Question for working moms

Working moms...how do you find time for yourselves, especially if your DH/SO works long hours? I'm a teacher and I don't work especially long hours, but my girls have things every day after school and on weekends...I don't really have family I can lean on for extra time, as they help with school drop off and watch my little one a couple days during the week. Do you have a sitter that comes in frequently so you can run errands, etc? I haven't had a pedicure in over a year...because I just can't find the time. The only reason I am even getting one is that my mom is watching my kids because it is my birthday. I need new jeans desperately because I lost a good amount of weight, but I can't find the time to go looking by myself, and who can try on clothes with 3 kids in tow? How do you still make time for yourself??

Re: Question for working moms

I have no time for myself.

I recently cashed in A massage gift card from 2 years ago. Martin Luther King day I had off and sent kids to daycare.

Either you need to hire help, take turns with husband, or just accept there is almost no time.

Re: Question for working moms

Always had hubby watch the kids. I spaced my kids out and didn't have a ton so I would still have time for myself. Maybe that sounds selfish but I thought about these things before having kids.

Re: Question for working moms

Re: Question for working moms

Hindsight is 20-20...my kids are spread out and sometimes I think it's harder for me. I have school aged and toddler...parenting is just hard.

Re: Question for working moms

Question for working moms

Luckily, my DH is helpful. I can not bring my DS with me to the mall without help - it's impossible - he's a runner and refuses to be in the stroller for long periods of time (20 mins if I am lucky, which is usually just long enough for me to get him the things HE needs).

The only "me" time I get is right after work. I too am a teacher and I am at the gym from about 3:30-4:30, give or take 15 minutes. This is tenchincally time I guess I could use to run errands for myself, but the gym is always a top priority for me.

As for going to the mall solo, I now literally put it on our joint calendar so my DH knows he can not make any other commitments during that time since it is MY time. I have been going to Mom's night out and those are usually planned 2-4 weeks in advance so my DH has enough warning.

I also frequently send my DS to daycare when I am on a school break. We have NO family here so daycare is the only help I get. This allows me to clean the house like a crazy woman and do all the errands/appointment I have been putting off for months.

I am looking for a babysitter as well since DH and I get no alone time, which obviously a different issue. Now that DS is more verbal I am more comfortable having a "stranger" watch him.

Question for working moms

I take days off each month, DD is at daycare/school. I do whatever I need to on those days.

Question for working moms

I completely understand. My DH often travels for work. He leaves on either Monday or Tuesday early Am and comes home Thursday night. I am a teacher as well. Contract time is 3:30 but I work till 4:30 most days (either after school club/responsibilities or just trying to catch up since I do nothing at home since I've had kids.) I pick up kids at daycare and we are home by 5:15. I give baths and get dinner started and by time I clean up its 7:00. I have an hour of playtime with kids (mixed in with getting things ready for next day) before my little one needs to start bedtime routine. Then big one goes in right after. By time he's down it's 9:15. And I'm exhausted! I shower and am in bed by 10:00. My little one is still up a couple times a night. It's like a know endless circle.

He is pretty good about letting me sleep in on Sat and Sunday (but kids aren't!). But the weekends are full with activities for the kids and family obligations. I used to get my nails, toes and eyebrows done every other week. It's been over 2 months. I haven't had a hair cut or color in 5 months.

We use a couple do the daycare teachers to babysit for us when I need to go out for meetings or when we want a date night---but that adds up and I don't have a whole lot of expendable cash.

No advice....sorry...just commiserating! : (

Question for working moms

I do stuff on my lunch hour or on my way home (or before going into work)

I also have a babysitter and family who can sometimes help out

I've also been known to take a day off from work to have a "me day" while using personal time off.

I think it's the only way to stay sane. And especially as a working mom, you really have to utilize your time wisely and maximize it.

Re: Question for working moms

I wish I had advice, but all I can send is support and let you know you're not alone. I've had 2 pedicures in 3 years and I get my hair cut twice a year. I returning to work tomorrow after a 13-week maternity leave with my second, and while going through my clothes, it dawned on me that I haven't bought clothes or shoes since before my first was born 3 years ago. And I used to love clothes, shoes, bags. I feel not just that I don't have time, but that I don't have an identity anymore. Everything centers around my kids. I even just recently posted in another board asking what websites people browse because even on my iPad all I do is look for clothes and stuff for my girls and I do nothing for myself. Money is also tight, so for me, it's not just about time but also spending money on myself.

I know you mentioned your family helps with the kids during the week, but I feel family gets it, and I'm sure they wouldn't mind taking the kids for a little on a weekend so you can do some things you need to do.

Question for working moms

Dh and I plan in advance. We do our individual time but couple time is non existent. We don't have a babysitter so we calendar time if I want to go out for hair or my one night a month out with girlfriends or him with his bf.

Re: Question for working moms

I am a single mom with no family.

My time to myself is going to work sitting in my cube and when it's not busy enjoying sitting in peace and quiet. I also try to take a walk if I get a lunch break.

I also just veg after 9:30 week nights for 30 minutes before I go to bed.

I go 11 days straight with kids (no break except for above) and then have a weekend without kids. I squeeze everything i can in (seeing my bf, lunch with a friend, food shopping or maybe shopping for myself) that time.

It's not easy but they are getting older so I look forward to when I can take a class on a weeknight and leave them home alone.

I workout at home, don't get my nails done often, get a quick haircut every couple of months. I don't have time for hobbies but I try to read.

Message edited 4/3/2016 8:41:45 PM.

Re: Question for working moms

Working mom of three young kids extremely close in age with no family help at all! Yes, my mother comes to visit many weekends,, but if i tell her I want to get my nails done she will give me a hard time as to her that is not an important thing in life. I go to bed a midnight as My days don't end until 10 pm or midnight, depending On my workload. It is really hard having NO free time and it's very isolating! I would love to go to the gym daily and have some me time! I would love to be able to look more fit and have time to enjoy certain things. My days off are all about the kids and I try to take places that we can't usually go to. I take three kids to the mall alone, etc as my husband is usually not able to go! It is tough and exhausting, but now that my oldest are 3 and 4 it's getting easier!

Message edited 4/4/2016 8:05:23 AM.

Re: Question for working moms

What do you do? I love hearing about other working moms with three kids! It is not for the weak! Ha ha!

Question for working moms

I feel the same way. I also work in a school and my husband works long hours. So I am not home late per se but it is still hard and I feel stretched out. One reason I am putting off having a second is because I am by myself with my son until he goes to sleep. Right now I can't imagine doing that that without help. I am trying to schedule my time right now. My husband tries to take an earlier train so I can go to a yoga class but sometimes things go wrong at work, or the LIRR breaks lol. That's life I know, but I realize that I am one of those people that needs my time. It is definitely starting to affect me and that is not good for my son or husband.

Question for working moms

if it makes you feel any better... i'm a SAHM with ONE kid thats in preschool for 2 hours every morning- and i STILL feel this way!!!! these little things take over your life!!! LOL
its not like i drop him off at preschool and can go get my nails done or whatever--- I'm doing grocery shopping, doctors appointments, other errands, cleaning the house, helping out at his school (its a co-op so i have to be in there as teacher's helper 1 or 2 times a monty), etc....
we really have nobody around to help- my sister is an hour away, my parents are 2 hours away (plus they're retired and travel to florida all fall and winter... so even if they lived closer, they would gone a lot.), AND my in laws live over 4 hours away. DH is an only child, so DS has no aunt/uncles on that side who can help out AND pretty much all of my friends work full time so they're not around to take him for an hour...
so, you're right-- its TOUGH!!!! maybe when they're 18 we'll get to go grab lunch and a pedicure with a friend?!?!

Question for working moms

My alone time is on the train. Or if my DH takes DS to do an activity. I'm fine with it. I work in the city and am out of the house for 12 hrs a day. I want to spend time with my family when I'm not working since I don't get to see them much during the week.

Re: Question for working moms

I don't lol! I'm also a teacher, but I have different breaks than my son. I'm off now and he's in school so this is free time for me :) Also I do send him to half day camp 3 days a week during July. But evenings are crazy and weekends are usually full of activities. I try to plan a moms night out every few months to keep up with friends and my DH is good with that, I'm just too tired to enjoy them at times lol.

Question for working moms

I definitely do not have a lot of alone time. My husband works from 2:00pm to 10:30pm. When he is not off I have to go right from work to pick up the boys. He has rotating days off so on the days that he is off I try to run my errands then but if I need to get errands done on a day he is working I load up the kids and bring them along. I don't really have much of a choice so I make it work.

Question for working moms

I *MAKE* the time.
I am me and I will always be me. Me has morphed into Mama, yes. But Mama started as Me. If I destroy me then I am no longer a good mama. So I MAKE ME time.

I also FORCE him to take time for himself too (without me).

I disappear here and there and even travel without them. I am not ashamed of it nor have any issue with it. Mostly the travel is for work but you know what, I feel NO guilt enjoying the alone time. He also has a once a year trip for work and it's his time.

Other than that, I take a day or two here and there after work to do me stuff. And some days he says I need to pick her up, period. No explanation necessary (he works closer to home/her than I do). I don't ask nor need an excuse. You do you man.

I've been a strong believer in the fact I was a person before I met him and that person is who I liked a whole lot. I don't intend to change for him. He took me as he found me. Lucky me. I also don't expect him to become a new person for me either. Lucky him. But we both became parents and partners by choice. And we share the load but also know it's only natural to need some time alone.

I hope to teach my daughter it's ok to be happy with herself, care for yourself and make yourself a priority.

We actually took her to my aunt's house last night because I needed to pick something up and found out my aunt had an accident. I helped her out and in turn she said "Go have dinner, I'll watch AJ" we took off for a dinner alone. Haven't had that in a few weeks. LOL Sure it was only an hour but we chit chatted and enjoyed ourselves.

We make time. Because there never really *IS* time. Things always seem to fill up the day. So I just schedule in me. Like an appointment. LOL

Re: Question for working moms

I honestly believe it gets harder the more kids you have. When you have 3 kids and little support, it is hard to find time. I only have 1 and I rarely have time for myself. Sometimes it's my choice. I would prefer to hang out with DH and DD, but sometimes, I just need a break. I need new clothes or I would like a pedicure. If that's the case, I can usually work it out with DH to watch DD. He is great with her!

Re: Question for working moms

Single working mom of 3 kids here with no help from family. Babysitters are expensive... It's not easy. My "me time" is when my kids are with their dad and even that isn't "me time". Its when I catch up on housework, laundry, and shopping.

Re: Question for working moms

I do absolutely nothing during the week. We don't get home til almost 8pm every day. Saturday is my day to do what I choose. I usually go work out. I Never get my nails done because the place by me will take 2hrs from start to finish. Who has that kind of time? My twins are 11 months (today) and we still struggle to get them on a steady schedule so our days/nights revolve around that. I do my thing Sat. mornings and DH does his (football/softball) Sunday mornings. Once the girls are older I'm sure their social lives will take over ours but for now, this is what we do and we try to make the best of it.
My MIL lives out of state so she isn't available to help. My parents watch the girls Mon-Friday while we work so the weekends are for them. My brother and his wife have three kids of their own and Dh's brother and his wife are expecting in a little over a month. If we have an obligation, we will ask our brothers to sit for us but that's for special occasions not so we can go run errands. If we have to go shopping, we ALL go. LOL.

Re: Question for working moms

It's very, very hard. My DH is around and he is helpful but he always thinks his tasks are SO much more important. I would say our biggest fights are about who is watching the kids so we can get done what needs to be done. The only way I can get him to understand what I need to accomplish is if I say "Okay. I'll stay home but I'm going to give you a list of what I need and you do it while you are out" and when he sees the list of 5 birthday gifts, baby gifts, cards, etc. he balks OR I will have a total freak out hissy fit and then he will take the kids for the day so I can do what I need to do but it has to get to that level. I can't just say "I'm running out to get my nails done!" because then I will have to hear about how he needs to thatch the lawn, wash the car, etc. Its unbelievably annoying. I am considering hiring someone to come over just so we can get done what needs to be done uninterrupted.