Please tell me ... (pumping-related)

I'm having a hard time with this and could use some support.

My supply has always sucked asssss. When they were in the NICU, I was able to get 6-7 sessions in, and still only had enough milk for 1/2 their feedings (when they were taking 1 1/2 oz each per feeding. Now that they're both home I only find the time to pump 2-3 times a day and my supply is basically non-existent. I can sit there attached to the pump for 30-40 minutes and if I'm lucky I'll have 1/2 an ounce to show for it. HALF an OUNCE! They're each taking 3-4 ounces per feeding now. That's 7 ozs per feeding x 8 feedings a day.

Please tell me that its ok I stopped pumping. Please remind me that having twins is incredibly hard, and might be enough to break even the best mommies. Tell me that getting them some BM until they're 8 weeks is an achievement ... that making it to their due date and getting them out of "preemie-hood" is something I can be proud of.

Please tell me that all that time, energy, frustration and depression is just not worth it.

Tell me that most of our generation was formula-fed and we are ok.

Tell me something to make this easier.

Re: Please tell me ... (pumping-related)

I think eight weeks with twins might as well be equal to eighty with a single! It is incredible that you were able to do it for so long! Do not beat yourself up over not being able to pump! Formula fed babies grow up just fine!

Re: Please tell me ... (pumping-related)

Babe, You have done the most amazing tremendous thing!!!!! This is not blowing smoke up your butt, you TRULY are a f'ng WARRIOR to have been able to go this long, with premie twins.
My pumping success was just like yours, hours upon hours of pumping for what felt like NO payoff.
I stopped at 7 weeks.

My Similac'er is 3 now, healthy as a horse. Has never had an ear infection, allergies, or taken an antibiotic. He is HEALTHY. He is SMART.

The emotional toll of stopping is FAR WORSE ON YOU than the physical shift to formula FOR THEM. They are and will continue to be perfect.

Re: Please tell me ... (pumping-related)

first breathe!

formula is designed for babies, so are boobies. end of story. Do what works for you, and don't look back.

I had very deep feelings about BF, and was never more hard on myself or more depressed when I had issues. Don't let it get to your head, really there is no guarantees in BM. Even on BM you still need to supplement with iron and vit D at some point, so its not perfect either. Its good, very good, perfectly designed by evolution. Formula is a little behind, but catching up perfectly fine.

There are a million things you can try to do to make your supply better, but the most powerful thing is stop stressing. My body would not give up any milk when I was stressed. I could never get comfortable pumping, the thought alone stressed me out. So I gave up. DS never latched really well, and the times he did where rare lucky chances. At around 2m he decided boob wasn't for him and would scream ever time I'd put him on.

I'm sure there are a bunch of girls here that can tell you how to increase your supply. But I'm more worried about your psyche. Don't beat yourself up. Do what works, evaluate what you can do and what you can, and take care of yourself first, then take care of your babies, because you need to be at your peak to take care of those babies.

Re: Please tell me ... (pumping-related)

Posted by colette

Babe, You have done the most amazing tremendous thing!!!!! This is not blowing smoke up your butt, you TRULY are a f'ng WARRIOR to have been able to go this long, with premie twins.
My pumping success was just like yours, hours upon hours of pumping for what felt like NO payoff.
I stopped at 7 weeks.

My Similac'er is 3 now, healthy as a horse. Has never had an ear infection, allergies, or taken an antibiotic. He is HEALTHY. He is SMART.

The emotional toll of stopping is FAR WORSE ON YOU than the physical shift to formula FOR THEM. They are and will continue to be perfect.

Message edited 10/25/2011 12:39:07 PM.

Re: Please tell me ... (pumping-related)

Thank you all so much for the support.

Its been especially hard because they are still eating every 3 hours around the clock. Even though the Ped said we could let them go 4 hours over night, they still wake up every 3 like clockwork.

It takes ~ an hour to feed them both, with burping, and another 15-20 minutes to get them down to sleep/nap, which leaves me 1 1/2 hours to do *something* during the times that they will sleep/nap. Its hard to fit in my own eating, showering, cleaning bottles, etc. and working from home when I'm spending 40 minutes pumping. And thats IF they'll both sleep/nap at the same time.

I have a TON of "Mommy Guilt' over stopping, but I really do feel like its the right thing to do at this point.

Not only do I have "Mommy Guilt" towards the boys, but I also have it towards DH. He fully supports whatever I want to do, he's awesome that way. Its the voices in my own head saying that we both wanted to try to give them BM and this is something that DH has zero control over. I feel bad because its something he wanted for his boys, and he can't have it if my body isn't cooperating.

We spoke with the pediatrician yesterday at our 2 month appointment, and she told me that a happy mommy is much more important for the babies than BM.

The boys really are doing well getting mostly Similac at this point, the ped is happy with how they're doing especially for preemies.

And if they grow up to be as awesome as Shane and Amelia, that's all I can ask for!

I just need to get out of my own head. Thank you guys for helping me get there.

Re: Please tell me ... (pumping-related)

First of all...the fact that you are trying so hard is awesome!! Even a drop is better than nothing..

BM is not a miracle cure or product...formula has come a long way and there is nothing wrong with it. Babies will grow and be healthy. Think about this..you're breast milk is made of what you put in....are you taking care of yourself?!! I doubt it....so maybe that will make it easier for you..
You are doing a fab job...whichever way you choose to feed your baby is perfect!

Re: Please tell me ... (pumping-related)

Re: Please tell me ... (pumping-related)

u did 8 weeks with twins, AMEN SISTA...i couldnt do it with 1 baby.

your babies will be fine and feel good that you did it as long as you could. focus on getting back to your self and taking care of the babies.

Re: Please tell me ... (pumping-related)

I truly feel you.

Re: Please tell me ... (pumping-related)

Don't beat yourself up! Breastfeeding and pumping for twins was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do! Trying it is great, making it to 8 weeks is amazing.

I too felt guilty when I stopped but then I realized I was happier and had more time to spend with them not attached to the pump. You have to do what is best for you and your babies and only you will know.

Re: Please tell me ... (pumping-related)

Pumping is hard as hell with just one kid, I can't imagine with two. DO NOT beat yourself up over this! I know it's easier said than done, but everything you wanted to be told is the truth.

You gave as much as you could but your sanity is worth more. I had a horrible supply like you did and I felt like I was sitting around like a cow but not producing more than a few ounces between both breasts. Heck, there were feeding I would be lucky to get 1 oz total and I felt like such a failure. The guilt is terrible but it's like a bag of bricks, at some point you just have to put that $hit down.

I lasted about 10-12 wks pumping whatever I could to help supplement with formula. Like you said, I figured even just some BM was good...but then I felt it was a waste of time because I would pump and pump and pump and not get much and I would be upset and frustrated over it. So when I gave up pumping, I had more time/energy to just adjust and enjoy time with my DD.

After that, feeding wasn't something I dreaded and slowly but surely the guilt went away altogether. So be happy with what you have done and do not feel bad!