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MrsFishstick
LIF Adult
Member since 5/10 935 total posts
Name:
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Slightly annoyed, confused
My sister is getting married. I am the matron of honor (ugh), my mom and I are planning/paying for her shower. I asked my mom to get me the address of the people who were coming to the shower so I knew how many invitations to order. She emails me a list of just her/dads family. So I email her back and ask for the rest of the list. She tell me that my sisters FMIL wants to send the invites to "her own people".
WHAT?!
I'm a little annoyed, a little aggravated and confused. Has anyone ever heard of this? This woman is not contributing anything to the shower, at all, why would she think it's ok to send out her own invitations?
I told my mother that I would ask my sister for the list to let her deal with her FMIL so I don't flip my lid. BUT if my sisters FMIL insists I'm digging my heels in the dirt and telling her, fine. This is how much you can contribute since you are co-hosting. OR just letting her buy her own invites and favors, centerpieces, cake, etc...
I mean am I crazy? I'm definetely going to let it play out before I react, but I just can't wrap my head around the logic here.
ETA:
I didn't get my sister involved, I just asked her for the names and addresses of the people who she wanted to attend her bridal shower. She would still need to get me the names and addresses of her friends so no harm not foul. I would NEVER pull her into potential drama, I got married 3 years ago so I know it can be a nightmare to be a bride.
Message edited 6/8/2011 3:19:53 PM.
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Posted 6/8/11 2:27 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
No no no no no! Don't get your sister involved! Get her FH involved - get the list from HIM. The last thing she needs is FMIL stress, she'll get plenty of that once they are married 
I am sorry she's being such an idiot 
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| Posted 6/8/11 2:31 PM |
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newbie00
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 1191 total posts
Name:
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
I honestly wouldnt get your sister involved. I would call the FMIL directly. After all its the bridemaids/MOH job to make the bride's life a little easier.
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| Posted 6/8/11 2:32 PM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
I don't know, but I wouldn't involve your sister just yet. I would call her FMIL and just ask her for her list and see what she says. If she says she wants to send her own invites, I would tell her that is very nice of her to offer, but the shower is being given by you and your Mom and forwarding you a list is help enough.
Of course, you will have to be sticking something in your hand the entire time to keep from telling her how you really feel. 
I know my sister had some "issues" about my shower and I definitely had some when we planned hers (bridal and baby - her MIL was not easy to deal with) but I didnt' tell my sister and I'm glad she didn't tell me details either.
Good luck!
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| Posted 6/8/11 2:32 PM |
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AngnShaun
Sisters
Member since 1/10 21015 total posts
Name:
Ang
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
Posted by headoverheels
No no no no no! Don't get your sister involved! Get her FH involved - get the list from HIM. The last thing she needs is FMIL stress, she'll get plenty of that once they are married
I am sorry she's being such an idiot
I agree, talk to her Fh and have him talk to his mom... thats not the way it works unless FMIL is paying for part of the shower... and even then its just the most bizarre thing ive ever heard of
Message edited 6/8/2011 2:33:07 PM.
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| Posted 6/8/11 2:32 PM |
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jilliibabii
Mrs. O'Connor
Member since 6/10 12821 total posts
Name:
Jillian
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
Posted by AngnShaun
Posted by headoverheels
No no no no no! Don't get your sister involved! Get her FH involved - get the list from HIM. The last thing she needs is FMIL stress, she'll get plenty of that once they are married
I am sorry she's being such an idiot
I agree, talk to her Fh and have him talk to his mom... thats not the way it works unless FMIL is paying for part of the shower... and even then its just the most bizarre thing ive ever heard of
Agreed on all points. Don't bring it to the bride. But I definitely would not be cool with that. That's so strange. 
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| Posted 6/8/11 2:37 PM |
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Sweetlax22
LIF Adult
Member since 5/10 1904 total posts
Name:
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
This is one of the dumber things I have heard in a while. I would first ask FBIL to deal with it.
If she wants to send out her own invites so bad she should just throw her own effing shower.
I don't know if this is the best advice, actually it is really bad advice, but if she ends up sending out her own put something special on yours so the others feel left out and then the FMIL has to explain why. ( Like a special wishing well, or game, or something along those lines.)
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| Posted 6/8/11 2:39 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
Posted by headoverheels
No no no no no! Don't get your sister involved! Get her FH involved - get the list from HIM. The last thing she needs is FMIL stress, she'll get plenty of that once they are married
I am sorry she's being such an idiot
DITTO!!!
DO NOT stress your sister out -- get the FH in and make him put his crazy mother in check.
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| Posted 6/8/11 2:39 PM |
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jlm2008
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 5092 total posts
Name:
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
I would not involve your sister at this point. If it was me, like another poster said, I would call FMIL , ask for her list. If she says I am sending out my own invites, I would then so, no, me & my mom are hosting the shower, we are sending out the invites.
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| Posted 6/8/11 2:47 PM |
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
Honestly, I would just call FMIL and talk to her yourself. If you and your mother are throwing the shower it's up to you guys to deal with it. It's not up to the bride or groom do deal with this "situation". Maybe this is her way of trying to help, or maybe there is more to this story. Did you guys ask FMIL if she wanted to help plan the shower? Maybe she has had a change of heart. Just call her and figure it out.
We had an issue similar to this at my shower with all the mom's co-hosting and my then FMIL not pulling her own weight. My mom asked me to talk to her and I said no. It's your deal not mine and i'm not getting involved. You're all adults so handle it. That was the very LAST thing I neede to to. Then my mom called to biitch about my other sorta mil, long story , not paying her share and that I had to deal with it. I again said no. It was a shower given to me and it's not up to me to make sure everybody did their thing.
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| Posted 6/8/11 2:56 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
the point is you still need to know how many people are coming. Call her and handle it.
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| Posted 6/8/11 2:57 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
Posted by AngnShaun
Posted by headoverheels
No no no no no! Don't get your sister involved! Get her FH involved - get the list from HIM. The last thing she needs is FMIL stress, she'll get plenty of that once they are married
I am sorry she's being such an idiot
I agree, talk to her Fh and have him talk to his mom... thats not the way it works unless FMIL is paying for part of the shower... and even then its just the most bizarre thing ive ever heard of
Ita on all points.
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| Posted 6/8/11 3:03 PM |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
Posted by jilliibabii
Posted by AngnShaun
Posted by headoverheels
No no no no no! Don't get your sister involved! Get her FH involved - get the list from HIM. The last thing she needs is FMIL stress, she'll get plenty of that once they are married
I am sorry she's being such an idiot
I agree, talk to her Fh and have him talk to his mom... thats not the way it works unless FMIL is paying for part of the shower... and even then its just the most bizarre thing ive ever heard of
Agreed on all points. Don't bring it to the bride. But I definitely would not be cool with that. That's so strange.
I agree.
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| Posted 6/8/11 3:04 PM |
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LiveandLearn
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 1588 total posts
Name:
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
My ExMIL tried to do this too...my sister told her No. My sister dealt with it. I only found out well after the fact.
My sister gave her two options:
(1) Give me the list and I will handle it all
(2) Give me the names and I will send you exactly how many invitations you need and then you can mail them out yourself.
Good Luck!
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| Posted 6/8/11 3:13 PM |
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MrsFishstick
LIF Adult
Member since 5/10 935 total posts
Name:
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
Posted by IrishLass
I don't know, but I wouldn't involve your sister just yet. I would call her FMIL and just ask her for her list and see what she says. If she says she wants to send her own invites, I would tell her that is very nice of her to offer, but the shower is being given by you and your Mom and forwarding you a list is help enough.
Of course, you will have to be sticking something in your hand the entire time to keep from telling her how you really feel.
I know my sister had some "issues" about my shower and I definitely had some when we planned hers (bridal and baby - her MIL was not easy to deal with) but I didnt' tell my sister and I'm glad she didn't tell me details either.
Good luck!
I like the way you said that, I will keep that in mind if my sister has issues or gets the same response. The way I approached it with sis was I need the addresses for who you want to come to the shower (it's not a surprise) here is the list mom sent me. I figured she would have the list anyway bc she'll have to send out invites and she sent out save the dates. That way the FMIL will get one just like everyone else. My FBIL is a dumdum who doesn't like to get involved in anything. They are just such a weird family, very tight knit and closed off. He gets "offended" by the silliest things.
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| Posted 6/8/11 3:24 PM |
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MrsFishstick
LIF Adult
Member since 5/10 935 total posts
Name:
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
Posted by LiveandLearn
My ExMIL tried to do this too...my sister told her No. My sister dealt with it. I only found out well after the fact.
My sister gave her two options:
(1) Give me the list and I will handle it all
(2) Give me the names and I will send you exactly how many invitations you need and then you can mail them out yourself.
Good Luck!
I have not had any contact with the FMIL at all. I only met her once, my mom was the one who told this to me. I'm not sure exactly HOW to get in touch with her outside of asking my mom or sister for her #. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is strange
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| Posted 6/8/11 3:26 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
Posted by MrsFishstick
Posted by LiveandLearn
My ExMIL tried to do this too...my sister told her No. My sister dealt with it. I only found out well after the fact.
My sister gave her two options:
(1) Give me the list and I will handle it all
(2) Give me the names and I will send you exactly how many invitations you need and then you can mail them out yourself.
Good Luck!
I have not had any contact with the FMIL at all. I only met her once, my mom was the one who told this to me. I'm not sure exactly HOW to get in touch with her outside of asking my mom or sister for her #. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is strange
I would get the number from your mother then. Unless she is planning an entirely separate shower, it's weird she would send her own invites.
good luck!
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| Posted 6/8/11 3:31 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
I would get the number from your mom or FBIL but not your sister. I would keep her out of it. What I would say to FMIL, I wanted to get the names and addresses of the people you want included in the shower. If she says that she wants to send invites then I would ask her flat out if she plans on contributing to the cost of the shower and you will divide the cost into thirds between you, your mom and her.
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| Posted 6/8/11 3:55 PM |
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
I suggest a different approach because we are assuming that FMIL has bad intentions. I suggest contacting the FMIL and asking for the addresses. If she says she wants to send them out, just ask her why? Perhaps she wants to send them out herself just to help out? If that is the case, let her know that it is easier for one person to send them out because there will only be one person collecting RSVPs.
IMO, its your sister's shower and try to make it as drama-free as possible.
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| Posted 6/8/11 4:04 PM |
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Waste06
Waste not, want not
Member since 6/06 7219 total posts
Name:
Lois Mom Mommy Mama Ma
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
Your poor sister! If her FMIL is pulling this ish with the shower, imagine what she's doing with the wedding planning! Ugh!
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| Posted 6/8/11 4:12 PM |
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LiveandLearn
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 1588 total posts
Name:
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
Posted by MrsFishstick
Posted by LiveandLearn
My ExMIL tried to do this too...my sister told her No. My sister dealt with it. I only found out well after the fact.
My sister gave her two options:
(1) Give me the list and I will handle it all
(2) Give me the names and I will send you exactly how many invitations you need and then you can mail them out yourself.
Good Luck!
I have not had any contact with the FMIL at all. I only met her once, my mom was the one who told this to me. I'm not sure exactly HOW to get in touch with her outside of asking my mom or sister for her #. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is strange
Get the number from your mom or FBIL. Don't involve your sister. The best thing my sister did was keep me out of it. Approach it more like your mom never even told you and see what she says. If she never did this before she may simply think she is helping. In which case its not a big deal. If she has some other reason just tell her its more work to have two sets of invites.
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| Posted 6/8/11 4:17 PM |
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islandersgirl74
Love Being A Mommy!
Member since 6/06 5804 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
Posted by headoverheels
No no no no no! Don't get your sister involved! Get her FH involved - get the list from HIM. The last thing she needs is FMIL stress, she'll get plenty of that once they are married
I am sorry she's being such an idiot
This was well said!
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| Posted 6/8/11 9:00 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Slightly annoyed, confused
I would be very annoyed. If she wants her own invites, then I would assume that she is contributing.
That's kind of weird that she wants to do that. Good luck to your poor sister.
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| Posted 6/8/11 9:20 PM |
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