So Upset Updated

Sorry this is long.........Ughhh...My whole family is fighting over my daughters "birthdate." My cousins lost a baby a year ago on the 14th and he was buried the 16th....just 2 days shy of his 1st Birthday the 18th...... The loss of this baby was devestating to everyone in our family. We all attended the funeral and respected the family during their time of grief. They went on to have a baby a few months later(she was unknowlingly pregnant at the funeral). Our whole family was overjoyed at the birth of thier next son(who was born this Dec) and we all visited the hospital called and sent gifts. This cousin grew up like my brother, we are all all so close that we were in each others wedding parties and have picked each other as Godparents etc.....Well this couple did not acknowledge our daughters birth on the "17th" stating that I was induced and "choose my date" to hurt them"??? My mom is fighting with my Aunt(who is my Godmother) and all of the cousins are now fighting taking sides. I am DEEPLY hurt by all of this and can't understand why anyone would say this. My cousins wife is claiming "I set her back months of therapy". ***?? Not that I need to explain my induction but I chose that date because the doctor(who I love) was oncall that day to deliver my baby. It wasn't the 14th or the 18th so I thought I was safe..........Now our cousins pull this sh$t?? Claiming we should have respected their week of mourning. I just can't understand why they would not congratulate us and realize the "miracle of life" we have just created........Was I really so wrong?? Should I have carried this baby 2 more days to avoid the "week"??

Message edited 4/1/2006 7:16:02 PM.

Re: So Upset

Im soooo sooo sorry, you are going through this!


I truely think that your family is acting disgusting...and I dont feel you should have to justify why your daughter was born on any day, or for any reason...

Its sad what happened to this woman, but the birth of your daughter is a JOYUS occasion....and they should be overjoyed that another life has been brought into this world, healthy, and happy....

Please ignore this nonsense.... This is your life....ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

Re: So Upset

Thanks Marissa....I really needed to hear that from another new mommy!! XO

Re: So Upset

I think no matter how bad it is for them the fact is a new life is a wonderful thing. They should realize that. I don't think they are being fair. Even if they were upset by it there is no need to get the whole family involved.

Re: So Upset

Anytime... Im actually really bothered by it myself...

As if being a new mom isnt stressful enough...

What were you supposed to just keep your baby in there from the 12-20th??? It just dosent make any sense...


I see someone who is still (rightfully so) very bitter and sad about the past, and dosent want anyone else to feel any happiness- since she cant!

Re: So Upset

so sorry they're putting you through this! You did nothing wrong! The 17th isn't a date of significance, but even if it WAS they don't own the date!

Some people can't see past their own grief. I hope it gets better.

I know my SIL still has a hard time on the 21st (Alec's birthday) and 24th (the day he died) even now 2 years after losing her 16 month old son Alec but the days in between are not as significant. When she was preggo with her daughter last year, she did NOT want her born on the 21st or 24th, and wound up being induced on the 23rd.

Re: So Upset

That's absolutely horrible. The only thing I can think of is they are just insane with grief. I hope in time, they will realize just how truly cruel their accusations are.

If your doctor says induce, you induce if you agree with his opinons. You don't "wait" because it's a bad week. What if you had naturally gone on the day their son died? Would they be able to forgive you for conceiving, knowing the possiblity that you could deliver on their son's anniversary, birthday or burial day?

I say you, DH & your mom take the high road on this one. There is nothing you can say that is going to change their minds on this one. Just simply state you were going by your doctor's instructions. period, end of story.

And for you:

Re: So Upset

Wow, I am truely sorry you have to deal with that. I am sorry for your cousins loss, but to involve you into it is just wrong. That date really had no meaning, and the week doesn't belong to them. Would it have been different if the baby came on its own on that date? If so, they should realize how hypocritical it is.

Re: So Upset

Awwwwwwwwww sweetie

I am so sorry that your family is doing this to you - their actions are truly dispicable. I understand that she is upset BUT she has absolutely no right to involve the ENTIRE family over this.

You chose the date b/c the doctor YOU wanted was on call - you chose it b/c you did what was best for YOU and your beautiful little girl.

My heart goes out to you - I hope that everyone can move past this and see how crazy they're being and just congratulate you and your husband and welcome your daughter.

Re: So Upset

You are so not wrong.
One thing that having a baby did for me was to make me less upset about petty BS like that.

Please don't let it bother you- it is not worth your energy, which you need to take care of your little one!

Re: So Upset

I am so sorry your family is putting you through this during the happiest time of your life!!!

I was due Oct 7 and I had a cousin who passed away that was born on Sept 30th and my uncle said he hoped I gave birth on the 30th- I guess to bring something happy to such a sad day in all our lives.

Also, my mother lost a daughter and 2 years later I was born on the day she died. My sister gave birth to my niece 3 years ago on the SAME day. I look at it as God trying share happiness with us on such a sad day.

I wish your family would feel the same way!

Re: So Upset

This is so upsetting!
I agree with all the other girls. Please try not to let them get to you. Their behavior is selfish and they should be celebrating this joyous moment with you.

Re: So Upset

Posted by nrthshgrl

That's absolutely horrible. The only thing I can think of is they are just insane with grief. I hope in time, they will realize just how truly cruel their accusations are.

If your doctor says induce, you induce if you agree with his opinons. You don't "wait" because it's a bad week. What if you had naturally gone on the day their son died? Would they be able to forgive you for conceiving, knowing the possiblity that you could deliver on their son's anniversary, birthday or burial day?

I say you, DH & your mom take the high road on this one. There is nothing you can say that is going to change their minds on this one. Just simply state you were going by your doctor's instructions. period, end of story.

And for you:

Re: So Upset

Re: So Upset

I am soooo sorry you are going through this...
They should be greatful a new life has been created..

Re: So Upset

I can't beleive people are such morons. What if the induction took more then one day? I was induced for 3 days, would they be mad at your cervix for not dialating fast enough.

Re: So Upset

I can't believe that your family is making you feel this way.
Is there someone in the family that you can talk to, to tell them that this is really hurting you?

Re: So Upset

This is horrible, they are being beyond selfish and mean to you and your child

Re: So Upset

Can't they just be happy for you that your daughter was healthy and that you are ok?

Re: So Upset

i think that is just absolutely awful and i am so sorry they are causing you this stress.

maybe they could think of it as God took one life but brought in another, being around the same date. When my aunt died , my cousin adopted a baby on that same date a few years later ... and it was always a joyous way to remember her. maybe put it to them that way and they'll understand.

Re: So Upset

I am sure that they are just in an amazing amount of pain and need someone to lash out on.
Did you get induced DURING the actual week of the baby's funeral or a year later? I a bit confused.
I would personally call my Godmother myself and tell her that I love my cousin. I loved his baby and how anyone can try to diminish that you don't understand.
If you were induced the same week as their son's funeral I can see them not sending a gift..as I am sure their minds were on many other things. I would not take that personally.
But for ANYONE to blame you for their therapy issues is insane. I would never tell them that God brought another life into the family though..while it is true, the pain is still way too raw to accept that right now. But losing a child probably makes people insane so I would just ignore this and try to move past it.

Re: So Upset

these people needto get a life if they are offended with when you got induced then they have issues. you should be able to choose what day your comfortable with. its not like you picked the day the child passed. as a new mom you dont need the stress and they should be happy for you that you have a happy and healthy baby since you supported them through the good times and bad.

Re: So Upset

Re: So Upset

Ive never heard of a more absurd thing in my life!! That is just unreal!
I was definitely set the record straight with them - have a talk with your cousin about how ridiculous they are and how hurt you are that they even think that - SCREAMING would be allowed - because i think i would just lose my top!

im so sorry you are going to this - enjoy your baby and don't pay attention to that nonsense - you don't have to explain to them why you choice that date!! The birth of your daughter has absolutely nothing to do with the death of their child.

Re: So Upset

Oh my goodness, how terribly sad that this is happening...
AFter having suffered through such a devastating loss, I cant imagine why they would want you or anyone to feel any type of pain also. I might not word this right, but they just had another baby, one would think that would help them heal in some ways (I could be totally wrong)

I truly hope that they dont take this out on your poor baby. This just doesnt make sense at all.

Message edited 3/31/2006 6:32:26 PM.