POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

Whenever hosting or being invited to a bbq/ get together etc/ I have noticed that I have two very definitive sets of social circles with our group of close friends.

The First- these friends will not only bring at least one or two sides and/or desserts , drinks etc without question but also help clean up etc,
(this is my husbands group of friends)

The Second- This group, will bring a dessert OR a bottle of wine but not really extend themselves. They also really act as true guests-- dont help clean up etc. (these are my childhood friends im super close with)


Ive also noticed that group 1- will tell guests to take back what they brought often if there are leftovers, with group 2 this does not happen.

Im wondering where most people fall and if there is any cultural based etiqueette to where you fall

Message edited 9/17/2018 1:45:46 PM.

POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

I can be either a 1 or a 2 depending on whose home it is and if I feel comfortable enough to help clean up, etc. It's its a distant acquaintance, I'd more likely be a 2.

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

We have some friends who we often socialize with and will take turns hosting. We have a rule that we don't bring things to each others houses. We are definitely comfortable enough to help with clean up though.

Typically we would bring something to a friends but I guess similar to #2 a dessert usually. I always try to offer to help out with clean up set up though.

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

Depends on the situation. With my family it is #1 -- we bring food, we help clean, pack left overs etc. This is with the holidays.
With my friends it can vary.
Regardless I always bring something to a persons house, and I would never under any circumstance leave with any portion of what i brought. I find that tacky.

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

it depends.

like others have said, it depends on my relationship to the host.

i never show up empty handed and i will at least offer to help tidy up a bit... help take out the trash or clear off tables.

now, as a hostess... i definitely have noticed a cultural difference between my family and SO's family.
my family will do my dishes, throw out my trash, even wipe down the bathroom if there was too much water splashed around (and this includes the relatives you only see at weddings and funerals). SO's family will not lift a finger for a single thing. they won't even throw out their own paper plate. they expect to be treated as if they were at a restaurant and someone else is to bus the table.

then again, it might not be "cultural" but familial.

Message edited 9/17/2018 2:07:42 PM.

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

Message edited 9/17/2018 1:41:46 PM.

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

I hate people so I try to avoid parties altogether.

But if I’m at one, I always bring something and offer to help. I won’t push if the host is firm in saying no but I always offer by asking what they need help with.

POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

it's funny b/c our families are complete opposite.

DH Fam always bringing something even when told no and help out so much and clean etc.

My fam nothing. literally lol. I grew up like that so sometimes I don't realize i'm not helping lol. I try to be better about it now.

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

if i'm invited as a guest, I act as a guest. I bring a hostess gift and enjoy myself. I have nothing against helping, but I usually don't offer. if you ask me to help, i will.

as a host, i HATE it when people help. i plan according to my schedule, my timing, and have a very specific way of doing things. when someone "helps" it just means i'm going to re-do everything you did once you leave. However, i am not shy and will ask for help from specific people who know how i like things done.


DHs mom ALWAYS brings somethings whenever she's invited and it drives me crazy. i now need a serving plate, to make room on an already full tbale, and it's usually something no one touches. it's never a dessert. she brings full meals with her.

POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

Depends who we are with.

I always bring a dish (dessert or app and alcohol) and at least offer to clean. With family, I always clean and set up stuff as needed. If people refuse my help, I don't push it.

POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

If I’m invited to a party I go as a guest. I don’t bring anything nor do I clean up. Just as if I’m the host I don’t expect my guests to do any of that. And if guests try to help I tell them no. It can wait.

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

I only bring IF I ask and they TELL me what they would like me to add to their party.

I always offer to help clean up bui if I am told no I go back to the party

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

This a sore subject for me given I just had a huge party at my house this weekend. Not so much whether people come empty handed - that doesn't matter to me- but the being a guest thing drives me nuts. Yes, I invited you to a party and you are my guest but you are a guest, not an uncivilized person with no manners. Help yourself to drinks when there is a bar set up! Throw out your bottles! Get off your ass and get your own chips/cheese & crackers, etc. Throw out your plates! I'm your host, not your servant! So annoying. Also, if you are going to hover around me in the kitchen while I'm trying to put out food, make yourself useful. Put out the condiments! Put the utensils out. Don't just be a potted plant. Same for when I'm cleaning up. Grab a dish towel or get the hell out of the way! My SIL is the worst! She literally stands in the middle of the kitchen, yapping away and self criticizing about how she is so unhelpful. Go outside and tell the rest of the guests!

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

I’m mixed. I bring a ton of stuff. Wine, dessert and usually a nice bottle of scotch. I don’t help clean up because I’m lazy. But nobody really has gatherings anymore. At least not as often as I do

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

It depends on my mood and who the person is. I, personally, do not like someone in my kitchen, so I just sit back.

But if I’m feeling like I need to get away from everyone (introvert here), I always offer to help.

POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

I’m both. My family doesn’t help at parties so I don’t help at theirs but I do bring something.

My friends we help clean and help host of the party. We are in the chaos together.

I hosted a large party about a month ago and even though I’m extremely happy my friends helped clean I can’t find anything they put away. I just found my ice cream scoop last night.

POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

As a guest, I always ask what can I bring. I offer to help by bringing things back into the house if it’s a backyard bbq, or just collecting everything into the kitchen if it’s indoors.

As a host, I love when people offer to help bring things inside or into the kitchen, but that’s it. I’ll do the rest cause nobody knows where anything goes and then I just end up fixing it anyway. I do offer my guests to take home any leftovers they want; not necessarily just the stuff they brought.

Re: POll-- Hosting a party/ Being a Guest Etiquette

Posted by MC09

Posted by LuckyStar

I hate people so I try to avoid parties altogether.

But if I’m at one, I always bring something and offer to help. I won’t push if the host is firm in saying no but I always offer by asking what they need help with.

I love your posts! I feel like we're spirit animals