tipping someone you know UPDATE

Dh and I went to dinner at a local restaurant a week ago where a man I consider an acquaintance not a friend works as manager; he had to wait tables because it was crazy busy and he waited on us. Everything was fine, he was clearly stretched thin but we aren't demanding or anything so all was ok. Dh left him a 20% tip. I tried to get him to leave more but he said no it's enough.

Fast forward to today, i see the guy at the restaurant, first thing out of his mouth was "Thanks for that tip you left me the other day" as I embraced him hello; it wasn't a sarcastic comment (or maybe it was and I just didn't want to think he was being nasty to me after all these years), it also wasn't a genuine thank you either.As I write this out and read it, its making me pretty angry that he even made mention about it. If I tell Dh about that comment he'll never go back there again.


I quickly tried to think what to say, so I said (honestly) that I saw the guy's mom and told her how busy it was and that you were waiting tables...
This is not a high end place. I'm there quite frequently, so I throw that place plenty of business and that guy knows that full well.

Did we not tip enough?? I feel really gross about this guy now who I've known pretty much my whole life.

Message edited 10/13/2017 8:00:09 PM.

Re: tipping someone you know

Aghh... I think it is a difficult situation and I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was really grateful because he wasn't expecting a tip since he is not a waiter there and you know him from before?

Re: tipping someone you know

Re: tipping someone you know

Plus he just be really trying to say thanks

Like you didn't have to do that but you did

Re: tipping someone you know

As a manager, he probably couldn't even keep the tip and gave it to the server who was in that station. I wouldn't put too much thought into it.

tipping someone you know

I think he was just saying thank you

Re: tipping someone you know

Obviously no one was there to hear his tone, but I think you're reading into this way too much. Being that you left him a normal/fair amount, knowing he is a manager and not a server, he was probably just saying thank you. If you left him $5 on a $100 bill, that would be awkward, then I would think it was sarcasm.

It was probably awkward for him too. I really don't think this is something you should be spending time worrying about.

tipping someone you know

I think he was just saying thank you. Honestly, it takes a lot of nerve to make a sarcastic comment like that. Why assume the worst if you don't know the guy very well when you have no reason not to assume the best. You said yourself it didn't feel sarcastic, so could you just be over thinking it now? Thoughts aren't facts. All you know is he said thank you. You don't know his intentions. I wouldnt over analyze it, just take it as a genuine thank you. Also being genuine is a really a feeling of the thank you giver. Being we are all different, and you don't know him well, you may not be in the best position to judge if the thank you was genuine. That could very well be his genuine thank you. It may not feel genuine to you because you're a different person and would do it differently, but if you project your own expectations on someone else you'll set yourself up for a lot of disappointment.

tipping someone you know

I personally think it's weird that he even mentioned it. Especially a week later. But, I would prob just forget about it.

Re: tipping someone you know

Message edited 9/29/2017 8:58:57 AM.

Re: tipping someone you know

maybe he felt funny that you guys tipped him. who cares about what he thinks. let it go. not something you would be thinking about in a year. maybe hes just a socially awkward person to begin with lol

Re: tipping someone you know

Re: tipping someone you know

thanks for the input everyone!! maybe I am overanalyzing.

What i think made me feel it was maybe sarcasm was the fact that he didn't make eye contact with me when saying "thanks for that tip you left me".

if i'm genuinely thanking someone i look them in the eye. and yes, i know him well enough to know he can look people in the eye and speak to them, so it's just weird.

but yes, i wont be thinking of it in a year. its just as i said i do spend a lot of time there, and now its like ew. personally i'd never have even mentioned it to a customer, even if i know them!

Re: tipping someone you know

I don't think he was being a douche about it, I think he probably wasn't expecting a tip since you knew him and was saying thank you.

Re: tipping someone you know

He probably felt uncomfortable being tipped by someone he knows, and felt like he needed to say something to thank you.

The whole tipping friends thing is always so awkward for both parties.

Just move on and don't give it a second thought.

Re: tipping someone you know

I think he was genuinely thanking you as you typically would not tip a manager in a restaurant.

tipping someone you know

Mushy, easy for us to say forget it, but sometimes its hard not to think about things lol. 20% is more than enough, prob not even necessary bc he was a manger, if his family owns the place not necessary at all.

It was nice for you guys to give, like other said, perhaps he meant it as a simple thank you since he normally would not get a tip. Only you can know for sure since you were part of the interaction.

tipping someone you know

I think he was just saying thank you.

tipping someone you know

I think your reaction is way over the top. He is the manager, doesn't usually wait tables, and thus probably doesn't expect a tip at all. I think he was just saying thank you in an awkward situation. I wouldn't be creeped out by it to never set foot in the restaurant again

Re: tipping someone you know

I think he was just saying thanks.

tipping someone you know

I think its so odd that he said that and it would totally weird me out. My sister works in the restaurant business as do some of her closest friends. I've had them serve me more times than I can count and I would never consider not tipping them. Even if the manager steps in to serve you of course you should tip them. Some of that may be going towards bussers and bartenders too. That said, 20 percent is perfectly acceptable. My only though was whether he comped any of your meal or drinks? If he did, you should have factored in the extra cost when you calculated the tip. No matter what, I think it's so tacky that he mentioned it, whether he was genuine or sarcastic.

Re: tipping someone you know

Re: tipping someone you know

Posted by Mushesgirl

Posted by MrsT809

I think its so odd that he said that and it would totally weird me out. My sister works in the restaurant business as do some of her closest friends. I've had them serve me more times than I can count and I would never consider not tipping them. Even if the manager steps in to serve you of course you should tip them. Some of that may be going towards bussers and bartenders too. That said, 20 percent is perfectly acceptable. My only though was whether he comped any of your meal or drinks? If he did, you should have factored in the extra cost when you calculated the tip. No matter what, I think it's so tacky that he mentioned it, whether he was genuine or sarcastic.

this is how i'm leaning.

no comps on bill but good thought.

tipping someone you know

I think he wanted to thank you and felt awkward either because you know him or because he is a manager.

Re: tipping someone you know

It's weird that he even mentioned it but I wouldn't read too much into it and def don't let it stop you from going back to the restaurant.