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Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult

Member since 4/14

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Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

Thanks everyone!

Message edited 2/18/2020 3:48:56 PM.

Posted 2/17/20 4:48 PM
 
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Deeluvsvinny
DONE

Member since 10/08

4952 total posts

Name:
Whatever

Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

I don't know what the venue is-- but I've been invited to a few family sweet 16s where kids were not welcomed (granted it wasn't my DD's 1st cousin) except for 15/16 year old friends of the birthday girl. I have also been invited to family & friends' sweet 16s where my DD was invited (she is 9.5). If the kids aren't close, I wouldn't be insulted, but if you truly can't get a sitter, then I can see you declining.

Posted 2/17/20 4:57 PM
 

lmcmcl
LIF Toddler

Member since 2/15

483 total posts

Name:

Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

I think sometimes people just don't want kids at an event. It probably has nothing to do with your disabled child. I am guessing she is concentrating on making it all about her daughter and therefore all about teenagers.
If possible, I would try to go, get a sitter for maybe 2-3 hours. You would be the gracious aunt. And in families, things don't always work out evenly- but no one can say you got all insulted and took it out the the birthday girl. That's just how I would handle it. Good luck. Families are complicated.

Posted 2/17/20 4:59 PM
 

Hopefulmama
LIF Adult

Member since 4/14

1014 total posts

Name:

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

Thanks for the responses. People wouldn’t really be offended if your sister didn’t invite your 7 yo kids to an event? Also, she knows I can’t get a sitter. It is generally hard to get sitters for disabled children who are impaired, not toilet trained etc. can’t just “ get a sitter “ for a few hours like normal people. And I don’t think venues actively “don’t reconvened” kids come to sweet 16s. I went to one last year and there were kids there. First cousins of the girl making her sweet 16.

Message edited 2/17/2020 5:04:24 PM.

Posted 2/17/20 5:02 PM
 

Naturalmama
Love my boys!!

Member since 1/12

3548 total posts

Name:
Christine

Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

My cousin had a Sweet 16 for her DD in November. No kids allowed, only the teenage friends of the birthday girl. I doubt it was the venue's rule, it was how the family wanted it. I understand your concern, and if I were your sister, I would totally understand if you had to decline because you couldn't get a sitter. I would be disappointed, but understanding.

Posted 2/17/20 5:16 PM
 

KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination

Member since 5/05

4431 total posts

Name:
Karen

Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

I think it's BS. They are her 1st cousins. I can understand not wanting random kids running around, which I don't know how that would be anyway since Sweet 16s are mainly friends, but 1st cousins should not be included in that rule. I would decline and if your niece asks you why tell her the truth, that your children were not invited and you can't get a sitter.

Posted 2/17/20 5:33 PM
 

Hopefulmama
LIF Adult

Member since 4/14

1014 total posts

Name:

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

Posted by KarenK122

I think it's BS. They are her 1st cousins. I can understand not wanting random kids running around, which I don't know how that would be anyway since Sweet 16s are mainly friends, but 1st cousins should not be included in that rule. I would decline and if your niece asks you why tell her the truth, that your children were not invited and you can't get a sitter.



Thank you. I had a “no kids” rule at my wedding but I made an exception for my nieces and nephews who I WANTED there. She knows I can’t get a sitter. She knows we are all incredibly isolated as it is. The kids will also be so upset to miss it too.

Posted 2/17/20 5:40 PM
 

amac27
LIF Toddler

Member since 8/09

471 total posts

Name:
A

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

I am not privy to the details of your custody situation, but is it possible that your children's father could watch them that night as an exception (since it is a family event)?

Posted 2/17/20 6:05 PM
 

Hopefulmama
LIF Adult

Member since 4/14

1014 total posts

Name:

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

Posted by amac27

I am not privy to the details of your custody situation, but is it possible that your children's father could watch them that night as an exception (since it is a family event)?




He’s traveling. It’s Memorial Day weekend so finding any sitter is unlikely, especially considering how difficult my son is. The takeaway is that my kids aren’t wanted and my presence is ambivalent/optional at best so I won’t be going to any great trouble to attend.

Posted 2/17/20 6:10 PM
 

Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!

Member since 12/10

2943 total posts

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Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

I doubt this is the venue’s policy. More likely, she doesn’t want them there, but is blaming it on the venue. I would be hurt. My kids were babies when my niece and my cousin both made their sweet 16s. We were part of both and were part of the candle lighting ceremony (DH, me, and the kids).

My youngest has autism (he is 6 now) and it is extremely hard to take him to certain places. A sweet 16 would be disaster (too loud, too many people, too much overstimulation) and would surely cause a meltdown for him so we pick and choose what things would cause him least distress. Yes, when we take him places, he makes lots of noises and we get lots of looks but we are very lucky that our entire family cannot even imagine excluding him and no one could care less about the looks. My niece always introduces him as her little cousin who has autism and the most amazing person on the planet she knows. She adores him.

So sorry your sister put you in this situation. Ugh.

Posted 2/17/20 6:19 PM
 

KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination

Member since 5/05

4431 total posts

Name:
Karen

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

Posted by Hopefulmama

Posted by KarenK122

I think it's BS. They are her 1st cousins. I can understand not wanting random kids running around, which I don't know how that would be anyway since Sweet 16s are mainly friends, but 1st cousins should not be included in that rule. I would decline and if your niece asks you why tell her the truth, that your children were not invited and you can't get a sitter.



Thank you. I had a “no kids” rule at my wedding but I made an exception for my nieces and nephews who I WANTED there. She knows I can’t get a sitter. She knows we are all incredibly isolated as it is. The kids will also be so upset to miss it too.



I hear you. After the party I suggest you have a long heart to heart with your sister. I had a throw down fight with my sister a few years back about my daughter (who is autistic and on a strict schedule) and how they were not taking her into consideration during family events. I would never ask extended family or friends to cater to my daughter's needs but my immediate family, heck yes. After hours of screaming and tears, she finally understood what I meant. I needed to communicate my needs to her more and she needed to keep an open mind more and understand that something small to her can be huge to us. She loves by daughter but did not "Get" what is needed for my daughter to be ok in certain situations. People who do not live with special needs family members do not understand and sometimes need to be reminded of that.

Posted 2/17/20 6:22 PM
 

LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

19455 total posts

Name:
L

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

We are planning my son's bar mitzvah, and we have included my nephew, and hopefully our nieces when they are born. But no other young children under age 10. I am not hiring a babysitter. When my brother got married he did not include my kids, and I was very hurt. I do think an exception for immediate family is the norm, so I understand why you are hurt.

Posted 2/17/20 6:48 PM
 

Hopefulmama
LIF Adult

Member since 4/14

1014 total posts

Name:

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

Posted by LSP2005

We are planning my son's bar mitzvah, and we have included my nephew, and hopefully our nieces when they are born. But no other young children under age 10. I am not hiring a babysitter. When my brother got married he did not include my kids, and I was very hurt. I do think an exception for immediate family is the norm, so I understand why you are hurt.



Thank you! Another point to mention is that they would be the only first cousins excluded. The other cousins are 12 plus and are all going. My brothers kids, and my BIL’s 4 siblings kids. All going.

Message edited 2/17/2020 6:55:19 PM.

Posted 2/17/20 6:54 PM
 

Sash
Peace

Member since 6/08

10312 total posts

Name:
fka LIW Smara

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

Posted by Hopefulmama

Posted by KarenK122

I think it's BS. They are her 1st cousins. I can understand not wanting random kids running around, which I don't know how that would be anyway since Sweet 16s are mainly friends, but 1st cousins should not be included in that rule. I would decline and if your niece asks you why tell her the truth, that your children were not invited and you can't get a sitter.



Thank you. I had a “no kids” rule at my wedding but I made an exception for my nieces and nephews who I WANTED there. She knows I can’t get a sitter. She knows we are all incredibly isolated as it is. The kids will also be so upset to miss it too.



We recently booked my nieces venue and the place which has an adult lounge on the 1st floor allows kids. So I highly doubt it’s the venue and more of your sister not wanting kids. In my opinion you have every right to be upset since this is your sister. Tbh a sweet 16 is a party for kids so I think it’s stupid to have that “no kids” rule for your close/immediate family. This isn’t a wedding.

ETA: I also made sure to include my nieces and nephews of close family to my wedding as well. It’s harder to get a sitter if the whole family is at the event.

I also would be highly offended. I want to give your sister the benefit of the doubt and say maybe she just doesn’t want any younger kids and isn’t targeting your one child.

Message edited 2/17/2020 7:10:20 PM.

Posted 2/17/20 7:04 PM
 

MissJones
I need a nap!

Member since 5/05

22133 total posts

Name:

Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

Sorry but that's ridiculous. These are her cousins!

Posted 2/17/20 7:06 PM
 

KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination

Member since 5/05

4431 total posts

Name:
Karen

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

Posted by Hopefulmama

Posted by LSP2005

We are planning my son's bar mitzvah, and we have included my nephew, and hopefully our nieces when they are born. But no other young children under age 10. I am not hiring a babysitter. When my brother got married he did not include my kids, and I was very hurt. I do think an exception for immediate family is the norm, so I understand why you are hurt.



Thank you! Another point to mention is that they would be the only first cousins excluded. The other cousins are 12 plus and are all going. My brothers kids, and my BIL’s 4 siblings kids. All going.



That's infuriating. Sorry not to make you feel worse but that is totally unacceptable.

Posted 2/17/20 7:18 PM
 

Hopefulmama
LIF Adult

Member since 4/14

1014 total posts

Name:

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

Posted by KarenK122

Posted by Hopefulmama

Posted by LSP2005

We are planning my son's bar mitzvah, and we have included my nephew, and hopefully our nieces when they are born. But no other young children under age 10. I am not hiring a babysitter. When my brother got married he did not include my kids, and I was very hurt. I do think an exception for immediate family is the norm, so I understand why you are hurt.



Thank you! Another point to mention is that they would be the only first cousins excluded. The other cousins are 12 plus and are all going. My brothers kids, and my BIL’s 4 siblings kids. All going.



That's infuriating. Sorry not to make you feel worse but that is totally unacceptable.



Thank you. Granted they are the youngest, which is the supposed reason, the next youngest is 12 I think. But still. She went out of her way to exclude me.

Posted 2/17/20 7:25 PM
 

HeyJude
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/07

820 total posts

Name:
p

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

I don't think a venue would say no kids, especially for a kids party. We are invited (kids included) to DH 's niece's sweet 16 in June (on long Island). I am sorry your sister excluded your kids, I think that is horrible. If it were me I would decline and let them know I was upset.

Posted 2/17/20 7:34 PM
 

BargainMama
LIF Adult

Member since 5/09

15657 total posts

Name:

Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

I would be hurt and pissed. Especially since other cousins are invited.

Posted 2/17/20 7:42 PM
 

tray831
Dee-licious!

Member since 3/06

5355 total posts

Name:
His Baby

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?



I would just say to her or actually remind her how she knows damn well how hard it is to get a sitter; on top of it Memorial Day Weekend. And say either I come with them or I don’t come at all. Let her decide. If she says don’t come at all; then you have your answer and you’re sister is a POS. Sorry.

She’s also full of $hit on the no kids venue rule. Shame on her for doing that to her own niece/nephew.

Posted 2/17/20 8:35 PM
 

Peainapod
Peanuts are here!

Member since 1/09

13591 total posts

Name:
Diana

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

my cousin who had a bar mitzvah a few years ago, my DS (at the time was 6 I think) was not invited. I didnt realize he wasnt invited b/c the invitation was sent in a clear mailer and Im pretty sure DH got the mail first and just opened it up before I saw it. So I didnt see if it said & family on it or not. It was really just for the friends of my cousin.

it came up b/c I think I replied for all 3 of us and my aunt was like "oh kids under xx age arent invited." I forget what that was. but she let DS come.

Posted 2/17/20 8:56 PM
 

olive98
LIF Adolescent

Member since 11/12

791 total posts

Name:

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

Posted by Hopefulmama

Posted by LSP2005

We are planning my son's bar mitzvah, and we have included my nephew, and hopefully our nieces when they are born. But no other young children under age 10. I am not hiring a babysitter. When my brother got married he did not include my kids, and I was very hurt. I do think an exception for immediate family is the norm, so I understand why you are hurt.



Thank you! Another point to mention is that they would be the only first cousins excluded. The other cousins are 12 plus and are all going. My brothers kids, and my BIL’s 4 siblings kids. All going.



That's BS then. I would call her out on it. If she doesn't invite the kids I wouldn't go

Posted 2/17/20 10:24 PM
 

loveus
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/13

684 total posts

Name:

Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

I would decline or just ignore the invitation. She probably had this booked months ago and probably just got up the nerve to let you know your children aren’t invited. I know from your posts you have a lot on your plate but I would start limiting your interactions with your sister and just focus on you and your children. You are a package deal and in this situation it’s all or none.

Posted 2/17/20 10:37 PM
 

RainyDay
LIF Adult

Member since 6/15

3987 total posts

Name:

Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

I would decline to attend. I did it for my sisters wedding when she refused to make accommodations for our brother. Its immediate family. There is no excuse.

Posted 2/17/20 10:48 PM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

7790 total posts

Name:

Re: Sweet 16 - does this sound right?

Posted by Hopefulmama

Posted by LSP2005

We are planning my son's bar mitzvah, and we have included my nephew, and hopefully our nieces when they are born. But no other young children under age 10. I am not hiring a babysitter. When my brother got married he did not include my kids, and I was very hurt. I do think an exception for immediate family is the norm, so I understand why you are hurt.



Thank you! Another point to mention is that they would be the only first cousins excluded. The other cousins are 12 plus and are all going. My brothers kids, and my BIL’s 4 siblings kids. All going.



I had one opinion when I read your OP but now I changed my mind. I would be pissed and hurt. But maybe it’s not ill intended? Maybe she thinks she is giving you a night “off” to enjoy yourself? IDK. Is the venue a bar? Or is it a regular catering place? I think I would tell her that she has made it very hard for you to attend easily and let her know your difficulties-ya know...just in case she’s trying to play stupid.

Posted 2/18/20 12:17 PM
 
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