Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try! - Is reconciliation possible?

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope that you feel better soon - it's definately his loss!

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

I am so sorry!

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

well like you said...this was closure!
Sorry about the hurt though!

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

I am so sorry to hear that your husband is unwilling to try and save your marriage... but its better that you find this out now, rather than try to reconcile and have him again hurt you.

as you said, this does allow you to move on and put closure on the situation, but I know its terribly upsetting nonetheless

Hang in there, you WILL get thru this

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

sorry.

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

I'm so sorry!

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

I first wantt o tell you im sorry, Also i went through this with me ex a few times. Finally I was the one who said enough, it was too much of a strain mentally and emotionally. Moving on although hard i know first hand can be the best thing , a fresh start! BEST of luck to you!!!!

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

I am so sorry. I can understand everything you are feeling, but it is clear that you have such a big heart and a capacity to love and forgive. You will find someone worthy of all your love. Its just not this guy. You valued your marriage and took those vows seriously. You should be proud of youself and know that, whatever happens, you handled yourself with dignity.

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

Posted by robynfs


_____________________________________
UPDATE:

We met last night and he doesnt want to go to therapy or try again. I have to say I knew this could happen and it is definitely the closure I guess I needed to once and for all move on.

I have to admit I am pretty devastated and the feeling of rejection is overwhelming once again. I just can't figure out how my life got to this point. I was always one of those who thought never me!

Once again I can't stop crying, am sick, alone and lost and feel like my hopes and dreams are now over.

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

Robyn -- I know what you are going through. It is so difficult to lose the man you love, and start all over again. It may not be any comfort right now, but I went through a similar situation. But I was able to start over, and have found a wonderful husband and am so happy now. It takes time to heal and to move on, but eventually you will. These things happen for a reason and at some point you will turn around, and not feel that pain you have right now.

If you want to talk, FM me.

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. I know it's hard to think this way, but after the initial shock you'll realize that you're better off with an answer so you can move on (and you will) than being in limbo.

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

I am so sorry to hear this! I know it's difficult, as I went through a divorce too, but you will get through this. If you ever need to talk, FM me.

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

I'm really very very sorry about this. But think of this...you are hurting now but this too shall pass and you are going to be a stronger person. And it's better now than later when he probably walked out and not wanting to try and you had probably have invested even more in this relationship. This will bring you closure and you will be able to move on. This too shall pass...don't forget that. Just take it one day at a time. And you are not alone.....we are all here...
For now sending you lots and lots of

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

Awww, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I always say what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

Oh no, I am sooo sorry, . There is light at the end of the tunnel, though, and dont keep your head down look up and see it. I know you are going through a rough time( I had a similiar situation allthough we werent married we were together for 7 years, which felt like we were, until he broke my heart b/c he didnt want to get married and funny did it the same time as now in nov right by the holidays- so I had to explain why he wasnt with me during the holidays which I dreaded) but you know you are NOT alone, many of us have been through the same thing- HURT from a MAN, this will only make you stronger and I wont lie it will take some time, but the person you will become after this, watch out world- a spunky, vibrant, strong woman is coming through! If you ever need a friend or ear to listen dont hesitate to FM me.

Lots of hugs to you as I know you need them right now

BUT I know as everyone told me- hey the New Year is coming, time for change and new things- Scary I thought to myself, but in the end they were right-

I went back to school( which helped meet new people) got a different degree, started to go to the gym to get my frustrations out and in the end I thank that idiot for dumping my *** because I have accomplished so much more AFTER him!!!!which showed me I DONT NEED HIM!!

Believe me right now it seems like your world is crashing but believe it or not, you are going through one of the biggest turnarounds in your life. Good Luck! I know you can do it!

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

I am so sorry. I know the pain must seem unbearable right now and for that I am sooo sorry.

It was only a few years ago that DH was married to a woman who did virtually the same thing to him. She just blindsided him one day with "I don't think I want to be married anymore". In her case most of the issues centered around her childhood abuse, depression and addictive personality. She grew up in so much chaos that she wasn't comfortable with stability. DH did all he could (and more than most people would), months of therapy, switching therapists, allowing her to leave for Maine for weeks at a time to find herself etc. etc. Finally, his heart couldn't take the back and forth of "yes I want to try", "no I don't think I want to". He finally had to ask for the divorce.

He had a very difficult time sharing his feeling about it to me, even after we were married. A few months ago he showed me a journal (I know not a typical guy thing to do) that he kept at the time and asked me to read it. He wanted me to know what happened but didn't want to talk about it. Well, the pain was coming off the pages. He spent a year alone, separated, no dating. Yes, it was lonely but he knew he needed to do it to heal.

He has now healed. We found each other. Last month, he went out to the backyard and burned the journal putting it all behind him.

It's very difficult to think what tomorrow will bring never mind years down the line. This is your bottom and it's very hard. On the same note, it can't get much worse and with each passing day you will get a tiny bit stronger.

My prayers are with you during this difficult time Make sure you have a strong support system of family or friends. Those that truly love you will not judge you.

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

Posted by robynfs

My husband and I are going through a divorce. Basically one day he just freaked out and said he didnt want to be married and was unhappy. It all happened fast, no therapy, he just completely withdrew and I was forced to move on.

Well, after a few months he wanted to get back together and work things out. He said he had worked on the issues and has greater insight as to what happened. He loves me blah blah blah. Well I told him no, i moved on and that i would never get past the pain he caused me and trust him again.

Well some time has passed, papers are not signed yet, and the pain is lifting. There is so much I miss about him and the life we shared together, and not knowing if it could ever work is killing me. I feel like I want to go to therapy with him and work through what happened and see if it is possible to reconcile. We are both on much more equal ground, have lived life for months without eachother and are not desperate to be together because of fear of aloneness.

Am I being stupid and should just continue moving on? I have such mixed emotions and am scared to death. The pain was the worst I ever experienced, but this is my husband and I still love him. I havent told family and only 2 friends about this. They would all freak and prolly never speak to me.

What do you think?

Thanks!




_____________________________________
UPDATE:

We met last night and he doesnt want to go to therapy or try again. I have to say I knew this could happen and it is definitely the closure I guess I needed to once and for all move on.

I have to admit I am pretty devastated and the feeling of rejection is overwhelming once again. I just can't figure out how my life got to this point. I was always one of those who thought never me!

Once again I can't stop crying, am sick, alone and lost and feel like my hopes and dreams are now over.

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

Posted by unbelievable

Posted by robynfs

My husband and I are going through a divorce. Basically one day he just freaked out and said he didnt want to be married and was unhappy. It all happened fast, no therapy, he just completely withdrew and I was forced to move on.

Well, after a few months he wanted to get back together and work things out. He said he had worked on the issues and has greater insight as to what happened. He loves me blah blah blah. Well I told him no, i moved on and that i would never get past the pain he caused me and trust him again.

Well some time has passed, papers are not signed yet, and the pain is lifting. There is so much I miss about him and the life we shared together, and not knowing if it could ever work is killing me. I feel like I want to go to therapy with him and work through what happened and see if it is possible to reconcile. We are both on much more equal ground, have lived life for months without eachother and are not desperate to be together because of fear of aloneness.

Am I being stupid and should just continue moving on? I have such mixed emotions and am scared to death. The pain was the worst I ever experienced, but this is my husband and I still love him. I havent told family and only 2 friends about this. They would all freak and prolly never speak to me.

What do you think?

Thanks!




_____________________________________
UPDATE:

We met last night and he doesnt want to go to therapy or try again. I have to say I knew this could happen and it is definitely the closure I guess I needed to once and for all move on.

I have to admit I am pretty devastated and the feeling of rejection is overwhelming once again. I just can't figure out how my life got to this point. I was always one of those who thought never me!

Once again I can't stop crying, am sick, alone and lost and feel like my hopes and dreams are now over.

fm ME I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING !

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

I'm so sorry. At least you got closure so you can now move on without wondering "what if...?"

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

I just want to thank everyone for all the responses, they all truly do help. You all are really amazing and the sincerity and support is so heartfelt through the posts. I am so happy I had the courage to post this situation!

The weird thing is this all happened about about 8 months ago. I have been through the pain, tears, fear etc., moved on and built up my life again. I even dated and saw the light at the end of the tunnel. But something brought me back and I have now regressed and really hope I can find the strength to get through this again.

Thanks so much again!

Message edited 11/18/2005 2:47:26 PM.

Re: Update-He DOESN'T want to try - Is reconciliation possible?

Posted by girlygrl33

Posted by unbelievable

Posted by robynfs

My husband and I are going through a divorce. Basically one day he just freaked out and said he didnt want to be married and was unhappy. It all happened fast, no therapy, he just completely withdrew and I was forced to move on.

Well, after a few months he wanted to get back together and work things out. He said he had worked on the issues and has greater insight as to what happened. He loves me blah blah blah. Well I told him no, i moved on and that i would never get past the pain he caused me and trust him again.

Well some time has passed, papers are not signed yet, and the pain is lifting. There is so much I miss about him and the life we shared together, and not knowing if it could ever work is killing me. I feel like I want to go to therapy with him and work through what happened and see if it is possible to reconcile. We are both on much more equal ground, have lived life for months without eachother and are not desperate to be together because of fear of aloneness.

Am I being stupid and should just continue moving on? I have such mixed emotions and am scared to death. The pain was the worst I ever experienced, but this is my husband and I still love him. I havent told family and only 2 friends about this. They would all freak and prolly never speak to me.

What do you think?

Thanks!




_____________________________________
UPDATE:

We met last night and he doesnt want to go to therapy or try again. I have to say I knew this could happen and it is definitely the closure I guess I needed to once and for all move on.

I have to admit I am pretty devastated and the feeling of rejection is overwhelming once again. I just can't figure out how my life got to this point. I was always one of those who thought never me!

Once again I can't stop crying, am sick, alone and lost and feel like my hopes and dreams are now over.

fm ME I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING !

OMG Lisa I didnt know, for you too!