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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by GoodThoughts
This reminds me of being in elementary school, at a dance, when the boys were on one side and the girls on another. We're adults. Can't boys and girl play together yet?
Of course.
I just know, me personally, if DH were getting together with work buddies and they were gonna talk shop and what not, I'd opt out. Just like how DH opts out of playdates.
Even if it were a group of friends, and maybe a few were without SO's. I could see that.
Not saying I don't want him there. Just don't see why he would want to be there. Like he would be bored. And they left early because he was bored. Case in point.
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Posted 7/5/13 11:46 PM  |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by Anxious3
Just because your DH would never do it - as you've been quick to point out and reiterate - doesn't make it odd that this DH would.
My DH comes on playdates when he's able. His work schedule is as such that he can do it during the week. I like spending the extra time with him and he enjoys hanging out with other parents. I have hung out with other dads during play dates too.
I have no idea what's odd about this scenario.
I am closed-minded maybe but I'm having a hard time picturing the guy who enjoys spending time with a bunch of wives who probably look forward to meeting up with their friends, sharing stories, and venting about life in general (which probably includes talking about their husbands).
OP, I bet if you asked a forum full of guys you'd get a different answer  Also, what about the other wives, did you ask them what they think?
My point exactly.
Not yet. I will probably see one next week.
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| Posted 7/5/13 11:49 PM |
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MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22150 total posts
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Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Is it possible he works at night and the day is when he can spend time with his kids?
Is it possible she doesn't drive and the only way for her to do this is with him driving?
I know that there have been times DH and I take DS to gymboree together. I am sure he will join me on playdates when the time comes.
I can see how the OP thinks it's weird but I can also think of a number of reasons why he might be there.
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| Posted 7/5/13 11:51 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by Mrs213
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by nycgirl
Posted by rugratmama
I'm not saying HE is weird. I just don't understand the appeal.
These playdates are 95% of the time, during the week. I don't usually do playdates on weekends when DH is off, because it's family time. Most of the moms I meet with do the same thing. On occasion, I will do a weekend playdate if we have a hard time meeting up during the week (ie if the mom works).
So, question. You tell your DH, "I'm meeting up with some if the moms from school, wanna come?" Your DH would go? Because my DH has no interest. Not because of the kids, because they'll be busy playing with friends. But because he has zero interest in sitting with my mom friends. Because that's what happens. The kids go off and play and the moms sit and chat.
Not talking about a library class or gymboree, just a playdate with a few women.
There's the thing: he probably works during the weekends (unlikely they are both unemployed and have all these weekdays free). Or, he works long hours and wants to spend his home time with the family. What's better, to go to a sports game with his buddies?
He's giving up "alone" family time so that his kids can belong to playgroups.
Trust me: no matter how hot your mama group (even at the beach) is, it's not appealing to him....He's just trying to spend quality time with his kid(s).
He has plenty of time with his family. More than the average guy. Quality time on a playdate with 10 kids? No such thing.
Not saying he's coming for the moms. His wife is slammin' and they appear to be happily married. Just don't see the appeal to hang out with a bunch of moms, and be the only dude.
ETA. This is not a playgroup. It's moms who a friends with each other, from school.
I just don't understand why you keep feeling the need to justify how you feel about it when you asked people if they thought it was weird. Some people don't think it's weird, and some do, why keep pressing the issue? It's not that serious lol
Well, like I said, I just don't see the appeal. Can't get quality time with your kids on a playdate because they are playing with other kids, so I just don't understand it I guess.
But that's the point everyone is making to you, who cares if YOU don't see the appeal. For whatever reason, that Dad does see the appeal and wants to be there with his family. Unless you specifically said it is a "girls day out" then I don't see why he can't be there............whether you think it's weird or not. He sounds like a nice family man from what you have described. Good for him!
And I disagree with you, ANY time you spend with your kids is worthwhile. Dad (or Mom) being at the play dates, the school shows, the birthday parties, or even just running mundane errands are EXACTLY the things kids will remember when they look back on their childhood. My DD looooooves when we are all together as a family even if she runs off to do her own thing. She just likes knowing we're both there so to me, every moment spent together is a quality moment.......especially in the eyes of a child.
Leave it be, he's not harming anyone and good for him he wants to be with his family over doing something else. 
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| Posted 7/5/13 11:52 PM |
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BeachGal
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 2827 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by Anxious3
Just because your DH would never do it - as you've been quick to point out and reiterate - doesn't make it odd that this DH would.
My DH comes on playdates when he's able. His work schedule is as such that he can do it during the week. I like spending the extra time with him and he enjoys hanging out with other parents. I have hung out with other dads during play dates too.
I have no idea what's odd about this scenario.
I am closed-minded maybe but I'm having a hard time picturing the guy who enjoys spending time with a bunch of wives who probably look forward to meeting up with their friends, sharing stories, and venting about life in general (which probably includes talking about their husbands).
OP, I bet if you asked a forum full of guys you'd get a different answer Also, what about the other wives, did you ask them what they think?
I agree and am closed minded also but my DH and I are very independent of each other. My DH loves my DC just as much as that dad probably does but he would want no part of a play date with a bunch of girls. I think it depends on the type of guy the DH is.
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| Posted 7/5/13 11:54 PM |
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JsWife
His laugh, Her smile
Member since 12/06 2902 total posts
Name:
Patricia
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by Anxious3
Just because your DH would never do it - as you've been quick to point out and reiterate - doesn't make it odd that this DH would.
My DH comes on playdates when he's able. His work schedule is as such that he can do it during the week. I like spending the extra time with him and he enjoys hanging out with other parents. I have hung out with other dads during play dates too.
I have no idea what's odd about this scenario.
I am closed-minded maybe but I'm having a hard time picturing the guy who enjoys spending time with a bunch of wives who probably look forward to meeting up with their friends, sharing stories, and venting about life in general (which probably includes talking about their husbands).
OP, I bet if you asked a forum full of guys you'd get a different answer Also, what about the other wives, did you ask them what they think?
I have to agree. If he went to the first play date thinking other dads would be there - I could understand. But to keep going when it's just moms. - I just don't get it. Particularly if its during the week. I could possibly understand if he worked all week and the play date was on the weekend and he wanted to spend time with his kid. But honestly, even so I think it a bit strange. Totally with your husband on this.
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| Posted 7/5/13 11:59 PM |
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schmora15
LIF Adult
Member since 9/08 2476 total posts
Name:
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Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
I have this with one of my friends but she is a ftwm and goes to school plus her DH is a fireman. My DH works rotating shifts too so I totally get it. The other hint is you mentioned being more like acquaintances. Maybe she wants her kids to play but isn't all that into the mom gossip and asks him to tag along so she can chat a bit with the girls but still do her own thing. Just a thought :)
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| Posted 7/5/13 11:59 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
No - I don't think it's weird that a father would want to spend time with his family.
DS has some school friends where the dad's work schedule is more flexible than the moms and so it is the dad that brings his DS to things - parties, playdates etc. He has brought his DS to my house and we sat and chatted while the kids played. I don't see the big deal and don't understand why you would care honestly and really don't understand why your DH is commenting on this or why he cares?
For weekend parties we see MANY dads at parties and I expect that many DH's will be there - weekends are family time in my book so if you throw a party during this time you should understand that the DH's may show up too.
Message edited 7/6/2013 12:03:43 AM.
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| Posted 7/6/13 12:02 AM |
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Onemoretime
LIF Adult
Member since 9/12 1077 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by anonymous20
I also do not think it is weird at all! I think more dads should be so involved. He is probably not there to hang with the moms-he is there for his kid. He could probably care less what the ladies are talking about!
My dh a very actively involved dad and I love it. My LO benefits from it so much...always looking for him.
Do any of you include him in your conversations?
ITA
I especially agree with how much the kids benefit with 2 actively involved parents. Usually when we do play dates, all of the families are involved. All the moms and dads chat together and play with the kids together.
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| Posted 7/6/13 12:06 AM |
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Daisy32
Mommy
Member since 2/08 8081 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Yes I think it's odd for a guy to come along to a play date full of women. I don't get it either My dh loves being with our son but if I asked him to come on a play date chock full of chicks - he wouldn't feel comfortable.
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| Posted 7/6/13 12:25 AM |
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BeachGal
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 2827 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by BeachGal
Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by Anxious3
Just because your DH would never do it - as you've been quick to point out and reiterate - doesn't make it odd that this DH would.
My DH comes on playdates when he's able. His work schedule is as such that he can do it during the week. I like spending the extra time with him and he enjoys hanging out with other parents. I have hung out with other dads during play dates too.
I have no idea what's odd about this scenario.
I am closed-minded maybe but I'm having a hard time picturing the guy who enjoys spending time with a bunch of wives who probably look forward to meeting up with their friends, sharing stories, and venting about life in general (which probably includes talking about their husbands).
OP, I bet if you asked a forum full of guys you'd get a different answer Also, what about the other wives, did you ask them what they think?
I agree and am closed minded also but my DH and I are very independent of each other. My DH loves my DC just as much as that dad probably does but he would want no part of a play date with a bunch of girls. I think it depends on the type of guy the DH is.
Eta-just realized you said it was a beach play date. That is completely weird and annoying!!! I hear you loud and clear!!
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| Posted 7/6/13 7:03 AM |
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Why is that weird? Playdates are about the kid..... DH has gone to things with DS for HIM - not to be with the other moms. If the mom isn't available and the dad is, why should the kid miss out on the playdate? It's almost 2014.... Men are equal partners now!
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| Posted 7/6/13 8:35 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Why is that weird? Playdates are about the kid..... DH has gone to things with DS for HIM - not to be with the other moms. If the mom isn't available and the dad is, why should the kid miss out on the playdate? It's almost 2014.... Men are equal partners now!
Yes. But this isn't a playgroup. It's a few moms who have become friends. So, while it IS a playdate, it's also women getting together to hang out. KWIM
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| Posted 7/6/13 9:33 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by schmora15
I have this with one of my friends but she is a ftwm and goes to school plus her DH is a fireman. My DH works rotating shifts too so I totally get it. The other hint is you mentioned being more like acquaintances. Maybe she wants her kids to play but isn't all that into the mom gossip and asks him to tag along so she can chat a bit with the girls but still do her own thing. Just a thought :)
She's very friendly with the moms. Totally likes to talk and be in conversations and even gossip from time to time. It's not about that.
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| Posted 7/6/13 9:37 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by Mrs213
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by nycgirl
Posted by rugratmama
I'm not saying HE is weird. I just don't understand the appeal.
These playdates are 95% of the time, during the week. I don't usually do playdates on weekends when DH is off, because it's family time. Most of the moms I meet with do the same thing. On occasion, I will do a weekend playdate if we have a hard time meeting up during the week (ie if the mom works).
So, question. You tell your DH, "I'm meeting up with some if the moms from school, wanna come?" Your DH would go? Because my DH has no interest. Not because of the kids, because they'll be busy playing with friends. But because he has zero interest in sitting with my mom friends. Because that's what happens. The kids go off and play and the moms sit and chat.
Not talking about a library class or gymboree, just a playdate with a few women.
There's the thing: he probably works during the weekends (unlikely they are both unemployed and have all these weekdays free). Or, he works long hours and wants to spend his home time with the family. What's better, to go to a sports game with his buddies?
He's giving up "alone" family time so that his kids can belong to playgroups.
Trust me: no matter how hot your mama group (even at the beach) is, it's not appealing to him....He's just trying to spend quality time with his kid(s).
He has plenty of time with his family. More than the average guy. Quality time on a playdate with 10 kids? No such thing.
Not saying he's coming for the moms. His wife is slammin' and they appear to be happily married. Just don't see the appeal to hang out with a bunch of moms, and be the only dude.
ETA. This is not a playgroup. It's moms who a friends with each other, from school.
I just don't understand why you keep feeling the need to justify how you feel about it when you asked people if they thought it was weird. Some people don't think it's weird, and some do, why keep pressing the issue? It's not that serious lol
Well, like I said, I just don't see the appeal. Can't get quality time with your kids on a playdate because they are playing with other kids, so I just don't understand it I guess.
But that's the point everyone is making to you, who cares if YOU don't see the appeal. For whatever reason, that Dad does see the appeal and wants to be there with his family. Unless you specifically said it is a "girls day out" then I don't see why he can't be there............whether you think it's weird or not. He sounds like a nice family man from what you have described. Good for him!
And I disagree with you, ANY time you spend with your kids is worthwhile. Dad (or Mom) being at the play dates, the school shows, the birthday parties, or even just running mundane errands are EXACTLY the things kids will remember when they look back on their childhood. My DD looooooves when we are all together as a family even if she runs off to do her own thing. She just likes knowing we're both there so to me, every moment spent together is a quality moment.......especially in the eyes of a child.
Leave it be, he's not harming anyone and good for him he wants to be with his family over doing something else.
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| Posted 7/6/13 9:38 AM |
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by rugratmama
I have playdates with some moms from school, and this one mom's DH shows up sometimes. Her kid will be invited to birthday parties and the whole family comes. I've come to expect it.
We had a beach playdate with 4 moms, and her DH came. My DH thinks its weird, which I kind of agree. Because why does this guy even want to hang out with a bunch of moms? He seems harmless. But DH thinks it's ridiculous. I honestly think if I invited her to my house, her DH would come. Because it's just awkward, I won't be doing that. But group playdates I'm fine with. DH thought it was overkill, going to the beach.
Thoughts?
My dh has always come along to things that maybe just the mom and kids were at (mostly because the dh's are working or are just not interested in going-which is sad IMO).
I don't find it odd. I actually think it is great that my dh wants to do the most he can with myself and his kids.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:17 AM |
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by rugratmama
I get that it's cool that he wants to spend time with his kids. I think it's nice. But at the same time, he's hanging out with a bunch of moms. I guess, because my DH would never do that. He spends time with my kids. But he's not about to hang out with a bunch of chicks.
And? He is spending time with HIS wife and kids. Is the dh hitting on all the moms?
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:20 AM |
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by InShock
To all of you who are saying it's not odd - do YOU hang out with other moms, 3 or more of you, and regularly have a dad join in?
Yep, my dh ALWAYS does things with us and other moms.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:22 AM |
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SandL
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/12 541 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Not weird at all. I have been on play dates where a dad has been present on more than one occasion. I don't mint at all. Actually, it's a bit refreshing.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:24 AM |
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by anonymous20
I also do not think it is weird at all! I think more dads should be so involved. He is probably not there to hang with the moms-he is there for his kid. He could probably care less what the ladies are talking about!
My dh a very actively involved dad and I love it. My LO benefits from it so much...always looking for him.
Do any of you include him in your conversations?
I talk to him. He's just very quiet.
Maybe if he was more with adults he would open up--???
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:27 AM |
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by rugratmama
I'm not saying HE is weird. I just don't understand the appeal.
These playdates are 95% of the time, during the week. I don't usually do playdates on weekends when DH is off, because it's family time. Most of the moms I meet with do the same thing. On occasion, I will do a weekend playdate if we have a hard time meeting up during the week (ie if the mom works).
So, question. You tell your DH, "I'm meeting up with some if the moms from school, wanna come?" Your DH would go? Because my DH has no interest. Not because of the kids, because they'll be busy playing with friends. But because he has zero interest in sitting with my mom friends. Because that's what happens. The kids go off and play and the moms sit and chat.
Not talking about a library class or gymboree, just a playdate with a few women.
Unless he had something else planned, yep, he would go.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:28 AM |
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BeachGal
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 2827 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Why is that weird? Playdates are about the kid..... DH has gone to things with DS for HIM - not to be with the other moms. If the mom isn't available and the dad is, why should the kid miss out on the playdate? It's almost 2014.... Men are equal partners now!
Yes. But this isn't a playgroup. It's a few moms who have become friends. So, while it IS a playdate, it's also women getting together to hang out. KWIM
Like!
For those who say that it is better to have 2 actively involved parents, this is so completely unrelated!!! I just think certain women are different than others! I would tell my DH it was just the girls going with their DC and he would say ok, have fun! When we returned home he would actively play with my DC until bedtime...he can miss a few hours here and there and still be actively involved ! We are not glued at the hip but some couple are....different strokes for different folks! :)
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:28 AM |
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Anxious3
LIF Infant
Member since 1/13 164 total posts
Name:
floof
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by BeachGal
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Why is that weird? Playdates are about the kid..... DH has gone to things with DS for HIM - not to be with the other moms. If the mom isn't available and the dad is, why should the kid miss out on the playdate? It's almost 2014.... Men are equal partners now!
Yes. But this isn't a playgroup. It's a few moms who have become friends. So, while it IS a playdate, it's also women getting together to hang out. KWIM
Like!
For those who say that it is better to have 2 actively involved parents, this is so completely unrelated!!! I just think certain women are different than others! I would tell my DH it was just the girls going with their DC and he would say ok, have fun! When we returned home he would actively play with my DC until bedtime...he can miss a few hours here and there and still be actively involved ! We are not glued at the hip but some couple are....different strokes for different folks! :)
It's not to do with being attached at the hip. DH doesn't have any friends who are parents, so he has befriended the moms (and dads!) I've met through LIF and its various FB offshoot groups. So sometimes he comes along or is home when I have people over and he likes the company. He likes the other kids and the other parents. And sometimes the dads come too, or are home when I come by for a playdate. I just don't see it as weird, sorry.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:49 AM |
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Jenn627
Laaaaaaaambert!
Member since 5/08 9818 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
I think it's kinda weird. If you need family time together, say no to the play date.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:55 AM |
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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Would you think this is weird? Playdate and DH related.
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by InShock
To all of you who are saying it's not odd - do YOU hang out with other moms, 3 or more of you, and regularly have a dad join in?
Yep, my dh ALWAYS does things with us and other moms.
Same. In my circle of friends, all of our DHs work weird, messed up schedules at times. When we get together, there is usually one or two, but not all of our DHs present.
And FWIW, DH and I are hardly attached at the hip. But when DS is involved, we like to spend as much time together as possible. I don't really count a play date as getting together with the girls anyways as we are always chasing after the kids and whatnot.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:59 AM |
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