Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

Sorry it's so long.... I'm at a total loss of what to do. My DS is 22 months old and has turned from an independent great sleeper to a needy dependent sleeper who will cry and scream at the drop of a hat. The cause? Taking away his pacifier or binky. I need help about what to do next.

When he was 6 months old, I successfully sleep trained him. We did CIO and it only took 2 nights to find success. He never really STTN until he was 10 months old, but he would literally lie himself down and go to sleep on his own. He didn't need to be nursed, rocked, or rubbed in any way. This continued from 6 months until 22 months. 2 months ago, we transitioned him to a toddler bed and again, had success. He stayed in bed, STTN 11-12 hrs, and would wake up in the a.m. and just play quietly until one of us came in. It was a dream! I felt like it was time to retire his binky (which he only used for sleeping) and we started our mission on Sunday.

I originally planned to do it Sunday night, but he fell asleep in the car for his nap w/o a binky, so I just put him in his bed and he slept 3 hrs. no problem. Then Sunday night, he asked for the binky. I gave him one with the tip cut off, explained it was broken and he put it in the garbage (his idea, not mine!) Then the nightmare started. He cried, screamed, yelled, hit (himself and me), and threw the biggest tantrum I've EVER seen from him. It was terrible. I just tried to comfort him as best I could and after 2 hrs, he finally fell asleep with no binky. Success? Maybe.

The next day, he asked for the binky only once and was not upset when I said it was "broken." Then came nap time. He IMMEDIATELY became a MONSTER (as if a switch went off) and was screaming and crying. I could tell it was all for show and attention, so I tried not to play into it too much. He continually asked to be held "like a baby" and would NOT let me leave the room without screaming to the point of gagging. Now, this went against all that I know, but I honored his requests and stayed with him. BIG MISTAKE I think. You tell me. Now every nap and bedtime is met with this all out tantrum. From Sunday to last night.

I don't know what to do. He WANTS me to hold him like a baby (rocking him) and he wants me (or DH) to be there in his room, lying on the floor next to him. The second we MOVE, he screams bloody murder. Last night I tried to CIO but he went on for 3+ hrs. He actually lost his voice from all of it. But the second we walk into his room the crying stops, so I know he's manipulating us. I fear that we have reinforced this behavior and now it'll be 100 times harder to break. Please give me some advice. I just want my independent good sleeper back. When will he be able to just lay down without the waterworks and fall asleep? HELP!!!!

To help: His sleep schedule has NOT changed. He's always gotten a good 13 hrs of sleep in a 24 hr period. Sometimes 14 hrs.

He goes to bed around 8pm (for the summer, otherwise, it's usually 7) and wakes 11-12 hrs. later, around 7am.

He takes one good nap each day for 2 hrs on average (sometimes longer if we have a really active morning) He naps from 12-2 on average....

This schedule has worked VERY well for him up until we took the binky away. Now he's not falling asleep until closer to 10, with multiple wakeups during the night, and is probably functioning on a total of 10 hrs of sleep in a 24 hr. period. Not enough, I know. I want to fix it, but don't know how!

TIA!

Message edited 8/18/2011 3:25:13 PM.

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

the othly thing I can offer is and to keep on keeping on.

i think that little by little, he will get used to not having the paci and the tantrums will become less until the point that he can just go to sleep without one.

i WOULD NOT continue staying in the room until he sleeps. he is using that to soothe, for comfort.

can you introduce something else? does he have a lovey?

i can't even imagine how hard it is... i have a feeling this is my future since DS is 15 months and take a paci but only for sleep/naps... i have NO clue how he will do without it

I think hardcore CIO is the only option. it might take a while but it will work!

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

If you take away the pacifier, you have to make sure you do and stick to it. Like you said, he is manipulating you if you go back into his room to soothe him.

We took DS's pacifier away from him around the same time as you. It took him about a week to get that we weren't going to come rub his back, sit with him, that he was ok, and the pacifer was 'lost'. We just continually told him to get back to bed and go to sleep.

This is just one of those times where you have to stick to your guns, even though your baby is crying/kicking/screaming/sad.

It does get better once they forget about it!

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

Thanks! He does have a lovey, "Bear" and we keep pushing that on him. We have also allowed him to bring in toys to bed ~ trains, cars, whatever he wants! He winds up throwing all of them over the gate we have on the door while screaming like a madman!!!! I just know this is how bad habits start (spending time in the room) but it's really hard to compete with those screaming cries. I'm tough as far as CIO goes, but this is BEYOND!!!!

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

This is why my kids still have theirs! I don't envy you, but good luck!

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

I am going through the same thing with my 2.5 year old. We did the same thing as you (snipping the binky gradually). We finally got her to sleep without it for a nap, and went with it from there, telling her it was broken when she asked for it.

The last week has been rough, I won't lie. She is waking up multiple times a night. She didn't nap yesterday or the day before, but we got 1.5 hrs out of her today. It's totally unpredictable.

Her pediatrician told us that my daughter used the binky for so long that it's all she k knows. She used it to soothe/fall asleep, so she has to learn a new way to fall asleep now. We used to have the normal routine - bath, brush teeth, stories, songs, bed - and walk out (she put herself to sleep). Now, we've been staying with her this week, since she is binky-less. It's helping; she knows we are in the room, which soothes her. We will taper this off, but she hasn't asked for her binky in 2 days.

I put her to bed 30 min ago, and I hear her singing right now but at least it's not crying. I can honestly tell you that while this has been rough, it's getting progressively better. Hang in there!!!

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

I wish I had an answer for you, or even hope. But my DD had her binky until 3.5 and now at 5 I still have sleep issues with her! I don't think that is the norm and plenty of other kids i know eventually went back to normal sleep habits. Good luck and I'll be checking in for advice as well

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

Hey Danielle we are in sleep hell over here too!
We stopped the paci on her 2nd bday (1 month ago) and the transition actually went good, until now! Although I can not leave the room until she is alseep!! Sometimes its 10 minutes other times it feel like forever BUT this actually started before we even took the paci away and while she was still in a crib (toddler bed now) so Im at a loss there.
Now for the past 2 weeks she is fighting naps to the point of no naps unless she falls asleep in the car. The past week I didnt try so hard for naps..I figured she was refusing because my parents were here...They are gone now and she is still refusing...last night she fell asleep eating dinner so today I was determind to get her to take a nap....I failed miserably!
Bedtime tonight was absolutely horror she screamed and cried so loud, asked for everything under the sun..water, milk, potty, a kiss, her baby, her babies paci, her daddy, a hug, a diaper, hit me bite me and finally cried herself asleep.

Sorry to crash your thread with my vent but it seems related... Im in sleep hell with ya

Message edited 8/18/2011 9:06:19 PM.

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

Thanks everyone. We had a better night last night. We put him to bed super early and he was happy as a clam lying in bed as I read books to him (me next to him on the floor). Then I kissed him and started to creep out of the room. Silence. As soon as my foot entered the doorway to leave - blood curdling screams erupt! I walked out and didn't look back. He ran to the door and stood at the gate and cried for 3 min. Not too bad. Then he stood there for about 30 min and watched us in the living room watching TV (We have a split so he's right there).

After about 30 min of standing there, he started to scream again. We ignored it. After 20 min of screaming/crying, I went in to try to soothe him. It escalated the whole thing. Terrible decision. Fast forward 2 hrs later, DH went in and sat with him until he fell asleep (it only took 2 min for that to happen.)

He woke up 3 times, I went in right away, and he fell asleep right away each time. I'm guessing that's the better decision especially because he didn't ask for the binkie OR to be held like a baby.

All I know is, I'm exhausted. I'm hoping more can share a similar story with success and how long it took........

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

Maybe find a different room to hang out in so he doesn't see you kwim?

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

Can you matbe take him to the store and maybe get him a lovey to sleep with to replace the binky?

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

Bri does the same thing she wakes up crying...if I go right in she lays right back down and goes to sleep...if I wait she screams more so I go right in she flops right down..I figure its easier to go in for 5 minutes..l.I dont pick her up or anything as long as she sees me shes ok

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

hmmm, is there a reason you keep the door open? we have never left DS' door open because if he can hear or see us, he will never go to sleep.

he could be drifting and then hearing you gets him going again.

maybe a white noise machine and the door closed? as long as you have a camera in there to watch him, i would give it a try. i gather he is in a toddler bed? (im sure that makes it harder)...

sounds like you are doing a great job

Re: Toddler sleep issues HELP!!! (Binky related) LONG

We keep the door open because he goes ballistic if it's closed. He never liked it closed even as a young infant.

We could have company over and he'd sleep through anything. He was such a good sleeper. It's only this week that has been bad.

I do appreciate the advice from everyone. I guess I'm looking for confirmation that I'm doing the right thing and it won't last forever.

Naptime went very well today and there was no crying before or after his nap. I'll take it as a good thing!