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Re: What to

Thats what I thought...but it wasnt reading right to me...


I left it at this last night.... Im giving her $$ back of course...and that I will not be buying a house on their approval or dime... if they give us back the wedding money ( as a do whatever you want with it no strings attached, like it was supposed to be) then fine.. But if he chooses to go against my wishes... I WILL NOT be moving into that house with him!

Bottom line.... its his choice!!!!!


He admitts shes a big time trouble maker...but he just dosent understand why I cant say f-it!


Ahhh to be a man where life is just so 1-2-3 easy, and not to let anything bother me!

Re: What to

Posted by Redhead

Posted by monkeybride

I agree. Toxic people need to be out of your life especially now that you have a child. He should not be in an environment where his parents are fighting all the time. I feel that children are very sensitive to this having grown up in a hole like this.

My mother went through this same exact type of situation with my grandmother (my dad's mom) and my parents did end up divorced. Try not to let her ruin your marriage for your child's sake. If your issues are with DH that's one thing but to let her cause you two to separate is letting her win.

sorry but i have to 100% disagree...THIS IS HIS MOTHER. There is no way in hell she should be out of their life. It is up to them though to CONTROL her interfereing, specifically her DH.

Her DH has no intentions of "cutting out" a mother he LOVES. And to suggest such a thing is immature. NO a child should never be raised in an enviroment of fighting...BUT it is the parents that are doing the fighting, should he be taken out of the home? Sorry parents arguing ....well IT HAPPENS. It is up to them to find a solution they can live with that works best for ALL of them. Cutting his mother out ain't one of them

Message edited 1/12/2006 6:40:15 AM.

Re: What to

Posted by Princessmaris

Thats what I thought...but it wasnt reading right to me...


I left it at this last night.... Im giving her $$ back of course...and that I will not be buying a house on their approval or dime... if they give us back the wedding money ( as a do whatever you want with it no strings attached, like it was supposed to be) then fine.. But if he chooses to go against my wishes... I WILL NOT be moving into that house with him!

Bottom line.... its his choice!!!!!


He admitts shes a big time trouble maker...but he just dosent understand why I cant say f-it!


Ahhh to be a man where life is just so 1-2-3 easy, and not to let anything bother me!

Re: What to

it is an unfortunate situation but something that you need to comes to terms w/ as she is not going to change. the power is in your hands and you must decide as a couple how you want to move forward. although the money should be viewed as a gift, it is obvious that your MIL doesn't feel the same. by accepting the money you are also accepting that she is going to have some control over how the money is spent. i don't agree w/ this as once the money changes hands it SHOULD be your decision to spend it as you see fit.

to avoid any future issues and stress, i would return the money to her. talk to your DH first and ask how he feels. explain to him that you would like to include her in your house buying decision (see the house once you find one) but don't want her to dictate what home you choose to buy. be open to what he has to say and don't get upset if he disagrees w/ you.

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sending you some hugs Marissa
I've read your mil issues and had many of my own that escalated once my daughter was in the picture. My situation goes a little further in that we (dh & I) are no longer on speaking terms with my mil and her family. I wouldn't wish that situation on anybody but for me it's so much more peaceful this way and I could give a rats azz that it is what it is!
I hope you find some peace of mind- the stress as you know is no good for yourself and your relationship w/ dh and just shouldn't have to be that way. I wouldn't have any $$ connections at this point with her. From my own experience...our situation really went sour and ended up the way it did over $$ I could write a book

I'm around anytime you need to vent

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im sorry you are going through this with your mil! i would have a gtg make a night of it with your mom in law, father in law and Dh and you and tell them straight out how you feel! you need to tell her this is your life with dh and you dont need her to interfere or controling everything with Your Marriage and that she needs to back off!! I would say give her the Money back that she say's You and dh owe her and never ask her for money again because if that money was suppose to be a gift from her to you and dh and now she is asking for it back than she is a selfish ******! dont leave Dh because of her because than at the end she wins and she is not worth it! and to throw your rings at dh is wrong! believe me Dh can drive me nuts alot of the times but never ever do that! you need to stay in your marriage you have a little one and he needs both of ya's. good luck fm me if you want to talk

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I just have to say sorry you are going through this....When I first relocated here and I have no family or friends my mil did the same crap, she has always controlled FH and he would kiss her @ss well FInally I put my foot down and constantly point out all of the nasty comments etc that she dose and FH dose see it now ,(not all the time) but he is beginning to cut the cord!!!! It will take time ......Dont let her win she wants to do exactly what is happening !!!! Dont give her the satisfaction of ruining your marriage!!!

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Marissa..
Think about this.. would you leave your DH before you actually took one final stand with MIL?
Give back the money.. the money from her has strings attached..your marriage and sanity are more important then money.
It sounds like your DH is not gonna support you on this and im afraid if he doesnt you'll be dealing with this forever..
You need to tell him to start standing up for you and your marriage.. then give her back her money and tell her to back off...

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Okay - so you are giving the money back - good. The absolute right thing to do. The LAST thing she needs is more control over you. The only way I would accept money from her for the house would be if it's for the house you buy FAR FAR away from her. I've read all your MIL posts and this woman is toxic to you AND your marriage. Your #1 priority (after Ryan, of course) should be moving as far away from her as possible so your DH can begin to cut the apron strings and focus on HIS family, and so you can raise your son in peace.

I can only imagine how hard it must be to get through to your DH about how you can't let this woman manipulate and control your lives. But you have to keep talking to HIM and TRY TRY TRY to get through to him because you can't do this without his support. When you talk to him about her, keep the focus on the fact that you & Ryan are his family now, rather than focusing on personal attacks against his mom which will only make him defensive.

One more thing - I have to disagree with entirely taking away babysitting rights from your MIL. From what I've read on your posts, if you do this - all hell will break loose and it will just make things 1000 times worse. You SHOULD however, slowly but surely try to work her OUT of your weekends. Again, you need DH's support for this. He's got to be the one to stand up for his family.

Goodness Marissa... I can't imagine going through this like you are so my heart goes out to you. I can imagine the anger and I won't judge about the "D" word talk and the ring throwing - but please try to realize that that type of behavior is not productive in this situation and can only make things worse.

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What a witch! I'm so sorry you have to go through this Marissa... I was in a similar situation with an ex, and we ended because of it. I just couldn't handle it anymore (the woman had the *AUDACITY* to claim that I made up the whole story about my mother having breast cancer so I could get out of visiting them! ). I really don't think it's fair that she's claiming her share of the money when she was just as content to sit back and not go after it. YOU were the one who did some snooping and realized you were entitled to the money back. And, after all, YOU were the one who hired an attorney to get that money back! First, I would deduct a certain amount from it for your efforts to get the money and then absolutely give it back. It may take longer to buy a house, but so be it, as long as no strings are attached. When and if you and hubby find the house you want, you can then tell her, and if she's willing to shell some mula out, take it, but if she isn't willing unless she's "involved" in the househunt, then let it go... you can do it on your own!

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Oh Marissa, I'm so sorry

I have to say I agree with giving her $$ back, and when the time comes that you and DH are ready to purchase a house (of YOUR choice) and she still wants to give you the $$ towards it, I say take it. If she wants to have ANY input as far as the house you buy, I would tell her to keep her $$ and you'll do it on your own.

It definately sounds like your only option is to move away from this controlling woman. How does DH feel about relocating?? Is he OK with leaving his mom? You say she is your only real issue with your DH, so please try not to let her ruin your marriage.

Please feel free to FM me if you want to talk

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So sorry you are going through this.

It sounds to me that the bigger problem is with your DH and not your MIL. Although she is 100% wrong, you and DH are a couple and you need to be seen as a united front to everyone, including your parents. You need to explain to your husband that for you to have a strong marriage (a positive, not a negative- like divorce), you need to consider each other's feelings. ANd he needs to respect your need NOT to be controlled by your MIL and not to take her money. You can explain that if her $ came without conditions, you woudl be happy to take it- but since she is the way she is (and not going to change), you know that is not realistic and you are dealing with the situation at hand. You also need to respect his need to have his mother in his life, but find a compromise so that you can have her in your life, but not controlling it- ex... weekends are you own. Go away if you have to so that she gets out of the habit of having you there.

As to yoru comment that if you didn't have a baby you're not sure you would be there- If the fact that you have a baby is the main reason that you are still with DH, I also suggest your get yourselves into couseling ASAP. This is obviously a major issue. Its not unsurmountable, but you are clearly having trouble resolving it by yourself. A counselor could really help that and strengthen your marriage. This can only be the beginning of problems to come and I have seen couples who stay together because of the kids and let me tell you- it is not pretty and the children will end up with a skewed view of marriage.

In NO WAY am I telling you to leave DH, but you should definitely get counseling so you can work through this. My parents had issues when I was young and they went to counseling- and stayed in counseling- and they had a model marriage (until my dad passed away). Sometimes you just need a neutral 3rd party to help you with conflicts.

As long as you remain a united front and respect each other's needs, you can get through this, and even be stronger because of it!! Good luck!

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marissa, i'm sorry that you are going thru this. i haven't read thru this whole thread, but i had to stop at what you wrote here, and respond:

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Im just so sad... all the time...

I no longer can handle the strain she puts on my happiness...

and Im lost.... I feel there is no solution to this problem...and when I think this is my life FOREVER.... its real depressing....

Re: What to

Posted by Princessmaris

Im just so sad... all the time...

I no longer can handle the strain she puts on my happiness...

and Im lost.... I feel there is no solution to this problem...and when I think this is my life FOREVER.... its real depressing....

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Posted by Shellyesq

So sorry you are going through this.

It sounds to me that the bigger problem is with your DH and not your MIL. Although she is 100% wrong, you and DH are a couple and you need to be seen as a united front to everyone, including your parents. You need to explain to your husband that for you to have a strong marriage (a positive, not a negative- like divorce), you need to consider each other's feelings. ANd he needs to respect your need NOT to be controlled by your MIL and not to take her money. You can explain that if her $ came without conditions, you woudl be happy to take it- but since she is the way she is (and not going to change), you know that is not realistic and you are dealing with the situation at hand. You also need to respect his need to have his mother in his life, but find a compromise so that you can have her in your life, but not controlling it- ex... weekends are you own. Go away if you have to so that she gets out of the habit of having you there.

As to yoru comment that if you didn't have a baby you're not sure you would be there- If the fact that you have a baby is the main reason that you are still with DH, I also suggest your get yourselves into couseling ASAP. This is obviously a major issue. Its not unsurmountable, but you are clearly having trouble resolving it by yourself. A counselor could really help that and strengthen your marriage. This can only be the beginning of problems to come and I have seen couples who stay together because of the kids and let me tell you- it is not pretty and the children will end up with a skewed view of marriage.

In NO WAY am I telling you to leave DH, but you should definitely get counseling so you can work through this. My parents had issues when I was young and they went to counseling- and stayed in counseling- and they had a model marriage (until my dad passed away). Sometimes you just need a neutral 3rd party to help you with conflicts.

As long as you remain a united front and respect each other's needs, you can get through this, and even be stronger because of it!! Good luck!

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Ive read some of the above responses. I just wanted to add that cutting her out of your lives is not going to help the situation but limiting your encounters could. Especially now when things seem so heated. I dont mean limiting them maliciously like "ha, ha your not seeing your son or gandson"...I mean actually recognizing that you all might have some clear cut issues that will not always work out and because it seems like you are in fact becoming hurt, I think you should have time with your immediate family (household). You and DH have to work together. Keep his mother aside and figure out how the two of you are going to work together when in the company of his parents. This may mean him having to answer questions being asked of you both. I dont know if you remember a few weeks back my inlaws wanted my wedding video. I couldnt watch it and they were pushing it. Well I completely ignored their requests and DH had to keep returning the calls. Sometimes I think its necessary for the DH to answer to their parents rather then daughter in laws.

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Posted by DjPiLL

Posted by Princessmaris

Ahhh to be a man where life is just so 1-2-3 easy, and not to let anything bother me!

What is the meaning behind this statement?