Would this piss you off?

Mil has been staying with us during the week to watch DD. She has since organized our linen closet and another hallways closet. I found it a little weird but great that I didnt have to do it because I just havent gotten to it.

This weekend i had something i needed to return to the store that my husband said was in his closet. He keeps his work clothes in the closet in a spare bedroom. I go to grab the item and realize that his entire closet is organized because she decided she would do it (he didnt ask her to do it) He doesnt see a problem with it but I do. I feel like she is slowly taking over my household. I had some papers in my living room that were left on a table. She decided to go through those too and organize and now I cant find something I need. I had a gift bag that had some of my stuff in it. She decided because the bag was ripped a little that she would put it in a diff bag.

I made some comments to DH that i feel she is being a little intrusive but he doesnt see what the big deal is. He then tells me she was putting something in my basement and saw a box of old spices and brought it up and asked him why it was down there. She has even started moving boxes around in the basement.

I just need to vent and see if I am crazy for feeling the way I do. Thanks

Message edited 12/3/2017 4:37:02 PM.

Re: Would this piss you off?

She's bored. What activities is she doing with your child that she should be watching?? Maybe sign her up for classes to get both of them out of the house

Would this piss you off?

You aren't crazy, but you know what the answer is...you have to find other childcare arrangements, or you will have to accept the fact that she will continue to do this. Me personally, I couldn't abide by it.

Re: Would this piss you off?

Would this piss you off?

My mom does this, annoys the crap out of me. She does it to all of us

Would this piss you off?

My mom does it too and I LOVE it hahaha. But I'm pretty easy going. The only that I'd probably ask she didn't do was fuss with mail and or documents. Everything else organize and clean away!

Would this piss you off?

my grandma always did this, drove me crazy because she would clean out my draws, BUT I know she meant well when I look back.

She might be bord or trying to help bc you work. Ask her what is driving her to clean the closets out see what she says

Would this piss you off?

She’s staying over in your home all week—to watch your child, I assume for free?
There is always a price for “free” babysitting. This is your price! So you can either deal with it, or find other arrangements. If your child is young and napping for a few hours she’s probably bored.

Re: Would this piss you off?

Can you say that you appreciate the help but prefer to organize your own personal stuff, and suggest a different way she can help. Like cooking meals or doing kids laundry. She is probably bored. Ask her to help in otherwise like vacuuming is she feels the need to do something.

Would this piss you off?

My mom does this too and I love it. The only thing I wouldn't want her to organize is the mail and documents, which she doesn't. It honestly saves me so much time when she helps me so I don't mind

Re: Would this piss you off?

Re: Would this piss you off?

Would this piss you off?

I agree with other posters that she must be getting bored. Does she have any hobbies or interests? Like any type of shows or movies? Maybe load up your DVR with shows/movies you think she'll like, but some of her favorite snacks and encourage her to relax during downtime watching your dd.

Re: Would this piss you off?

Re: Would this piss you off?

This would absolutely piss me off.

But, I do think that she likely thinks she is helping. She sees a working mom & working dad and thinks that she can spend a few mins making your lives easier. It seems good intentioned, but I understand why you feel like it's crossing a boundary of your privacy.

I think the best thing to do is talk to her and let her know how you feel. Perhaps, she will understand if she truly was good intentioned. I do think it's important that you set your boundaries. You need DH to be totally on the same page and speak to her as well.

Are there any small tasks you could give her to do during the day? For example, maybe let her know that it would be a big help to throw in your child's laundry or something so that she can feel like she helps without being intrusive? Could she prep something for dinner? I'm not saying she should do these things, just if she has spare time and wants to help, maybe think of things that you would be comfortable with?

If she doesn't respond well to discussing it, and continues to do things you are uncomfortable with, you really do need to decide if you either hold your tongue and deal with it or find alternate child arrangements. Some people are willing to change, others are not.

I have a lot of "well intentioned" family members, and they can be the most difficult to deal with, so I get it. I really do.....

Re: Would this piss you off?

This would drive me nuts & make me really uncomfortable. Maybe I'm a control freak a little bit, but I wouldn't like anyone rearranging any of my storage space, even in the kitchen.. but Our closet space, linen cabinets, etc. I consider to be private space.. I mean yes being that she's in your house & will need to go into certain drawers obviously to get things, but your closet & to rearrange it?! I'm getting anxious just thinking about that.
I'd have DH ask her immediately to please don't move things around & just leave them as they are.
I agree with others to provide ideas for other things she can do while the baby naps, either to be helpful or just to relax for herself like watching something on tv.
If she continues to invade your personal space I'd have to get locks or something put on those closets because I couldn't deal with that.

Re: Would this piss you off?

Can you send her to my house??? She can bring your child too!

I honestly wouldn't care. I can use every bit of help I can get.

Re: Would this piss you off?

Posted by FirstMate

Can you send her to my house??? She can bring your child too!

I honestly wouldn't care. I can use every bit of help I can get.

Would this piss you off?

It would drive me insane. I don't like people touching or rifling through my things at all. I would probably politely say something now before it I exploded on her.

Re: Would this piss you off?

That would put me over the edge. The towels are one thing, but don’t touch my personal papers. And my mil would totally do something like this

Re: Would this piss you off?

I totally get how you're feeling, but as others have said, I think she's bored and trying to help. But of course I don't know her so it's hard to say.

I would personally appreciate the help! There are so few hours spent together at home and if I don't have to spend them cleaning that would be a plus. Maybe you speak to her and set certain boundaries - like bedrooms and papers, please don't touch.

Free childcare is never really free, there are always hassles, but you know your child is safe and loved (not that she wouldn't be at daycare) so you just need to decide if this "cost" is worth it for you.

Re: Would this piss you off?

I agree with a lot of the PP's. She is probably bored and feels like she's being helpful. (Personally, it wouldn't bother me because the closets are the only things in my house that desperately need attention)

Maybe try actually asking her for help with OTHER stuff. That will fill her time and make her efforts appreciated by you. Maybe you need some daily help with getting dinner started or the kids laundry done on a certain day. Or find crafts on pinterest and say "I think x would love to try this craft with you"

Message edited 12/4/2017 8:23:19 AM.

Re: Would this piss you off?

Do you not like your MIL?

I don't like mine while she would never be allowed to watch my children if for some reason she did and she was doing this I would be so annoyed and probably say something.

Now if my mother did it i would be so happy and grateful cause I have no time for that stuff!!!

Re: Would this piss you off?

Posted by shadows

Posted by beachbabe

My mom does this too and I love it. The only thing I wouldn't want her to organize is the mail and documents, which she doesn't. It honestly saves me so much time when she helps me so I don't mind

This! I don't have kids, but my mom used to come over to dog and cat-sit if we were away She would clean, organize, change the sheets, buy groceries, you name it.

I'm trying to figure out whether it would bother me if it were my MIL instead of my mom. I don't think it would as long as she didn't get TOO intrusive.

My DH didn't care (probably didn't even notice).

Re: Would this piss you off?

No, I'd be glad she cleaned lol