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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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sorry if this starts real drama
i have noticed that quite often people will post threads about being mad at their SO for one reason (or twelve) - and some of those posts are so well written and thought out.
i am wondering what our SO's would say if they got to read the posts written about them? i mean that in the sense that i think often people express themselves much better when they write things down, rather than getting into a verbal argument where you are thinking about what you want to say next instead of really listening to what your SO is saying at the time.
i was thinking, wouldn't it make more sense to write your SO a letter or an email telling them how you feel, rather than bottling it up inside because you feel like you can't express yourself verbally?
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Posted 12/27/07 2:07 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
that's how i am
i'm much better with writing than i am verbally
the thing that irks me is when people CONSTANTLY complain about their SO
it gets to the point where it's like - why did you marry him?
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:08 PM |
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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
that's how i am
i'm much better with writing than i am verbally
the thing that irks me is when people CONSTANTLY complain about their SO
it gets to the point where it's like - why did you marry him?
ITA
I mean I b!tch about DH from time to time, and the board helps me see the other side of a situation---often times it does good. But sometimes I do see the same people CONSTANTLY complain about their SO and I think to myself--what is it like in your house?
And I DON'T mean: "dear DH, thanks for leaving your socks on the floor" not the funny ones, the serious ones
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:11 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
lately on the relationship board - there are alot of unhappy people - given all the anonymous names asking about separation and divorce
it's sad
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:12 PM |
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JenMarie
One day at a time
Member since 11/07 7397 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
I'm a better writer, so if DH and I get into a really large argument and I feel like I can't communicate my feelings and thought effectively, I do write him a letter. I feel like I'm able to say what I need to say and have him understand it without being interrupted, without getting myself mixed up, etc.
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:12 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by jxnoscar
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
that's how i am
i'm much better with writing than i am verbally
the thing that irks me is when people CONSTANTLY complain about their SO
it gets to the point where it's like - why did you marry him?
ITA
I mean I b!tch about DH from time to time, and the board helps me see the other side of a situation---often times it does good. But sometimes I do see the same people CONSTANTLY complain about their SO and I think to myself--what is it like in your house?
And I DON'T mean: "dear DH, thanks for leaving your socks on the floor" not the funny ones, the serious ones
oh i was definitely referring to the serious posts, not the funny ones. i can't post about DH because he lurks on here (hi honey!) but to be honest i am sometimes amazed at the issues people post about on here. obviously i know NOTHING about what goes on in their homes - for all i know, they DID write their SO a letter about why they are upset and their SO didn't "get it" so they felt the need to vent about it on here.
i have a friend who ALWAYS tells me about her problems with her FH and i am always left wondering, why are you marrying him?
maybe i am naive b/c i am a newlywed but DH an i have been together for 5 years and lived together for 3, and if i had a big issue with him i can guarantee that i would bring it up with him first before looking for advice elsewhere. that's just me, though - not judging at all!!
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:15 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
lately on the relationship board - there are alot of unhappy people - given all the anonymous names asking about separation and divorce
it's sad
i noticed this too. 
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:16 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
i can't stand constant complainers about their SO....you are choosing to be with them!!! 
but i agree that many times its so much easier to just write things down rather than in the middle of the argument try and reason with each other. i can be a hot head when i get mad and say things i shouldn't!
i did actually try that once---write DH a letter and give it to him when we were dating when he made me so mad. and his response? "w t f did u give me a letter? you can't TALK to me???" yeah so that nipped that in the bud.
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:17 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
lately on the relationship board - there are alot of unhappy people - given all the anonymous names asking about separation and divorce
it's sad
omg i know!
honestly--i think these days there are sooooo many couples that *think* they are ready for marriage or a long term committment, but in reality they don't know how to communicate with each other, and they dismiss big red flags letting them know that this person may not be the right one for them.
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:19 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by MrsPJB2007
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
lately on the relationship board - there are alot of unhappy people - given all the anonymous names asking about separation and divorce
it's sad
omg i know!
honestly--i think these days there are sooooo many couples that *think* they are ready for marriage or a long term committment, but in reality they don't know how to communicate with each other, and they dismiss big red flags letting them know that this person may not be the right one for them.
see now this is what i am worried about, especially with my friend.
if you can't talk to your SO about what is bothering you (in person or through a letter) then how can you still be with them??
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:20 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
I'm posting this under a fake name for obvious reasons.....
I have no current SO!
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:22 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by Phyl
I'm posting this under a fake name for obvious reasons.....
I have no current SO!
 we love you anyways phyl! 
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:24 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
lately on the relationship board - there are alot of unhappy people - given all the anonymous names asking about separation and divorce
it's sad
ITA. My heart goes out to all of them. I cannot read that board anymore, it is so sad. When I read about all of the infidelity too, then I start to get really sad about it.  to everyone who is having a rough time right now.
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:24 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by Phyl
I'm posting this under a fake name for obvious reasons.....
I have no current SO!
we love you anyways phyl!
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:25 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by jxnoscar
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
that's how i am
i'm much better with writing than i am verbally
the thing that irks me is when people CONSTANTLY complain about their SO
it gets to the point where it's like - why did you marry him?
ITA
I mean I b!tch about DH from time to time, and the board helps me see the other side of a situation---often times it does good. But sometimes I do see the same people CONSTANTLY complain about their SO and I think to myself--what is it like in your house?
And I DON'T mean: "dear DH, thanks for leaving your socks on the floor" not the funny ones, the serious ones
i agree also - i mean, i'm the first to be like ARGHHHH when DH annoys me lol but that is over little things like *NEVER* closing the closet door lol - but over really big issues - sometimes it makes me go   but yeah i think "why did you marry this person?" 
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:25 PM |
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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by jxnoscar
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
that's how i am
i'm much better with writing than i am verbally
the thing that irks me is when people CONSTANTLY complain about their SO
it gets to the point where it's like - why did you marry him?
ITA
I mean I b!tch about DH from time to time, and the board helps me see the other side of a situation---often times it does good. But sometimes I do see the same people CONSTANTLY complain about their SO and I think to myself--what is it like in your house?
And I DON'T mean: "dear DH, thanks for leaving your socks on the floor" not the funny ones, the serious ones
oh i was definitely referring to the serious posts, not the funny ones. i can't post about DH because he lurks on here (hi honey!) but to be honest i am sometimes amazed at the issues people post about on here. obviously i know NOTHING about what goes on in their homes - for all i know, they DID write their SO a letter about why they are upset and their SO didn't "get it" so they felt the need to vent about it on here.
i have a friend who ALWAYS tells me about her problems with her FH and i am always left wondering, why are you marrying him?
maybe i am naive b/c i am a newlywed but DH an i have been together for 5 years and lived together for 3, and if i had a big issue with him i can guarantee that i would bring it up with him first before looking for advice elsewhere. that's just me, though - not judging at all!!
No, I don't think you are judging. I was just telling a friend of mine how hard the first year of marriage was. We had many "firsts" in that first year. Everything we learned about each other made us stronger and I know we all fight with the ones we love from time to time, it's just sad when I read some over-the-top things. I completely agree with where you are coming from.
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:26 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by headoverheels
see now this is what i am worried about, especially with my friend.
if you can't talk to your SO about what is bothering you (in person or through a letter) then how can you still be with them??
well that's the key problem...couples who just ignore the flags and hope for the best.
i think since we live in such a over indulgent culture with weddings---that doesn't help either. ppl are soooooo focused on having the super duper wedding, they forget that its only a day...they get prepped for the wedding and read and buy every single freaking wedding book out there and research vendors and study up on flowers.........but honestly does anyone ever study up on marriage?
i mean i'm still a "newlywed" but i knew that before my DH and i got married---we absolutely HAD to make sure we could communicate. he had a lot of issues expressing himself and would shut down --- now after nearly 6 years together, when we get into an argument or dispute....we work on it until its resolved.
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:26 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by MrsPJB2007
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
lately on the relationship board - there are alot of unhappy people - given all the anonymous names asking about separation and divorce
it's sad
omg i know!
honestly--i think these days there are sooooo many couples that *think* they are ready for marriage or a long term committment, but in reality they don't know how to communicate with each other, and they dismiss big red flags letting them know that this person may not be the right one for them.
see now this is what i am worried about, especially with my friend.
if you can't talk to your SO about what is bothering you (in person or through a letter) then how can you still be with them??
some people aren't willing to 'let go' if the big red flag is there and you are unhappy, you gotta move on BEFORE marriage. I think people feel they invested too much time and effort and they just 'have' to get married. If I married every man I lived with then I'd be on my 5th husband. And besides which Jim is my second engagement. I dumped the first one. Was it hard, heck yes, but I had to sit down one night all alone and realize, I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life.
Divorce is TOO easy. It's the way out. My husband's only way out is his death 
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:29 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by MrsPJB2007
Posted by headoverheels
see now this is what i am worried about, especially with my friend.
if you can't talk to your SO about what is bothering you (in person or through a letter) then how can you still be with them??
well that's the key problem...couples who just ignore the flags and hope for the best.
i think since we live in such a over indulgent culture with weddings---that doesn't help either. ppl are soooooo focused on having the super duper wedding, they forget that its only a day...they get prepped for the wedding and read and buy every single freaking wedding book out there and research vendors and study up on flowers.........but honestly does anyone ever study up on marriage?
i mean i'm still a "newlywed" but i knew that before my DH and i got married---we absolutely HAD to make sure we could communicate. he had a lot of issues expressing himself and would shut down --- now after nearly 6 years together, when we get into an argument or dispute....we work on it until its resolved.
maybe i should show her this post...
her FH's idea of communicating is giving her a guilt trip and playing video games at his friend's house. 
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:29 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
I write my dh letters when I am upset or mad
I do this because when I try to talk to him when I am upset or mad, I wind up crying and I do not want to do that
I would rather get my thought out and then talk it over when things cool down
sometimes I do not even give him the letters I write, I just write down my thoughts, then throw out the letter and talk face to face when the time is right
I do not judge others and their relationships, whatever works for you
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:29 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
i wonder, how many people that post about these major issues have seriously considered divorce?
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:30 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
lately on the relationship board - there are alot of unhappy people - given all the anonymous names asking about separation and divorce
it's sad
I think it is sad too......
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:30 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by stephanief
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
lately on the relationship board - there are alot of unhappy people - given all the anonymous names asking about separation and divorce
it's sad
I think it is sad too......
ITA
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:33 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
Posted by headoverheels
maybe i should show her this post...
her FH's idea of communicating is giving her a guilt trip and playing video games at his friend's house.
omg---that is such immaturity! how old are they??
i couldn't deal with that--no freaking way. i want a MAN not a boy!
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:37 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: sorry if this starts real drama
No offense but if I have a problem with DH, you will be the last to know. I feel it would disrespect him to spout off about personal things here, especially if he wasn't completely aware of what I was saying or feeling.
I do think though that a lot of what's said on the Relationship Board is out of a need for community. Meaning, getting those replies that say, I know just what you mean. We had the same problem. And now we're completely ok.
People want to be reassured. Even if they know deep down that there is no possible way you can compare your own relationship to anyone else's.
As far as constant complaints, I don't really notice that much. But if you do find yourself excessively complaining, you should probably ask yourself if the problem is him, you or both. And address that with one person instead of hundreds on the internet.
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| Posted 12/27/07 2:38 PM |
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