WWYD - wedding gift related

I personally see 1 real miss here not the 2, the wedding basically, not the birthday.
He skipped the wedding gift. He should have given something, but didn't. He was in his 20s, and you said he was immature for his age... not right, but it makes sense.

the kids birthday thing... I dunno. Getting people to RSVP is a pain. I know my cousins have been invited to my son's birthday parties and have not RSVPed. we've always assumed they weren't coming, and honestly it was not a big thing for me. I just know they're flaky and they're not that close to me. They were invited b/c they have a kid and we invited his parents, my aunt and uncle because we're close to them.

I wasn't there or really know your situation directly, but IMHO, this is a lot of stressing over nothing. The wedding was 5 years ago and he was an immature kid. Now he's a bit of a flake and didn't RSVP to a birthday party that was important to you, but really is a blip on the extended families radar. IF you're going to go, give a gift, not a big one, but an OK on the low side gift. Don't be petty, its outside the spirit of a wedding. You're either going to celebrate and want to, which you should give a gift, or RSVP no and let it slide.

Message edited 11/1/2018 4:05:42 PM.

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

I personally wouldn't have gone to the wedding but since you are going, I'd make a point by giving $75-100 (75 makes more of a point.) It's more the 1st birthday snub that bothers me.

WWYD - wedding gift related

It might be the fiancé who is behind this. I think her not going to your showers is telling. I decline showers on DH’s side all the time because I’m not fans of them. I’ve definitely skipped out on parties for his nephews because his sister drives me insane. Honestly, we turn down all sorts of parties.

We do, however, RSVP no and send a gift. We’re polite jerks.

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

WWYD - wedding gift related

Did anyone have Clomid iui

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

my reply could have been a book lol
so i'm editing!

families are complicated.

i'm petty and wouldn't go. i did this very same thing three years ago at my cousin's son's wedding. we're cool now, but i won't forget what was done to me. yes, i'm my crazy mother's daughter.

as far as your situation... because you made it clear that your aunt is an important person in your life and you would not want HER to have hurt feeling... for her and only her... i would go to the wedding and i would give slightly less than i normally give at a wedding.

i hope you can find the words to make your DH feel comfortable with this decision.

plan B can be to tell DH you'll give an empty card and slide $100 in it before you seal the envelope. again, something i learned from my mother... how to lie to your husband.

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I would want to give $100, but don't know if I could.

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

Posted by Bugaboo

Posted by LuckyStar

It might be the fiancé who is behind this. I think her not going to your showers is telling. I decline showers on DH’s side all the time because I’m not fans of them. I’ve definitely skipped out on parties for his nephews because his sister drives me insane. Honestly, we turn down all sorts of parties.

We do, however, RSVP no and send a gift. We’re polite jerks.

I agree that the fiance is behind this. She obviously has an issue with you guys or your cousin's side of the family. Your cousin may be immature or a flake, but since his fiance has played a role in all these events, it's very telling. Especially since she didn't even respond to your text about your son's birthday party.

I would feel the same as your DH, but I would also begrudgingly give what I would normally give, for the sake of your relationship with your Aunt.

If any cousin in my family went to another cousin's wedding with a date and "forgot" to put a check in the card they would be crucified. They would have gotten a daily phone call from their mother and every other aunt reminding them until they sent the damn check.

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

Olive Garden gift card? it's the gift that keeps on giving lol

jk... Either decline the invite or go and give less than you normally would and call it a day. Don't give it too much thought. Him and his fiance sound like a couple of asholes.

Message edited 11/1/2018 7:29:43 PM.

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

Posted by MC09

Olive Garden gift card? it's the gift that keeps on giving lol

jk... Either decline the invite or go and give less than you normally would and call it a day. Don't give it too much thought. Him and his fiance sound like a couple of asholes.

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

I totally get doing it for your aunt who is important. my cousin in AZ graduated med school a few years ago and my aunt wanted everyone to come in for it and have a family reunion. (granted she moved years ago and NEVER comes in to visit anyone..lol). But my aunt has been so good to my son (at the time he was 5 and had not met her) so we took the trip to Az b/c this was a big day for her too. Cost me 3K between airfares, hotel, rental car, spending money. But it was worth it. I even got him a small gift for graduation.

My cousin couldnt give two shits that we were there, never made an effort to do anything with us after his graduation event. Even on our 2nd visit 2 yrs later b/c we loved AZ so much we went back..he never made any effort to join my aunt and us. Oh well..EFf him.

Honestly, I would go and just give a smaller gift. Give $50 or $75..whatever. a gifts a gift and if they talk shit about it then you can remind them that you are still waiting for your check.

Message edited 11/1/2018 8:57:02 PM.

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

I would give a nominal gift. Only because you said your aunt will be offended otherwise, plus I would feel weird not giving anything at all. So tell DH it's for your Aunt's sake and for the sake of the family, and you feel it's the right thing to do.

Your aunt probably thinks her son sent you the check. I bet he said he would mail it just to get his mom off his back.

Would you ever consider saying something to your cousin about how his behavior has been hurtful to you?

Message edited 11/1/2018 11:25:01 PM.

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

Posted by MC09

Olive Garden gift card? it's the gift that keeps on giving lol

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

I don't know if anyone else has suggested this, but I think I would be honest with your aunt:

Your son did not give us a wedding gift and never gave us a check.

He never wished our daughter a happy birthday and never RSVP'd for her birthday.

Because of these two instances, we are giving X. I want you to hear it from me so there is no way it can be misconstrued. I love and respect you, we just felt that these two incidents show how little he respects us. I do not want this to affect our relationship or create any issues, but you should talk to your son if you're upset and want to know why.

Be direct and honest. Family telephone games never end well. If she's as close to as you say she is, she should understand.

Good luck!

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

give $100...that is it

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WWYD - wedding gift related

I would send them a wedding frame and call it a day. Of course weddings aren't about the money but they have been disrespectful to you which is not right. A congratulations or a happy birthday to your daughter would have been enough. Give a card, congratulate them and give something small. That is all you need to do. If your Aunt says anything then shame on her.

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

I would give a small gift and part of me would want to send them an anonymous box of peeners.

https://dicksbymail.com/

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WWYD - wedding gift related

From experience.
If the fiance is in fact behind the weirdness between you all then not giving a gift is going to make things worse, not better. You have to decide what this is all worth to you.

FWIW I really would not be that upset about the birthday thing. People that don't have kids don't understand how important it is to you. My son is 7 and has not gotten a HBD from his Godfather for 6 years. It is what it is. I'm over it. It hurts but it is his choice and I can not control that.

As for your gift, do what you feel is right.

WWYD - wedding gift related

I think people take things way too personally.

So he didn't give you a wedding gift - is that really a big deal? Some people didn't give me a wedding gift, I don't even remember who at this point, its not important.

Also, some people don't see RSVPing as a big thing, its not right but I wouldn't take it as some huge personal insult.

He just seems a bit clueless, but not like he's slapping you in the face.

Wedding gifts are not a requirement - I would give one but if you don't no big deal. I would just step back and realize that you are kind of making a huge issue out of something that really isn't important in the grand scheme of things.

WWYD - wedding gift related

I know I'm in the minority, but I'm not into the tit for tat on gifting. You replied you would go, so give what you normally give.

Just don't invite them to anything anymore and don't expect them to show.

Re: WWYD - wedding gift related

I would definitely give less than a normal wedding.