What do you think....Update!!!!

Dh's sister came to visit from MD. Last night I made a nice dinner for everyone. During dessert my MIL, SIL and DH decide to go to the city tonight....but never ever thought to include me or the baby in their plans. I was hurt by this. I'm good enough to cook for them...clean up complty by myself...but I'm not good enough to be included.
Dh says that I shouldn't be upset because it is his sister not mine...wow honey thanks for making me feel like I'm part of the family!!!!!

do you think that I am over reacting? Or do I have a right to be upset?

oh...by the way they plan to eat dinner at my house again on Sat. and Sun....so basically I feel like the Chef and Maid.




Update:...so Friday night DH shows up at home with his mother and sister in tow. Apparently he told them that I was upset because they never thought to extend the invite to me. Mind you I never wanted DH to change his plans or tell them I was upset...I simply wanted him to be more mindful in the future. I made this very very clear to DH...but like a true man he needs to FIX things.
Luckily they brought home a Pizza with them...because there was no way in the world I was going to cook. DH opened a bottle of wine...none for me because we are TTC...and we put in King Kong. It was a nice evening...and DH apoligized for not extending the invite, and told me that James and I are his #1's.
Saturday everyone was sleeping in...so I took James on a nice long walk before it rained. Got home, everyone was still sleeping, so James and I ran some errands...Waldbaums, Bank, Dry Cleaners...I picked up some cold Cuts and rolls for lunch...of course MIL see's me with grocerys. I tell her that I picked up Cold cuts for lunch...she says oh ok...I'll be right in. doesn't help with the grocerys...just shows up for the food...then leaves.
Dinner time rolls around and I had prepared a nice meal...and untold to me or DH Uncle Jimmy was invited to dinner by MIL...imagine inviting people over to my house and not even bring so much a dessert. So I cook dinner and when its time to clean up MIL disappears downstairs to her apt. But she is back in time for coffee and the apple pie that I baked...dessert is over and she suddenly has a bathroom emergancy...she will be back up latter...meanwhile DH was showing his Uncle our fence...because it needs to be replaced and Unlce Jimmy might know someone...so I really didn't mind that they walked away from the table without cleaning up.
DH came back in...and I told him quietly that I need a few minutes...and I went into the bedroom. DH came in and asked whats wrong...I explained what his mother had NOT donw....meanwhile I'm the one playing suzy homemaker to her family. DH got ******. Apparently he had mentioned to her earlier that she eats up at our house often and really should pitch in in the clean up and not expect me to serve her....it annoyed DH that she has been taking advantage of me for awhile.
I aksed DH not to say anything because I didn't want to make our other guests uncomfortable...he agreed...but Sunday morning he ripped her a new one...she is not talking to me now...Oh Well!!!!

Message edited 4/3/2006 11:12:32 AM.

Re: What do you think

I wouldn't be cooking anything this weekend! Geez..I would feel the same way you're feeling. That's pretty rude that they're not including you and the baby in their plans.

When they ask what they're having for dinner...I would say reservations...

Re: What do you think

I would be RAGING mad!!! You're not the maid, chef and clean up committee, you're part of the family too. i think it was really rude and thoughtless to exclude you from the plans. I would be really hurt too.

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I truly would be hurt.............not even mad..just hurt
sorry sweets!

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I would be ordering takeout or going out for dinner for both nights, and I would tell my husband why. That is really inconsiderate.

Re: What do you think

Posted by rosaria

I truly would be hurt.............not even mad..just hurt
sorry sweets!

Re: What do you think

DH just called me to say that he is not going to go because he doesn't want me to feel bad.
I told him that the damage is done, and I never ever wanted him to stay home...I just wanted him to think of me and James.
But he just doesn't get it...he said that they will be with me and James all weekend...So that I can cook and clean up after them all...because not one of them knows how to push in a chair or bring a dish to the sink.

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I wonder if he knows that you like to leave the house occasionally too?

They don't clean up after themselves?
How frustrating!

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That's just crappy!! Make plans in front of him to go out and not invite him then maybe he'll get it.

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I would be hurt too!! Completely inconsiderate!

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Ouch! I'd be hurt and really pi**ed off!

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Saturday morning wake up early, and tell your DH that it's your turn. He's got his mother and his sister to help him with James. Go and get a mani/pedi, see a movie by yourself, go and get a massage, have lunch with a girlfriend. Heck, rent an inexpensive hotel room, and take a bath and a nap....do something for yourself.


ETA: you're not wrong for feeling bad, they were incredibly rude not to include you.

Message edited 3/31/2006 1:20:02 PM.

Re: What do you think

I think that is so inconsiderate of them!

can you say something when they get back........like, how was the city? Glad you had a good time. Wish James and I was there or something along those lines so your not complaining directly to them but you get your point across?????

Re: What do you think

That really blows. Men typically don't get it but there's no excuse for MIL, etc. No way would I be playing the happy hostess if they can't take your feelings into consideration. I say take the baby and go someplace nice - just the two of you. Since they want so much "faaaaammmily" time together, they can all figure out amongst themselves who will do the cooking and cleaning while you're gone. Tough nuggets on them!

Re: What do you think

wow you handled it a lot better then i would. I think you should say something to your DH and then make mention to the fact that you need help with the weekend plans. The only thing he said was it his sister not yours? what are they planning on doing?

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I would be really really upset! And helllll no I wouldn't be cooking for them on Sat and Sun night. I wouldn't even pick up the phone to order in or make reservations.

Re: What do you think

im sorry but that is VERY rude

how do they all pull this off???
they leave and say- BYE ! See you later??
Why dont you tell DH you want to go? What exactly are they doing in the city that you cant do too?

Re: What do you think

I would be so hurt too! If I were you, I'd make plans for you and James outside the house this weekend and completely leave the monster-in-law and lazy SIL at home.

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ya know, i could voice an opinion

but i learned a long time ago

hell hath no fury...

so i plead the fifth

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It kills me...DH is always asking me whats wrong...when there is nothing wrong...i tell him what is bothering me now...and he tells me that I'm being selfish.

I give up....throwing in the white towel...because for some reason I am the one person in the world who is wrong for having feelings.

I really wish that I could just spend the day pampering myself...but we don't have the money for me to splurge right now...so I think that I am going to just have to grin and bear it.

When my SIL leaves on Monday...I'll deal with it.

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Re: What do you think

you don't have to spend a lot, or anything if you don't want...a movie and some popcorn isn't too much to pay for your sanity

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I don't blame you for being upset that they didn't invite you, that totally would have been the right thing to do. Maybe their plans weren't baby friendly, still no excuse not to invite you though.

Re: What do you think

Best idea I've ever heard,except that morning I'd wake up really early and say I'm going out to get groceries for dinner. That way there would be no questions or argument while the maid runs her errands. Proceed with your "day of beauty" and then come home and plop a pizza pie on the table. Dinner is served


I love this idea! I'd be so p'od at DH... !!!