UGH...how did you choose God parents?

we NEED to choose but we can't.

it seems like no matter who we go with, someone's feelings will be hurt which I hate!

the wrangling of it is so hard...who do we choose? dh's brother..my brother..my uncle...

the godmother role is difficult in another way...i don't want to pick couples just to pick them (besides I'd have to swallow glass if I were to pick BIL and his wife...GLASS! ) and I just don't feel entirely confident with my uncles wife or my sister. don't get me wrong..I love them..they love my son, but just not sure if I want them in that role.

at this rate, Luce's going to be able to pick his own!!

how "hard" did you think about this? since it's largely ceremonial now, did that effect your decision?

are your child's godparents the same people who would get custody of your child should something happen to you and dh?

this SUCKS.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

it was so hard for us.

i went with my sister who is a nun...who i have nothing in common with. it turned out perfect, he is the baby she needs.

dh wanted his brother. i did not want this at all...but appreciated the fact that dh was even down with baptizing since he has such issues with CAtholics and religion.

this time around, i am at a loss. i think its going to be name out of a hat.

josh would go to my parents if we died.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

We chose Godparents for DD based on who would best guide her on a religious journey that we approved of. So for us, both Godparents had to be Catholic and active participants in the Church.
In our case, yes, DD's Godparents will get custody of her if DH and I were to die.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

NO, for us the godparents would not get custody. We wanted someone from my family and someone from his family to represent each of us, so, we did not pick a couple. My DD's are my DH's sister and my brother. My DS's will be my sister and my DH uncle. In the event that we both pass away, both DD and DS would go to my DH's sister and her husband. HTH

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

We asked our Matron of Honor and our Best Man and it has worked out well. If we ever get to a next time, I am not sure.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

I chose my sister for both DD and DS. For DD, we wanted to split it between the families, so we chose my younger b-i-l and with DS we chose my brother.

For #3, I am choosing my aunt and my other b-i-l.

We've never spoken about who the kids would go to if something happened to us. I would think they would go to my in-laws first, and then my sister if need be.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

We are having such problems with this this time. For DD we had trouble too, but figured it out and were happy with our decision.

For DS, we are having a tougher time.

DH's parents get custody if anything happens to us-for us, the Godparents are for religious guidance and that special aunt/uncle type of relationship, not necessarily custody.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

feelings have never been an issue with us, because our mentality is that it is our child so we choose....

with ds it was an easy decision, we had my brother and his wife and i am SOOO happy that we did make that choice because they are the only family members on my side who actually seam to have any interest in ds

now with number 2 we are alittle more up in the air... we know it is going to be my bil because he is so in love with my ds and know he will be the same with our second child.. but the god mother is a different story... my sister is really the only option and i hate that since she never even calls..... i just keep hoping my bil gets engaged soon so we can ask his g/f who we also love

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

No, the godparents would not get custody. For DD, the god"parents" are my sister (official) & my SIL is the unofficial Godfather (loooong story). For DS, the godmother is my best friend & the godfather is my younger brother.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

We are raising our kids catholic so I wanted the godparents to be catholic. Most of my family has converted due to interfaith marriages, so that didn't leave a lot of people. DH's family is Jewish, so they were out too.

The kids guardian is also their godfather, but he wasn't picked for either role because of the other.

We have a 2nd guardian named (in case something happens to the first) and he isn't a godparent.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

I'm godmother to three kids (2 nieces and one nephew). I get custody of only one (AND his four siblings) if something horrible were to happen to my brother and his wife. I believe that my other siblings have chosen my parents or other siblings.

Jess, you need to choose someone you will be comfortable with. They don't have to be married, or even related to be a godparent. IMO: They are there to lead them in the spritual direction that is chosen by you the parent. What person can do that best?

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

I have 2 BILs so picking a Godfather was a no brainer. I have no sibling so picking a GMother was more of a challenge. It was between my 24 year old cousin or my BFF from College who lives in Chicago. We wound up choosing my cousin since she's local and would be a bigger part of her life than my BFF.

ETA - we have different people chosen for guardians. My parents will be guardians and if for some reason they cannot care for DD, then she would go to DH's good friends from College. It was a really tough decision.

Message edited 1/4/2010 3:51:05 PM.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

Agggh! We are struggling with this also. There is no one from DH's family that we would pick but it doesn't make it easier.

There are 2 people on my side that would love to be my DS' godmother. One is my aunt, the other is like an aunt (her son is my cousin but she never married his father, my uncle). Both have asked us if we chose Godparents. With my aunt whom I adore, DH is not thrilled bc he feels she wasn't there for us when I was giving birth and my parents weren't able to get back to NY in time (i had a really rough delivery medically). With my "aunt" she's married and I don't feel comfortable picking her husband as he's made several comments about the Catholic religion which i didn't appreciate and it was a struggle for my "aunt" to get her 2 boys through religious ed and the sacraments. BUt, I'm sure they would be offended if we didn't pick the couple and just chose her.

Regardless, in both cases, we need a godfather. Having 2 godmothers would be ideal but i don't believe that's allowed. I remember reading that they are ok with just having 1 godparent.

As for who DS would go to if something happened to us, it would be my parents.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

I honestly didn't worry about anyone's feelings - IMO, no one should EVER expect that honor .......I wouldn't, even for my own sister's child -

DH and I chose Sean's Godparents based on who we thought would be there for him, spend time with him, make a 'big deal' out of his acomplishments, be supportive of his failures .........just overall, two people we trusted to always be a part of his life in a positive way -

I wouldn't choose a couple for the sake of choosing a couple - it's my sister, and DH's brother .......neither would take custody of Sean if God forbid anything happened to DH and I -

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

I look at godparents differently than I look at custodial guardians. We wanted one from each of our families and they had to be Catholic, preferably practicing. We picked DH's SIL who is active and my bro who is not active but who attended Catholic schools his whole life so I feel like he's at least very educated on our religion.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

We did not choose couples

with DD#1, I chose the godmother and DH chose the Godfather

with DD#2, I chose the godfather and DH chose the Godmother

We argued over DD#2's Godparents but a deal is a deal

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

We wanted family (blood) and we wanted Catholics. My DS's Godmother will be his guardian if something happens to us, but that was sort of a seperate decision. His godmother is my only sister and the only female sibling of me or my DH that is a practicing Catholic.

Since I had a lock on the godmother (LOL), DH wanted someone from his family for godfather, so we chose one of the only male practicing Catholics on his side. If I had to choose between my brothers, it would have been a much more difficult decision.

I agree with the PP that no one should ever EXPECT to have this honor. I was thrilled when my sister asked me to be a godmother, but would have understood if she chose someone else, since i lived out of state at the time.

ETA - the reason we wanted a blood relative is that you never know what will happen with ILs. I know of someone who was asked to be a GP with his wife and then got divorced. He no longer has a relationship with the family or the godchild. That was something I didn't want to have to deal with down the road.

Message edited 1/4/2010 4:05:33 PM.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

it's not that people EXPECT the honor...just that they would LOVE it if we gave it to them. and really, they deserve it. I know that while they would be understanding, that may not keep them from being hurt that they weren't chosen.

the issue of custodial parents is another one we need to resolve. blech.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

My only real advice is take as long as you need - don't choose someone just to choose.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

For my DS we went with my sister and DHs brother.

For DD we went with my brother and his wife. We (SIL and I) became very close and very good friends even before they were married. It was best to keep it in the family.

If **knock on wood** anything happened to DH and I, then, yes, our DCs would go to any of these relatives.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

For DS # 1, we picked DH's closest sister and husband.

For DS #2 - we picked my sister and bro in law. Our thinking was we knew we had to also pick guardians, and are not that religious, so it was appropriate based on the close bond I have with her and how she is with the boys.

For guardianship, we have to do this, but will most likely go out of the family as we personally don't feel that it would be in their best interests/don't have our same values to leave with family. DH's close friends made us the guardians to their 3 girls, so I think we will pick them.

It's very hard decision.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

I feel you!

I am having a lot of trouble as well. Ultimately someone's feelings are going to be hurt. DH has one brother and I have two. I am avoiding this like the plague and I have my mother asking me atleast once a week who the godparents are going to be because she has her own idea of who it should be and I am going to have to hear it from her if it doesn't go the way she wants it to go. I am going to be sick everytime I think of this,

And I want to book this ASAP because we are doing it in the Spring and will be doing a private christening so things need to be scheduled.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

This is part of why my child has not been baptized (well, also b/c my husband is a lazyarse and I am not Catholic )

We have a Godmother (my SIL, she is 18) but no Godfather. I only have a sister (who is a Buddist) and DH's brother is 14....

Wait, if we just keep procrastinating, William can do it when he is 14, Kerry is 22 and Christopher will be 6.5

Sorry, I'm no help. But I wouldn't pick a couple just because. DH's Godparents were his uncle and his wife, well, the wife went sckitzo and Chris hasn't seen her in about 17 years...soo.....

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

DD is two and hasn't been christened.