Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

Sort of a spin off….

I thought I’d share this with you ladies in case others were in the same situation as me.

So yesterday there was a few threads about who can and can’t be in the delivery room with you. The talk leaned towards teaching hospitals and interns/residents. Someone posted how at the end an intern stitched her up and she was exhausted.

The more I thought about it the more I realized I will *NOT* be in any condition to give instructions, refuse care or even lift an arm after I’m done giving birth.

So I had a talk with the hubby. I clearly said the following rules apply:

- I’m ok with the interns and residents but I want my doctor’s eyes GLUED the whole time. I don’t want my doctor to say “ok he’s doing it” and then walk off…. No thank you. If he isn’t watching, ask the nearest nurse or anyone to find a doctor and let the intern know we are NOT comfortable with actions done without direct and constant supervision.

- NEVER allow the baby to leave the room unless you or I am with it, period. Unless she has some medical emergency or you can easily identify her later with some birth mark/mole, etc. She’s our pride and joy, don’t lose her!

- Ask what they are doing all the time. Don’t allow them to give the baby any shots without explanation (we have agreed on delayed immunizations). Doctors shouldn’t be surprised by this considering all the lawsuits involved overdosing infants lately.

- Do not leave me alone unless I am awake and aware (and he’s to know how to figure that out too) My Dad will be waiting on news and probably his family, I don’t care - let them wait.

- Your only duty is me and that baby. We will have time enough for passing on the news, etc but both me and the baby are very vulnerable at that point, be vigilant and stay on top of the doctors.

He took this conversation very seriously. He is now probably not so worried about the birth as he is about his responsibilities. LOL!

And yes, we both agreed the first conversation we are having with my Dad is who has the right to make my medical decisions for me. That should be fun.

Hope this helps someone…..and if any pros (already mommys) would like to add, please do

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

Sounds like you have unwittingly made out a "Birth Plan". To be sure everything is carried out, print out your post or just write it all out. This way DH won't have to remember it all.

In regards to delaying shots- MAKE SURE your OB as well as the staff are aware of this BEFORE you go to L&D.

My good friend's husband made a mark with a marker on their DD's foot so he'd know it was her later on.

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

Just thought of something- at some pioint during your labor, they may send your DH out of the room (they told DH to go to the nurse's station to get me ice chips). Once he left, they asked me questions about whether there is any abuse or if I fear for my safety, either from DH or anyone who might show up at the hospital. I suppose it's to make sure I was fully protected in my vulnerable state, but I was when DH walked back in.

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

I'm pretty far away from this stage, but thank you so much for posting this, I'm definitely notebooking this!

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

That was a great idea! What did DH say about all his responsibilities?

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

Great thread. I will see if I can think of anything else.

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

Message edited 7/23/2008 11:39:26 AM.

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

Wow - all great things that should be discussed - thanks for posting this!

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

DH and I have had similar talks as well.

However, as conservative and level headed as my DH is, and a bunch of you have met him, during labor and delivery or in an OR (with a c-section), all bets COULD be off. I can make list after list. (Which I have). I could say the same wishes til I am blue in the face, but for me to expect that he will:

a) remember everything

and/or

b) NOT be in such a state of wonderment and euphoria after the birth of his first child that all acts of common sense go out the window

is simply not fair or logical.

DH is my health care proxy. He knows my wishes, but this is his day too. Thank G-d I have a sister who can basically run a hospital based on her having been both of my parents' health care proxies when they had been ill. I will be counting on her to be DH's co-advocate (though she wont be in the delivery room) and make sure that the things we forget, she can remember.

My BIL has been an EMT for over 25 years and has delivered his share of children, but when it came to the birth of his own, it was a whole different ballgame.

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

Just so you know, there ARE going to be times when the baby will be taken out of the room and you will not be able to go with him/her. They will have to do the hearing test, the heal test and a few others.

Also, depending on where you are delivering, they take the baby out of the room and back to the nursery during visiting hours. (I know that Winthrop does this, although I delivered at NSUH and I was able to have the baby with me 24/7 if I chose to, although I chose to have the baby sleep in the nursery overnight, so I could rest).

Just wanted you to keep that in mind.

Overall, I believe that everyone should have a health proxy (if you haven't gotten your hosp. reg. forms yet, this will be included in there. make sure to pack copies of everything in your hospital bag).

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

Thats so funny that you started this thread today... I was the one who started both those threads yesterday and had a long azz talk with dh lastnight about all my wishes...he was like...you're only 10 weeks! I guess I freaked him out a bit...so I decided to start a list of important things and will have that in my hospital bag for him to reference if needed. But like Goldi said, all sense could go out the window that day, so I would def have another person or 2 or 3 that knows your plans...def including your OB...Good luck to all

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

Just to clarify
I know the baby will leave the room

Its just RIGHT after birth when all he LL has broken lose and I'm out of it, that I'm worried about.

I know the baby has stuff to be done, but not right after birth.. nope she stays with me.

If she's deaf (which by the way is possible) she's not going to regain that hearing in the short time it takes for me to be 'real' again.

Nothing (except emergency which i did mention) should take that baby away from my sight or my hubby's until we can CLEARLY know what's going on and know our baby is not being mixed up, mistreated (against our wishes) etc.

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

Just to ease your mind re: taking the baby out of the room... I gave birth at Columbia Presbyterian. We all had matching bracelets - me, DH and one was put on DD very shortly after birth, before she left the delivery room. Plus DD had an alarm put on her little foot and they never gave her to me without checking that our numbers matched and without scanning her bar coded-foot with this scanner thingy. I assume most hospitals have something similar now, considering all the crazies that are out there.

She stayed with me a while and then my DH took her from the delivery room to the nursery (at the nurse's suggestion). I think they only whisk them away in emergencies.

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

thanks for posting, I didn't even think about this, I like everything that you came up with and think all of them are great points

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

They cant give your child any injections unless you have signed a form saying they can do soo.. so make sure your dh is alert when the staff starts asking you questions and reads over anything they have you sign before signing.

eta: also like PP they brought us the baby with her bracelet on her arm and foot and had a tag on her umbilical cord.. we check all three to make sure they matched mine before she was allowed to leave my room

Message edited 7/23/2008 4:06:13 PM.

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

great info!i will be havin this talk with dh also.. he is already on his p's and q's because i toldi him about the doc yrs ago who carved his intiials into a patient after giving her a c-section. so he's already on notice to watch everything.. i will print this info out.. i am afraid of dang on near everything, but i def don't wnat them giving my baby injections of any kind.. especially with the mix ups they've had with the wrong dosage's..

and all though i trust my doctor, and he is associated with winthrop so i HAVE to go there.. i do not trust winthrop at all due to issues my father had there..
so both my hubby and my mom are on guard and on duty from the time i roll in there till i roll out with my baby..

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

Re: Had a "Talk" with the Hubby....

Posted by browneyedgirl

Posted by Xelindrya

Just to clarify
I know the baby will leave the room

Its just RIGHT after birth when all he LL has broken lose and I'm out of it, that I'm worried about.

I know the baby has stuff to be done, but not right after birth.. nope she stays with me.

If she's deaf (which by the way is possible) she's not going to regain that hearing in the short time it takes for me to be 'real' again.

Nothing (except emergency which i did mention) should take that baby away from my sight or my hubby's until we can CLEARLY know what's going on and know our baby is not being mixed up, mistreated (against our wishes) etc.

i wanted to let you know that i labored for 17 hours and pushed for 5! and even with all that stress and an episiotomy, i was fully aware the entire labor and the minute my son was born. i saw and knew everything. it's amazing how unchaotic the delivery room was--the staff knew what they were doing. everything was quiet and there were only necessary people there. and even though i was exhausted, i wasn't out of it at all so you may not be either!

they will take the baby as soon as he/she is born and do the tests, etc. they are done in the room with you. i didn't hold him until probably 5 minutes after he was born and was all wrapped up and taken care of.

the baby really can't get mixed up...they clamp him immediately with an alarm and an id tag IN THE ROOM. and you and your DH get matching ones. they don't take the baby out of the room until all that is done, so please don't worry!

you have to sign a form about the hep b shot (whether they are or aren't getting it) AS SOON as you get to the hospital. they can't give or deny it until you sign that form. make sure you bring your health care proxy and/or living will to the hospital...very important if you have one!

try to remain relaxed about the whole experience...they are professionals and everything runs very smoothly! (at least at south nassau!) i didn't have a care in the world after DS was born...i just kept looking at him and knew everything was right in the world.

i'm not sure what you're referring to about the baby being mistreated...all the nurses and doctors are so nice and kind to you and your child! the whole labor and delivery process was amazing...i went into it with an open mind and no worries and left the same way.

good luck to you!