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luvmykids8
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 2050 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for working moms
Posted by FirstMate
It's very, very hard. My DH is around and he is helpful but he always thinks his tasks are SO much more important. I would say our biggest fights are about who is watching the kids so we can get done what needs to be done. The only way I can get him to understand what I need to accomplish is if I say "Okay. I'll stay home but I'm going to give you a list of what I need and you do it while you are out" and when he sees the list of 5 birthday gifts, baby gifts, cards, etc. he balks OR I will have a total freak out hissy fit and then he will take the kids for the day so I can do what I need to do but it has to get to that level. I can't just say "I'm running out to get my nails done!" because then I will have to hear about how he needs to thatch the lawn, wash the car, etc. Its unbelievably annoying. I am considering hiring someone to come over just so we can get done what needs to be done uninterrupted.
This is exactly my situation and DH is the same way. It's very hard!
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Posted 4/4/16 11:54 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for working moms
I have my alone time on the train to and from work - i relax, destress from work, and watch TV shows that i'd never see otherwise.
I get pedicures during lunch hour
I order Fresh Direct
I have a cleaning lady every other week
I do a LOT of shopping for myself and household items online. Believe me - bday gifts, clothes, supplies, anything really can be purchased from Amazon with a whole lot less hassle than going to a store.
It's a lot easier to buy a whole bunch of stuff to try on, and then return to a store than it is to take 3 hours to go to the mall.
If it costs me $7 to ship a bunch of clothes to try on, that's well worth it to me!
The weekends are literally our only time together as a family - so if it means we spend the day doing errands, so be it. We're still together. We may spend the day working on the house or the yard, or doing errands and as a treat for DS, we'll watch a movie with him or go to the library. We don't feel the need to 'entertain' him with special trips to kid places every weekend. Just being together and playing with him and having fun is enough.
We most of our chores/errands etc together, but I often say to DH - watch him for 3 hours while i go out and do xyz - i can get a lot more done by myself. We trade off like that and it works.
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| Posted 4/4/16 1:37 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for working moms
I do everything when DH is home. food shop, regular shopping, mani/pedi etc.
though for clothes I just order online where I can return to store and will just do that some times rather then go out and shop.
This weekend I went out Friday and Saturday night to hang with friends while DH stayed with the kids. (I had a very hard week at work this week   )
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| Posted 4/4/16 2:34 PM |
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EandF
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 1674 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for working moms
It's super hard. I'm lucky that my parents watch my kids and I have a flexible job. I still have zero time with a toddler and a baby. I am the absolute last thing on my list. Everything else, esp the kids, comes first. I, too, feel like I've lost my identity.
I know it won't be like this forever. They will grow and it's already going by so fast. That being said, I don't do a ton for myself right now. My parents take the kids a lot when I have something to do or run an errand. I try not to take advantage or impose. DH and I will trade off but not as much as we should.
It is what it is for now. I struggle for sure but we are doing the best we can.
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| Posted 4/4/16 2:42 PM |
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Re: Question for working moms
I got divorced
Actually that isn't totally untrue, I never had time to myself when I was married and it was a big problem. Now my ex has my son every other weekend so I have time to do stuff now.
My SO is a great partner though. He does a lot, and helps with both of our kids a lot more than my ex ever did
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| Posted 4/4/16 4:55 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7632 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Question for working moms
I think a joint calendar is an idea to look into. We use google calendar and post all events there including "me time".
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| Posted 4/4/16 5:24 PM |
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SLPRunner
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1101 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for working moms
Posted by PitterPatter11
I think a joint calendar is an idea to look into. We use google calendar and post all events there including "me time".
That is really a good idea. My DH and I share a google calendar for appointments and stuff, but I really should add in the 'me' time stuff. If it is that important, it should go on the calendar!
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| Posted 4/4/16 7:05 PM |
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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Question for working moms
Posted by SLPRunner
Posted by PitterPatter11
I think a joint calendar is an idea to look into. We use google calendar and post all events there including "me time".
That is really a good idea. My DH and I share a google calendar for appointments and stuff, but I really should add in the 'me' time stuff. If it is that important, it should go on the calendar!
I think this is a great idea...we use a joint calendar, but honestly, I feel guilty asking my husband to not work so I can do personal things. He doesn't work a 9-5 job. This week he worked about 85 hours...I try to reserve asking him to not be at work for when we really need something, like someone to attend a school event or something I can't miss, like a required work even. A lot of this is probably my own issues...I feel guilty that I am away all day, and then I feel guilty asking someone to help me so I can do personal things. I feel like I need to ask for enough help for required things.
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| Posted 4/4/16 7:10 PM |
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SLPRunner
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1101 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for working moms
Posted by Lauren82
Posted by SLPRunner
Posted by PitterPatter11
I think a joint calendar is an idea to look into. We use google calendar and post all events there including "me time".
That is really a good idea. My DH and I share a google calendar for appointments and stuff, but I really should add in the 'me' time stuff. If it is that important, it should go on the calendar!
I think this is a great idea...we use a joint calendar, but honestly, I feel guilty asking my husband to not work so I can do personal things. He doesn't work a 9-5 job. This week he worked about 85 hours...I try to reserve asking him to not be at work for when we really need something, like someone to attend a school event or something I can't miss, like a required work even. A lot of this is probably my own issues...I feel guilty that I am away all day, and then I feel guilty asking someone to help me so I can do personal things. I feel like I need to ask for enough help for required things.
I feel the same. It has taken me awhile to ask my husband for the time. I'm going to a yoga class later and it took me awhile to feel up to asking me because I felt guilty! But that's my problem, the feeling guilty.
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| Posted 4/4/16 7:31 PM |
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Jacksmommy
My love muffin!
Member since 1/07 5819 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: Question for working moms
I have a toddler and a gradeschool kid. I am a teacher and work full-time but my husband works an opposite schedule than me. The benefit is that he is home in the morning to take the kids to school and I don't have to worry about the morning since I leave around 630. He does get time from 9 AM until he leaves around three or four to himself and I am often jealous. He works weekends and is only off Tuesday and Wednesday. I do things after work on a Tuesday or a Wednesday once a month with friends and I go out once a month on a Saturday or a Friday with paying for a babysitter. I have become less guilty feeling because I know I need the time to myself . I do get time to myself every morning at 4 AM when I go in the gym but clearly that's not enough.
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| Posted 4/4/16 8:17 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7632 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Re: Question for working moms
Posted by Lauren82
Posted by SLPRunner
Posted by PitterPatter11
I think a joint calendar is an idea to look into. We use google calendar and post all events there including "me time".
That is really a good idea. My DH and I share a google calendar for appointments and stuff, but I really should add in the 'me' time stuff. If it is that important, it should go on the calendar!
I think this is a great idea...we use a joint calendar, but honestly, I feel guilty asking my husband to not work so I can do personal things. He doesn't work a 9-5 job. This week he worked about 85 hours...I try to reserve asking him to not be at work for when we really need something, like someone to attend a school event or something I can't miss, like a required work even. A lot of this is probably my own issues...I feel guilty that I am away all day, and then I feel guilty asking someone to help me so I can do personal things. I feel like I need to ask for enough help for required things.
For your own sanity, you need to stop feeling guilty. At first, I felt like that too, but honestly I'm working full time and every so often I need to do things for myself. DS is both of our responsibilities. I wouldn't necessarily make DH leave a required work event but I would carve out some time for me 1-2 times a month even if it required a babysitter. Since I have only a few friends where I live, I just joined a moms group and it lets me get out of the house at least once a month in the evenings. It's awesome to not worry about bedtime!!!
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| Posted 4/4/16 8:58 PM |
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noworlater
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 1528 total posts
Name:
Now!
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Re: Question for working moms
Posted by itsagoodlife
Single working mom of 3 kids here with no help from family. Babysitters are expensive... It's not easy. My "me time" is when my kids are with their dad and even that isn't "me time". Its when I catch up on housework, laundry, and shopping.
This. So hard. But now that I'm separated and he takes kids few hours a week I get time. He never helped when married, this time is now amazing. There has to be some time your hubby can take them few hours?
I have insta-dry clear nail polish and cuticle oil in car, do before driving
And take days off during day care days.
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| Posted 4/4/16 9:44 PM |
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MrsD121011
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 1460 total posts
Name:
Elicia
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Re: Question for working moms
Seriously I don't, Once in a blue I go to the store alone or recently I joined a Mom's group that meets every other week at night. Thats really my extenet of me time...I always feel guilty leaving my kids behind when I go out.
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| Posted 4/5/16 9:01 AM |
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