Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Can you get any help- either a cleaning lady once and a while or can you find a mothers helper to at least play with the baby for a little while so you can get things done?

For me, I always feel that what is good for my child comes before dishes and bathrooms. (Luckily I have a husband who agrees and doesn't put a lot of pressure on me to make sure every little thing is done every day).

There are plenty of days I dont get to the laundry or dishes, but I certainly had time to take my DD to the park. I personally think that is ok. There is always tomorrow to do the dishes!

I do have a cleaning lady come every other week - and she also helps with laundry if I need it. That is REALLY helpful and only costs me $160 a month - SOOO worth it!!!

Just do what you can do and take the pressure off of yourself to do more - it will eventually get done...the time you have with your child is precious and should be savored!!

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

My children are older but I remember that stage VERY well.

My total lifesavers were the swing and the exersaucer. If I was folding laundry in my bedroom, I would bring the exersaucer in there. The change of scenery seemed to work wonders. I would also give the boys a pair of socks to play with...kept them busy while I got some work done.

For cooking, my kitchen opens up into a family room. I kept the swing/ exersaucer right there. He could see me, I could see him. I threw on a Baby Einstein, and cooked in peace.

WHen I was pregnant with my 2nd, I got a cleaning lady and that helped tremendously.

Good luck. In time you will find something that will keep your child entertained for a little while you can get some things done around the house. Don't worry....you will get there!

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

I am a SAHM and also a babysitter from 9-3.
I wake up before DH. Shower. Get dressed.
Go in get DS, change him, dress him and in the high chair he goes for breakfast.
As he's eating breakfast, I'll unload and reload the dishwasher.
I will also run the vacuum (we have a cat and the kids are on the floor).
I do this, while DS is drinking his bottle/sippy cup.
Play, Play, Play. Go for a walk. (You definitley need the fresh air. It does everyone good).
Lunch time. The baby I sit for, always falls asleep during our walk and is a GREAT napper.
When DS is done with lunch, he also naps..This is my laundry time, scarf down lunch, or work in a bedroom upstairs.
DS wakes up, baby goes home. DS and I play, or go for another walk...Most of the time this is usually errands time.
I DO NOT cook exclusive meals. The foreman grill is my best friend. I cook simple meals..Skillet or something I can just throw in the oven.
Bath, Bed.
Then DH and I pick up the den (where DS spends the day) and it's time for relaxing.
*My heavy cleaning gets done on the weekends with DHs help*.

**At 7 months, DS LOVED the exasuacer. That thing was a savior so I can wipe down counters or do some dishes, etc.**
Just do One Room at A time.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

First off, im sorry you are feeling that way. It is tough!!!

I work full time and not sure if I could ever be a SAHM. Its probably harder IMO.

Anyway, me and DH are a team. He usually does the housework and I take care of DD. When Im give DD a bath, he does the dishes. When I take her to Music Together classes on Saturday he dusts and cleans the house. I cook dinner and when i do that he is entertaining DD. Does your DH help doing housework? If he doesnt, maybe you should suggest. Its so hard to do these things all by yourself.

With regard to showering, depending on what time your DH leaves for work, do it before so you can at least shower and feel better. If he leave real early then put the baby in the crib and take your shower. If he cries a little then so be it. You have to make yourself feel better. When you get dressed put your DS on your bed and let him sit there and play. I hope this helps!!!

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Here is our day:

Wake up - he gets breakfast. While he's playing with the cheerios I make my much needed cup of coffee and english muffin.

I feed him. He then watches Baby Einstein. I come on here (Right now) and check email and LIF.

He gets a bottle after Baby Einstein. I'll read his cues - if he's tired he goes right back into the crib. If he's awake we play until he gets tired. Today is laundry day so that means we'll be playing up in his room while I fold the laundry.

I also have cleaning people come (they come here today THANK GOD) once every two weeks.

Once he goes down for a nap I will make some things for him to eat this week since I have nothing left. If I had food for him then I would pop back onto the computer - and then go do Tae Bo. After I do TaeBo I take a shower.

Basically after that the day really starts once he wakes and gets lunch.

I find that if I don't get dressed and shower in the morning - I will stay in my pjs all day. Today may actually be a pj day though since I am having a fence installed also - so I'm really not going anywhere today!

Jack goes down at 6:30 so that is when I straighten up my house from the days activities.

It's hard but thankfully we are pretty much in a decent routine that I know how my day is going to go for the most part.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Everyone has great advice. One thing that helps me:

ALWAYS have your diaper bag stocked and ready to go. That way if you want to run out for whatever, it doesn't have to be a huge deal just getting READY to go out. You grab baby, the bag, and go.

And if he sleeps well iin the stroller - hit the malls and supermarkets. He'll get a nap in, and you get your shopping done.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Somethings that help me:
1. Take time for yourself everyday...even if it is just 5 or 10 minutes. I will make you one million times more productive for the rest of the day.

2. If your child needs to be with you all the time, get a carrier and put him in and do the dishes, laundry,etc. Chances are he'll fall asleep from the motion and the comfort of you "holding" him. I can't rave enough about the ERGO carrier. You can put the baby in the front, the back, the side. My DS needed to be held all the time and the carrier was my savior.

3. Use the exersaucer and pack and play as their alone playtime. Babies need downtime too, so give him some toys and put him in the pack and play. My DD will stay in her playyard for an hour at a time. Its my savior. I like this one....


4. Dont underestimate the power of Baby Einstein Videos.!!! That will give you time to shower, do your hair, and even shave your legs!

5. Dinner...keep it simple. Chicken breast, quartered red potatoes and some veggies on a baking sheet...drizzle some olive oil and seasoning of your choice...put in the oven...45 mintues..delicious and healthy.

6. Take time for yourself....can't reiterate that enough.

7. Assign DH some chores. Remember men often need specific direction. Just saying "I need help" wont make anything happen. You need to ask "Can you please be in charge of cleaning the bathroom...or whatever."

8. Tackle a chore or two a day. Its very overwhelming to stare at a messy house and wonder where to start. Monday= vacuum, Tuesday= Dusting and floors, Wed= Grocery shopping (using that carrier to keep baby happy), Thursday is bathroom, Friday is NOTHING...your chore day off.

9. Since you've got a stroller sleeper, but him in walk up the block until he falls aslepp and bring the stroller in the house. I did that many many times when that was the only place my son would nap.
GOOD LUCK!

Message edited 4/7/2008 9:40:16 AM.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

I used to bing DS in the bathroom with me (in the bouncy seat) while I showered....now I usually do it when he is sleeping, or today he was just hanging out in his pack and play and I jumped in the shower (I always bring the monitor in there with me). As soon as DS falls asleep, I get as much done as possible - usually make the beds, straighten up a little, and throw in some laundry. I have definitely been slacking with cooking since DS was born - I find that the slow cooker helps bc it is so low maintenance. Also, I use Peapod for grocery delivery. I put the baby swing in the kitchen with me so he hangs out while I do stuff in there.....it has taken a bit of adjustment, but I thrive on routine and find that these things work well for me.....

That being said, I am not going to lie and tell you that this is what goes on everyday....there have definitely been days where DH comes home and I am still unshowered, in my PJ's, nothing is planned for dinner, and the house is a wreck - then he knows to take the baby, pour me a glass of wine, and let me be alone for a while

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

First, I am sorry you feel like a mess. Give yourself credit for all the work you do though, taking care of a baby is a full-time job. The housework, etc. may or may not always get done.

Well, this is what I do:

Shower when DH is home if DS is not up yet (he gets up around 7 lately). If he's up, I wait and bring him upstairs with me and let him play in the pack n play while I shower. It's not perfect, today I shaved half of each leg, and usually I wind up rushing through getting ready so my hair is a mess, or I have no makeup on, something has to give.

Feed baby after he gets up. Let him watch his mobile while I eat breakfast/have coffee. The shower follows this if it didn't fit in earlier.

At this point he usually has another bottle (I don't BF) and short nap.

When he gets up I read to him a bit, if he's not dressed he gets dressed, and we go out to buy food/run errands/go to a class or take a walk. If we are doing errands or walking, this is usually where he gets his other nap. After that, he's up all afternoon generally. If I want to do some housework that doesn't involve chemicals, I put him in the Baby Bjorn and swiffer or pick things up. I put him in his rocker and bring him in the kitchen while I cook, or wait till DH comes home. Things like making the bed and loading the dishwasher get snuck in there somewhere. The bathrooms and anything involving sprays I often don't get to do during the week, I may need to do that on weekends since I don't want DS around chemicals.

My house is fine, but it's far from perfect. There are always things I am behind on and want to do. DH and I run around on weekends too and barely have time to spend with each other. I think this is just the nature of the beast.

I would get a cleaning lady or mother's helper if you can afford it. If not, just try to do what little bits you can. It all helps in the end.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

sorry no advice but i want to tell you that you are NOT alone! i am the queen of getting nothing done and looking like a mess!

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Posted by lipglossjunky73

You just described me, only I also work FT!!!!

ETA - I ONLY clean on the weekends - DH works on Saturdays, so that leaves Sunday where I clean at least the kitchen and maybe the bathroom - right now the bathroom is a frightening, frightening place!!!

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

I know how you feel. DS also only takes naps on me, but DH understands that. I set up the highchair in the kitchen. He can play with the toys on the tray. That helps me clean the counters and empty the dishwasher. I don't cook often but you could when he is in the highchair. Laundry- I do at night after DS goes to sleep. I do one load and put in the dryer and then go to sleep. I fold it when I get a chance the next day.
I put him in the exersaucer and I can usually vacuum. If I really need to get something done I put him in his crib with some toys.
I wait until DH is home on the weekends to go foodshopping. I go early so it doesn't disrupt the whole day.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Sounds like my life

DH watches DD quickly in the early morning so I can get some stuff done - DH helps out around the house. We do things in the evening when needed - My mom comes by every day after work for 1-2 hours and I get a little bit done then.

We give DD to my parents for a while many weekends to get stuff done - or to have a quiet dinner alone for DH and me time. I have learned to (and this is hard) give up on making a lot of things perfect these days - sometimes it takes an extra day or two to get that laundry done or something like that - but it does get done.

We take DD with us when we are furniture shopping for the most part it works out okay. Food shopping = peapod.

Message edited 4/7/2008 3:03:42 PM.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

oh sweetie! My DD is 27 months old and DS is 10 mths old. My house has been a wreck since DD started crawling. I live in knit pants unless I'm going out in public. My hair hasn't been trimmed since before DS was born.

BUT...my kids laugh and giggle all day long and DD runs around saying "Oh Mommy, I'm so happy" and I Love you really much. All DH cares about is that the kids are fed, clean, and HAPPY.

When HE gets fed up with the mess that I can't get to, he does it on a day off AND helps with the kids.

It all comes down to what is important to you and your kids and what makes you happy. I don't mind the mess, because in a few years, the kids will be in school and our all day playtime will be no more.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

I agree with the last poster, basically you are a SAHM, not a housewife, right? The main reason you are home is to take care of DC, not clean your house.

All the same, I'll add that cooking is much easier for me since I started making a big meal once a week, usually a roaster chicken or beef, or pork loin, something that will last for several meals. These things take awhile to cook, but they aren't hard to make and last.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

One more suggestion, if your ds will sleep in the stroller push him around your house until he falls asleep. That will give you a few minutes to yourself.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

I was just laughing about it with my friend... it seems my son is a typical male, he sits quietly in his high chair when he sees me cleaning, moving around etc. just as soon as I sit down, he screams his head off... mommy gets no rest!
all kidding aside, I wouldnt stress too much about cleaning... I go by, if I have a chance I do it, if I dont I dont... no need to stress... my husband is away most of the week, so I have enough on my shoulders...

eta: ds will only fall asleep in his high chair for his naps, I push him around the room until he falls asleep

Message edited 4/7/2008 7:59:47 PM.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Ladies - I haven't been on much b/c I have been suffering from a bad cold but, I just started reading through the responses (haven't gotten through all of them yet) and I just wanted to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart It means soooo much to hear similar feelings from other mommies and to know that I am not just a total loser I am going to really read through this later today and try to implement all of your suggestions I am so overwhelmed by all of this help and the time all of you took to help me. This site truly is a blessing in my life

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

One of my friends gave me great advice once ... instead of making a 'to do' list ... make an 'accomplished' list each day ... For example

Fed baby (30 min)
Played on the floor (45 min)
Showered (5 min)
Ate Breakfast (2 min)
Prepared Dinner (20 min)
Walked with baby (1 hour)
Straightened Living Room (20 min)
etc ....

You would be surprised how much you DO get accomplished each day. She said it made her feel better and less stressed to know she was accomplishing lots of things.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

sorry.. but to be honest im glad to hear there are other moms like out there. my dd is a little over 6m and my home is a mess.. its not even a whole house, so its not like i have too many rooms. I was able to get stuff done when my dh got home from work, but now they changed his hours so no more. My dds naps are very short. I also work 3 days a week. There are days were i completely feel like a total failure also. Well they adventually go to school, maybe then i can get things done.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Well I think a lot of it is that you are BF- I didn't BF but I can imagine that it makes your life a LOT harder.

For us (DD is 18 months) - we keep the house as clean as possible... on weekends I usually clean one thing while DH watches DD OR DH will clean it (i.e. bathroom, kitchen floors, etc)..

Once a week I'll vacuum the floors & couches (we have cats)- while DD is taking a nap- or I do it in the morning while DD watches a little noggin... she actually likes the vacuum- it scares her AND fascinates her at the same time.

After DD goes to bed DH will usually pick up DD's toys.

I cook dinner every night& DH does the dishes.