How do u handle this?

Hi, new to this board :) I'm interested to hear how everyone deals with going to baby showers, christenings, bday parties, etc... I think that sometimes I'm more self conscious about being there, and that I think too much about what everyone else is thinking about our infertility situation, and wondering if I'm ok, etc....

2nd part question...do u feel better by talking about it in detail with friends and family? Or just by being vague and keeping it to you and your spouse or significant other?

I have a lot of social events coming up and this has been on my mind :/

Re: How do u handle this?

i went when i felt like it..

i only skipped one event,it was after another mc

but i will say when my bff had her shower and she has been my bff since we are 9 and i love her more than words i had to go outside and collect myself bc it was hard

it was hard to go to a 1st b day of someone who i was trying before them

thee is no right or wrong answer here..some people can go no prob,some can't nobody is right ro wrong for not going

everyone deals with it as they can,it is a awful situation to be in

i did not tal kabout it in detail with my fam or friends...they do not even know about 2 other losses..well my sis do not my friends

i did nt bc i felt like it would just sound like complaints to them,like it would be hard for them to understand

i vented on here lol

but my friends were amazing..they let me know when i wanted and if i wanted to talk they would be there which was all i needed

best of luck to you!

Re: How do u handle this?

Same here. I go when I can. And even then I've had to take breaks and go outside or to the bathroom. I depended on a Xanax here and there and spent time texting friends sho understood to keep my composure.

I declined the latest invite to a 1st birthday bc it was right during my loss. There was no way I could have handled that one. I hated that I couldn't go bc I truly wanted to. But just thinking about it got me very emotional so I knew I wouldn't be able to take it.

You do what's right for you and if people don't understand, who cares. Unless someone has dealt with this, they will never truly understand.

Re: How do u handle this?

So far, I have gone to everything baby related. When I am in the moment, I am fine. the problem comes when I am not talking to anyone and I am just thinking.

I like telling people about our journey because I think IF is still so secretive and it bothers me. I do not get into the nitty gritty about our procedures - just general stuff. My DH does not like telling people, but he is starting to open up about it - finally - and he has found 2 other couples who had to do IVF as well - which has helped to improve his mood somewhat.

Re: How do u handle this?

I always have sucked it up and gone. It would hurt so much but I would feel bad not showing up. This is such a happy time for the people who are celebrating and it would be selfish of me not to show up. It is always a hard day for me but in the end I hope one day I will have my moment to celebrate.
I have never talked about it with extended family and only certain friends know. Its not that I don't want them to know, I'm sure that they have figured it out since I have been married for 8 years. For me it hurts more to tell them each time I had a failed cycle. My parents and friends are always so hopeful after each cycle and I hate telling them that it didn't work. It makes me feel worse and the hurts me more. But thats just me!

How do u handle this?

I went by my emotions...some days I was OK with attending baby related functions other days not so much. I do have to say that for close family and friends I did suck it up and go even if I didn't feel like it.

As far as talking to people a lot of my close friends and family know our issues but I only discuss the details and treatments in depth with very select few.

Message edited 5/10/2013 1:46:41 PM.

Re: How do u handle this?

Posted by jellybean78

I went by my emotions...some days I was OK with attending baby related functions other days not so much. I do have to say that for close family and friends I did suck it up and go even if I didn't feel like it.

As far as talking to people a lot of my close friends and family now our issues but I only discuss the details and treatments in depth with very select few.

Re: How do u handle this?

i went because i knew that i really should be happy for my cousin, etc whoever was having the event and be there on that day... i knew that one day it would be my turn eventually and i would want them there for me when that day came...

Re: How do u handle this?

Posted by hazel2

Posted by jellybean78

I went by my emotions...some days I was OK with attending baby related functions other days not so much. I do have to say that for close family and friends I did suck it up and go even if I didn't feel like it.

As far as talking to people a lot of my close friends and family now our issues but I only discuss the details and treatments in depth with very select few.

This is exactly how I feel ...my mood is always changing

Re: How do u handle this?

Posted by starr

Posted by hazel2

Posted by jellybean78

I went by my emotions...some days I was OK with attending baby related functions other days not so much. I do have to say that for close family and friends I did suck it up and go even if I didn't feel like it.

As far as talking to people a lot of my close friends and family now our issues but I only discuss the details and treatments in depth with very select few.

This is exactly how I feel ...my mood is always changing

me too. sometimes I am fine - buying gifts for new babies, commenting on cute pix - sometimes the jealousy rears its ugly head.
I was at a 3rd bday party. it was a huge party with lots of kids and parents and as we walk in there are like 5 women pregnant AND with LOs. I was so miserable and just wanted to get out of there. my misrery was so evident that a few close family members came up to ask if everything is ok.

I do talk in great detail with my mom and a few friends and one family member. but mostly I dont say much. My DH only recently told his family what is going on and that was only b/c I refused to go to a holiday party after a failed IVF cycle.

u do what is right for u and the best u can

How do u handle this?

Not gonna lie, i went and got shitfaced most of the time... it also depended on who it was... 6 days after my 2nd miscarriage was my cousins baby shower... shes my cousin and one of my best friends i had to go... there was a small sprinkle thing for a friend a few weeks after that and didnt go.

I find the table of single people lol and drink enough that i dont focus on the fact that i was at a baby shower.

Re: How do u handle this?

I went to some ... didn't go to others... If I went, I cried after every single one. The worst was one that I went to where I went with some friends and they ignored me the entire time. They were new moms .. I was like the anti mom having just had a loss and my surrogate wasn't working .. and I guess they had nothing to say to me and didn't want me spreading the sadness. Don't feel obligated. If friends are going who you think will support you, then that may be an opportunity to go and just try to have an ok time.

I was always very open about my infertility journey. I shared more with some people than others based on who they were and how much I thought they would understand. Like -- I have one friend who is not married, living at home with her parents, doesn't know boo about trying for a baby or anything infertility related and I knew there was just no way at all she could identify so I shared less with her than with other people. Although, not gonna lie .. people will surprise you. Those who you didn't think could relate could be your biggest supporters, and those who you think have been down the road with you and SHOULD be the ones supporting you end up surprising you like no other. Just use your judgment and tell who you feel comfortable talking to.

How do u handle this?

I've gone to most stuff but it did and does make me very sad. the only time I was visibly sad was during my friends sons' christening. my DH pulled me aside and said that I didn't seem like myself. Don't get me wrong, I was so unbelievably happy for them but I was sad; I didn't want to be, I just was. I hate feeling like this but its just the nature of the beast. do what you feel is right for yourself and DO NOT worry what other people think.
At first, I was pretty open about our infertility with our friends and family b/c i hate the stigma associated with it. my bosses at work know...I felt that it was just easier to tell them what was going on. I actually have become a little more tight lipped when it came to telling my family about each procedure b/c its hard enough for me to deal with hearing that it hasn't worked again but to get texts or calls from my bffs and sisters asking me what the results were and then having to rehash everything, its reliving the pain all over again.
i agree with PennyCat, def use your judgment and tell people who you feel comfortable with...some people who I thought would be understanding or supportive, clearly have not been.

Message edited 5/10/2013 9:10:46 PM.

How do u handle this?

I have had lots of baby shower and kid events lately. I actually had my BFFs baby shower a few days after I found out IUI #2 failed. I was a little worried but after I got there and I was busy helping out I was fine. I'm the type of person that doesn't show my emotions to others. As for telling people nobody knows we are having issues. When friends say when are you having kids I say, IDK hopefully one day. I'm very private and don't want people all up in my business. So its a secret between Dh and I. I have to come on this board so I have someone else to talk to. Hang in there, this whole process sucks.

Re: How do u handle this?

Not well. I had a hard time and have to admit that more times than not I didnt go. Im very emotional and while I was very happy for everyone else truely and honestly it hurt me to bad to go. Everyone i knew was pregnant and I didnt tell anyone that we were going thru IF so it was hard. They all talked about how I should have a baby.. we all know the drill. I give kudos to those ladies that were able to power thru the emotions and just do it.

Re: How do u handle this?