This bothers me...

My little sister is 18 years old. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that everyone she knows is pregnant or having a baby. Some of her friends have kids already. Her best friend has a kid. Her ex boyfriend is having a baby. 3 of her friends are pregnant right now. She knows tons of "baby mommas" and "baby daddys". They are all around her age about 18 - some are a little younger and some are older. When I say older I mean 20.

When I was that age I didn't have any friends that were pregnant or that had a kid. I am 25 and DH is 28 and we know less people who have kids or are having babies than my 18 year old sister and all of our friends are married and starting families. I know a lot of it has to do with where my sister lives and the types of people she associates with.

I don't know why but it bothers me. Mostly I don't like the influence it has on my sister. For me it's not acceptable to not use protection and get pregnant by a boyfriend (most are only with the Dad's a few months when they get pregnant, it's not even long term relationships) and then they live at home, have no job, collect govt money, and have their parents watch their kid while they go out on the weekend and drink underage and smoke pot. I feel like it makes that lifestyle seem more acceptable to my sister because there are so many girls she knows in that situation. When I was her age nobody did that and if they did it was I'm not saying I am above anyone or anyone's situation but I just didn't know people like that. Like I said, I think a lot of it has to do with who my sister associates with vs. who I associated with at that age and the neighborhood she lives in.

I go on her Facebook and I see all pregnant girls congratulating eachother posting "sexy" pictures of themselves in their underwear with their bellies hanging out with captions and comments with their slang talk, curses, and typing LiKe ThIs. It makes me sick.

Here I am, married for almost 2 years, in a house that I own, money in the bank, financially 1000% ready and I want to have a "family" (not be a baby momma, these girls actually call themselves that like it's cool) and I am freaking out worrying are we ready, is it a good time, will we be good parents etc. Yet these girls act like it's nothing, no big deal, not a care in the world.

I don't know for some reason it just gets under my skin and I needed to vent I'm not sure what the purpose of me writing this is. It just annoys me to see people treat something that I see as so special as something "cool" like it's an accessory or a toy.

Maybe it's just me and I am becoming an old fart?

Re: This bothers me...

ITA with you. I think you're right and a lot of it has to do with the environment she is in.

Re: This bothers me...

ITA agree with you. Except for one girl in our entire high school who got pregnant at 15 I didn't know of a single person who was having a baby at that age. That's crazy. Do they realize what a life changing event a baby is????? I have always wanted children from the time I was young but at 18???.............no thank you!

Re: This bothers me...

ITA!!!!! My co-worker and I always talk about this. We teach in a not so great area in the city and we see this everyday!!!! It is so frustrating...and then some go on to have 2 and 3 more.

Re: This bothers me...

yup i agree

i dont think teen mom helps either - even though i watch it

Re: This bothers me...

Posted by MrsRitaB

yup i agree

i dont think teen mom helps either - even though i watch it

Re: This bothers me...

Posted by cateyemm

Posted by MrsRitaB

yup i agree

i dont think teen mom helps either - even though i watch it

yeah- even tho those girls are in sucky situations, it still glorifies it and makes it "cool"

Re: This bothers me...

Posted by MrsG72907

ITA!!!!! My co-worker and I always talk about this. We teach in a not so great area in the city and we see this everyday!!!! It is so frustrating...and then some go on to have 2 and 3 more.

Re: This bothers me...

Posted by MrsRitaB

Posted by cateyemm

Posted by MrsRitaB

yup i agree

i dont think teen mom helps either - even though i watch it

yeah- even tho those girls are in sucky situations, it still glorifies it and makes it "cool"

yup ita - and it gets kids thinking wow i can be on tv

my sister is 9 and when Britney spears’ sister got pg My sister thought you have kids at 16 – shes said “well zoe 101” had a baby at 16….not good for these kids

Re: This bothers me...

it would totally get under my skin!!!
and i totally understand what you mean about it becoming acceptable and this perhaps influencing your sister..
scary!

Re: This bothers me...

Posted by hunnybunnyxoxo

it would totally get under my skin!!!
and i totally understand what you mean about it becoming acceptable and this perhaps influencing your sister..
scary!

Re: This bothers me...

Perfectly said! I couldnt agree more with you! I am 27 and I never had or knew anyone who was pregnant when I was a teen. Now a days its the "cool" thing to do when in fact its pretty disguisting. Its disturbing that these young woman are bringing these precious lives into this world without thinking of the consequences or the life that they wont be able to provide for that child. Its like its a toy for them, nothing more. Then the irony of it all is that we have older more mature, financially stable and women in loving relationships who are in every way ready for a baby that cant....its really sad...I honestly hope that when I have my children and they are teens they will have better influences in their lives. I am going to be the best mother I can possibly be because I was raised by a wonderful woman...I will do the same and hope that my children know better.

Re: This bothers me...

bothers the crap out of me and its like so cool to have a baby..

perhaps these KIDS are from dysfunctional families where it is the norm to have children at that age.. my mom's patient once told my mom that her daughter is pregnant and she's planning on having a shower blah blah blah.. so my mom was like ugh, how old is your daughter? (this lady was 37).. and goes daughter is 17!! this lady was like, yah she is going to move out, have her own place when she finishes high school.. where is $$ coming from.. govt. of course..

it was like, it was perfectly fine for her, almost as if she was bragging.. and she has other children.. all get aid from the govt..ugh what are you teaching your children lady, if this is how you live, and show that its ok to have a child at 17 with your bf and then at 19 with another and 21 with another.. the cycle and trend just continues..

Re: This bothers me...

Posted by Nik211

Posted by hunnybunnyxoxo

it would totally get under my skin!!!
and i totally understand what you mean about it becoming acceptable and this perhaps influencing your sister..
scary!

it is very scary.

my sister just started dating a new boy - i say boy because they are only 18 and they seem to have gotten very serious within a month of dating. they went out and bought a pet together - a hedgehog...and she made a comment like, "Oh, everyone else is having babies but instead me and my boyfriend got a pet hedgehog" I was like

my mother and i talk to her about it a lot - but we have to be careful what we say b/c she gets very defensive if she thinks we are "badmouthing" her friends and the people she associates herself with...

Re: This bothers me...

I know a handful of people that were pregnant when I was in HS.

But you're right, it's different now. I don't get why. DH was watching some comedy show on Starz or Showtime and 3 of the comedians talked about making a baby with a random person because this person was hot and probably good in bed. Really?

Re: This bothers me...

Posted by MrsG72907

ITA!!!!! My co-worker and I always talk about this. We teach in a not so great area in the city and we see this everyday!!!! It is so frustrating...and then some go on to have 2 and 3 more.

Re: This bothers me...

for me, I believe a part of it is environment and association of peoples in that environment...but another HUGE part of it is how they are raised and education.

I was born in Harlem, in the projects...now granted... I was only there til I was 3 but I still went back on weekends until I was about 17 to stay with my dad. I lived in woodside queens and then valley stream and now baldwin. My dad always told me "If you're mature enough to open your legs, you better be mature enough to accept the consequences." That simple phrase has stuck with me my whole life. consequences don't just mean a baby...consequences can also mean diseases...some diseases that stay with you for a lifetime. Some you'd be lucky to live a full lifetime if you get.

Kids think "ohhhhh babies are cute! I want a baby. I don't care what anybody says...I know I can handle it!" Young ladies need to be taught at a young age the importance of abstinence and safe sex. They should be taught that sex is something special..."A GIFT" if you will...that you save for someone special. What they should also know is that sometimes...you might think someone is that special someone...but they need to be careful because thats not always the case and you want to make sure you give that "gift" to someone who deserves it. I was not a virgin when I married and I wish to GOD that I could have given my husband that gift. I'm not saying I wish I waited til marriage...because it was 8+ years before we married...I'm realistic...but in retrospect He was the only man who really deserved that special piece of me.

I think if more parents sat down with their kids and had discussions like this from the heart...their kids would listen more than if they threatened "you better not!" or "don't ever let me find out..." I actually applaud the concept of "purity promise rings" and father-daughter "purity balls". I think it's that important.

P.S...the saddest part about this situation is that unfortunately most of these young parents aren't mature, patient or prepared enough for a baby and that baby then suffers from lack of attention, bad parenting. It's a horrible cycle that really needs to end.

Message edited 9/1/2010 11:08:54 PM.

Re: This bothers me...

I had a student in my class last year who would skip school to be with her boyfriend. She saw the school social worker who approached me one day and said even though she cut school to be with him, she's glad she has a boyfriend because it's good for her.. I was like I told the social worker I was afraid the girl was going to get pregnant!! (the girl is 14) and the social worker says - no, the boyfriend is younger than her Ohhh so that means he shoots blanks?!?!

The mother doesn't think there's an issue with the whole situation either... even though she cuts school and lies to school staff and her parents to be with him. I hope they're ready

Re: This bothers me...

Posted by bookworm

Posted by MrsG72907

ITA!!!!! My co-worker and I always talk about this. We teach in a not so great area in the city and we see this everyday!!!! It is so frustrating...and then some go on to have 2 and 3 more.

i know. when you teach you really see it all, and there's only so much you can intervene. we had a girl who was TRYING to get pregnant while she repeated 8th grade a second time.

Re: This bothers me...

I totally get where you are coming from. I've dealt with this issue with step son. He just turned 19 and no longer lives with us so if it happens it happens but, when he was living with us I kept on him so bad. Even to the point of going to his then GF's house to tell her parents that he and her were having sex at our house while we werent home. OK, sounds terrible I know but he was 16 at the time and she was 13!!! The mother was in total denial and what did she do? Just put her on the pill. I swore to DH that his son better not have a baby before me!!

Enviorment and association have a lot to do with it but I also put the fear of God in him. Some of his friends already became baby daddy's and I think its been an eye opener for him. Hopefully for your sister too.

I think society makes it easier for them too. Food stamps, assisted living, medical costs taken care off, WIC, etc. It doesnt help that his HS has a day care in it either!

Re: This bothers me...

I totally agree with you. It makes me sick! If I got pregnant at 18 I would have freaked out (that certainly wasn't a good time for me). Kids these days just throw it around like it's nothing! I've seen it happen with the younger generation so many times, its sickening! It really gets under my skin when I busted my butt to be financially stable and ready when other people just don't have a care in the world.

It gets to me more when I see irresponsible young teenagers get pregnant when older people who are very ready for a child can't get pregnant. It's not fair

At the end of the day though you have to focus on just yourself. You did things the "right" way and when you were in a good situation. Many of these other parents will suffer in some way or another when they have children at such a young age. I myself will say I don't envy younger moms. Would I have wanted to throw my life away at 18?!? I never would have really enjoyed my youth. So I'm glad we waited!!!

Re: This bothers me...

Posted by MrsRitaB

Posted by cateyemm

Posted by MrsRitaB

yup i agree

i dont think teen mom helps either - even though i watch it

yeah- even tho those girls are in sucky situations, it still glorifies it and makes it "cool"

yup ita - and it gets kids thinking wow i can be on tv

my sister is 9 and when Britney spears’ sister got pg My sister thought you have kids at 16 – shes said “well zoe 101” had a baby at 16….not good for these kids