Re: Question for SAHM's

DH understands and is fine with it. Run errands, appointment etc without the kids. He actually encourages me to have time to myself.

Question for SAHM's

My husband works those hours everyday! He never complains about being tired but that is his personality. I think everyone handles work pressure differently. I am a CPA and worked in audit during tax season and I would be exhausted, but this was before I had a family. So I know what he's going through.

When he gets home just make a quick run to Target and walk around to clear your mind a bit. They close 11 and I sometimes do this on weeknights when I've been home all day with the kids. gives me a breather.

take a morning to grab breakfast with a friend, surely he can give you a few hours to yourself.

Question for SAHM's

Not a stay at home mom but, you aren't asking too much.

I really don't think they realize it! Maybe he will appreciate it after spending a day in your shoes.

Re: Question for SAHM's

My husband is great about it. He knows happy wife = happy husband and kids because I come home missing him/them, recharged and feeling good.

Is he usually like this or is it just right now? Maybe it was bad timing when you asked him, after a long exhausting day. Not making excuses for him but timing can be key. I know if DH asked me if he could have a boys night, after a long day of my kids making me want to pull my hair out, even though I'd normally say " Sure! Have fun!" I'd probably be growling at him

Re: Question for SAHM's

Question for SAHM's

I SAH on Fridays and as soon as my husband comes home, I tell him he's on baby duty for a bit. He gets it.

Re: Question for SAHM's

So, your DH can get a tattoo, golf, and go away for the weekend with the guys, and you can't afford a babysitter? Doesn't seem right.

Re: Question for SAHM's

Posted by Kate

So, your DH can get a tattoo, golf, and go away for the weekend with the guys, and you can't afford a babysitter? Doesn't seem right.

Re: Question for SAHM's

Posted by SHOPAHOLIC

My husband is great about it. He knows happy wife = happy husband and kids because I come home missing him/them, recharged and feeling good.

Is he usually like this or is it just right now? Maybe it was bad timing when you asked him, after a long exhausting day. Not making excuses for him but timing can be key. I know if DH asked me if he could have a boys night, after a long day of my kids making me want to pull my hair out, even though I'd normally say " Sure! Have fun!" I'd probably be growling at him

Re: Question for SAHM's

I think you should stand up for yourself. You shouldn't need to ask your husband for permission to do something. Doesn't seem like he asks you before doing what he wants with his friends.

Re: Question for SAHM's

YOU ARE NOT WRONG. I have been a SAHM and a FTWM. hands down, being a SAHM is harder and more taxing mentally and physically. If you're not at your best your kids suffer as much as you do.
Still as a FTWM I am responsible for DD most evenings and weekends. I ask for a full day once every 6 months. That's all I get, but when I do, I need it.
DH is good with empathizing with me. He has spent 2 tough days with her when he was off and I wasn't. He knows how tough those days were and because of that he knows how bad I need a day when I say I do, it doesn't stop him from pushing it back several times, but eventually I win.

But in answer to your question, no, I don't think my DH truly understood until he was left with DD for a full day. I don't think any DH truly understands until he is left to attend to their needs all day with no break and no one else to fall back on.

Message edited 2/28/2015 1:20:01 PM.

Re: Question for SAHM's

My husband is usually good about this but has his tit for tat moments. Working outside the home is no joke but honestly - it is just not the same as being home alone for 12-14 waking hours entertaining, feeding, soothing, lifting, clothing, playing with and refereeing small children. Being a SAHM is an easier gig when the kids are school aged but for now, if it is a competition - you win. I had a "devil wears Prada" type job in NYC for several years that left my head spinning and I eagerly gave it up to have kids. Well, I have triplet boys and brought to my knees almost daily. Fortunately my husband agrees that while he works hard, my job is harder right now. But he has his moments.

Re: Question for SAHM's

I'm not a SAHM, but I don't think you're asking too much. Many times, I have much more patience for my kids, even after coming home from a full day of work.

Re: Question for SAHM's

My DH has worked those hours on and off for 7.5 years, but the last 6-7 months they have been everyday. I also have 3 kids so I understand what you are feeling. There was a time where I would get annoyed too because I wanted him to say to me, "Adrianna, go take a day for yourself". Guess what, that wasn't going to happen. He would make time for himself and to do stuff he enjoyed.
Last year I was gone for 3 days from the kids. On Friday morning my GF and I went down to AC. We had lunch then went to the spa. Relaxed a little before dinner and then went out dancing. Nothing crazy. Saturday we lounged by the pool (it was summer) and around 3:30pm our DH's met and we stayed another night.
I had the sitter come friday and stay until my DH came home. He had to take the kids to baseball (DS was playing at the time), take the kids for another BB game Saturday morning, alone, and then the sitter came back in the afternoon.
I NEEDED THAT. There was no asking. I do not get asked if he can out go, because really I don't care. Now, I tell him. It's that simple. I have also come to terms that if I really need a night out and need to get a sitter until he gets home for say 2 hours, I am ok with it.
I also go to the gym 5 days a week now ,m-f. They have child care. That is my time to only think about me. I can chit chat if I see a friend, no interruptions. I used to feel bad that laundry was piled up. Now, I really don't care. My house is always clean, and laundry done, just not folded. That me time is important to me. I think you need to find something that is just for you.
If I do not fall asleep on the couch, then I am up until everyone is asleep, that is my time to be nobody. Not a mother, wife or friend. I can watch what ever train wreck on tv and I am ok with it.
I also know this is short lived. Within the next 3 months, my kids will be 4, 8, 9. Each year it is easier and easier and they are a little more independent.

Question for SAHM's

Thank you everyone! We spoke again last night and he said he does see where I am coming from. Today he took both boys for a haircut and now he's out food shopping with BOTH BOYS so it's just me and my girl for the last couple of hours. I've hung out with my girl, I've cleaned and now I'm getting dinner ready in peace. He just earned a few extra points for now ;)

Re: Question for SAHM's

Posted by luckysmom

Posted by Kate

So, your DH can get a tattoo, golf, and go away for the weekend with the guys, and you can't afford a babysitter? Doesn't seem right.

The tattoo and golf trip with his buddies is something he's been saving up for for a while. He's been saving for this years golf trip since last year. I don't have a problem with him doing any of this at all. I just want 1 day in return. Something I've never asked for. I get a couple of hours every so often but I'm asking for a day...half a day without worrying that I have yo be back. And quite frankly, I've got three VERY rambunctious kids 4 and under and I wouldnt trust that a stranger would have much patience with them.