SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

I feel like such a failure as a wife and mom. My DS is 7mo old and I still feel completely out of control - my house is a wreck almost all the time, I look like a wreck, I never have time to really exercise, hardly get time to take a shower or brush my teeth, I never cook, don't grocery shop on my own...the list goes on and on - the days go by and I just cannot seem to get things done. I am in a new house but have no furniture b/c i can't find the time to go furniture shopping. Weekends - DH and I are constantly running around and they go the same way - we never get time alone together and there is never enough time to do what we have to do.

SO PLEASE HELP ME - please share your days and tips on how to get things done while caring for DC. My problem is my DS does not sleep well - he does not nap during the day at all unless it is in his stroller during a walk or on me - so there goes 1.5-2 hrs every day. Then alot of my day is consumed with feeding and BF. Also, I am lucky if i get sleep at night so getting thing done b/f he wakes up or after he goes a sleep is not an option. DS is just a handful! How do you clean bathrooms, kitchen etc. and take care of DS?

Message edited 4/6/2008 9:05:44 PM.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Well, I just want to tell you that the fact that you still BF good for you. I am a SAHM this year and my son is a little over 6 months old. He only takes naps in the stroller, so I put him in the stroller for naps. I'm able to get some stuff done. Also, when he naps, I go to the stores and do what I have to do. As far as grocery shopping, I have my mother watch my DS while I go. Finally, as far as cleaning, I have a cleaning lady come 1x every other week. So worth the $$. She's not expensive either. So don't worry you're donig a good job

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Oh, I feel your pain! Believe me! I still look like a trainwreck and my son is almost 2! It's hard for me to remember what DS was doing when he was 7 months, but I think at that point, he was into his Exersaucer. If I had to do the dishes, I would plop him in his Exersaucer and have him watch me while he jumped around in there. If he fell asleep on a walk, I would roll the stroller into my house and leave him in there until he woke up while I cleaned. As far as a good cleaning, I would (and still do) wait for DH to be home to do that so he can watch DS while I clean or vice versa. With all that being said, I still find it very difficult and feel your frustration. It's hard work! I always beg DH for a cleaning lady.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

I am the same way and i am not a SAHM!
My DS is a TERRIBLE napper too!

But i give BIG KUDOS to those that are. I don't know how they do it. I am barely making it myself

Message edited 4/6/2008 9:14:17 PM.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

I feel a lot of what you do.

My son is the greatest, so happy and everyone loves him, but he is a mommys boy and he needs me a LOT. To fall asleep etc ..

Naps are ON ME...or in the car.

Sleeptime..well hes still up right now, what does that tell you?

I just do the best I can and pray for preschool?

Your not alone, hang in there.

and your not a failure etc, so

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Honestly, I have no words of advice, as I could have written this word for word.

I am going thru the same thing, and DS is almost 11 mos. He has moments of separation anxiety, when I cannot even leave the room to pee!

I have all too many conversations with DH (some often fall on deaf ears ) about how I need help.

I have had other suggest to me to find someone to watch DS while I get the things done that I need to. Have you considered that? Like a mother's helper? I have NO idea where to find someone, and right now we REALLY do not have any extra money for this. I had to "bribe" DH to help me with the kitchen, as it's atrocious now!

I will say you are not alone, but sorry I have no words for you.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

DS is 6 months. If I have to do something (cook, clean, get something done) I put him in his jumparoo or his high schair with toys. He'll go on the floor and play with toys also.

It's not easy, showering is always a challenge, as he usually will let me shower, but not get 'ready', so I either what until a nap or look like a wet rag until my hairs finally air drys.

I have a cleaning lady so that helps tremendously. I only have to do the 'pick up' and spot cleaning each week. My house does get wrecked though between toys and activities and DH's stuff all around.

Errands are few. I cannot do the dry cleaners cause I cannot carry DS and the clothes. Food Shopping is saved for the weekends or nights when DH is home.

I thought it would be 'easy' being home, but so much time is spent with DS that it does leave little time for other things. Don;t be so hard on yourself. I'd rather DS never say "Gee mom's house was so clean growing up" but rather "Gee, mom was so much fun to play with!"

hANG IN THERE!

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

see..the more I read, I can relate to all the peoples posts on this thread.

I think its more common then you know to feel this way. I do...

Its just moms like to feel competant, we are brainwashed into thinking we should be this do it all women, so many dont admit that its hard...and that makes you feel your the only one in the situation.

clearly your not.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Posted by dm24angel

see..the more I read, I can relate to all the peoples posts on this thread.

I think its more common then you know to feel this way. I do...

Its just moms like to feel competant, we are brainwashed into thinking we should be this do it all women, so many dont admit that its hard...and that makes you feel your the only one in the situation.

clearly your not.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Your not a failure at all... the first thing you need to do is give yourself a break. It is really difficult being a SAHM, certainly the hardest thing I have ever done. It takes a while to adjust, and you have to remember that you cannot do everything.
This is how I survive...
I have a cleaning lady come once a week. It is $50.00 same as eating out once a week, and well worth the $$$.
I order my groceries online, and have my husband pick them up at the store. Shop at home from ShopRite, I love it!!! You can also order from PeaPod and they deliver.
I cook when my husband is home, usually 3 meals in one day. I also cook when the baby is napping. I make easy things, lots of crock pot items.
Things will get better, give it time.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

You just described me, only I also work FT!!!!

ETA - I ONLY clean on the weekends - DH works on Saturdays, so that leaves Sunday where I clean at least the kitchen and maybe the bathroom - right now the bathroom is a frightening, frightening place!!!

Message edited 4/6/2008 9:30:11 PM.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Posted by dm24angel

see..the more I read, I can relate to all the peoples posts on this thread.

I think its more common then you know to feel this way. I do...

Its just moms like to feel competant, we are brainwashed into thinking we should be this do it all women, so many dont admit that its hard...and that makes you feel your the only one in the situation.

clearly your not.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

wake up...nurse.

he follows me into my room, I get dressed and brush my teeth.

I put him in the highchair, we eat. Make sure you drink water, that nursing will take it all out of you.

Then we play. He makes my apt look like a tornado ran through.

We go outside(you have to get out and get air)

Come in, eat lunch. Always try and eat with them. Especially with nursing.

Mine is holy hell to get down to nap. I use to nurse him to sleep, now I just wait till he is going to colapse, then lay down with him.

While he sleep, my DH is normally getting ready for work.

I clean up the apt at this point. Put in a load of laundry.

Josh wakes up, we normally go grocery shopping. I have learned so much from Rachel Ray.

I truely believe that you must cook. It sounds silly, but it is a huge sense of accomplishment. You can clean your house all day, they are going to mess it up. But, if you cook a meal, you def feel accomplished at a task in your day.

We ususally go on a walk before bathtime.

Once Josh goes down, I do a final cleaning and always take a shower before bed. I love showering in the AM...but it slows down my day looking for a showering time.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

off topic: do you nurse in public?

nurse in your car?

don't let nursing keep you home.

its way too hard to plan your day around feedings.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

some days are better than others you are not super mom and no one expects you too be! i have 4 kids 11,10,2 and 5 months. this is a rough time. my 5 month old is a horrible sleeper during the day i get 4 30 min naps and then she is in bed at 10 gets up at 6:30.. My 2 yrs old hasnt napped in a year... Just do the best you can i found pea pod and i just want to kiss the person who thought that up heck sometimes i wanna kiss the pea pod guy... But i probably didnt get to brush my teeth either! lol. if you can cook ahead of time thats great cook and freeze, or prep the meals for the week like chop the veggies and seperate the chicken etc. try to make a little schedule to cleaning. do big cleaning once a week and spot clean once a week. i just make sure i vacuum every day because i have dogs and i try to mop but that doesnt always happen. Just realx. and do the best you can thats all anybody can ask for..

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

Its not easy. I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old - and i try to get things done during the day - but in bits - its impossible to do everything all at once.

As far as chores go - One day - ill tackle doing the laundry, ironing and putting the clothes back in the drawers.
Another day - ill clean the bathrooms and kitchen, dusting etc...

During the night or while the girls are sleeping ill mop the floors.

My 5 month old is starting to stay awake during the day more often now - so i don't have as much time as I did when she was a newborn and sleeping all the time - but I try and keep her entertained in the exersaucer or high chair or my 2 year old keeps her smiling and they hang out together in the playpen with some toys while i get things done - like dusting etc...

As far as shopping goes - i will always take my 2 year old with me - but i try and drop off my 5 month old at my mom or MIL for an hour or two while I am at BJs or doing big shopping - otherwise i take them both out to run errands.

We have a routine in the morning - I make breakfast, we eat, make the beds and at some point my little one goes to sleep. Ill get my 2 year old dressed and then ill get dressed etc.....

The biggest thing is to not stress and know that everyday is different than the day before - its a challenge and unpredictable. I just make sure the girls get fed and they both get their naps.

I also do my best to make time for myself like blow out my hair, paint my nails etc.... I usually always prepare dinner while the girls are sleeping during the afternoon so that i can just put it in the oven before my DH gets home.....etc....

Its not easy and the days sure do go by fast...

Message edited 4/6/2008 9:49:06 PM.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

The fact that you're still BF deserves a great applause

With that said, why don't you try cleaning the house little by little every evening after your son goes to bed? Schedule the bathroom one evening, kitchen the next, dust the next, etc etc. Its impossible to do everything in one day. But don't overdo it either and make sure you get to bed early so that you can get as much rest as possible. As far as the grocery shopping, why don't you take your son with you and make a "fun trip" out of it. Don't look at it as a chore, but rather an experience for him. Also, make sure that you dedicate one day during the week for you. Go get your hair or your nails done, get a massage, go shopping, etc. Don't be afraid to take him places. Go furniture shopping with him and try to get out of the house on daily basis.

I think the most important thing is to stay organized and keep the house somwhat decent. Once you get that going, everything else should fall into place. Remember, cluttered an disorganized house = cluttered and disorganized mind

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

-take on one room to clean or tackle one chore, like laundry for EACH day of the week. and you don't have to scrub a room down, just wiping down or putting things away counts as cleaning!
-i am a Type A personality so i make sure one day is either some laundry, the bathroom, or vaccuming but never all in the same day.
- i also throw EVERYTHING out! no clutter in my house. i throw out junk mail immediately. get yourself some baskets to put magazines, mail and other items you don't want lying around and deal with it later.
-cook VERY VERY simple dinners- a one dish casserole is the easiest. or crock pot. throw it all in and only one thing to clean up.
-some ladies here use peapod to order groceries to help with time.
-seriously sometimes while DD is sitting on the floor playing i sit with her and fold laundry or even take a cloth and dust the coffee table while playing with her or wipe up the floor.
-i find that the putting her in the high chair with some cheerios is great for when i am prepping dinner or cleaning up a bit.
-i use a lot of distraction to get things done honestly-even the TV like backyardigans or blues clues. i know she will watch them so i get tons done while she does that. some people might not agree with that bit i personally NEED to have a straightened up place to feel mentally sound (i am aware of how nuts that is but thats me)
-i do not have the cleanest house but it is clean enough.
-you do not have to cook everyday but aim for maybe 3 or 4x a week if you can. it does feel good sometimes to just do that.

do not be hard on yourself. you don't have to be martha stewart! just do your best and do a little at a time. it all adds up. the most important thing is your little one and as long as your are taking care of that it's all good!

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

That was me before I came back to work.

I really "$ucked" as a SAHM. I never got it together. The house was a mess, I was still in PJs, DS had no routine, I spent every minute with him.

I still dream of being a SAHM but I can't get anything done. I just waste time and spend my whole day taking care of DS.

While this is great for him, I feel I accomplish nothing.

I went back to work. The house is still a mess but at least now I bring $$$.

The only thing that I working on is getting back into a PT schedule (I gradually moved from PT to FT... I work 6 days per week). So my day off are my only day to rest and I do nothing. But again, I was not doing anything either when I did not work.

I don't love the daycare situation either but it saved my life. He has a "routine" there. He learned about napping. Something I could not accomplish on my own.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

ok I have felt this way and actually has gotten a little better..

Food shopping- we bring DD one pushes stroller one pushes cart.

Cleaning - DH helps ALOT washs cloths cleans vaccums ... ask for help.

Alone time- when DD goes to bed for like an hr.

Showers- i take the exersaucer in the bathroom with me and DD plays

Cooking- i wait until DH gets home from work to cook dinner, for lunch i make a sandwhich when DD is playing.

BF- relax and watch your tv shows.. thats what i do.

Wake up- I put DD in her exersaucer, brush teeth , make coffee , pop online, feed DD and drink my coffee (decaf)

naps- if DD takes one.... i jump in the shower or eat , get dressed.

I hope my schedule helps. My DD is not a big napper either and she is 7 months FM me anytime

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

First, you're not a failure!

OK, I'm a SAHM and it's totally not my scene--I HATE cleaning; my cooking is passable and I'm not even really sure I like kids So, I totally hear you! So, here's a typical day for me...(oh, and I have 2 girls: 2.5 years old and 11 mos.)

*Get up.
*Shower before DH leaves for work...always do hair and makeup.
*Feed DDs...and myself, sort of.
*DDs watch Sesame Street and I read the paper, email, and drink my tea.
*We all get dressed.
*Run some kind of errand...for ex: Wed. is food shopping.
*Come home; DD#2 takes nap; take care of some "chore" like laundry (on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays...lol...or dusting/vacuuming on Fridays).
*Eat lunch/feed DDs.
*DD#2's bottle.
*Usually try to get out again--for fun or more errands: CVS, etc.
*DD#1's nap.
*Start dinner.
Etc. Etc. Etc.

All of this is truly flexible and MANY, MANY, MANY days I accomplish absolutely nothing except picking up toys and books 500000000X!!!!!

I think you just need to get a bit organized: buy a planner and write out a single chore for each day of the week. Seriously, that's what I did since I am the MOST disorganized person ever...but I'm getting better. Shower and get dressed EVERY day. And if I were you, I would make it a priority to get the baby to nap in his crib...you need some YOU time!

Hang in there!!

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

It's really hard. I've been home since January and I have a two year old and six week old. This is way harder than going into an office everyday. I look like a$$ and I try to get it all done. It's really really hard with nursing my six week old but I do what I can. I too stress about it. What I have started to do is move things closer to their location. For instance, I will put DC's clothes in the stares and when I bring him up to bed I bring them up too. I slowly move things back to their place.

It's been a challenge for me as well. I am going to get a board to write out a routine. I think if I see what I should be doing next it will help me much better.

Good luck. You can't do it all and right now your sanity and a healthy baby is what is most important.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

I feel like I still don't have it in control. Some weeks are easy and some weeks are the worst.
When I need to shower I put DD in her walker in the bathroom.
Laundry-Only on Mon. and Tues. and put the laundry away while she sleeps at night.
Dishes- while she naps or while she is in her high chair.
Bathroom-every other week on Sat when DH is home.
Clean floors- every weds or thurs while she naps.
Cook- while she watches Elmo in her walker.
Elmo does wonders for DD..She loves him!
Sometimes it does not work every week but I keep trying
She also has a jumperoo that keeps her entertained.

Message edited 4/7/2008 12:11:26 AM.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

I've been a "SAHM" for the past 5 months and honestly it's hard. I enjoy spending time with DD but that's about all I got to do. Laundry, cleaning and cooking (on rare occassions) only got done when DH was home to watch her. I would dust here and pick up when it was just me and DD here and there but it was very sporadic. I took showers at night or on the rare occassion I went out with DD while she was taking a 15 minute nap. Its alot of work...don't beat yourself up.

Re: SAHM - Can you help me? How do you do it? -long

well, I have 2 (2 yrs and 4.5 months) but I shower in the AM, usually they are both awake and I put the baby in the bouncy, she will hang there no problem... the older watches TV.

I feed everyone breakfast and on the days that my older goes to preschool I usually do food shopping or some other annoying errand that is hard with 2...

My DD is a catnapper so I find that going out with her is good, she usually will fall asleep in the car or stroller whatever...

I am a terrible cleaner, I have a cleaning lady come once every other week, huge help... and I straighten up the kitchen, and all the toys everyday, DH is a big help with cleaning as well...

Laundry is easy, I throw it in whenever and usually fold after they are asleep or when they are just playing/hanging out.

Dinner... something quick and easy... DH also helps. I usually marinate chicken and bake it, make a bag of steam fresh veggies and 90 second rice and voila, dinner!

Nothing is ever perfect but we get thru our days... Oh, and I work from home too!!

As for alone time with DH, well, I don't really get that except at night after kids are asleep and it's only a short time b/c I am so exhausted from my day...