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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this bad? "bribing the kids"
Posted by Chai77
Posted by Disneygirl17
Hahhaha testify!!!
I don’t Lucky’s response is too funny. What makes you assume he’s being a stereotypical chauvinistic male who is sitting around on his butt while the wife deals with the kids? That’s an unfair and unkind assumption if you ask me.
Because he is criticizing his wife for how she is handling their child in time sensitive situations that he is not present for.
Maybe he’s present every other minute of the day, but this woman is trying to get herself to work and home after a long day and he is not the one dealing with it. I’m not assuming anything, that’s what he said.
I would be none too pleased if my DH was criticizing my parenting to a bunch of women on a message board when I was doing the best I can, which I’m sure is exactly what his wife is trying to do. To me, that is unkind.
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Posted 5/4/18 7:31 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this bad? "bribing the kids"
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by Chai77
Posted by Disneygirl17
Hahhaha testify!!!
I don’t Lucky’s response is too funny. What makes you assume he’s being a stereotypical chauvinistic male who is sitting around on his butt while the wife deals with the kids? That’s an unfair and unkind assumption if you ask me.
Because he is criticizing his wife for how she is handling their child in time sensitive situations that he is not present for.
Maybe he’s present every other minute of the day, but this woman is trying to get herself to work and home after a long day and he is not the one dealing with it. I’m not assuming anything, that’s what he said.
I would be none too pleased if my DH was criticizing my parenting to a bunch of women on a message board when I was doing the best I can, which I’m sure is exactly what his wife is trying to do. To me, that is unkind.
I feel you are making a lot of sex based assumptions there that are not fair. I think his question is fine and valid and not necessarily overly critical. He is questioning which strategies work best, he didn’t seem to be demonizing his wife’s parenting. All he said was he disagreed with her strategy and they have apparently talked about it.
Maybe his wife is open to other strategies and shares his questions/concerns. Maybe she knows he posted and welcomes the opinions. Their identity is anonymous anyway so not sure why it matters anyway.
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| Posted 5/5/18 7:26 AM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Is this bad? "bribing the kids"
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by Chai77
Posted by Disneygirl17
Hahhaha testify!!!
I don’t Lucky’s response is too funny. What makes you assume he’s being a stereotypical chauvinistic male who is sitting around on his butt while the wife deals with the kids? That’s an unfair and unkind assumption if you ask me.
Because he is criticizing his wife for how she is handling their child in time sensitive situations that he is not present for.
Maybe he’s present every other minute of the day, but this woman is trying to get herself to work and home after a long day and he is not the one dealing with it. I’m not assuming anything, that’s what he said.
I would be none too pleased if my DH was criticizing my parenting to a bunch of women on a message board when I was doing the best I can, which I’m sure is exactly what his wife is trying to do. To me, that is unkind.
Nah. His criticisms are valid and he has a right to ask what he did. What he said is pretty much the same things I say when I complain about my DH's way of handling the kids. If a woman had posted this I highly doubt you would have given her the response you gave him, which is that she should be taking care of the kids then if she is going to complain, as you told him. Totally sexist.
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| Posted 5/5/18 2:12 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this bad? "bribing the kids"
Posted by drpepper318
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by Chai77
Posted by Disneygirl17
Hahhaha testify!!!
I don’t Lucky’s response is too funny. What makes you assume he’s being a stereotypical chauvinistic male who is sitting around on his butt while the wife deals with the kids? That’s an unfair and unkind assumption if you ask me.
Because he is criticizing his wife for how she is handling their child in time sensitive situations that he is not present for.
Maybe he’s present every other minute of the day, but this woman is trying to get herself to work and home after a long day and he is not the one dealing with it. I’m not assuming anything, that’s what he said.
I would be none too pleased if my DH was criticizing my parenting to a bunch of women on a message board when I was doing the best I can, which I’m sure is exactly what his wife is trying to do. To me, that is unkind.
Nah. His criticisms are valid and he has a right to ask what he did. What he said is pretty much the same things I say when I complain about my DH's way of handling the kids. If a woman had posted this I highly doubt you would have given her the response you gave him, which is that she should be taking care of the kids then if she is going to complain, as you told him. Totally sexist.
I most certainly would have said the same thing and yes, it was intended to be half joking.
As a matter of fact, my DH does daycare drop off. I get frustrated when he forgets her water bottle or doesn’t label something but I am in no position to complain because I’m not the one trying to rush out the door with a toddler. I fully support however he chooses to handle his mornings.
We can agree to disagree. The OP got some great advice and I’m sure bribery or no bribery his DD will turn out perfectly fine. That’s my advice-it doesn’t matter. She will not become a sociopath because her mom lets her stop in the store on her way home.
Message edited 5/5/2018 5:13:15 PM.
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| Posted 5/5/18 5:06 PM |
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newlywedT
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/11 793 total posts
Name:
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Is this bad?
Thanks for all the replies.
I do not help in the mornings because the kids will not allow me to. There have been other posts here from mothers who have alluded to the fact that when they are home the kids will not accept help from anyone other than mommy and that is the case.
When mom is home, the kids won't let anyone else change diapers and so on.
As for picking up DD - I wouldn't mind, but I'm still in the office at that time so I am not able to.
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| Posted 5/7/18 1:56 PM |
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newlywedT
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/11 793 total posts
Name:
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Is this bad?
This morning DD wouldn't let my wife leave for work.
She started crying and stood in my wife's way.
We tried explaining that she has to go to work and would be home later in the day, but DD just kept crying loudly.
IF it was up to me, I would have pulled her aside and said "Crying won't help, mommy has to go to work, even if you cry she still has to go. You're a big girl now you should not be crying" and then leave her be.
But my wife took out the ipad and gave it to DD and DD forgot all about it, and when my wife left it went like this:
"mommy has to leave now"
DD - "bye" and went right back to watching the ipad
Part of me is thinking DD threw the tantrum on purpose just so she can get the ipad
Message edited 5/7/2018 2:40:06 PM.
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| Posted 5/7/18 2:22 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Is this bad?
My son is in the spectrum, as part of his ABA therapy, we use a lot of rewards. And now it is conditioned to it. But I got pushed over the edge when I said to him one day that I was proud of his behavior and his response was thank you, now what do I get.
We have since tried to lessen the rewards,
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| Posted 5/7/18 2:25 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Is this bad? "bribing the kids"
Posted by newlywedT
This morning DD wouldn't let my wife leave for work.
She started crying and stood in my wife's way.
We tried explaining that she has to go to work and would be home later in the day, but DD just kept crying loudly.
IF it was up to me, I would have pulled her aside and said "Crying won't help, mommy has to go to work, even if you cry she still has to go. You're a big girl now you should not be crying" and then leave her be.
But my wife took out the ipad and gave it to DD and DD forgot all about it, and when my wife left it went like this:
"mommy has to leave now"
DD - "bye" and went right back to watching the ipad
Part of me is thinking DD threw the tantrum on purpose just so she can get the ipad
Kids are very manipulative, and smarter than we think, so yes, she very well could have been playing you guys!
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| Posted 5/7/18 3:40 PM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this bad? "bribing the kids"
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by newlywedT
This morning DD wouldn't let my wife leave for work.
She started crying and stood in my wife's way.
We tried explaining that she has to go to work and would be home later in the day, but DD just kept crying loudly.
IF it was up to me, I would have pulled her aside and said "Crying won't help, mommy has to go to work, even if you cry she still has to go. You're a big girl now you should not be crying" and then leave her be.
But my wife took out the ipad and gave it to DD and DD forgot all about it, and when my wife left it went like this:
"mommy has to leave now"
DD - "bye" and went right back to watching the ipad
Part of me is thinking DD threw the tantrum on purpose just so she can get the ipad
Kids are very manipulative, and smarter than we think, so yes, she very well could have been playing you guys!
I agree -- my son does the same thing. In the morning he will try anything to get me to stay. The only thing that works is just kissing him and walking out the door. If you do that enough times in a row it works. Once in a while he will start to try to keep me but it is short lived. He ultimately knows i leave regardless -- it is usually harder on me than him in the end. Im sure your wife feels terrible. Not only do we have to get ourselves ready we have to get them ready on top of it... it is sooooo hard.
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| Posted 5/7/18 3:53 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Is this bad? "bribing the kids"
Depends what it is. Some battles are worth fighting. Others.. eh.
I find explaining natural consequences to my DS works well. In your situation for example with brushing his teeth when I want him to, I’d just explain that if he doesn’t brush his teeth now, we won’t have time to read all three of his bedtime books. (Hey, it’s true.) That usually sets a spark under his butt to get moving lol. Telling him to brush his teeth “now” with the motivator being “because I want him to” or because he has to go to bed, would probably just cause him to stall even longer.
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| Posted 5/13/18 6:07 AM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this bad? "bribing the kids"
Posted by PennyCat
Depends what it is. Some battles are worth fighting. Others.. eh.
I find explaining natural consequences to my DS works well. In your situation for example with brushing his teeth when I want him to, I’d just explain that if he doesn’t brush his teeth now, we won’t have time to read all three of his bedtime books. (Hey, it’s true.) That usually sets a spark under his butt to get moving lol. Telling him to brush his teeth “now” with the motivator being “because I want him to” or because he has to go to bed, would probably just cause him to stall even longer.
Smart. I also tell my DS things like -- if you dont you could get cavities and then the dentist will need to do it for you. Haha... im mean.
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| Posted 5/14/18 3:17 PM |
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dianadrw
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 2092 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Is this bad? "bribing the kids"
First off, 4 is a hard age. For us, it was probably the hardest age.
You and your wife need to be a united front in front of your daughter. Trust me, she will sense weakness and exploit it! These little humans are masters at that!! By all means, if you disagree with your wife, do not do it in front of your kid.
As far as who is right and who is wrong here, you both could compromise a bit. Being the lenient parent doesn't serve kids very well, but neither does being a hard ass. My husband and I have the same issue. He's a hard ass and I'm more lenient. It's just our nature. We've worked hard to find a happy medium and be on the same page for DD. It has made a huge difference for us.
ETA: I just wanted to add, all bets are off with the morning routine. You do whatever it takes to get out of the house on time. 
Message edited 5/16/2018 11:11:28 AM.
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| Posted 5/16/18 11:09 AM |
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