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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Well, he finally responded...
If anyone is following, and actually cares, the drama just goes onnnnnnnnn and onnnnnnnn  :
"After I made the plans to come up the last week of September, I made some
commitments to a fundraiser the previous weekend (Saturday) and made
promises I'd be there. If you could still use my help for part of the weekend, I can arrange to be there Sunday morning. The fundraiser ends at
night on Saturday, so If I ride up at night, I think it would take me less
time than if I'd come-up during the day. It normally takes me six hours, so
I'm thinking it would only take me five or five-and-a-half hours. If you
don't mind me arriving at three or four in the morning on Sunday, then I
could snooze on the couch a couple of hours and then be fine. You could use
me all day Sunday to pack and do whatever else you needed me to do. I'd just want to leave by 9:00pm Sunday night to head back to Virginia so I could get a few hours of shut-eye before I went into work on Monday morning. Let me know if my arriving before sunrise won't disturb anyone too badly and I'll be there."
So, everyone is basically telling me that their stupid, personal, social commitments are MORE important than the sacrifices, unpaid time off work, and commitments to my family that I have. This is my father's son... his SON... and all he can offer me is one day of help, meanwhile, I'm spending every day tending to my father's every need, spending countless hours prepping for his move, making all the calls, and taking a day off work to be there when the furniture and movers get there.
Thanks Bro. F U too.
So, my response:
"Don't bother"
And that will be the last two words I will ever utter, email, or write to him, ever again.
Caput.
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Posted 9/1/07 9:51 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
MrsKelly
just hangin' around...
Member since 11/06 6305 total posts
Name:
Krista
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
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| Posted 9/1/07 10:30 PM |
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NewYawkah
2012--A year of new beginnings
Member since 5/05 4402 total posts
Name:
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
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| Posted 9/1/07 10:32 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
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| Posted 9/1/07 10:44 PM |
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BellaRock
I am all the Me I will ever Be
Member since 5/06 9746 total posts
Name:
She who shall remain nameless
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
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| Posted 9/1/07 11:00 PM |
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nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
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| Posted 9/1/07 11:04 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
It doesn't sound like the worst response,but I know it's not what you wanted to hear.
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| Posted 9/1/07 11:05 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
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| Posted 9/1/07 11:05 PM |
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MrsT
Enjoying wedded bliss.....
Member since 4/06 1323 total posts
Name:
Katrina
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
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| Posted 9/2/07 1:46 AM |
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rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
Name:
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
for being 6 hours away, it is something. Like a pp poster said I know its not what you wanted to hear.
When my mother was taking care of my grandfather , her brother was 10 minutes away and didnt do anything.
I know you want more so  but he hasnt completely abandoned his responsibilities. Your angry right now but I would really consider ending your relationship forever because of this.
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| Posted 9/2/07 7:21 AM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
Ugh! I'm so sorry. I think your response is appropriate, but I would add (or e-mail him one last time) with what you wrote here about all you & DH have done and what a disgrace it is that he can't make any real sacrifice at all. I hope this stress is all over with very soon. You deserve a really good vacation afterwards (if you have any vacation time left from work.)
Message edited 9/2/2007 8:27:01 AM.
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| Posted 9/2/07 8:26 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
wow...sorry he couldn't fit his father into his busy schedule any better.
Dear Brother,
Your 15 hr sacrifice of your time is touching but doesn't even come close to the 10 month sacrifice I have made.
How about thinking about your father instead of a fundraiser and getting into work on time for one day? There have been countless days I have taken and hrs I have strategized and worried all while making Dad as comfortable as possible with no help from you for 10 months! Now, I am helping him become independent again. Thanks for trying to squeeze us in.
I have made all the sacrifices and you have made none, zero, zip.
I know you can't change who you are. I'm just glad I'm a different person.
Signed,
I can sleep at night knowing I did the right thing-Beth
Beth-yes you are angry and I don't blame you. It jus doesn't seem important to them. I still think you should threaten to send dad to their house.
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| Posted 9/2/07 9:50 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
I have been following your posts about this but haven't seen them all.
I am speechless!
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| Posted 9/2/07 9:55 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
Posted by rose825
for being 6 hours away, it is something. Like a pp poster said I know its not what you wanted to hear.
When my mother was taking care of my grandfather , her brother was 10 minutes away and didnt do anything.
I know you want more so but he hasnt completely abandoned his responsibilities. Your angry right now but I would really consider ending your relationship forever because of this.
"something"??? Give me a break. I have been the sole caretaker for my father for the past two years. When he got sick and had to move from LI, I was there, leaving my daughter and husband at home, every weekend, and we're talking about a 5 hour drive each and every weekend, helping him pack, clean and ultimately move.
He has been living in my house for 10 months. I have been cooking for him, cleaning, running his errands, doing his laundry, taking him to and from dialysis, making his appointments, taking him to look at furniture, basically doing EVERYTHING for him. I haven't had an iota of privacy in 10 months between him living here, and having a 12 hour aid in the house.
My husband has spent many a weekend watching my daughter so I can do these things, and many more a weekend pitching in with the physical labor.
I don't care if he lived in GUAM. The fact is, this is HIS father. HIS father who is frail, elderly and sick, and in desperate need of help. He hasn't come to visit my father in 10 years. Yes, TEN years. He never visited my father after he had open heart surgery and was recoverng in my house. In fact, he didn't bother to call to check up on him until 5 days later, which, in all honesty, BROKE my father's heart.
No more excuses - living 4+ hours, not 6 as you claim, is NO excuse to treat your family that way and dedicate only ONE day of assistance, particularly after I sent him an email explaining all of this to him. Selfishness doesn't even begin to describe what this is about.
If you think I"m being harsh, live in my shoes for a moment, then you'll see how you feel...
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| Posted 9/2/07 9:56 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
I can surely feel your pain. I will still kick him in the shins for you.
Special place in heaven for you sister.
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| Posted 9/2/07 10:05 AM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
Posted by Blu-ize
I can surely feel your pain. I will still kick him in the shins for you.
Special place in heaven for you sister.
Me too
No one, absolutely no one, can even have a clue as to what Beth has done until they have done the same for a loved one.
It is 24-7 and just when you think you have a routine set and in perpetual motion just to keep up there is always a health emergency that throws you for a loop. Yes, I remember teaching all day (tenure year) and running to doctor's appts. after work, coming home, have a OT/PT/ST in my house while I was cooking dinner for my Dad, throwing a load of wash in at the same time making important phone calls (usually fighting the insurance company for benefits he was entitled to), say goodbye to the therapist, serve him dinner, bathe him, give him meds, clean up kitchen/bathroom/insert "whatever" room while waiting for laundry to process. Run to the grocery store on Friday night at 9pm, come home to go through the mail... oh, great another friend is getting married/had a baby... I didn't even have time to date... do the bills, finish the folding the laundry and then run back out to the 24 hour Home Depot (after midnight) to buy whatever I needed to for whatever home improvement project that needed to be done that week... couldn't be left for a week because there was always something. That was a typical Friday night!!!! On Saturday (maybe 4 hours later) morning I was up at 5 am grading papers before he got up. I was 27. What are most people doing on a Friday night at the age of 27?
What was my brother doing? Good question. You'll have to ask him because most nights, even though he lived there and still does, he rarely ever came home. Guess that's his justitifcation for never paying my father any sort of rent in 10 years... he's barely there.
The types of people that are Beth's brother and my brother are so wrapped up in their own egotistical world. They even view their own parent's hour of need as something that should never get in the way of their sense of entitlement.
Someone (escapes me right now) once said that we will be judged by how we treat our very young and our old.
These "men-children" are failing miserably and for that they will get their own special place in he!!
This is not about one incident. This is about many, many years of their constant selfishness.
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| Posted 9/2/07 10:50 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH
Posted by Blu-ize
I can surely feel your pain. I will still kick him in the shins for you.
Special place in heaven for you sister.
Me too
No one, absolutely no one, can even have a clue as to what Beth has done until they have done the same for a loved one.
It is 24-7 and just when you think you have a routine set and in perpetual motion just to keep up there is always a health emergency that throws you for a loop. Yes, I remember teaching all day (tenure year) and running to doctor's appts. after work, coming home, have a OT/PT/ST in my house while I was cooking dinner for my Dad, throwing a load of wash in at the same time making important phone calls (usually fighting the insurance company for benefits he was entitled to), say goodbye to the therapist, serve him dinner, bathe him, give him meds, clean up kitchen/bathroom/insert "whatever" room while waiting for laundry to process. Run to the grocery store on Friday night at 9pm, come home to go through the mail... oh, great another friend is getting married/had a baby... I didn't even have time to date... do the bills, finish the folding the laundry and then run back out to the 24 hour Home Depot (after midnight) to buy whatever I needed to for whatever home improvement project that needed to be done that week... couldn't be left for a week because there was always something. That was a typical Friday night!!!! On Saturday (maybe 4 hours later) morning I was up at 5 am grading papers before he got up. I was 27. What are most people doing on a Friday night at the age of 27?
What was my brother doing? Good question. You'll have to ask him because most nights, even though he lived there and still does, he rarely ever came home. Guess that's his justitifcation for never paying my father any sort of rent in 10 years... he's barely there.
The types of people that are Beth's brother and my brother are so wrapped up in their own egotistical world. They even view their own parent's hour of need as something that should never get in the way of their sense of entitlement.
Someone (escapes me right now) once said that we will be judged by how we treat our very young and our old.
These "men-children" are failing miserably and for that they will get their own special place in he!!
This is not about one incident. This is about many, many years of their constant selfishness.
My sentiments EXACTLY... 
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| Posted 9/2/07 3:34 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
Posted by Blu-ize
wow...sorry he couldn't fit his father into his busy schedule any better.
Dear Brother,
Your 15 hr sacrifice of your time is touching but doesn't even come close to the 10 month sacrifice I have made.
How about thinking about your father instead of a fundraiser and getting into work on time for one day? There have been countless days I have taken and hrs I have strategized and worried all while making Dad as comfortable as possible with no help from you for 10 months! Now, I am helping him become independent again. Thanks for trying to squeeze us in.
I have made all the sacrifices and you have made none, zero, zip.
I know you can't change who you are. I'm just glad I'm a different person.
Signed,
I can sleep at night knowing I did the right thing-Beth
Beth-yes you are angry and I don't blame you. It jus doesn't seem important to them. I still think you should threaten to send dad to their house.
You rock.
I know who I can ALWAYS rely on for good, threatening, will beat you in the arse, letters
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| Posted 9/2/07 3:35 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
Girl, I'm living it too. I had my nephew (my brother's oldest 21) ask me why I couldn't find an apartment closer in than in Suffolk cty. well simple, for the rent I could afford that was the best deal. If he would get his car back on the road then that wouldn't be an issue. Also, my brother is not eating the food there and he was telling me that he brought him a hot dog..I said, go get him another or McDonalds or something else. If you go 2 blocks in any direction there you hit food. I can go on and on. When I'm there, he gets out of bed, I bring him food and the paper..heck I even brought him a radio so he could listen to the Yankee games.
Countless other things I have done and nobody else has.
Everyone has an opinion and wants a crack at it but no one wants the responsibilty or wants to contribute $$$.
How sad is that? One person always gets the responsibility.
eta: shin kicking is a specialty of mine these days.
Message edited 9/2/2007 3:52:43 PM.
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| Posted 9/2/07 3:51 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
He absolutely sucks. I only hope that he never needs help. He will though. When he does I hope that you can do what you need to do without any sense of guilt.
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| Posted 9/2/07 4:05 PM |
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PotofLuck06
Our Baby Boy Is Here!!!
Member since 11/06 13241 total posts
Name:
Betsy
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
You're better off.
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| Posted 9/2/07 4:14 PM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
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| Posted 9/2/07 4:42 PM |
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preciouslove
I love my DS!!!
Member since 5/05 9340 total posts
Name:
Blank
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
What an a$$whole!
Makes you just want to kick his a$$
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| Posted 9/2/07 5:03 PM |
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mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
What you women have done for your family attests to the amazing qualities you all have and the love you also have for your family.
Sometimes people are too wrapped up in their own trials, tribulations, and idiosyncrasies to give up even moments of their "precious" time whereas you have woven it into the fabric of your life.
Shame on whoever doesn't pitch in, and screw 'em all.
I ADMIRE you, as does many others...and you do it for the mere fact of family and love...and you never think twice
again, screw 'em all.
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| Posted 9/2/07 5:24 PM |
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Tracey
***********
Member since 5/05 6297 total posts
Name:
Tracey - brideinapril
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Re: Well, he finally responded...
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| Posted 9/2/07 6:50 PM |
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