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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
What I would do is talk to him. Find out what his alternate plan is. He should get a job doign something else in the mean time. I would sit down and discuss wiht him the different options out there right now. Sympathize with his frustration, but explain that you need to move on from there.
Most men I meet are more task oriented. My DH also works well with deadlines. So waht I would do is give him a specific task- e.g. send out 10 resumes and look on monster.com, nyt.com, etc... by the end of the day today.
The trick is to do it without sounding like a teacher.
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Posted 9/18/06 11:18 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Libragal07
Loving Summer.....
Member since 8/06 6636 total posts
Name:
Samantha aka Sammy Bones
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
I understand what the girls are saying.. but how compassionate can you be after 5months and still NOTHING being done
he needs to kick his butt back into gear and get out of the Rut.
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| Posted 9/18/06 11:25 AM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Posted by Shellyesq
What I would do is talk to him. Find out what his alternate plan is. He should get a job doign something else in the mean time. I would sit down and discuss wiht him the different options out there right now. Sympathize with his frustration, but explain that you need to move on from there.
Most men I meet are more task oriented. My DH also works well with deadlines. So waht I would do is give him a specific task- e.g. send out 10 resumes and look on monster.com, nyt.com, etc... by the end of the day today.
The trick is to do it without sounding like a teacher.
I agree with this. I know you feel you need to DO something and I think setting mini goals WITH him (as opposed to FOR him) might help.
Nic, I know this is hard on you too, but you can't really put a time limit on being supportive of your SO  Hang in there, it WILL get better.
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| Posted 9/18/06 11:26 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
The first mini-goal I set was PLEASE find a temporary job.
Huntington Learning Center, Building Blocks, Sylvan, etc. They pay $20/hour - not terrible!
He wants to sit back and wait some more.
Even bigger problem is that his MOMMY tells him its OK to do that.
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| Posted 9/18/06 11:35 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
I can get him in touch with people at Kaplan. You make good $$$ with private tutoring, and it's flexible. He could easily do that ANd subbing,.
I was desperate to tell you. I started an application way back for NYC Teaching Fellows, when I was really at my wits end about what to do with myself, but I never finished it, and they sent me an email saying they want me to continue applying because of my math background, and I don't want to do it at this point, but I thought, math background...FH...hmmm... So yesterday he applied for NYC Teaching fellows. It would be like a 50% paycut, but teachers are sexy.
If you look in the times, there are some private schools looking for teachers.
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| Posted 9/18/06 11:42 AM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Posted by Shorty
The first mini-goal I set was PLEASE find a temporary job.
Huntington Learning Center, Building Blocks, Sylvan, etc. They pay $20/hour - not terrible!
He wants to sit back and wait some more.
Even bigger problem is that his MOMMY tells him its OK to do that.
Hmmm... that's not good...why doesn't he want to find a temp job?
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:09 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
In all honesty, he needs to stop being childish about this. Yes, I can see where he is discouraged and probably just wants to give up. BUT, it's not a question of "well, my mom says its okay, so i can just wait it out." he has other priorites now and can't just sit and wait for it to come to him.
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:31 PM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Posted by BabyAvocado
Posted by Shorty
The first mini-goal I set was PLEASE find a temporary job.
Huntington Learning Center, Building Blocks, Sylvan, etc. They pay $20/hour - not terrible!
He wants to sit back and wait some more.
Even bigger problem is that his MOMMY tells him its OK to do that.
Hmmm... that's not good...why doesn't he want to find a temp job?
Does he feel it's giving up?
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:32 PM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
he feels he's overqualified, and its a step down.
hey, $20 an hour is 20x more than $0!!!
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:35 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Posted by Shorty
he feels he's overqualified, and its a step down.
hey, $20 an hour is 20x more than $0!!!
he needs to get over his ego. if it was a few weeks, i'd say fine, but 5 months is too long to sit on his azz.
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:35 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Posted by Shorty
Posted by hmpena
Nic- Unfortunately you can't fix the situation. The best thing you can do is just be there for him and listen to him and support him. I know you're upset and this is affecting you, but he needs your support. Have you talked to him calmly without yelling or blaming about how you feel?
Half a dozen times.
And he always tells me he's going to try...but he never does. 
I've hugged and kissed and put on a happy face and supported for 5 months now...as much as I would like to keep doing it, I just can't anymore.
I sympatathize with this completely.
One thing that worked for me when FH was in a doing nothing rut (adn this is something out couples counsellor suggested to me in an individual session), was I said "I won't see you until you do _________". Guess what? He did it that day, and he had been putting it off for weeks.
Something like that might work. Coddle time is over.
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:36 PM |
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beachgirl13
Mommy to 3 boys!
Member since 5/05 4114 total posts
Name:
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:36 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
I'm sorry that things haven't worked out better ...but honestly, it sounds like he is really depressed...I've been there. Very recently. It can be debilitating and you don't want to do anything. I mean, I totally see your point, I would work at Starbucks or something just to make some $, but right now I think he needs your support more than anything
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:38 PM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Posted by BNL2005
Posted by Shorty
he feels he's overqualified, and its a step down.
hey, $20 an hour is 20x more than $0!!!
he needs to get over his ego. if it was a few weeks, i'd say fine, but 5 months is too long to sit on his azz.
this is how i feel.
Trust me, I am a compassionate person, but there's a point where "bruised ego" turns into "sheer laziness."
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:38 PM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Posted by Shorty
he feels he's overqualified, and its a step down.
hey, $20 an hour is 20x more than $0!!!
But he has never had a teaching job, right? Just student teaching?
Then its not really a step down, its added experience.
Maybe you could ask him to set a time limt., and if he doesn't start a job by a certain date, he'll find a temp job.
Doesn't he have expenses to pay? Student loans, car insurance?
Message edited 9/18/2006 12:40:25 PM.
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:39 PM |
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Cookiegobbler
My little love bugs!!
Member since 9/05 5759 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
What I dont understand is the part about permanent subs arent hired until October 1st?? Is that true? I thought they were hired during the summer just like any other teacher or teaching assistant?
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:40 PM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
no - he had a teaching job!
He worked for the same district for 2 years...was "excessed" in June. No loyalty!!!
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:40 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Posted by Shorty
he feels he's overqualified, and its a step down.
hey, $20 an hour is 20x more than $0!!!
Tell him to shut up and get over it. I have a 4 year degree and I do it.
He's way overqualified to sit on his *** and do nothing...
Men and their stupid egos. I think FH thinks NYC TF is a step down for him, because he has spent 2 years on wall street, but you know what? I think he's make an increidble teacher. He needs to get over himself and so does Rich.
There are plenty of people who are extremely qualified who can't find jobs, or who can't find the ideal job, but they find a way to survive.
I spent 4 years studying theatre and graduated with honors and I'm doing stuff I could ahve done out of HS. it's the same as his situation, he's not tenured, so he's gotta deal.
Put on your big boy boxers and deal with it!
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:41 PM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
and yes, he has all of those expenses.
They're currently depleting our wedding fund.
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:41 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Posted by Shorty
Posted by BNL2005
Posted by Shorty
he feels he's overqualified, and its a step down.
hey, $20 an hour is 20x more than $0!!!
he needs to get over his ego. if it was a few weeks, i'd say fine, but 5 months is too long to sit on his azz.
this is how i feel.
Trust me, I am a compassionate person, but there's a point where "bruised ego" turns into "sheer laziness."
i think anyone would be at a breaking point after 5 months. there is only so much coddling you can do. give him a hard and fast deadline. see if that helps
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:43 PM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Posted by Shorty
and yes, he has all of those expenses.
They're currently depleting our wedding fund.
See, to me, that just isn't fair to you at all.
Its not his fault he got let go, but his not even trying affects both of you.
Does he have a plan for after October 1 if he doesn't get a permanent sub position?
Message edited 9/18/2006 12:46:35 PM.
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:46 PM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
nope, he has no plan for Oct 2nd!!
and this is why i'm at my wits end, and posting my extremely personal problem on a chat board
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| Posted 9/18/06 12:57 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Him being overqualified is not true for Sylvan, I worked there and except for 2 or 3 people everyone who worked there was a certified teacher. Most of them were either in Rich's situation, moms who were teachers and were now staying home with their kids, or people just trying to make some extra cash. It is pretty easy work for a teacher because there are no lesson plans.
One thing that has helped me is to have a conversation not about him being depressed or upset, but how it is affecting our relationship. It's OK to be down about not getting a job and you want to be sympathetic to that, but when it is becoming bad for both of you, it is a problem and he may not realize that.
I sympathize. I had a period of time where DH was laid off and it is tough.
Message edited 9/18/2006 1:02:42 PM.
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| Posted 9/18/06 1:01 PM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Posted by BNL2005
Posted by Shorty
he feels he's overqualified, and its a step down.
hey, $20 an hour is 20x more than $0!!!
he needs to get over his ego. if it was a few weeks, i'd say fine, but 5 months is too long to sit on his azz.
Ok then I have to agree here completely. A month or two even - okay, fine. But 5 months because of his ego? Not having a job for this long should be doing worse for his ego anyway...
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| Posted 9/18/06 1:02 PM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: UGH I despise laziness.
Posted by dpli
Him being overqualified is not true for Sylvan, I worked there and except for 2 or 3 people everyone who worked there was a certified teacher. Most of them were either in Rich's situation, moms who were teachers and were now staying home with their kids, or people just trying to make some extra cash. It is pretty easy work for a teacher because there are no lesson plans.
One thing that has helped me is to have a conversation not about him being depressed or upset, but how it is affecting our relationship. It's OK to be down about not getting a job and you want to be sympathetic to that, but when it is becoming bad for both of you, it is a problem and he may not realize that.
I sympathize. I had a period of time where DH was laid off and it is tough.
thank you!!! I should read him the first paragraph of your post.
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| Posted 9/18/06 1:04 PM |
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