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4ForMe
:)
Member since 11/05 5666 total posts
Name:
Barbara
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by Phyl
I'm posting this under a fake name for obvious reasons.....
I have no current SO!
 
Sure you do.....
Message edited 12/27/2007 2:40:06 PM.
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Posted 12/27/07 2:39 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by greenfreak
No offense but if I have a problem with DH, you will be the last to know. I feel it would disrespect him to spout off about personal things here, especially if he wasn't completely aware of what I was saying or feeling.
I do think though that a lot of what's said on the Relationship Board is out of a need for community. Meaning, getting those replies that say, I know just what you mean. We had the same problem. And now we're completely ok.
People want to be reassured. Even if they know deep down that there is no possible way you can compare your own relationship to anyone else's.
As far as constant complaints, I don't really notice that much. But if you do find yourself excessively complaining, you should probably ask yourself if the problem is him, you or both. And address that with one person instead of hundreds on the internet.
ITA and
 Well Said!!!
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:39 PM |
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dgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/07 1079 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
I heard somewhere, I think on Dr. Phil or Oprah, that it is a good idea to visit a marriage counselor periodically kind of like a "tune up" for your marriage. I agree with this. I notice that DH and I will sometimes get into ruts where we get snippy with each other, or we aren't communicating what we really mean to each other.
I think that this is where a counselor can come in handy to make sure that we are expressing ourselves the right way to get our points across and not necessarily to "win" whatever argument it is.
I feel bad about all of the sad posts on the relationship board too.
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:39 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by 4ForMe
Posted by Phyl
I'm posting this under a fake name for obvious reasons.....
I have no current SO!
Sure you do.....
IMAGE
  
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:43 PM |
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4ForMe
:)
Member since 11/05 5666 total posts
Name:
Barbara
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Half the time when I read the complaints on here, I always think to myself it takes 2 to tango (not all of the time but a lot of the time). It is almost unfair to vent on here because the SO cannot defend themself. Anybody can make themself shine on here and make their SO seem in the wrong.
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:43 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by MrsPJB2007
Posted by headoverheels
maybe i should show her this post...
her FH's idea of communicating is giving her a guilt trip and playing video games at his friend's house. 
omg---that is such immaturity! how old are they??
i couldn't deal with that--no freaking way. i want a MAN not a boy!
she is 27, he is 28. immature is too nice of a word to describe him
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:45 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by 4ForMe
Half the time when I read the complaints on here, I always think to myself it takes 2 to tango (not all of the time but a lot of the time). It is almost unfair to vent on here because the SO cannot defend themself. Anybody can make themself shine on here and make their SO seem in the wrong.
you're totally right, i didn't even think of it that way. most of the time i am thinking "OMG what a beyotch/*******, you poor thing!" (although we know that the guys on this board would never post about their SOs, there would be an uproar  )
ETA: seriously? ba$tard?
Message edited 12/27/2007 2:47:37 PM.
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:47 PM |
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Waste06
Waste not, want not
Member since 6/06 7219 total posts
Name:
Lois Mom Mommy Mama Ma
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
I hear what you're saying, and sometimes I think it's just easier to get things off your chest and do it online where people really don't know you.
LIF is a small community of people who are here to help and to listen. I've seen how much these boards have helped other posters deal with issues, problems, frustrations, etc.
But I think my DH would be very disappointed and hurt if I chose to share all my issues with people on the internet as opposed to discussing them with him.
 to all those who are posting anonymously latey.
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:49 PM |
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ChattyKathy
LIF Infant
Member since 8/07 346 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
I think a lot of people post something here about their SO to get opinions. I have posted about drama with my friends. I take all your opinions and how I feel and then go talk to them.
I like to get other people's opinions a lot of the time so I can guage whether or not I am over reacting. My friends and I are always honest with each other. But there are times when I have been honest with them and my honesty hurts their feelings. So I like to get opinions on how to be kinder with the truth.
I take all my stuff to my DH first, because he is my best friend. He is the only one in the world who knows me inside and out.
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:54 PM |
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MeNBobs
*****
Member since 4/07 3765 total posts
Name:
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Reading this i feel guilty posting about my Dh and his love of freebies
The relationship board can either be really entertaining or really depressing. I think some people just reach a point and don't know where else to go.
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| Posted 12/27/07 3:02 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by Phyl
I'm posting this under a fake name for obvious reasons.....
I have no current SO!
Liar COT knows about your work BF
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| Posted 12/27/07 3:09 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by Stacey1403
Posted by Phyl
I'm posting this under a fake name for obvious reasons.....
I have no current SO!
Liar COT knows about your work BF
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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| Posted 12/27/07 3:21 PM |
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
This week I wrote my very first "complaining about DH post." He knows very well what the issue was and I have discussed it with him ad nauseum. My post was not a substitute for talking to him. Part of the reason that I posted was that it was time for me to stop dwelling over the same issue. I thought that writing it out and getting new insight from other people would allow that. I am feeling much better today but it is a situation that we both need to work on.
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| Posted 12/27/07 5:21 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Sometimes the Dear DH letters are hysterical. Sometimes they are just hurtful. I feel the hysterical ones are just that. I know when I write a Dear DH letter, my DH knows exactly what I am typing because I am saying it right to him.
Now the "I don't know what to do, I want a divorce letters", those shouldn't be on here at all. Those should be spoken to your DH/DW, not us. Strangers shouldn't be the first to know that you are in an argument. They also shouldn't be the first to know you are pregnant either.
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| Posted 12/27/07 5:29 PM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
If I write a "Dear DH" post - it is usually comical in nature.
There is no way on G-d's green Earth that I would ever post about any serious marital issues we may or may not have. I find it disrespectful to my DH and to my marriage to openly discuss problems that anyone in the world can see.
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| Posted 12/27/07 5:56 PM |
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watersdeb04
Back to school is here
Member since 12/07 1052 total posts
Name:
Deb
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Well said Leslie. People seem to forget that the internet is the world wide web and that anyone in the world can see what you are writing. Just by doing a casual search of someone's name, I found out that she was on LIW talking sh!t about me and some of her BM during the planning of her wedding.
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| Posted 12/27/07 7:40 PM |
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MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22150 total posts
Name:
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
I know from my own personal experiences, I will vent about silly things here because I just need to vent. It gets it off my chest without me insulting my husband because I know he is truly trying and I love that! And like others, I am better at expressing through writing than through words because I get nervous speaking. Doesn't make me less mature. It's just how I work.
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| Posted 12/27/07 8:03 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
I have written DH emails & letters before - mainly because I need to get my point across without it being debated.
I wouldn't post serious issues with DH on here but it's not out of respect for him or our relationship. I see nothing wrong with seeking advice or counsel of a 3rd party if necessary.
I wouldn't post because I'm a private person when it comes to the very serious stuff whether it be related to my children or my husband. I need time to digest things before I'm willing to share them. I also don't think it's right that my SIL (who I adore) should read about serious stuff that goes on between her brother & I.
I was on the brink of divorce for 1.5-2 years. Last year we rang in the New Year, discussing how I could keep the house when he moved out. It was a very difficult time. I'm not there now - actually I'm probably the happiest I've been in a long time.
My heart goes out to those posting on the relationship board. I remember clearly how alone & sad I felt. I don't fault them a bit for needing a hug or support.
Message edited 12/27/2007 8:52:05 PM.
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| Posted 12/27/07 8:50 PM |
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PreshusSmurf
So in love with my little guys
Member since 1/07 2963 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by Jennifer907
I'm a better writer, so if DH and I get into a really large argument and I feel like I can't communicate my feelings and thought effectively, I do write him a letter. I feel like I'm able to say what I need to say and have him understand it without being interrupted, without getting myself mixed up, etc.
I haven't done this in a few years, but before we were engaged (while I was waiting very impatiently and beating a dead horse with the subject!), I did write letters to him to try to get it all off my chest ... it helped because he was getting very tired of talking about it and I just wasn't done yet!
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| Posted 12/28/07 3:37 AM |
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SoinLove
Making big changes
Member since 5/05 16541 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by nrthshgrl
I have written DH emails & letters before - mainly because I need to get my point across without it being debated.
Same here. It's very hard to talk to my DH sometimes without him jumping in to defend himself before I get my point across, so sometimes letter are the way to go.
I rarely post about DH on here. While I understand that people need to vent or get advice, I'm just too private to put any of my problems on a public forum.
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| Posted 12/28/07 8:41 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
I, personally, would not post about arguments my DH and i have on here because like Goldie said, I think it is disrespectful. However, I do not judge anyone else for doing that. I think the majority of people are non confrontational so it's not surprising that people need reassurance before they talk to their SO's. People on here have very long memories too. Like someone complains in March they are having problems with their fiancee and then in September say they got engaged there is always someone to say well you know you were having problems...
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| Posted 12/28/07 11:38 AM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
I think it's easier to vent here because sometimes people need to get something off their chest without letting people closest to you know what's going on. What happens if you tell your sister, mother cousin, or best friend some serious issue that causes them to have bad feelings about your SO and then you resolve the issue? They now have to let it go and pretend like nothing happened. 
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| Posted 12/28/07 11:50 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
I couldn't post anything really serious about my dh b/c I just couldn't stand to have it out there...in the air, for him not to be able to defend himself.
you would only see my one-sided angry/hurt perspective and it's unfair.
so many things in relationships are based on the dynamic you have as a couple...the way you act and react with each other.
I cannot tell you how many times I've misunderstood something he's said or done by my mind reacting to quickly to what I PERCEIVED him to be doing/meaning...and only after I let it sink in does it become clear.
and sometimes I am wrong. and he is wrongfully accused. It's bad enough I do it....I can't have other people condemning him too.
and even when I am right to be hurt..I could not hold him up to public scrutiny...b/c I believe there is a little fault in all of us...even when we are wronged...we are in too close proximity...too close to each other to be so clean...so free of guilt....
so I tend to not comment... I tend not to write about how last Tuesday he made me sad...b/c I equally do not comment on last Thursday, just being with him made me so happy, I could have died then a fulfilled woman.
those agonies and ecstacies are ours. and a few friends who keep my confidences.
but that's just the way I am...and I know he'd be hurt or embarrassed to see his name...his life up in lights.
but others may not care. my dh is not like yours and yours is not like mine as we are not alike.
whatever gets the poison out...whatever method works...use it. be it here with us, or in your home with your SO. I would not fault anyone for airing out their guts. we all need to do it on occassion.
Message edited 12/28/2007 12:23:13 PM.
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| Posted 12/28/07 12:22 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by Ophelia
I really  you when you say exactly what I meant to say!
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| Posted 12/28/07 4:14 PM |
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4ForMe
:)
Member since 11/05 5666 total posts
Name:
Barbara
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by Ophelia
I couldn't post anything really serious about my dh b/c I just couldn't stand to have it out there...in the air, for him not to be able to defend himself.
you would only see my one-sided angry/hurt perspective and it's unfair.
so many things in relationships are based on the dynamic you have as a couple...the way you act and react with each other.
I cannot tell you how many times I've misunderstood something he's said or done by my mind reacting to quickly to what I PERCEIVED him to be doing/meaning...and only after I let it sink in does it become clear.
and sometimes I am wrong. and he is wrongfully accused. It's bad enough I do it....I can't have other people condemning him too.
and even when I am right to be hurt..I could not hold him up to public scrutiny...b/c I believe there is a little fault in all of us...even when we are wronged...we are in too close proximity...too close to each other to be so clean...so free of guilt....
so I tend to not comment... I tend not to write about how last Tuesday he made me sad...b/c I equally do not comment on last Thursday, just being with him made me so happy, I could have died then a fulfilled woman.
those agonies and ecstacies are ours. and a few friends who keep my confidences.
but that's just the way I am...and I know he'd be hurt or embarrassed to see his name...his life up in lights.
but others may not care. my dh is not like yours and yours is not like mine as we are not alike.
whatever gets the poison out...whatever method works...use it. be it here with us, or in your home with your SO. I would not fault anyone for airing out their guts. we all need to do it on occassion.
WEll said!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 12/28/07 5:37 PM |
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