Q.Does it feel not sexy?

When your trying to conceive?

Hi ~ I am new on here and dh and I are entertaining the idea of starting a family.

We feel a bit stressed or something has changed now that we spoke of it.Our sex life has been different, hard to explain.

When you start to become sexual active your whole life your always trying not to get pregnant now that we are considering it something is very off. Can anyone relate?


I would appreciate any input.

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

i know that when we started ttc, sex wasn't as romantic or spontaneous like it had been before... i guess bc we were thinking that it was to make a baby.. it was actually for a purpose, and not just for fun.

sex is kind of different when you are ttc, but when you BD at other times when you aren't Oing, it does feel like the 'pressure' is off, and it is a lot more relaxed again!

hang in there and try to have fun!!

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

There is defintely an initial change. The first couple of times we "tried" DH actually had a hard time (well actually not hard ) That is something we NEVER experienced prior to ttc. We talked about it, laughed about it and now we try to make an effort NOT to focus on making a baby. For example at first I would tell DH right before bed "Oh yeah we have to BD tonight" That put so much pressure on him. Now I'll mention it much earlier in the day so he knows but can sort of put it out of his head.

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

Oh wow thank you for responding. It was hard to post about this.

I guess we just have to push it out of our heads. I don't think we both are relaxed.

I starting thinking even really, crazy, strange things during like am I going to make a good Mom? I wonder sometimes if he is thinking the same thing I mean about him being a good Dad and providing - all the natural things you think about. KWIM?

Our life isn't even about timing it yet,with my Ovulation time - I hope it does not come to that. I can only imagine it gets more stressful.

Thanks Ladies

Message edited 1/15/2010 11:17:08 PM.

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

Baby making sex............COMPLETELY different from the "for fun" variety. Honestly, sometimes making a baby feels like a business exchange. I much prefer non-baby making sex.

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

business exchange! that's a good way of putting it.... i call it the "baby bank deposit"

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

Posted by kandi982

business exchange! that's a good way of putting it.... i call it the "baby bank deposit"

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

It got easier over time...at first DH got nervous and "had some trouble" I think the idea wow we might make a baby adds to some stress....then post miscarriage it got even worse..lots more stress...
If i have any advice it's to just enjoy it..don't track cycle..when I spoke to my doc originally he said just BD 3-4 tims a week and you'll be good. I'd go that route at first...

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

Our first two cycles we had some "troubles" because of that very feeling. After that, I made more of an effort to make it feel spontaneous and it really worked for us! We were having fun again AND it ended up working!

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

Well, I never feel sexy so... But it does take on a different type of vibe, I guess because its for a different sort of intention!

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

I think you have to not think about it. We had it in our head that we wanted a baby but we just didnt stress about it. We let it happen. We didnt set times or dates, it was like any other time. So it was always just as "sexy" as before.

And why is baby making not sexy?thinking about it def made it more sexy!

I can understand if you find you are having difficulty and not getting pregnant that it would become more stressful. I could see at that point that you would want to be more strict in when you "do it" but before that.. have fun, dont make it a stressor.

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

I think its like you said, its not for fun now, that s e x is actually used for something...to make babies!

Even in your heart if you know you are ready and you know you both want a child, it is scary! Obviously for being a first time parents and not knowing much is definitely very scary and can put stress on everything.

Im not even going to tell you to relax and just let it happen, bc I know it wont help. Instead, I believe that after a few tries everything will get better!

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

Our sex life has definitely taken a hit as a result of a year of all this craziness. My advice would be not to advise your DH of your fertile times, etc. That worked for several months, but now several months later my DH can't help but be aware--especially now that we're in the early stages of some preliminary testing. My DH and I are not the type to have sex four times a week and my DH also doesn't work well under pressure...so there's definitely been something "unnatural" about the process this time around.

I would also advise not to start all this business with the temping and the opks and the preseed and the Barilla and the green tea and the decaf coffee and 17 prenatals... At the beginning anyway--that's stressful to begin with and guess what...if it doesn't work right away...it's not going to get any LESS stressful.

Eh...just wing it and see where that takes you at first!

Re: Q.Does it feel not sexy?

Yes sometimes I feel that its not so much for fun now but for a purpose instead. This weekend I think I was O'ing but no BD for us. its stressfull when you have a goal sometines but you can still have fun.