. If it wasn't about BF, it was about how we would raise our child in an interfaith relationship.....ahhhh!!

Now I'm venting....sorry!!!

ANYWAY, if you not comfortable, they need to understand that!!!!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I didn't do it. People try to make me feel guilty and bad. Formula is expensive blah, blah, blah.

But there are definitely A LOT of PROS to bottlefeeding over breast IMHO.

With our lifestyle as well this is just the most "natural" choice for us and it's worked out wonderfully.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I'll give you some advice as a new Mom who pretty much exclusively pumps for my babies. Once your son gets here-I can almost guarantee that you will not feel this way. You will see his tny little face and be overwhelmed that your DH and you made this perfect little person. You will do ANYTHING for him-anything at all-even if it makes you uncomfortable, causes you pain etc etc. Thats how I felt anyway. I did choose to pump because I was way too impatient to BF-it took them about 45 mins each and then I would have to pump anyway.

To me, the fact that your DH wants you to do it is actually a positive because he will be supporting you and rooting you on. The benefits of breastfeeding are proven and undeniable. I say just play it by ear and see how you feel. No pressure

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

You are being put in a truly difficult spot here.

My advice is do what you need to do for yourself. In the end, the baby will benefit from that. Let me explain....say you give in and try BFing and you are so stressed, tense, upset, etc. about it.....the baby totally gets that vibe. If you decide to pump, all day you'd be thinking about your pumping sessions & it will be eating away at you and yes, making you stressed, tense, upset, etc. The baby will get that vibe. So really in the long run.....your baby *will not be getting the best of you*. Ok so the baby will get the breast milk but will be feeling anxiety all the time. Is it really worth it????!!

I totally understand the disappointing your husband slant. There will be plenty of times to come though where you will want to make a decision one way for the baby and your husband will disagree. You will either have to come to a mutual understanding or agree to disagree & in that respect one of you will be disappointed. There will be many times when you both feel 100% in the right but someone will have to waiver. In this situation, I believe he should be the one to waiver for the good of you individually, your child and your family.

I also want to say that this is coming from a BTDT mom that totally supports BFing. As others have said, it is not for everyone. If I hated it and dreaded it every moment of the day, I would have stopped doing it even though I knew the milk was good for my baby. Sometimes the best laid plans just don't pan out as expected.

Lots of to you in *your* decision making!