Special Needs playground etiquette question

This is something I have been thinking about lately. Most weekends I take my three children to the same local park. One of my sons has both a developmental and physical disability ( mild cerebral palsy and autism). I think it's pretty obvious that he has special needs. His behaviors and language are definitely atypical and he wears leg braces that you can't miss. The park we go to has three large slides and is not over crowded (which is why we go, lol). My son is ALWAYS climbing up the slide. I am a stickler about rules and constantly correct my children when they go up the slide because it's very annoying when your child is waiting to go down the slide and there's another child either climbing up or just hanging around at the bottom with no parent in site. I know this. So my other two boys are easy to correct but my special needs child throws epic, hideous tantrums when I correct him. Imagine the worst autistic tantrum you can and that's pretty much it. He literally kicks me and head butts me when I pull him off the slide.

Here's my question. I think, if I saw a mom in my situation, struggling desperately to correct the behaviors of a child who clearly has special needs,, I would just direct my child to another slide. But every week there's a line of children and parents staring at us, waiting their turn as I struggle repeatedly to remove my child from the slide. If there's a slide not in use I drag him over to that but inevitably other child follow me and it starts again.i don't know. Am I unreasonable to expect ppl to just give me a break? My kid loves the park but I get anxiety about going. I actually declined an invitation to go to another park because of this . My friend thought I was insane for saying " I can't go because C likes to climb up the slide and I can't get get him off without causing a scene."

Just pondering. Every week I just go and pull him off repeatedly but lately it's been getting to me.

Re: Special Needs playground etiquette question

I would let him climb up the slide for what would be his turn, but explain taking turns. Is it possible for you to get a slide for your backyard? Does he understand taking turns? I know near me in NJ there are play spaces that offer special needs play hours.

Message edited 9/25/2016 8:01:26 PM.

Special Needs playground etiquette question

Yes, I would move to another slide. Though if I saw a mom struggling in the situation you describe I would likely ask (gently) if there is anything I can do to help (perhaps not with your special needs child, but the other 2).

I was on the subway the other day and a mom was struggling with her son (maybe about 4 and I'm pretty sure special needs as well) who was throwing an epic tantrum. I asked if I could help with the stroller and when the boy sat down I started to talk to him and tell him about how I don't like the subway, either and this and that. He calmed down and the mom was so grateful.

I think we need to support other moms, especially in situations such as these. Kids aren't easy and all kids throw tantrums, special needs or not. The other parents should understand this and not stand and stare.

Re: Special Needs playground etiquette question

Nope you are not unreasonable. Yes I think common sense is for a mom if she can to direct her kid to another slide. I've done it with my kids (when I don't have my 3rd one in tow).

I've learned though a lot of parents feel awkward probably and don't know what to do so they do nothing. Also, some parents ( a lot I've noticed) DO NOT pay attention to their kids at the playground. This is really annoying to me.

Re: Special Needs playground etiquette question

Re: Special Needs playground etiquette question

Yes, I would say that common sense would dictate for parents to guide their children to another slide. I feel like parents in general just never intervene enough in any sort of public/shared space, regardless of what the situation is. It makes me so mad!

My only other thought just to play devils advocate is that maybe people want to not do anything different for your child. Maybe in their view, bringing their child to another slide would 1) they have a fear that it make you feel bad that their children have to do something different around your child or 2) maybe they are teaching their child acceptance and tolerance.

I also want to say that sometimes it's ok for kids to go up the slide! To me, in the ideal world, kids would celebrate your child climbing up the slide and let your child have his turn by climbing up. That's ultimate inclusion and acceptance. Everyone gets and does what they need.

Re: Special Needs playground etiquette question

Special Needs playground etiquette question

In an ideal world, it would be great if other parents and children went to another slide but that is not going to happen.

I (having been in your position with an autistic daughter) would not let my child climb up the slide at all. She is a black and white thinker as alot of autistic children are and she does not understand that it is ok to do sometimes. So the appropriate way to use the slide is to slide down not climb up. She is now 9 and will not climb up a slide without asking permission first.

And as a side note, don't ever feel bad about your child tantruming. You are being a great mother showing boundaries for your child and that will only help him as he gets older.

Re: Special Needs playground etiquette question

I would totally understand, but if my DS still wants to go on the slide my DS would also have to learn patience. I understand the struggle you're having with teaching DS slide rules, but I don't think it's a big deal to let them climb up the slide either (if the playground didn't have many children there and that's what your DS wants to do).
When my DS has his mind set on something and wants to go on the slide I'd either say to wait patiently (would never give a look like you described at all bc in life it's good to learn to wait your turn and patience like you said) or say go play on something else and come back again when there's less a line.

I think it's also hard for me to picture bc the town playground by me is usually pretty empty so the kids have freedom to do what they want. When more kids come (especially LO's) I then have them not go up the slide or get too crazy. For the most part my boys are pretty passive though and are rule followers.

Re: Special Needs playground etiquette question

I would absolutely direct my kids to just go on another slide if I saw you struggling.

I would not expect a whole line of kids to move to another slide though. That would be unfair for the other kids waiting.

Re: Special Needs playground etiquette question

If I saw you struggling, I would tell you it's fine to let your kid climb the slide and I would take DS to a different slide. There's always going to be a bunch of moms that sit on the bench and chat though. So I'm sure if you just ask the kids at the top to give your son a chance to climb for a few minutes, they would be fine with it.

My son is still small but we went to the playground yesterday and some slightly older boys followed us around and wanted to show DS how everything works. Same with another little girl (some older girls were showing her how to go down the big slide). Most kids are nice and IME they seem eager to please. I'm sure if you were at the bottom and explained to the kids at the top that your son just wants to climb the slide for a few minutes, they would understand and go to a different slide.

Special Needs playground etiquette question

I would def. move my child to another slide.
And I think some moms/dads who take their kids to the playground, don't really pay 100% to what's going on, so they might not even notice that you are having a hard time.

Re: Special Needs playground etiquette question

Special Needs playground etiquette question

I would absolutely direct my child to another slide. Btw, I don't know where you live but in New Jersey there is an amazing play space called we rock the spectrum designed with special needs in mind. They actually have locations all over the country. Their motto is , the place where you never have to say I'm sorry.

Re: Special Needs playground etiquette question

Re: Special Needs playground etiquette question

Posted by MarisaK

Posted by anonymoususer

Posted by Dolphinsbaby

Nope you are not unreasonable. Yes I think common sense is for a mom if she can to direct her kid to another slide. I've done it with my kids (when I don't have my 3rd one in tow).

I've learned though a lot of parents feel awkward probably and don't know what to do so they do nothing. Also, some parents ( a lot I've noticed) DO NOT pay attention to their kids at the playground. This is really annoying to me.

I agree with all of this
I feel like some people don't know what to do, so in order to not inadvertently offend anyone, they do nothing

And yeah lots of parents forget their kids exist when they're at the playground

On the flip side of this ...... I completely understand why you are anxious and feel the way you do .........BUT, it may help to think of if slightly differently ...

My nephew has autism. He and his parents have taught US so much over the years.

I've learned from my cousin that it's VERY important to her for her son to be around typical kids, to truly learn how to adapt to social situations, and she greatly appreciates any and all time he can spend with his cousins to do this.... So, if it were me at the park with you, I'd expect my kids to patiently wait their turn. My kids, also, would understand why it was important for them to be patient and kind and to wait their turn as well. They would probably try to engage your son and get him to play with them without thinking twice about it .......Sometimes my kids will just do things Bobby's way simply to include him in their playing. And then my cousin has the internal struggle of whether or not to correct them (and him) so he learns to do it the 'right' way ....or, to let them be kind and inclusive of their cousin, and to give everyone a break and just let them have fun. He is seriously the hardest working kid I have ever met - school and therapists and constant correcting and redirection .......sometimes he just needs to play his way.

Many typical children are exposed to special needs children at school, at the park, in their own families - and kids truly do empathize (much more genuinely than adults do)

I understand that it's important for your son to learn the 'correct' or 'socially acceptable' way to go up and down the slide. BUT, it's also, IMO equally important for the typical kids on the playground to accept him and include him. KWIM?

Good luck !!