Saying yes to having 3rd child...

I'm hoping to get advice from anyone who was indecisive on having a 3rd child, did it and thought no big deal at all.

Here's my situation: I have 2 DSs (2.9yrs & 18mnths). We would not be trying for a 3rd for at least another 1-2yrs. I do not think daycare will be our issue. My MIL watches my children now and I'm thinking she will watch our 3rd child. We pay her but it's only $100/wk. Of course when the time comes I would have to make sure my MIL is on board.

I'm more concerned about other expenses, sports, being there for each of my children, clothes, food. How do you manage? Does it all fall into place? Or is it harder then you expected?

We will be sending our children to public schools so I will not have the bill of a private school. Then I worry about after school programs and the summer.

I know I am thinking WAY too far ahead but this is when I'm hoping someone says RELAX it's not so bad.

I am very fortunate to have my 2 little boys and I love them dearly but I can't help but be sad that there might not be another one

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

No advice, but I am in the same boat as you, and would love to read the responses lol. It's a tough decision and I think about it a lot.

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

So I found this blog and thought it was informative.

http://www.havingthreekids.com/writing.html

Even on her worst day...I still want a 3rd. I know it's hard work but sadly it'll be over after a few years and my final decision to have the 3rd I'll be happy with.

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

IMO it cannot be purely a monetary decision. If so, then I don't think most of us would have had one child!

What do you feel in your heart? I struggled with whether to try for #2 but when it came down to it, I knew I would feel incomplete without another. We will figure out the finances somehow.

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

hand I have been having this same conversation. We says we can't afford it and he worries about my health since I have known health issues. I tell him I cloth diaper, breastfeed and those health problems we knew about when we had the other 2 kids. But we just seem to be stuck. I want another baby so bad. Ds will be 4 soon and dd just turned 2. We don't pay for daycare since I work from home and we do baby lead weaning so we don't even pay for baby food. He is concerned about college for 3 kids I say community college and then a state school was good enough for me it will be good enough for them. If they want to go elsewhere there are always scholarships or student loans.

Message edited 9/28/2011 12:28:05 AM.

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

I can't really give any advice other than to say we only have 1 DD now but I just "know" I want 3. Heck, if I could stay home and we had tons of money I'd love to go for 4 (and I not so secretly hope it happens eventually). I'm just pretty certain that I won't feel complete with just 2. DH says we can only afford 2 since we intend to send them to private school and pay for college. My thoughts are, where there's a will there's a way. We'll see what happens. Good luck to you!

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Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

its whats in your heart, and not just monetary...

I had a friend who planned on her mom watching her kid, and unexpectly her mom was no longer around to and she was scrambling to find a place and pay the $300 a week for one child in daycare..... can never fully count on things.. If MIL is watching them now then when they go to school why wouldn't MIL watch them after and in the summer?

the big question is how stressed are you and dh with two? and will you be able to give all three kids enough individual attention while not losing your own identity either - balancing your day... this may sound weird but do you have a friend who could bring their child over and you take care of all three for the day to get a taste of it and see if you are up to it? three kids outnumber two parents, and sometimes its just you with them....

Yes it can definately be rewarding and after ds I definately want three now, but I know someone like my sister who had 2, one was all she could handle. She considered having a third yet was always passing off her current two to others. I've seen families with three kids where the older child helped raise the youngest and the yougest was resentful about their parents not being around as much once they became adults.

Message edited 9/27/2011 11:57:01 PM.

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

Took me awhile before I could decide if I was going to have 3 and I was one before having 2 who said she wanted 3 kids. I am a SAHM and my 2nd was a crazy baby/toddler and didn't know if I could mentally handle another. But we decided and our 2nd and 3rd are about 3.5yrs or so apart. It has been great and I am so happy we decided. AS for difficulty - yes it is a balancing act but I haven't found the adjustment to 2 worse than 3. Granted my baby is only 7 mos old but luckily god blessed me with a great sleeper and easy going baby so far. She has no schedule and gets dragged all over because I am running with having 2 boys but it all works out. Good Luck to you!!!

oh and one thing - after having #3 we felt complete. It was weird - we just felt that way. Recently a family member told us that too - it just seems complete now.

Message edited 9/28/2011 6:55:43 AM.

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

Our deciding factor was not about the money, the space or the how-to. DH and I both came from 4-child families and we both felt that having siblings trumped any other reason. We did it for your kids and for their future bond as brothers and sister. Of course, we love the idea of having a third child as well, but that was just another reason why

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

Posted by CouponKT

Our deciding factor was not about the money, the space or the how-to. DH and I both came from 4-child families and we both felt that having siblings trumped any other reason. We did it for your kids and for their future bond as brothers and sister. Of course, we love the idea of having a third child as well, but that was just another reason why

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

I see your points and I feel the same but then I also think of the regret. I will always regret not trying to having another one and I'd never regret having another child. I definitely think it'll be hard but I'm thinking it'll be ok too. I managed to balance things when I had my first, then again when I had my second...although it was tough I'm sure it can be done with a 3rd.

I'll admit that I felt deprived when we had both DSs. DH wanted to find out the gender and we did (I did not want to). DH names both sons knowing that I didn't like neither name. Now I love their names but I never got to do anything that "I" wanted. Yes this is a teeny tiny percentage why I want another baby but again it's because I'll then feel complete. I hope that doesn't come off as being selfish.

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

I tackle with wanting a third almost everyday. In my heart I want a third. Even when both my boys test my patience and I just want to pull my hair out. At the end of the day hearing Xavier say Mama or AJ coo and cah I am still convinced I want a third. Money is a huge factor for us. But I know in my heart if I don't at least consider it or try I may regret it. DH is against it more for the money factor than anything. Even though when we first wanted to have kids he wanted a third as well. I am still holding on to that hope!! His concerns are college, travelling, sports. It's not just for two but it adds up once you add a third. I have given myself a cut off of when Xavier starts kindergarten which will be in three years or when I am 38. That year will be our 10 year wedding anniversary.
I don't see us having a problem juggling three and our own lives. It's crazy now at times but somehow we work well as a team and go back and forth between each boy with ease.

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I always said I wanted 2. Now that I have 2 a part of me does want 3 but the other part of me has a pro con list that is a mile long. Unless God intervenes we plan on staying with 2 kids because there are things I want to give my kids. I want to be able to show them places and things, i want to be able to go to the movies randomly, I want to take them to Disney, I want to have money put away for their college and for later in life.

For me it is monetary., I am one of 3 and I want more for my kids than I had. I am happy I grew up 1 of 3 however it had its downside too. My parent didnt have alot of money for extras....we never went anywhere for vacations...also I felt that with 3 one child is often the odd man out. My brothers and I all went though periods of tiem when we were close to one or the other, but rarely were we all really close at the same time. DH and I also want to ensure we plan for our future after our kids are grown, our retirement etc.

I think it goes beyond the emotional desire to have another and you have to think of the practical as well. THe life we want to give ourselves as well as our kids. But everyones desires are different so you need to know what you want.

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

I have 3


Having gone through fertility treatments to conceive , going for #3 was a VERY conscious decision for us...There was no "lets wait and see" or Gods will type of thing....

I always wanted 2, and possibly a 3rd...
We had frozen embryos left from our previous IVF cycle....I was on the fence because I knew we had 2 healthy children and was worried about "rolling the dice" or pressing our luck....But I knew that that I would not regret a child once he/she was here but would regret never having tried....

I thank my lucky stars every day we took the path we did.....My 3rd is just the most loving sweetest and most precious baby in the world...There is just something special about him that I cant put my finger on (not that my other 2 are any less special- they are ALL incredible in different ways but I just hold a certain place in my heart for him maybe because he was our "maybe") ...He also is so incredibly adored by both my older DS and DD...He has always just "belonged"

Right now DS (1) is almost 6 and the schedule is getting crazy (school, sports, religion, parties etc) and I am bracing myself for when I am juggling 3 schedules but I know that as chaotic as it will be, its all worth it in the end

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I was on the fence, like you, but DH was pretty sure he didn't want #3.

Right after we decided we were finished at two, we found out we were already pregnant with #3.

Yes, we were worried about finances but I'm a WAHM so daycare won't really be a crazy stretch (our part-time nanny's rates will stay the same), our house only has 3 bedrooms but we have 3 bathrooms and will have one living room plus two family rooms/dens so there will be plenty of room for teenagers later down the road.

I worry about college expenses, sports/activities, even grocery bills (what if I have 3 teenaged boys?!) and my crazy, hectic life for the next 5 years, considering they'll all be less than four years apart -- but I'm looking 10, 15, 20, 30 years from now. DH and I are both one of three siblings and both of our parents are one of at least five siblings. I love that we had instant playmates, teammates, travel companions. I picture my children being brothers and sisters in their teens and twenties and having each other to lean on during their thirties.

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This is something I think about everyday. My DDs are 6 and 4 yrs so the age gap is increasing if we did have a 3rd. Also I am 35 and DH will be 40 this year so for us it is very soon or never as far as planning. In my heart I want 3 for so many reasons....to be complete, for the dynamic of the family, for my kids to have each other when they are older. I picture holidays in 15-20 years being a full house and love the idea. I know I can handle a 3rd baby and all the work, even with working FT.

However I feel a lot of my reasons are selfish and there is a whole list of cons, relating to finances and the unexpected related to child care. I never want to deny my kids opportunities for sports, activities, vacations ect... It just seems safer to stay with 2, but I hate that Ialways play it safe and I am certain I will regret it later. My main issue is that our childcare is a combo of grandparents and babysitter/daycare and with both sets of grandparents around 70 I never know when that could change and dont have a fool proof backup plan, I also wonder how to afford camp for 3 in the summer, years from now....

I wish this was an easier decision. I feel if we stick to 2, maybe down the road we will look into foster care to help out a child and be fulfilled.....but I am secretly hoping that #3 just happens

Message edited 9/28/2011 11:22:19 AM.

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

If anyone has time please read this blog about the mother who had 2 kids and decided to have a 3rd. I am crying laughing especially with the bathroom one. She definitely puts things into perspective.

After reading, I can't help but smile and through all that chaos think I WANT THAT!

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

Posted by DomesticDeeva

No advice, but I am in the same boat as you, and would love to read the responses lol. It's a tough decision and I think about it a lot.

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

I read that blog and laughed out loud - its so funny, thanks for sharing.

We have two beautiful healthy kids. We got pregnant with # 3 in May of this year but unfortunately I miscarried Since then I have gone over and back on a daily basis as to whether we should try again.

Some of my reasons are;

Was my miscarriage a warning and we should quit while we are ahead.

How can I possibly go through a pregnancy again without the overwhelming anxiety of another miscarriage happening.

I turned 40 this year - am I too old?

Am I really energetic enough to get back into the baby stage again AND deal with a then 3 year old and 6 year old.

I EBF for a long long time so its a big commitment when I have two other kids to deal with.

Will I have to miss out on some activities of my two kids now if I add a newborn to the mix?

Can DH handle it?

CAn our marriage handle it?

CAn I continue to work from home AND take care of my kids AND keep house AND be a wife?

We have the room but would have to reorganize rooms etc. Both of us work and for now finances are stable. I come from a large family and I think 3 kids is nice and manageable.....

Some of the reasons why I would like a third child are;

I LOVE LOVe LOVE newborns.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE being pregnant.

I LOVe Love LOVE x one billion my two kids and the thought of another child like these two makes my heart explode.

I look forward 10-20 years down the line and I like the thought of having three and that my DD may have a sister OR my DS may have a brother - of course one of them wont have a sibling of the same sex but hopefully they will be okay with that.

I sadly think of the time when my DH and I are no longer here and I think its nice if there were three of them instead of 2.

Thats all I can think of for now...

Its not an easy decision.

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

I had my first two back to back. I alwys wanted five or at least four. I tried for years n years. Long story short I decided I would never regret having more but would regret not hving more. I went to a doc n tried clomid n then went to Ivf-first round of IVF bam twins.
I would not change it for a second and if I was younger I would have went for the 5th. I say go for it. U can also have all the money lined up n then the unexpected happens. You just never know. I think things fall into place the way they are soppose to. Good luck with your decision!

Re: Saying yes to having 3rd child...

I think about this all the time. I love kids and go back and forth on if I really want a 3rd. Originally having 2 was a no brainer b/c my DH only wanted 2. Well after #2 was born, he started bringing up maybe a 3rd down the road (which i was thinking about too). I do know we are NOT ready know. We are hoping to buy a house in the next year or two, next year my DS goes to kindergarten, so we will have only one in daycare, etc. The main reasons to not have a 3rd for us are:
1) We wouldnt want to try till DD was around 3-4 and do we really want to go back at that point
2) Having to juggle time, schedules with two older kids and a newborn
3) I work partime and would have to pay for daycare, around the time DD would be out of it, so it would begin all over again. We were fortunate to have family watch our kids most of the time when they were little. We would not have that now with a 3rd.
4) I have HORRIBLE pregnancies-sick 24/7 the whole 9 months-dont know if I can work, have two kids and deal with that

Reasons we want #3:
1) I want a big family, and know DS and DD would love having another sibling
2) We have so much love to give and I don't think I feel complete (well on chaotic days I do LOL).

Two months ago, I had what I believe was a chemical pregnancy (we were not TTC). I took a picture of the positive on the HPT, sent it to my DH and when he came home, we both were not exactly jumping with joy. When the tests were negative the next day, I felt both relieved and sad, but truly believe it wasn't the right time for us. If we have a third, I would like it to be on our terms (I know thats not always the case though). For now, me and DH are going to revisit it after we buy our house and see where we are at, financially, emotionally, etc.