Relationship with DH

Has your relationship with DH changed since having your baby?

- My DH and I never (NEVER) had a fight in all the years I have been with him. Now we argue almost everyday. Not a full blown fight, but we always seem to be at each other.

Is anyone else like this - or am I alone?

Re: Relationship with DH

I find that we argue about petty things - I think its because we are both so tired and stressed - and it gets the good of both of us.

Re: Relationship with DH

To quote the Season Finale of Lucky Louie (HBO)....

"I just.....



HATE you."

That's what we've been going through.....I've been hating him...not sure why or what it is.....just sometimes I don't want him near me.

Try to talk it out, spend a few minutes each day talking about something adult and meaningful (we've been doing a marriage devotional every night and it's helping).

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Yes very much and not for the better. I know at some point we'll come out on the other side.

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Depends on the week. For the most part, I'd say our relationship has been better since the baby, but we definitely tend to bicker more now.

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yes, I've gotten this sense of superwomenism and think I must do a million things resenting DH for not doing enough.

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i am there with ya

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Re: Relationship with DH

We bicker more about the stupidest $hit, it is ridiculous! In our case, I think it is because of:

#1 - LACK OF SLEEP

2 - measuring what we do compared to what the other is doing (keeping score). We NEVER did this before the baby and it needs to stop. I am guilty of this more than DH. I had a lot of resentment the first 2 months because I was the ONLY one to wake up with DD in the middle of the night. DH could sleep though WW3, I knew this when I married him. He has the "best intentions" and wants to wake up, but he just could not for some reason. When I think about it, even writing this, I still get pizzed. I have to let it go.

3 - Differing opinions on how to feed, diaper, burp, play with and interact with our DD. I think it is a woman vs. man thing. For example, DH was willing to let DD cry it out, where I was not.

4 - The newness of it ALL. We were married for 6.5 years before DD was born. We had our routine and could go out at the drop of a hat. We each had our "alone time" and loved that time. Now, we are like flea market vendors bargaining for alone time to workout, hang with friends, etc. We love our DD, don't get me wrong, but this was a HUGE adjustment for us and still is. For example DH commutes via train for an hour each way to the city. I think this is "down time/alone time" for him because he can sleep, read, whatever. He disagrees and NEEDS to go for a 30 minute run or swim in the lake immediately when he comes home. I have no problem with that. What I have a problem with is when he is gone for 45 minutes instead of 30 and then he NEEDS to eat dinner immediately, and it is and hour and a half before I can get my alone time. He gets home from work at 7:30PM, so I wait to clean up, or workout or what ever until 9PM. By that time I am exhausted. DH needs to do this stuff as soon as he comes home because he needs to do this activity before dark. It seems selfish to me. Especially on the days when I am home with DD ALL day. I wan to scream....HELLO!!!!!!! I WORK TOO! I NEED A BREAK TOO!
Now that I went back to work three days a week it is getting better. It was better this week. So we will see.

In summary (sorry this is so long), I think that having a baby is a HUGE adjustment and it takes a while to figure out what will work for you and your DH. The baby has brought us closer, but I hate the fact that I have been resenting DH for what I percieve as lack of help with the everyday stuff (cooking, cleaning, diaper changing, feedings, etc., etc.).

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yes we fight almost daily now that we have the baby, I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel soon.

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I have to say that my relationship is better with DH. We had a good relationship before but some how, it's just better. We are more loving with each other and a lot more open. Maybe it's because DD is only 2 weeks old but he's amazing with her. He gets up with her in the middle of the night so he can change her before I start BF or he'll come in and relieve me if she just wants to hang out. I'm so much more in love with him now.

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We have been pretty solid....he helps out so much and neither one of us compares what I do or he does....we both work hard.

We have had disagreements here or there but no more then we usually did before DD. In fact I when I see him with her

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The first few weeks were great...we were still in the baby glow and he was still in awe of how well I handled the labor but then things started going south....we pick at each other a lot more now and I think its because I am tired and I work full time from home AND take care of DD...so when he gets in the door in the evening I am steaming up....

We try to have "date night" on fridays...where we just get take out and chill on the couch...so far DD has put a stop to that by refusing to go to bed until 10.00pm..but we laugh about it...

I hope it gets better...I have been told the first year is hard and it is!!

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Now that we're out of the baby stage, our relationship is better.

That was a difficult stage since the pressure was on me so much. I was in charge of the baby, anything baby related, day care related & home related. It didn't leave a lot of "me" time. On the other hand, I failed to realize that while we make pretty much the same $, he felt enormous pressure to support our family.

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We always bickered, that is just how we are, but it has been a bit more since the boys are born. We try to not do it, but we both feel stressed and with my husbands lack of sleep since he watches them from 12 - 5, we tend to be snippy with each other.

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Message edited 9/1/2006 3:25:16 PM.

Re: Relationship with DH

We dont necessarily fight but we do get on each others nerves. We have been trying very hard not to "keep score".....we both really do alot.

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Our relationship has definately changed a lot. To be honest he irritates me way more then he ever did before! There is just a lot more stress and I also realize that I've become very nit-picky because I feel that only I can do things right with our baby girl. However I love him so much and constantly remind myself of that -- and all the reasons why I am so lucky to have him and would never want to be on this journey without him.

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We are actually doing well, considering we haven't slept since she's been born.

We sometimes snap at eachother and bicker, usually at 4 am or so, but it is usually forgotten by the next morning.

It helps that dh does so much with her- it is basically equal except the middle of the night which I usually do because he sleeps through it.

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awww It will get better you;re both still adjusting. It takes a lot of work though, my hubbya nd I now have dates, they are not outside of th ehome, but after the kids go to sleep we order japanese food, sit ont he floor in our living room by candlight with a few cocktails and just talk and laugh. it really helps to re-connect. Try it!!!

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We had a HUGE blow out a couple of weeks ago and ever since then we talked and things have been great (knock on wood ) I think things are better now also because Andrew is in his own room now and I am getting some much needed sleep

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I think its normal will a new baby - we bicker too over stupid stuff and we werent fighters at all either.

Re: Relationship with DH

Totally normal and we've all been there. Anyone who tells your their house is sunshine & roses all the time is full of it!!

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The toughest part of our 13+ years of being together was after our DS was born. I mean is was TOUGH. I didn't think we were going to make it ...but everything turned out fine.
Its a very difficult time with all the adjustments and changes.
Don't worry, you're not alone!